1009 - Hamlet
|Short - none|
Riffs you quote here will appear randomly in the above.
"The king's to blame. The king."
Crow: God blame the king.
That is really an all-purpose dress!
New King Claudius with Kung Fu grip!
She's got Maude-wear on.
Now, which one of you is Squiggy?
I don't suppose there's gonna be a jet-ski chase in this movie...
Censors were shocked by the blatant carnality in this film.
Honey, do we have any ear poison left?
...murder most foul.
You killed a chicken?
Man I'm Simon LeBon
Time for starchy, pork-filled, German Hamlet.
Hold me, elongated Phil Collins.
Nice play, Shakespeare.
Hey, check out our Pieta impression.
So when do they start selling stolen merchandise?
That's a different kind of fencing!
"Give us the foils." We shall some potatoes bake.
People love my wheat act.
Filthy misogynist Paul Verhoeven played the grave digger.
"I have it!"
Cut his throat in a church!
All right. We need a predicate now.
"The treacherous instrument is in thy hand."
You mean Mom?
The hair mold is in the...
And now the tragedy of King Vita-Man!
Did you hear that? Totally dusted my mom.
Hi! I'm back! Did you miss me?
I'm gonna get my hair relumped.
Well...I'm gonna take off, I guess. ...I'll see you, then.
That's enough, Claude.
"Here's to thy health."
...coming to a sudden end.
Okay, Gertrude! Tackle him!
Hey! Any Danish left?
"BOOOO!" "Yes, excellent droning!"
I know nothink!
Don't your relatives ever die?!
Oh, great. I'm not looking forward to the Danish single scene again.
Ladies and Gentlemen... Patti LaBelle!
Well Mike, this has convinced me not to kill your Dad and marry your Mom!
Oh yeah! This was munchin'..alright!
Sgt. Death...He's WWF, right?
He died with a booger on his forehead!
Before you die! Does my palm smell like Cheetos?
Sounds like Mr. Peabody's about to start!
Captain Spaulding,Captain Kangaroo,Captain Crunch...
Have we achieved Deadness?!?
O.K. Die Now! Boo! Boo! You're Dead!
Is there a Word in the English Language he hasn't said?!?
Hey Hamlet, why don't you Ramlet! Yeah, shut up Claudi-Ass!
Come on...Bring it On, Sweet Meat!
So you didn't get the Poison Memo Huh?!?
Laertes immediately bites his ear off!
WOULD YOU JUST FIGHT!!!!
Our Celebrity Judges from the Cast of Baywatch!
What is it, Cold Water on the Groin?...I mean Polonious....
'If this should fail...' "We're Bone'd Man!"
'Cut his throat in a church!' "Now see..that's a little over the top!"
He's getting German'er!
Even in death he just goes in her room!
Gee! Your tunic smells terrific!
It's the Ice Cream Man!
Ahhh forget it..I never knew him..I made it all up!
'Where is the Rub?' "I knew i had some Rub left!"
Rap Artist Notorious K.I.N.G.
Please pray for me while I shower.
The Nuns sent me home...My skirt is too short...
He's doing the Danish Mind-Meld!
'Murder Most Foul!' "He killed a Chicken?!?"
'I'll go no farther!' "That's not what I hear Sunshine!"
You know this is an Action Scene for this movie!
Move Thine Ass!
This place could use a shrub...or Hell even a stick would cheer it up!
Why were you looking at his Like!
'Horatio! Horatio!!' "How's it hanging you Son of a...."
Face it Son..I'm going to rock your Uncle's World!
Tonight I'm going unleash my Great Dane!
Gertrude's Hair by Bozo!
~Night Fever...Night Fever....We know how to do it!~
Let Us to Brunch!
Moe, Larry, & Horatio!
You can brood here. I'm done.
So...how's the play going?
Hey Hamlet, why don't you ram-let!
Well, HTom, why don't you H-Lick me!!?
I've been taking echinacea and vitamin C; so I should be okay.
"The queen carouses to thy health, Hamlet."
I'm goin' over to Lady MacBeth's!
Now is the winter of our discontent... Oh, wait. Wrong play.
TO BE OR NOT--
"Give me your pardon" What are you, Nixon?
I tell ya...between this movie and the heating system on the Volkswagon...
"Her death was doubtful."
Well, shouldn't we check, then?
"What ceremony else?"
Thank you for cooperating with the Copenhagen police. You can take off the wire now.
Camera 2! Cut to camera 2!
"Is Horatio there?"
"A piece of him."
I have his pancreas in my pocket!
"Purse your beak Mike!" "Oh, I'll purse YOUR beak!"
Is there a word in the English language he hasn't said?
Hamlet faxed me a soliloquy!
Hey, come on you wuss. I didn't cry after I killed your dad!
The great "What time is it?" argument, from Hamlet!
The nuns sent me home; my skirt is too short.
No one likes a tattle-tale, Ophelia.
What's worse than clowns? DANISH CLOWNS.
They better get him out of there before he melts, thaws, and resolves himself into a dew.
Uh, better make out a will. I, Claudius... ahaha, I always tell that joke when I'm dying.
They call it Dayquil, but still... oh, boy...
Ah, the queen's suicide fanfare!
Let me have a go, I'll fence your ass back to the Stone Age!
Gah! A Finnish scud missile just exploded!
"If Hamlet hits-" "We'll do a sequel!"
Hey, come on, you wuss. I didn't cry after I killed you dad.
"Perchance to DREAM!" "The Impossible DREAM!"
Dad, Hamlet's looking at me!
Let there be Sunny-D for everyone!
Oh baby. Juicy got me crazy.
Her card tricks really aren't that impressive with sleeves like that.
And then, the king peels off his skin and becomes a dinosaur from Mars!
"Woe is me for what I've seen." No wonder she's depressed, she had to watch Manos.
Hey, c'mon man. We've seen, like, 8 ghosts, and none of them are even close to my dad!
Why am I not getting results from my power walks?
"Unhand me, by heaven! I'll make a ghost of him that lets me." Yeah, get him, Ham! Kick his ass!
Face it son, I'm gonna rock your uncles world.
Meet The Beatles!
"Wow. My uncle's got a great ass. No wonder Mom's into him!"
"He should start journaling."
"Danish clowns: The damp, smelly, silverfish-infested basement of the clown world!"
"He said 'bare bodkin'! Ha ha!"
"This place could use a shrub, or-- Hell, even a stick would cheer it up!"
"Horatio! How's it hangin', you son of a--"
"Gertrude's hair by Bozo!"
" 'To be, or--"
"No, not yet!"
♫ "Brush up your Shakespeare... hmm hm hmm hm..." ♬
"That means this version is deep-fried and served with Spaetzle!"
"Before you die, does my breath smell like CHEETOS ?"
1:15:12 "I got the worm."
Let's sneak out for some cabaret.
I think so!
Wow, that's not a widow's peak that guy has, it's a peninsula!
Hail Queen Dilbert's Boss.
"Very proud, revengeful, and vicious." Oh, he's Republican.
'I must speak to him' ... I'm just gonna run to the pot machine first.
I've got a brand new pair of roller skates.
Oh no, it's Jewel. Get her out of here.
Honey, what happened to all the ear poison?
Why were ya lookin' at his like!?
Long blame the king!
SCROOGE! -Oh, wrong story.
Night Fe-ver, night fe-ver, we know how to do it!
"Hold me elongated Phil Collins..."
Run DM-C. Everet Coop
Come on Mike, time for starchy, pork filled Hamlet.
Is there a word in the English language he hasn't said?!
"I'll not be juggled with!" - I'm not a small sack of beans!
Get thee to a bakery! No, wait...
Tonight I'm gonna unleash the great Dane, heh heh...
"Stand and unfold yourself!" - Wow, good thing he unfolded himself, he was pretty creased up there.
Unfortunately they're northwest flights of angels, so they'll be late.
So when do they start selling stolen goods?
Hamlet faxed me a soliloquy!
Oh, what fun it is to ride.
Oh man, me and Horatio got blasted on Aquavit, woke up on the express bus to Kopenhagen.
He's doing a Danish mind-meld!
I stuck a fork in the outlet.
Hooray, Garrison Keillor's leaving Denmark!
Well, Htom, why don't you hlick me?
Rap artist, The Notorious K.I.N.G.
When Danish flirting falls flat.
It's supposed to be a duck...
Night fever, night fever. We know how to do it!
You can't get rid of them it's hopeless
Moe, Larry & Horatio.
She's trying to Section 8 her way out of the movie.
Uh, it's probably Bob usurping this time of night.
What is it cold water on the groin?
"Thirty thousand brothers could not with all their quantity of love make up my sum." - Fifty thousand, maybe.
Ugh, I can barely keep my head-cake on.
Even in death he just goes in her room
Hamlet, get off your mom.
Don't get a boner, don't get a boner.
Yeah, go a lot to England.
To be or Not to Be, the verbal equivalent of Dun dun dun duuuuun!
I'll take 'To Be' for 50, Alex.
Uuh!! The bench smells funny!
Uuh! Bench smells funny!
I don't think so, breeder.
Nice play, Shakespeare.
Hamlet will be back in "Thunderball"!
But it's cherry flavored kid's poison, he should love it!
"Forgive me my foul murder." But that turkey was mouthing off to me.
I said quality, not idiocy!
"Ay, there's the rub!" I knew I had some rub left.
Pray for me, while I shower.
"Assure you, my good liege, I hold my duty as I hold my soul, Both to my God and to my gracious king." I know nothing.
"I have found the very cause of Hamlet's lunacy." He's insane.
"Murder most foul..." He killed a chicken?
The great "What time is it" argument from Hamlet.
"Frailty, thy name is woman!" I thought Frailty's name was Karl.
"A little more than kin, and less than kind!" That's from Hamlet, isn't it?
Hamlet? No, that's his friend, Riblet.
ghost, the ghost, CUT TO THE GHOST!!
Nhh, How do you even rule this clown?
San Quentin presents Shakespeare.
Trick-or-Treat for nipples!