306 - Time of the Apes
Riffs you quote here will appear randomly in the above.
Now get in there and test that luggage!
Just like Ed Ames on The Tonight Show!
Statute of Limitations...
Good thing he suddenly evolved...
Now - to shave his butt and put cosmetics on him...
". . . Because a mind like Johnny's is a terrible thing to unleash."
Hey, he's doing a scene from Lear!
"Barbed wire fences!" I don't care!
I don't care! ...Maybe just a little...
Crap in Hand!
[Servo] Oh I know what he looks like! He looks like a woodchuck that got nailed by a splatball...
“Who do you think they are?” [Joel] Who do you think you are?! You look like a hostess cupcake...
She passed out from the sheer length of the film!
Look up there! Ned Betty!
"It's me, Catherine" Your name is Catherine?
Hey! They look like they're in a playground...they must be RECESS Monkeys.
♪ Sandy Frank, Sandy Frank, thinks that people come from trees ... ♪
Joel: Focus. Crow: FOcus!! Joel: HEY! FOCUS!
A Stranger in a Strange Land
McHale's Navy Goes to the Planet of the Apes on today's Matinee Movie
"Welp, here's what we'll do." -- We'll bang our heads together and walk around in a daze.
How about a little sugar for Godo.
Yeah, we turned him into a Hummel. Check it out.
Johnny be good!
hey that kid looks like Roseanne
Seems like a lot of work to go through to make Eggo waffle, doesn't it?
Um, look out for the floating pith helmet...
Must you scream every observation...
'I tried to stop him!' "but he was all over me like ugly on an ape!"
Today on involuntary cliff diving...
Sandy Frank! Sandy Frank! Watch the crap in his hand!
Oh, this movie is even stupider than I thought it was.
Run like a duck! *quack* *quack* *quack*
Yeah... well... sorry don't feed the bulldog, pal.
An ape by any other name would smell as bad.
Later, when we're off duty? Yeah.
Hey, I saw this in a Three Stooges movie once.
"It's like they're really dead, only they're not."
"But their souls are!"
"What are they gonna do with us?"
"I hope they lower your voice."
You can kill me but it's over my dead body!
He's a Crispy Critter! Kid.
'Silence!' "of the Lambs"
"because a mind like Johnny's is a terrible thing to unleash!"
Do you care?!?
'Why doesn't Johnny care?'
Let's snap this up, people - we're starting to lose 'em...
- It's Gamera!
- OH, no, no, nooo...
Yeah, like I care - who's your sister...?
Tree's havin' a seizure!
Betcha care now, doncha...
Hey! He's making linoleum angels.
Now..you magnificent son of a bitch!
Don't taunt the monkeys..Johnny!
Monkey in a Blanket
Today we've got 3 separate views of Love..Monkey Style!
Nice Bridge Work!
Rug Doctor! Steaming mad at monkeys!
It looks like a Sesame Street segment!
"Bedtime For Bonzo! Come on kids."
Caroline...Caroline!!!! 'Uhh...She was awake about 10 slaps ago'
U-COM HAS OR-DERED THERE MUST BE A STOP TO ALL FUR-THER KILL-ING. OR YOU WILL BE KILLED.
He's Waiting for Godo, I think.
Hey, how'd he get his opposable thumb in that boot?
"How do we find Caroline and Katherine?" "I found 'em quite pleasant. And you?"
Scene One. 1925. Dayton, Tennessee. John Scopes taught the theory of evolution in school. This was against Ape Law.
"GODO! DON'T DIE!!" "Okay."
Meanwhile, at the Ford Falcon with the vibraslap option...
Rug Doctor, steamin' mad at monkeys!
Hey look it's Caddy Shack! Oh, no, wait, it's Pepe.
Pepe! Godo! Godo! Pepe! Godo! Pepe!
"Good as new!" with no freezer burn!
♪Sandy Fraaank, Sandy Fraaank, Here we go again! ♪
Johnny: "What happened to my uncle?"
Joel: What happened to your pants?
Doesn't anybody have peripheral vision in this movie?
Bye-bye. Keep in touch. Scream if you get killed.
It's funny how film directors always make air ducts big enough to crawl through.
♫ Sandy Frank, Sandy Frank, likes to crap in his hand. ♫
"Let's get them." A birthday present.
"Did you see them?" I can't see anything through this mask.
Do you like long walks on the beach, Chinese food, mushing up your bananas ....
Are you thinking what I'm thinking? They're going to end up being in an Irwin Allen production.
Must you scream every observation?
Who took these photos anyway, Diane Arbus?
I love the tender love theme from Time of the Apes.
It's a whole planet of Ron Perlmans.
It's like trying to get to the bathroom at a frat party!
"It's Caroline!" And her pneumatic drapery...
Simian Night Fever...
Hey! He's makin' linoleum angels!
Meanwhile, on C.H.I.M.P.S....
It's Mike Nesmith! He *was* a Monkee, *too*!
Off to meet my doom, Mom - see ya after school!
Why does my ice cream taste like a burger and why are we suddenly little kids?
Beware of the Balrog! So clever...
I don't feel very good, I'm gonna go rent Faces of Death...
What are you doing here? I'm a traitor to my species!
Smells like a man and a little boy in here who bathed? Not me!
Original story by Sasquatch!
Hmmm my stocks are up.
"Let's stay together!" That's what Al Green said...
The weather ball is green ... No plot foreseen.
I did it, I finally did it!, Damn me all to hell!
Are you a Hatfield or Macoy?
Hey looks like they're on a playground. These must be Recess Monkeys!
Oh thank you Hanuman, can we eat now?
"Don't taunt the monkeys, Johnny."
Suddenly the film editor goes for an Oscar!
Ah-tennn-TION! Fa-linnng CRAP!
Ho ho ho ho ho! Hold the bus! It's time for the Banana Splits Show! Fall in Baleegle, Ba-threegle, Drooper and Snork!*
My name is Diego Montoya..."now prepare to die!"
Lancelot Link set us back a hundred years!
The King of the Apes rides in style in a new Buick Skylark.
Johnny is a walking faux pas.
"He must've taken a wrong turn at Albuquerque."
"Oh, no! It's Anthony Braxton and Don Cherry! Run!"
"Are we in the left ventricle?"
"Well, y'know the party's over when they bring out the vacation slides."
"You can tell by the way I move my stuff/I'm a woman's ape/No time for talk... Unh, unh, unh, unh/Stayin' erect, stayin' erect..."
"This music sounds like it's from Sketches of Spain."
"Or Sketches of Spam™"
"Hey, the Cheese Phone is ringing!"
"Yes, Mr. Colby."
"You said 'bowling ball' earlier. What did that mean?"
"I like you. I'm gonna' kill you last."
"C'mon, Girls! We're gonna' give 'em a makeover they won't believe."
"It keeps the hot side hot and the cold side cold!"
"How do it know?!"
"I love you, Margaret."
"Frank, not now!"
Are those Monkey Boy™ jeans you're wearing?
It looks like a De Palma film.
"Johnny, don't go in there." I don't care!
the music is goofy here too
oh great, welcome to plot convenience playhouse
"Woh! High grade weed!"
"99 banana daiquiri's on the wall, 99 banana daiquiri's...take one dowwnnn...."
"They're afraid of tripe?"
"you know it's good to have thumbs"
I don't care!!!!!!!! -Johnny
And don't dub with your mouth full!
"Get them!" -a present, i like them!
Depends ready, Sir! Don't these go over our red butts?
Ewww, you smell like a primate house.
Jesus, kid. You're sweatin' like a bear... or should I say lemur?
"Silence!" of the lambs. It puts the lotion on its skin.
That's John Wesley Apes. He once flung crap at a man just for snoring too loud!
Welcome to "Plot Convenience Playhouse"!
[Let's go, hurry, hurry!] Out here, where the plot's thinner!
A little Horse for a little monkey.
"For years I've thought of the pleasure it would give me..." To move my jaw.
I could do wonders with this hair, you realize...
Really tied one on last night... got the saki-goggles big time.
They've entered the Valley of the Fuzz-Tone Guitar...
Oh Lucy, I need a screwdriver. ah ah ah ah
Don't strain yourself.
Ooooh, that's good weed!
No! They are dead! DEAD! DEAD!!!
It's Prince! His royal purpleness!
Come on run! Try to move faster than the plot.
"I Killed my own SON!"
-'Hurts, don't it? Byyye.'
- I bet you care NOW Johnny!
"helloooo - HeLLoooo - HeLLOOOOO ........ HELLO!!"
"Uncle Charley?" -
--"Agh! Chip, Ernie? , where the heck is Preston Sturgess!??"
(Extra bonus points if you "get" the STURGESS reference)
"I DON'T CARE"
I'd wash that hand if I were you. That's my throwing hand.
Hello-oo there! Hope you enjoyed today's matinee movie!
No, not Pluto - that's too far.
"Yes! We'll all go together!"
Huh?!? Who dubbed you??
Suddenly the film editor goes for an Oscar!
I don't think you'll EVER get the smell outa the seats either...
Do the words "shallow grave" mean ANYTHING to you ? ...
Oswalds' been shot
Today.... on involuntary cliff diving....
Do I worry you ? ...
OH NO..... it hit the plot contrivance switch...
But I kid the potatoes...
They're going to give him a 21 turd salute.....
Now ... you magnificent SON OF AH BITCH.
I'm no good till I get a cupa coffee
Tonight on "Crime Dog"...
...planet of owls
...and they are not what they seem
♫I can not stay, I must be going...♫
Colonel Sanders! What happened??
Let's crap in our hands and throw it at people!
Joel:"A little 'horse' for a little monkey".
Crow:"Ya,he'll have himself on his back"
What was in that oatmeal,anyway?
They're afraid of... tripe?
Yes! To our death then. Wheeeee!
What is this, Planet of the Fops?
I don't care!
Steven Seagal in......Shoot the Monkey