309 - The Amazing Colossal Man
|Short - none|
Riffs you quote here will appear randomly in the above.
"We met in the funniest way" Playin chicken with trains
"I'm looking for an Army officer..." Hey, who isn't?
Ribs! That's what I'm hungry for!
Oh some crystal meth and a leather clown suit.
Actor:"Can we smoke, sir?"
Joel: "I don't care if you burst into flames."
Wow! a restraining order against li'l ol' me.
We won't hurt him unless he gives us cause.
Like Rodney King.
Why is this horrible thing happening ?!
Because Glen's a sinner dear.
Carol, would you mind if I spoke bluntly?
Why stop now?
I'm Colonel Glen Manning's fiancee.
He'll die of shock before morning. And if that doesn't do it, infection will.
And if that doesn't do it, I will !
Another unit of blood please.
Any kind, I don't care. Tap's okay.
Hello Sara...get me Mount Pilot.
OK, I think we've given them enough credit .
*takes a drink* Uh, that's your chamber pot sir.
The cut-offs are a little tight.
I'm still looking forward to our wedding night.
And this is why lawn darts were taken off the market, people.
There he is, we see him, he's camping it up!
"Soon as it's light, I'll show you some action." SAAAAYYY!!!
Let's do it on the 3D BB!
Maybe we got the wrong room.
Sarah, get me Mt. Pilot.
These things could revolutionize Thanksgiving!
"How many fish can you name?"
"Save the coupons?" "Sure, how'd you think I got this neat war?"
What is the mystery gentleman? Can I go?! Just let me go!
"Hey it's the Amazing Colossal Dud."
"...Hit it! Wiggle the plug or something!"
Psychologically you could do him some good - but don't climb on him.
Keep dabbing him with butter and rubbing him with garlic every half an hour.
Hey he's done, and he smells great! - get the bbq sauce!
Change your headings 180 degrees - but never change those little things I love about you.
"How'd the Giants do?"
"Go on, pick up your chips and go on home!" Take that dip with you, too.
Well, 130 Rob Roys and he's in the other room talking to Earl...
"Do you realise that every breath I take, every movement..." I'll be watching you??
Nice use of watercress, Doctor.
Oh, boy... one weekend a month... bggrrrrrrr...
ARE YOU ALLERGIC TO ANY MEDICATIONS...?
Heh-heh-heh - brought the house down...
He's in the principal's office!
"Another unit of blood, please."
Anyone else want anything?
Now set her on the TV, see if we get better reception...
You cried, earlier - what was that about...?
Vandals came in and put skinon 'im...
And how is our little Johnsonville brat doing?
"At least I can still snuggle him and turn him over to the cool side."
"I heard tuna fish."
'Just when we had the problem licked!' / "Huh!"
See!...I made it myself and i'm proud!
We'll need your bone marrow, Carol!
How's the tar heroin coming there?
No Man is a 3 Mile Island, Glen!
down...downtown? down with it? down and nasty?
Well, the company pool says 155 feet!
'Everything seems logical.' / "this time of night!"
Have you had a chance to clean your side of the office yet?!?
'and his heart will explode!' / "so don't wear a white dress that day!"
You're not a real doctor are you?!?
Oh the Pain...the Paain...the Paaain....
Yeah your a Super Freak sir!..the kind you don't take home to Mother!
Not the phlegm again sir!
Hmm...Little Women!...Oh come on!...That's cruel!
What! He's going to read a book now!
'Doesn't he have any relatives?' / "Someone he can move in with!"
'You know what they wrote about me in the College Yearbook?' / "Dickweed?!?"
That I should cut down on my salt intake!
'Would you mind if i tried something on my own?'...'Oh,What is it?' / "Oh! some Crystal Meth and a Leather Clown Suit!"
Have a nice trip Fluffy!
Daddy's got to shoot up 1st! heh heh heh...why don't you put on some Sid & Nancy for me!?!
Well Fluffy time to shave your butt and put cosmetics on it!
Oh my goodness... I'm growing so fast, I'm giving myself a wedgie!
It's such a lovely, moonlit... oh, Glen.
Hey... that's pasta! He's the Amazing Colossal Lasagna now.
*Glenn runs towards the plane*
Tom: *monotone* Stop wait come back
Careful that kinda talk will get your arm ripped off
Hey! What? I'm just talkin to my friend over here!
Put that pipe out Rockwell!
Don't laugh Glen were on a fault line!
As far as I'm concerned, the wedding is still on.
Nope. That didn't make me happy.
"I don't want to grow anymore."
I'm a Toys R Us kid.
"I don't want to grow anymore!"
I'M A TOYS R US KID!
He's losing me, but I don't dare say anything.
This was probably before they knew the effect of lighting on worker happiness.
Never drink while you're under the sunlamp
Put the hurt on them Frank....
A restraining order for little old me!
Listen, I may be big, but I still know what's tacky.
Who took a bite out of the horse?
Have you seen Glenn?
Wonder who drove?
"It was my idea to use the seaweed."
Etcetera, etcetera, etcetera.
Ahhh, the lunch buffet!
I think we'll make him into a pinata.
That's the risk I have to take Lieutenant...now you get out there.
ohh my God! I'm being held in...Malibu barbie's dream house!!
"Would you mind if I tried something on my own?" "What is it?" Oh, some crystal-meth in a leather clown suit!
Oh no, it's Amelia Earhart, she picked a bad time to come back.
If you're attached to Security, how can you get through the door?
"So, how's the tar heroin coming there?"
"Well, Fluffy, time to shave your butt and put cosmetics all over it!"
"The body is like a factory."
"There's a lot of underpaid workers in it?"
"Xanadu: Palatial home of Charles Foster Kane. Cost: No one can say."
"There was a family of 12 in here. Should've told 'em to leave."
"Oh, terrific. My fiance''s a Deli Stacker!"
"Aahhh, we'll just stuff this back in anywhere. No one'll know."
"It's light and refreshing-- No, it's zesty and I- I think I see cheese on the wings!"
"His heart will literately explode." - So don't wear a white dress that day.
Oh, whoops! Sorry, wrong bone growth. I'll cover that up there...
"Make sure he gets penicillin and cortisone around the clock." - And keep stuffing him with cilantro.
"Ask them to report anything unusual, missing cattle, broken fences..." Big guys...
Ahhh, we're in a completely different helicopter, over.
-"By all accounts he should have died..."
-"...in the blast."
Well, live & learn.
Pay no attention to the man behind the curtain!
Hey, I'm huge, not deaf!
Tom and Joel: (singing) Scarecroooooow.... Scarecrooooooow...
Crow: Scare me?
No man is a Three Mile Island, Glen.
Susie thinks she doesn't need a seatbelt. Watch Susie go ballistic through the windshield!
I wouldn't kick her out of my tent for eating cows.
Oh, why do they keep putting these little chairs in here? They just do it to bug me!
"What sin could a man commit in a single lifetime to bring this upon himself?" (No riff required.)
"Will he be alright?" Well, keep the receipts for your shower gifts.
Yeah, poor bum's screams were muffled by a throatfull of his own blood.
"Why did this have to happen to him?" Because he's rock stupid, honey. "Things like this just happen. There doesn't have to be a reason." Oh, He's a Calvinist.
So, uh, what's with all the dead rabbits, Doctor?
This is your house and you're in it and I'm out here laughing!
"How long have you known Colonel Manning?"
-What are you doing after he's dead?
"Do you know what they wrote about me in the college yearbook?" "Dickweed?"
-Why, why, why, why does it have to happen? -Which question do you want me to answer first?
Next on insensitive hospital
The answer's in your shoes, I've no idea why...
"[...] To give you a simplified laymen's explanation -" Crow: He's really big.
Stock footage is hell.
"Glen, I need you to drop your sarong and TURN AROUND!"
"Who else, but a clown would have an expandable sarong like this?" Oh, Shelley Winters.
"S Enters Korean WA!"
"Xanadu, palacial home of Charles Foster Kane. Cost: no one can say."
the horror, the horror
Your name is the only word he spoke. Well, that and 'AHHHHHHHHH!!!'
If I'm walking on air - PINCH me!
Wait until he see's the toilet!
Well, SOMETHING'S much bigger than we expected...
Next, on "Insensitive Hospital"...
It's Buddy Hackett - and Mickey Rooney, too!
I heard you were available.
Not only am I bigger, I'm FUNNIER! My jokes are BETTER!!
"No..no..I can see his pulse! He's alive but...his head's gone!"
"Glen, this is your Father O'Maley, come back boy, it's not worth it!"
"Can we smoke sir?"
I don't care if you burst into flames...
"Hey, have you seen Glenn anywhere?"
Oh my god, I'm being held in Barbie's Malibu Dream House!
John Philip Sousa's life is flashing before his eyes.
What, the government is involved in a coverup? How could that be?
Glenn's a pillow?
"This man's luck ran out a long time ago." When he got me as a doctor.
The hot dogs make her lose controoooll.
First burned... then disintegrated.