321 - Santa Claus Conquers the Martians
|Short - none|
Riffs you quote here will appear randomly in the above.
"Mr. Anderson, this is Mrs. Claus." Hands off!
We'll give them to dyslexic kids!
[maniacal Santa laughter]
John Call is Santa Claus in..."Oh, Little Town Of DEATHlehem!"
“Ho Ho Ho!” [Crow] Oh, shut up
“I think I’ll go down to the workshop and make some more toys! Hohoho!”...You know, somewhere there’s a warrant with his name on it, I’m sure of it...
[Crow] Fat, bald men are quickly mobilized!
“Approaching projected Earth orbit”...Um, I know, I’m the one who steered us into it...
"I got the word that Santa has been stealing from the till."
"I think that that right jolly old elf better make out his will."
"Oh, let's have a Patrick Swayze Christmas one and all!"
Stock it to me.
Don't ever step on my lines!
Earth girls are easy.
My spine! *crunch!*
Santa's gonna cut ya man. Santa's a blade man.
I'm warning you, change your attitude. "I'm warning you change your attitude." *snarky*
We've landed. "I guess we'll have to take your word for it."
We have children just like you on Mars. "Only they're worse actors."
Ha ha. "Kill him."
Turn off that tickle ray. "I can't fake laugh any more."
"Where is Santa?”...Sleeping it off
"Dropo, You are the laziest man on Mars, why are you sleeping durning your work?"
"'Cause I'm the laziest man on Mars!"
"There's only ONE Santa Claus and he's alive"
"What you'll do with us?"
"We're going waterskiing"
I want my MTV.
"You sunk my battleship!"
Filmed in Christmas Card Vision.
Let me set the mood here...haday haday haday haday...
Torg? Time for go to bed.
Hoo-Ray 4 Sant-Y Claus! (Cha-Cha-Cha!)
If I could walk that way, I wouldn't be wearing the box!
Looks like C. Everett Koop's children work here...
Shield your eyes, Frank...
Oh My God! He's playing dress-up!
Goodnight Mrs. Calabash...Wherever you are!
Santa left his medication at home!
Oh! He stopped them SHORT!
Uhh Betty! ever read the book "Alive"?
-We've never disappointed the kids before!
Except the poor ones.
Yeah, and what's in the pipe Santa?
"Nobody expects the Spanish Inquisition!"
"Parents, remember: Kids always know best, so get them whatever they want!"
"This seems like a day when everything is vanishing into thin air." "Including a few frames of the film."
"I've seen this coming for centuries." "Why didn't you tell us, Pops?"
Get the hell out of my shop.
You know, it's the little things that can clue you into drug abuse.
"All she needs is tender loving care." And twenty bucks worth of batteries.
Oh those must be for the LAPD!
Village Voice...Santa's Outing..Huh!!!
Nice Ass Can!
Hey Lawn Jockey...just kiddin!
Those were the commercials....Actually without the Dolly Madison commercials the entire show is about 9 minutes!
Santa's gonna cut you man'...Santa's a blade man!
Hey! isn't that the Jeopardy Theme song done in a Minor Key?
What is this?!? The end of The Shining!?!
Ahhh...Who wouldn't like you Princess?!?
I want those kids dead!...I want Santa's House burned to the ground!
You know! these are like cheap versions of the Lost in Space sets...
Oh! Jacob's Ladder...the lost scenes!
all done in there? why do you think they call him Dropo!?!
Oh great kid! you just fingered Kris Kringle!
Hello! Hello! Hello!....Hell-lo!!!
Polka Dots and Moonbeams..Sir!
How long before it becomes a Standard!
I'll have to smash your kneecaps if you bastards touch my car!
It's my way or the highway!
Let's have a Patrick Swayze Christmas!
That's our Dropo! He'll be back...
Dear Hair Club For Men...I need Help!! would you...
Santa is within all of us!
'and desperate problems require desperate deeds!' "Done Dirt Cheap!"
Hey! Let's give it up for the Old Man!
Diarrhea is like a storm raging inside you!!!
He's been drunk off his martian butt!
Got a long mike' cord there!
Hey! Fur Kills..Andy!
'Well we've never disappointed the kids yet!' "except for the poor ones!"
ALL OVER THE WORLD!!!
Cricket Lighter Away!
"Ah...war toys, Good! Teach 'em early to hate and kill..."
No problem! I'll give them to dyslexic kids!
Not since the pie fight in 'The Great Race...'
...Not since the mudslide scene in 'McLintock...'
...Not since the wagon race scene in 'The Hallelujah Trail...'
...Not since the chess playing scene in 'The Seventh Seal...'
...Not since the orgy scene in 'Caligula!'
"Where is Lady Momar?" Gaddafi?
"They sit in front of the video set all day, watching those ridiculous Earth programs - it confuses them!" Especially Twin Peaks.
Yeah, and you're your own grandpa, too.
It rolls down steps all by itself... just like grandma!
It's a Christian Holiday ruled by commercialism
From this spot there is only one direction you can go... to hell
Custume designer? Custume?
Bah, cheap Martian crap!
*the scene blacks-out prematurely*
Oh great, tha...
*scene comes back*
Oh, shoot, for a second I had hope.
It's Barbara Bush!
Whoa! There's a whole lot of stock footage out there.
Have you ever heard a grown man scream? I'm about to whine like a whipped puppy.
What is this, a Bergman film all of a sudden?
Hahaha. We're having her committed!
Big John Call is Santa Claus in "O little town of DEATHlehem!"
"MY finger isn't tired." Look out, nose!
So what's in the pipe santa?
I want a pony.
I want to decide who lives and who dies.
There goes his appendix.
♪ ♫ "Hang out in leather bars/Haul out the cocktail sauce..." ♫ ♪
"Kids, this is Hell."
"What, no head-butt this morning? Honeymoon over?"
"I sure hope that's pudding."
"February '69. I was stationed in Phnom Penh. Charlie had us pinned down their way..."
"All of a sudden this is To Build A Fire."
"And now, for your enjoyment, some suggestive scenes of jets refueling."
"Uh, polka dots and moonbeams, Sir."
"Uh, yeah... So what's in the pipe, Santa?"
"Oh, man. This is really, really cheap animation. Clutch Cargo was better than this!"
Oil can! Oil can!
I think the coast is... *THOONK* Oh no! His head must have gone about 75 feet!
All done in there? Why do you think they call him Droppo?
Oh, he's fighting the cameraman now!
I don't suppose there's any chance this guy's uhh ...gonna end up under the wheels of a train, is there?
This appears to be a day when everything is vanishing into thin air...
including a few frames of the film!
Oooh, Maynard Ferguson playing a ballad there...
His name is B.F. Skinner, he's going to put you kids in a box!
SERVO: " I want those kids dead, I want Santa's house burned to the ground."
CROW: "Hey look their ship runs on a SIMON game"
"Earth has had Santa Claus long enough, we will bring him to Mars."
"Santa's a blade man, man!"
Will you buy me a Golden Globe, then?
I vas innocent, I vas only following orders... Oh.
"Destroy them Torg, Crush them!" You-were-adopted.
"I'm cold." And unfeeling.
"We're going out the old fashioned way." Guns-a-blazin'.
I had jell-o today.
The store room? Wait a minute, he's on a collision course with wackyness!
How many Droppos does it take to change a light bulb?
Ha ha ha Santa left his medication at home!
Now what would Macgyver do?
Next week on Barnaby Jones - Mrs. Claus of death.
Ahhh Mr. Claus, you have a nasty habit of surviving...
Nice take to the camera, thank you!
Nice ash can!
Follow my lead, Billy, I'm packing heat.
"I've got something for you, Billy!" And it's ticking.
"Malted milk! Chocolate cake!" Bennies! Dexies! EX...
What is it? Uh, it's a guy in a cardboard box with a coffee urn on his head...
Old man, take a look at my elf- I'm a lot like you...
Meanwhile, at Oscar Wilde's house...
Quick! In here were we can be cornered!
Ringworm! Crank Case! Lube Job!
"All this trouble over a fat little man in a red suit." Truman Capote?
And then a large-scale bowling pin is put into use.
"It is the middle of Septober"
-Oh! Time for Septoberfest!
"Drop 'em, Droppo!"
"Dear Hair Club For Men: I need help, big time. Would you consider --"
"Gentlemen, we can't all be the Honey Nut Cheerios honeybee."
"Look, you're breakin' my heart, Gramps. COULD YOU GET ON WITH IT!?"
"...but the kids know their names." Yeah, because they're sober.
"Tonight I'm a space pirate permission to come aboard!" "Whoo-hoo"
Whoa-ho it smells like a monkey house in here!
Hi kids this is Andy Henderson at the North Pole. "Oh no your not your Rip Taylor!"
(whispering) "Union meeting tonight pass it on."
"Oh balderdash and a fiddle-dee-dee!" Woah, LANGUAGE, Santa, LANGUAGE!
Oscar Wilde 2000
Oh he's just being obtuse.
Custume designer? Custume?
No one expects the Spanish Inquisition!
Good morning! Good morning!
Meanwhile, back at the Gum Disease Caverns...
you were adopted
especially Twin Peaks
Why they spell S-A-N-T-A and sing Santy?
"Pills for dinner? What are we, Judy Garland?"
"Get the HELL out of my shop!"
"Buttery, sweet toaster dolls!"
"No one on Earth will ever know that Santa Claus was kidnapped by Martians!" ...do you realize what you just said??
Not since the pie fight scene in "The Great Race"! Not since the mudslide scene in "McLintock"! Not since the wagon train scene in "The Halleluja Trail"! Not since the chess playing scene in "The Seventh Seal"! Not since the orgy scene in "Caligula"!
You know, elf tastes just like chicken.
"I'm not tired....but my finger is!" "OH SANTA NO IT'S CHRISTMAS!"
"Pack your other mustache"
"Diarrhea is like a storm raging inside of you."
Santa, you're just about as funny as a train wreck
"The Soviet Union denies they have launched any such satellite" -Like they could afford to
Um, Hello? Mars to Chochum?
I LOVE you!
It'll never WORK!
AND THE REINDEER--OH THE REINDEER!!!--keep floating like holiday floats and in turn exploding in a hail of blood and entrails! Prancer: BOOM! Dancer: BOOM!
Santa Claus: killed in Vietnam
"From this spot there's only one direction you can go..." To Hell.
When she thinks of the mass media, she touches herself
Smoking is good for you, Ho Ho Ho!