310 - Fugitive Alien
|Short - none|
Riffs you quote here will appear randomly in the above.
"Take a good look at your far right shoulder button. We've equipped it with a miniature nuclear device."
"Shouldn't I have known that??"
"This is Rocky-"
"A flying squirrel."
"Ha, ha, ha, ha, AAH, ha, ha, ha, ha... YOUR STUCK HERE!!!"
He triiiieeeeeeed to kill me with a FooorrkLiiiift!!!!
"Their mortal enemies have developed a super weapon."
"A super weapon?"
Well, a really good one, anyway.
"My wife just died in my arms!"
I thought you were way over by the window.
Caesar Romero?! Edmund Hillary?!
...But first - swallow my lapel button. As a symbol of our love? Hmm?
It's the Patty Duke Show!
I'm putting you on split-screen - can you see me now?
Cleveland, you're on the air!
Aw - Mom's gonna smell this on me!
Could someone turn off the "Courageous Cat" music?!
THEY TRIIIED TO KILL HIM WITH A FORKLIIIFT
"Presser? Cabin PRESSER?"
"Ready to levitate the table?"
"I can be Barbara."
"It's only a model."
Movie: "Who's Rita, your wife or your girlfriend?"
The Gang: "Yes."
Say! Speak of punishing mercilessly!! Woh!
Your not half bad!
I wet em'!
Captain Ken Madeit!
~Ken and his friend are freee~
Well at least he gets to keep that swell Star Trek stuff!
I wonder what he's thinking?
kill him...kill him...now....
'and i didn't want to fight with your brother!' "So i killed him!"
We'll just run the clip!
I want my tapes back!
or Schwartz's "Very Brady Christmas"
Hey Look! It's the All Ken Network!
~Lay down the boogie and play that funky music till' you die!~
I'd rather share a needle with Keith Richards!
Totally new concept...it's a Church Bar!
A Nun's Habit for me? No thanks!
Ken's going to get Candy!
Well that does take the pressure off!
What a perfect apocalyptic jumpsuit she's wearing.
Honk Shoe...Honk Shoe
I wish i had a Harmonica!
This is no disco...this ain't no fooling around...
That Oboe's comin' from that room!
Igor...quit playing that...
Hey! Chris Walken playing Russian Roulette.
Everybody run! Tammy's got a Gun!
Fisher-Price Phone sir!
i can be Barbara!
I told you no Grabass' in the shower!
What...are Ma & Pa Kettle going on this mission or something!?!
When I talk to Ken I touch Myself!
Monty Python's Flying Circus
Come on it's my turn to wear the nightgown!
It's a fleet of drapery hooks!
HUH? HUH? HUH? HUH? HUH? HUH? OOOOOOHHH.
Ken kill Ken!
Ken 33 go left! Ken 16 and 18 flank him! Ken 4...I mean, 10-4!
Is everyone on this planet named Ken?
Rock climbing, Joel. Rock climbing.
"Sorry I scared you, you looked so angry I was afraid I was gonna get strangled."
Well there's still time for that.
"The world will never be safe with people like you around!"
I'm sorry about Ken. He's had a hard time adjusting to school. They say he's gifted, though.
Where have you been?
Yeah get him it's his turn to buy the pitcher!
It's a totally new concept...a church bar!
Quite a tick ya got there son!
You owe me 53 bucks for the photos...
He thinks I'm a palette!
Did someone say Ken?
Wooah I gotta lay off da shrooms!
Tragedy tomorrow, kabuki tonight!
In the land of Dairy Queen we treat you right!
My hair! My hair!
Hey it's the Rolling Stones hotel room!
"What I expect from you is total obedience."
If that's OK with you.
They never explain the blonde wigs. I don't get that.
"A spacecraft! I'll have to hijack one!"
Not in those slacks!
Everybody's doing their banking in this movie.
Not that I don't trust you o wise one, but can I see the book on that rule?
Ohh, you can see the zipperrr...
Heh, he shouldn't have had those baked beans...its...too easy
Button bomb! Ruuuuuunnn!
I wanna die in the thong section at Victoria's Secret!
He's in more trouble than Hudson Hawk at the box office.
An intriguing mix of genocide and modern dance.
"How do I get aboard?"
-Go to the lumber yard.
OK, now, now I kill myself, jump back and...Ha! Jumping, running and spinning! Follow me; oh, I'm only...me. Heh, yeah, up! Careful! One two three (counts steps up to 20) gasp, huff huff puff puff, this is good for the glutes, pant pant huff puff, push, push - gotta want it! The burn, the burn! pant pant pant etc...Hup!
Why am I thinking of the cast party NOW?
He hurt his little pants!
"He's been hit!"
In the pants!
E-I, E-I, E-I don't think so! (Does a Frankism count as a riff?)
What manner of man are you, who can summon flame without flint or tinder?
Some call me... Ken.
Well, my guess is that it goes on like the mess it is with no resolution and we're all left feeling empty and unfulfilled like Fassbinder's tragic hero in 'Berlin Alexanderplatz.'
"Get down, this is no monkey cage!" This is no disco, this ain't no fooling around.
Hey, Sonny Rollins is out there! (The Bridge)
"I don't like your face!" I'm not a big fan of it either, sir.
"Hey, a bar!" Chris Walken is playing russian roulette .
It's Frank Poole!
I've got bolognas for arms!
They said you were a traitor. And here you are in an Earth Space Command uniform. Traiting!
I'll have that cocktail now.
He's been hit! In the pants!
so uh, i'll just rifle the dead's stuff here...
This is the song written for the train chase.
This is the chase, Rocky and Ken...
HE TRIED TO KILL ME WITH A FORKLIFT...OLAY!
"OH NO! RAAAAAIIIID!"
"Ta tayama and shove it!"
Crow - "DUCK ALARM...RUN!...quack, quack, quack..."
Watch your space cushion! Heheh, a little driving joke.
Indy! My friend Indy!
It's... the song of the space-mugs! We'll drink to the brotherhood of glubglubglub
"Because of hostilities with the star Cesar." - Rrrromerrro.
"Ken, you did the right thing." - Now turn off the chants.
The Geometric Nucleus?!?
Somebody hang up the phone!
A planet where Kens evolved from men?!
"What are the specs on this job, sir?" "Oh, those are bugs, they'll wash off."
Hahahahaha....You're STUCK here!
I thought it was a sheer delight. I think that's about as grand as a hat party can get! BZZZZT ...That was about as painful as a cattle prod to the shoulder can get...
ATTACK! -"Um, we already started Sir."
Now I'm gonna ssspank ya.
(Ken runs around & laughs insanely) Looks like Ken got his prescription pills. ...And is reverting back 2 childhood! ~Crow
Hey look, 27 8 by 10 color glossy photos with the circles and arrows and a paragraph on the back of each one.
It's like in Doctor Who, the one with the three doctors, when one of them had Moe's hair.
"Where were we?"
"They must've had a close-out on taffeta! Look at those guys!"
"Welcome to the Dance of Incontinence!... I mean-- Seven Continents!"
"He's my mother! He's my sister! [slap] He's my mother AND my sister! [slap]"
"...And what about Naomi?"
"I want... your... wig... now..."
"It's been twenty-six miles..."
"It's only fun if I catch you! Wait up!"
"C'mon, it's my turn to wear the nightgown!"
"Watch the steno pool go wild for his vinyl!"
"Oh, no! I don't want to die in the middle of nowhere!"
"I wanna' die in the Thong section at Victoria's Secret!"
"It's an intriguing mix of genocide and modern dance."
"Oh, no! RAID™!!"
"Let me introduce myself." I'm a man of wealth and taste.
"Rita!" METER MAID!
"What is this strange feeling inside me?" It's a voice-over called love.
--Hey, I can see the Great Wall!
What are you high? I have the strength of 20 men!
"Ken did it?" Those bastards!
"Looks like he got his prescription filled"
"It's a Ted Koppel head of hair !!"
Fisher-Price phone, sir.
Hey - look that truck's headed for Utah!
"Enemy Signal!" ... or a garbage truck backing up.
Oh, I was just playing a video game in my head.
No one can beat me at snap-zooms, I was in'Time of the Apes'.
So, dinner Sunda... Uhh...
Noah's arc? Hey and there's Moses' Jeep.
Pink hearts, blue moons, green Japanese boys...
Ken-quistador! ♪ He tried to kill me with a forklift! ♫
Um, you're crying on my bomb.
"HE TRIIIIIIIED TO KILL ME WITH A FORKLIFT......"
This lee-ver is stuck! "Yeah, so is the lever."
Whoa, I flipped and I didn't even have to!
"The audience has left the arena!"
And there's Moses' jeep.
"What are the specs on this?"
-Oh, those are bugs, they'll wash off.
If I have one life to live, let me live it as a Ken...
I'd rather share a needle with Keith Richards!
Ken - key - stah - door
Do I look stupid ?
Oh ah trouser cam..... Hi there.
I TOLD YOU... NO gah-bah-ss in the shower
Physician heal THY SELF !!
Why am I thinking of the cast party NOW?
This is a sneeze, magnified 100 times!
"So they think they can blow me out of the sky?" "Yep."
The closer Ken gets, the better Ken looks.
Between Ken and Ken lies Obsession.
Lay down the boogie and play that funky music till you DIE!
When Josie and the Pussycats go bad!
Ah! I've been killed by an action figure!
"I can't do it-- I can't kill the man I love!" Then kill the one you're with.
He's not a Caesarian officer, he's an Arby's trainee!
So it's like Bergman's 'Scenes from a Marriage,' then.
"You've just been ordered executed. That oughta take the smile off your face." Not if you do it right.
What, are Ma & Pa Kettle going on this mission?!
Another royalty cheque for Herb Alpert coming up...
"Marianne?" Ginger? Skipper? Buddy? Professor?
"Ok let's just imagine that the blonde assassin comes in and shows her undying love for Ken & instead of serving 2 masters they die in a hara-kari love pact." Come on Joel, this is Sandy Frank, not Kurosawa!
I'm a crappy special effect!
I wet 'em.
Give it a week, I'll have a six-foot foam scorpion stinger hangin' off my butt.
Then Hume Cronyn and Jessica Tandy will be out to tell us some poignant stories of the joys and sorrows of being really, really....horribly old.
Sandy Frank presents our own personal hell!
OH! WE GOT MOVIE SIGN!!!! WHO'S JACK PERKINS!!!???
He tried to kill me with a forklift!
MONKS IN SPACE!!