1008 - Final Justice
Riffs you quote here will appear randomly in the above.
"Ooh, I wish I was illiterate so I didn't have to read that" (credits show title)
And now the thick, meaty conclusion of "Final Justice."
"You're a lucky man, Bob."
He's sweating palm kernel oil.
Why don't people want to join the priesthood anymore? Looks like a blast!
Man, he makes Porter Wagner look under-dressed!
Why did she wear her prom dress to bed?
Why would I kick a hairpin?
Joe Don, we're not done with the scene! Joe Don!
Get the milk lover!
Look. Just stop sinning, okay?
I'm scared of heights...where there's no...food.
And obey Officer Tiramisu until then!
"I hope this works out because God knows I just ruined my career."
Girls don't have careers, let's go.
Crow: I'm a Maltese man! I surrender!
(Mike looks at Crow)
Mike: We'll work on it.
"But I'm still sick and wounded."
"Pull it back hard."
Crow: But I'm a Maltese male.
(Mike looks at Crow)
"Me too sir. I think he's still alive."
Crow: Hey, SHUT UP!
Well to be fair he never said he'd protect her neck.
Run him over with your Vespa.
Usually the doctor just jabs my vast, white buttocks.
He's winning but these guys are Maltese.
Did I mention he likes milk?
Elaine Benes disapproves
"Hey darling, what's your name?" Butch!
Hey, there's no buffet in there! What the hell's the deal?
If you'e killed someone, and you have our limited addition, turn to page 43.
He has all Dorothy here?
Eat, eat, eat, eat
Eat, eat, eat, eat
Munch, munch, munch, munch
Chew, chew, chew, chew
Gorge, gorge, gorge, gorge
Burp, burp, burp, burp
Stuff lots of food in your baby face!
"Hold it right there, Mr. Wilson!"
You’re getting Vitalis on the turtles!
But I’m Dick Cavett.
I left a load of triangles in the dryer.
I’m gonna light a candle to Saint Tom Landry.
“You see Mr. Palermo’s been a major source of embarrassment to the Italian government.” That’s hard to do.
It’d be pretty fun to shoot him now; I mean he’s going to die anyway.
And quit drinkin’ baby-oil!
Look out, he's got an inner tube!
"You know my ancestors" - were huge, large rocks.
Meatballs fried in lard!!!
Listen to that guitar solo! I think it's by Eric Clap- Yeah, Eric Clap.
"Think you can take me?" "To a pizza place?"
The time it takes him to fall, the government in Italy changes three times.
Now it all becomes- huh?
Ooh, I wish I was illiterate so I didn't have to read that!
A SHAVED BEAR!
I'm really sorry, I can't make another claim on my insurance.
"It is the Buford Puss"
I can only think the word "MITCHEL!"
If I could only get my sausagey fingers around this gun...
"You think u can take me? Go ahead on!" ~Mitchell-- errr Geronimo
The movie Midway had fewer boats than this!
This is how the Crusades were fought too, right?
Dearly beloved we are gathered here to get through this thing called life...
Did you dose me Mike?
The one on the right is the Miles Davis of strippers!
Not even 'Walking Tall'? Come on, you must have seen me in that.
You can hide in my hat.
Crow - "He's go-ing a head on-ing!"
Crow (singing melody of Flashdance's - Maniac) "He's a beef-town chunk on a saturday night."
Crow - "Cheap crap! Get your cheap crap here!"
Could that be Hercules hmmm?
"Relax, Tony. He's got no authority here."
"He's got all Dorothy here?"
"That's how we ate."
We stuffed dead raw squirrels into our mouths.
I will fart on your head as my revenge!
huh? oh, you're not ribs
revenge is a dish best served with laughter and giggles
[Maltese accent] Why am I not getting any business? What am I doing wrong?
"This movie's really drawing me in... to a deep well of despair."
"Guess he's a 'Felonious Monk.'"
"Don't do anything! Don't juggle or call your aunt!"
"Clowns: Terrifying in any country."
"Jon Lovitz refuses a drink, as does Andy Warhol."
"In the time it takes him to fall, the Government in Italy changes three times."
"It's It Happened One Night, only gay."
"He just bleached his hair and shaped it into a hat!"
"Larry Bock: An Editor they scrape from the bottom of the barrel every Spring..."
And I fart on your head as my revenge.
A float got loose! Oh it's just Joe Don Baker.
The 3 inch taxi cab driver.
Guests of Final Justice fly TWA.
Goodbye, Mr. Wilson. "And good luck in your continuing fight against Dennis"
...gotta turn down the pressure on that bidet. Oof!
Is Geronimo with you? The huge dumpling in the weird suit? Yes sir, he's right here.
Hmm, I'm glad they went with the frescos instead of the dropped ceiling with the acoustical tiles.
He absorbed all the water
And God sends a door chassis from heaven.
"Ding, ding! Bridge up!"
"Stop it Carl!"
*Jo Don Baker spears a guy* My first fat layer!
Brought to you by the Triangle Foundation.
Ew, Valerie one of the guppies is dead!
But my butt doubles as my face!
If I die I wanna be buried next to a Sizzler.
I'll have to call my mother. She can defend me from this big man.
The Streets of San Fran....Malta.
And God sends a door chassis from heaven
(looking at exotic dancers) So what are they supposed to be ? Pirates ? Hardware store clerks ?
It's the first time water has hit his pants in a month. At least from the outside.
yeah lickenzee me
This guy's taking too long in phone booth and I got to pee
Yea the winner gets to relinquish more of his worldly goods.
Enjoy my fuzzy puckered mid-drift.
Wow he's wearing a chia pet hat.
Even the dead enjoy carnival.
We're stuck in a Möbius strip of a movie!
Please don't use the guest towels for toilet paper like you did last time.
Joe Don! What are you doi... oh it's the beer.
He's going ahead-ing on-ing!
Don't worry. His heart will 'go ahead on'.
Day seven of his shirt.
"Please Father, I want to confess!" - God is dead. We're closed.
His arteries are just looking at each other, shaking their heads.
The Ugly, the Ugly, and the Ugly.
Oh, Kermy, take a look at my good stuff!
Malta! Makers of fine crosses, knights, and falcons!
So, what goes on in Texas?! Opening fire on cops, killing presidents, the whole Bush thing! I mean, what the hell?!
"Look at that." - Look how nude I am..
Joe Don: You heard of the Apaches?
Mike: the Cabbage Patchies?
Tom and Crow: [Sounds of utter and complete disgust.]
So confused and hungry.
He's given me a lot to think about. Like how can one man be that sweaty.
Here, it is liquid beef.
Whoa, you don't want Joe Don throwing a stool at you.
None of them are sponge-worthy.
Kiss has softened their act.
"Nah, big fat nada." - That's me.
I'll blow her BRAINS OUT "All over THE BOAT"
Luggage hitting a gorila, thats different
Hmm? I sense cheeseburgers!
The problem wih churches is that they wear their religion on their sleeves. I mean, I go into a church, I don't want to be assualted with "God, God, God" all the time.
"You'll get your chance, Cowboy. You can make a book on it" -It'll be called GETTING YOUR CHANCE
Pleese let me kill a lot of peeple, amen.
Yes, every exciting ångström of their chase will be shown.
The Statue of Liberty....... after retirement
Meatloaf Texas Ranger
He's going ahead-ing on-ing!
And after all that our hero is down with one punch.
There's our new convention center; it was built in 1411.
The last thing a saugage sees...
The sun is blotted out as Joe Don Baker approaches.
He has double chinned eyelids
Hey, you're not ribs...
"Come on in, it's open" Oh no, what's open?
Give me 24 hours. "No! You have 1 day."
You son of a ! No, you're the son of a !