315 - Teenage Caveman
|Short - Aquatic Wizards, Catching Trouble:|
Riffs you quote here will appear randomly in the above.
This is what you get for not being a white male!
"I am very lonely."
In fact, I'm dead.
Wait! Come back! You're wearing my dress!
"One of the tribe has come to manhood!"
At the tender age of 37!
But I was evolving, Dad!
That's a nice Chicago cutlery knife, he's sporting there.
Don't you guys ever sleep?
It's about time. It's about face. It's about time I slapped your face.
Look, it's more holes in the plot.
Hey! The water is getting warmer back here.
That's a stiff deer.
Rob, your dad found your stash.
I'm gonna cut ya. I'm gonna cut ya bad, man.
OK Steven. I don't think so Roy.
This has got litigation written all over it.
It's a tree, walk around it!
Quick! Somebody invent the machine that goes "ping".
"OK, now Charlie Browns head is easy to draw..."
"HO! Good thing I had the safety on, I could have blown your head off!"
Du-du-du-du- dudu. Du-du-du-du-dudu. Du-du-du-du- dudu. Ew! Step around that !
It says, 'Dan'l Boone killed a b'ar on this spot'...
They all look like Orphan Annie!
"This is why the dinosaurs died out, you bored them to death!"
"Wait wait, how can there be Great Danes when there isn't even a Denmark yet?"
"Oh there's nothing like exerting your power over helpless creatures IS there, Ross?"
Looks like the 4th gift is Vitalis...Robert
How bout dinner, movie, and a drag by the hair?
The fruits of the growing tree...."Oh! leave Phil out of this!"
Get used to the scenery...
Robert Vaughn for Helsinki Formula.
In the beginning there was CHAOS..."run by Bernie Koppel"
"This is where my boyfriend knows his stuff!" Ted!..you don't have to say anything more...Ted!
You know Ross is no stranger to raping the land!
Talk him down Emo!
"Hey Fellas! are you listening?" uhhhh...it's the way she touches that board!
and the incentive to stay up is Crocodilles!
"I can't believe this guy's s'posed to be a teenager."
"Well, he was a teenager when this film started!"
"We have bowling and miniature golf. We get drunk and make fun of you guys 'cause we're so stupid."
"Bingo! Benji! Tramp! And Toto!"
"Wait! This is no time to make flapjacks!"
"These two remember to use plenty of 'lip and tongue action!'"
"Another Pleasant Valley Sunday."
"Well, this must have been filmed painstakingly over the course of three days!"
"Now it's off to Neiman-Marcus to become a Paloma Picasso handbag!"
"...And two hard-boiled eggs."
"One for my baby, and one more for the cameraman!"
"This has got 'Litigation' written all over it!"
"Yeah, he's got a new career now: Pumpin' sour cream on 39-cent Enchiritos™ in Coral Gables!"
"What do you do?"
I make a nice living.
Notice how I punched up the word KILL there?
Gee, I hope I'm skiing pretty.
Gee, I hope I get a boyfriend.
Gee, I hope I don't get acne.
I am having so much fun now.
You know, Ross is no stranger to raping the land.
Robert Vaughn will be back, in - THE SWEET SWEETBACK AFFAIR!
If I were a Flintstone - yabba-dabba-dabba-dabba-dabba...
- Oh, look, he invented the quiver.
- So did SHE! Woooooo-ooooo!
So... how many toasters did we get?
It's like H.R. Pufnstuf after a firey car wreck!
Here - grab this razor-sharp spearhead!... Try this barbwire!
Well, there they are: Patty, Maxine and Lavern...
What, are they hunting babies?!
Hey, look - it's Alice B. Toklas!
Wild cat, I - think I love you... But I wanna know for sure!
Suddenly it's a John Ford film. It's like 'She Wore A Yellow Loincloth."
(As Robert Vaugh plays the pan flute) Uh, like, do you know any Tull?
Oh oh, Rob, your Dad found your stash.
Hey, he's inventing swimming. Actually it looks like he's inventing drowning.
All done in there you two? Yeah, but light a torch before you go in. Phew!
I gotta get out of this picture. I'm callin' Hy Averback.
Before the hunt, two makers of symbols there will be. Zildjian and Paiste.
How about dinner, a movie and a drag by the hair hmm?
This is a job... for Mighty Jack!
Here's the teacher, Chad Slabbody, hello Chad!
And here's Chad's girlfriend: Connie Slabbody
Wait, wait, how can there be Great Danes if there isn't even a Denmark yet?
Ya know, Ross is no stranger to raping the land.
Wait a minute this man is not insured....get him out of here!
We're gonna take him to the intensive care cave...a man mauled by a bear on emergency ooog agh ugh!
I now pronounce.... Oh I did the wrong ceremony!
Have you seen my training bra?
"Uh; we'd just like to apologize to everyone everywhere for this."
"Yeah guys; I'm deeply ashamed of my race right now."
♫ Hey Mr. Tambourine Man, play a song for me... ♫
Uh, that's a bad touch Chad!
Forget about life jackets, this is the fifties.
Why couldn't I get cast in Daddy-O?
It's me, I'm Trumpy!
♪ ♫ We are all Neanderthal... We are going to have a ball! ♪ ♫
Pssst, Willie, ya holdin' ?
Warriors, come out and playayay...
"It's the third gift to man..." Vandalism!
A caveman without a cause...
Here we watch Ross put a jimmy stick under its nails.
"The only requirement is the ability to swim." In four-inch heels!
Snake! Snake! Snake! Snake! Goooo, snake!
"Notice that the arms do not rotate as in snow ski jumping." They just snap clean away.
Yeah, trogs like us, baby, we were born to run!
Next he's going on a 'panda' raid.
Jimmy gets ahead by stepping on his friends!
Yeah, yeah... Are we not men...?
Announcer: "...he's chicken never jumped at all."
Crow: "What's this, he's forced his way into the announcer's booth...what's that in his hand? Oh nooooo!"
These diapers are my punishment.
Wait a minute Greg! Hold it - they want us to do this!
"Throw your spears at the giant stock footage!"
This script is like a telephone directory.
Oh, they're making reindeer upside down cake.
...alright and, Linus has a bent skull. He's a bit harder to draw.
Okay, now Charlie Brown's easy to draw cause his head is basically a circle like this, see?
EPIC BATTLE BETWEEN FRANK AND DR.FORRESTER.....
FRANK: "I'm going to kill you."
DR.FORRESTER : "Well you're going to have to kill me first."
"All the teens are meeting at the drive-in cave painting..."
"Why it's funny man RAY STEVENS as GUITARZAN..."
"Quick somebody invent the machine that goes PING..."
"...promises a lot but gives only a place to die!" Oh, like Hollywood.
Why couldn't he have just thrown the bag of snakes over?
"It seems to me I'd call it a day ... or call a taxi "
...or call PeTA!
"That's a bad limb, hop to the next one, pussy"
He's talkin about the cat.
"This is the god they fear..." Mr Snuffleupagus?
Great, it's an anteater piñata...
"What does he do?" He's a consultant.
"They hold and move like a man's..." but made for a woman's.
"There's only one way to stop- you just let go..." of your sensibility and dress like a girl. You know you want to!
And the incentive to stay up... Crocodiles !
This time the white fascist narrator will make a racial slur.
Uh, really good read, Ross.
If a tree falls in the forest, would Roger Corman go over budget?
Don't talk so loud. Everyone will want death now!
Brought you some dinner! Hope you like sticks.
He just killed his only rival for the roll on F-Troop.
Are they hunting babies?
All the teens are meeting at the drive-in cave painting!
Kill Col. Kurtz
I'm in the bag, Ross!
Oh! It's Leona Helmsley... 'Taxes are for the little people...'
Man would I love to see that cub's mom come through the woods right now.
Now this time the white fascist narrator will make a racial slur...
Ey, what? You're Terry-Thomas all of the sudden?
Ross is no actor, as you can see.
"Don't you know you're wanted in Chicago?" For voting twice!
Hey! I just invented malpractice!
He's been to paradise, but he's never been to me!
She doesn't have a word for day, but she has buttons.
Cross your legs Robert, you can see the squirrel.
So what're you waiting for, a receipt? Beat it!
Throw your spears at the monster stock footage!
This is why the dinosaurs died out: you bored 'em to death!
Announcer: "...but my boyfriend knows when to sidestep."
Joel: "Hey, he says he likes you as a friend but he's not your boyfriend, OK!?"
Ross tries to towel away the evil but nothing doing.
I was wondering if maybe I could follow you into the woods and maybe we could see some animaaals
"The Word says nothing can live there, or beyond." Oh, you mean Detroit?
"It promises a lot but gives only a place to die" oh- like Hollywood
Chasing rabbits on a mini-bike until their hearts explode?
Da, da da da da-da; duh, duh, duh!