309 - The Amazing Colossal Man
|Short - none|
Riffs you quote here will appear randomly in the above.
"Would you mind if I tried something on my own?" "What is it?" Oh, some crystal-meth in a leather clown suit!
Oh no, it's Amelia Earhart, she picked a bad time to come back.
If you're attached to Security, how can you get through the door?
"So, how's the tar heroin coming there?"
"Well, Fluffy, time to shave your butt and put cosmetics all over it!"
"The body is like a factory."
"There's a lot of underpaid workers in it?"
"Xanadu: Palatial home of Charles Foster Kane. Cost: No one can say."
"There was a family of 12 in here. Should've told 'em to leave."
"Oh, terrific. My fiance''s a Deli Stacker!"
"Aahhh, we'll just stuff this back in anywhere. No one'll know."
"It's light and refreshing-- No, it's zesty and I- I think I see cheese on the wings!"
"His heart will literately explode." - So don't wear a white dress that day.
Oh, whoops! Sorry, wrong bone growth. I'll cover that up there...
"Make sure he gets penicillin and cortisone around the clock." - And keep stuffing him with cilantro.
"Ask them to report anything unusual, missing cattle, broken fences..." Big guys...
Ahhh, we're in a completely different helicopter, over.
-"By all accounts he should have died..."
-"...in the blast."
Well, live & learn.
Pay no attention to the man behind the curtain!
Hey, I'm huge, not deaf!
Tom and Joel: (singing) Scarecroooooow.... Scarecrooooooow...
Crow: Scare me?
"Things like this just happen, there doesn't have to be a reason."
Oh, he's a Calvinist.
No man is a Three Mile Island, Glen.
Susie thinks she doesn't need a seatbelt. Watch Susie go ballistic through the windshield!
"Can we smoke, sir?" I don't care if you burst into flame.
I wouldn't kick her out of my tent for eating cows.
Oh, why do they keep putting these little chairs in here? They just do it to bug me!
"What sin could a man commit in a single lifetime to bring this upon himself?" (No riff required.)
"Will he be alright?" Well, keep the receipts for your shower gifts.
Yeah, poor bum's screams were muffled by a throatfull of his own blood.
"Why did this have to happen to him?" Because he's rock stupid, honey. "Things like this just happen. There doesn't have to be a reason." Oh, He's a Calvinist.
So, uh, what's with all the dead rabbits, Doctor?
This is your house and you're in it and I'm out here laughing!
"How long have you known Colonel Manning?"
-What are you doing after he's dead?
"Do you know what they wrote about me in the college yearbook?" "Dickweed?"
-Why, why, why, why does it have to happen? -Which question do you want me to answer first?
Next on insensitive hospital
The answer's in your shoes, I've no idea why...
"[...] To give you a simplified laymen's explanation -" Crow: He's really big.
Stock footage is hell.
"Glen, I need you to drop your sarong and TURN AROUND!"
"Who else, but a clown would have an expandable sarong like this?" Oh, Shelley Winters.
"S Enters Korean WA!"
"Xanadu, palacial home of Charles Foster Kane. Cost: no one can say."
the horror, the horror
Your name is the only word he spoke. Well, that and 'AHHHHHHHHH!!!'
If I'm walking on air - PINCH me!
Wait until he see's the toilet!
Well, SOMETHING'S much bigger than we expected...
Next, on "Insensitive Hospital"...
It's Buddy Hackett - and Mickey Rooney, too!
I heard you were available.
Not only am I bigger, I'm FUNNIER! My jokes are BETTER!!
"No..no..I can see his pulse! He's alive but...his head's gone!"
"Glen, this is your Father O'Maley, come back boy, it's not worth it!"
"Can we smoke sir?"
I don't care if you burst into flames...
"Hey, have you seen Glenn anywhere?"
Oh my god, I'm being held in Barbie's Malibu Dream House!
John Philip Sousa's life is flashing before his eyes.
What, the government is involved in a coverup? How could that be?
Glenn's a pillow?
"This man's luck ran out a long time ago." When he got me as a doctor.
The hot dogs make her lose controoooll.
First burned... then disintegrated.