322 - Master Ninja I
Riffs you quote here will appear randomly in the above.
I'm not a real ninja, but I play one on TV.
"Boy, that parquet floor must really sting!"
"Uh-oh. Seven years' bad acting."
"Hey, it's time for the bouncer to get into his Spandex leotard!"
"We're bald and we're bonding!"
♪ ♬ "It's the TV... Car Chase... Theme! HA! Boogie!" ♬ ♪
"Filmed in Mendocino County, Illinois."
"Hey, where d'ya' get those dash-mounted gerbil cages?"
"Look, I'm getting on that plane, and... where I'm going I can't be with me... Or..."
"Tonight on Bravo, Martha Graham's new dance company!"
"Oh, Cripes! It's those turtles! They moved next door! Now I'll never get any sleep!"
Are you padding out the film? Cut it out!
"Make 'em laugh, make 'em laugh!"
It's the people under the stairs.
"If you kiss me, Van Patton, I'll kill you!"
"You're traveling in it, Jack"
"You're jackin' in it, Trav"
(This almost cased me to drown in my tea! I'm surprised nobody posted it before me)
Max: "What else you got in that suitcase?"
Joel: "It's a Woozle named Peanut!"
Me: "HOLY CRAP a Jeff Dunham referance!"
Ladies and gentlemen: Lee Van Cleef!
you can throw your star, at the man who drives the car
Hey, what happened to Demi Moore? This is getting weird.
"FUSION JAZZ is for all cultures."
"So, where's a good place to stay around here?"
-Shallow grave... train tracks are nice.
Well, here's a surprise - you're already cancelled!
He's talkin to the sound man lyin' on the floor.
"I can't! I can't!" We know! We know!
Geez, doesn't YOUR dad have an airport?
Oh! Those IUDs are dangerous!
What, did Lee Harvey Oswald shoot this footage?
You know, these Robert Bly weekends are getting more & more intense.
Hey, what's a guy gotta do to get beat up in this place?
Everybody's gonna know he's a ninja if they keep playing that theme every time he comes in somewhere...
I tought I thaw a gwade B actwor! I did! I did! It'th Lee Van Cweef!
A wand'ring ninja I...
Now I want a Peanut Butter Parfait.
Man: I've been hearing about him down at the truck stop.
Joel: It's a ninja truck stop.
Wow, he got paid to kiss Demi Moore!!! Most people have.
Whoa, you're a mess. Were you at Prince's house?
We'd like to buy her wheel chair
onscreen ninja thug: "You're a dancer, dance !"
Crow : "You're an actor, act !"
I'm Max Keller! "I'm a seagull!"
Maybe he can take the Ninja Equivalency test, and get his...
I gotta go to the little ninja's room
Good thing I lost my peripheral vision in the war
Well whoever he is- his nose is whistling...
"Okay okay knock it off, you're getting obnoxious with it now!"
Now this is somewhat similar to the first episo... umm, I mean the first part of the movie.
There go the financials for December.
Meanwhile, in the other incomprehensible plot ...
"You're traveling in it jack."
"You're jackin' in it trav."
Timothy Van Patten. Master of the non-sequitur voice over.
hey...I bought that chair and you're gonna use it!
"Oh, it's a ventriloquist pistol!" "Say hello to the people, Remmington!"
Here's Katherine Hepburn gassing up her plane.
Say what you will, that Claude Akins has a nice rump...
The battle of the turtlenecks.
"We need a little more to bargain with." We'll send them "Pink Lady and Jeff".
Yeah, Steve McQueen, Paul Newman, Timothy van Patten: The Legends.
"Meanwhile, the Master was getting us into more trouble." Snapping off car antennas in the parking lot.
Wait, who's theme music is that?
"Anyway, I'm a cantankerous old man, who lived alon for a lot of years." And I'm going to learn the true meaning of Christmas.
Henry, Portrait of a Serial Gerbil.
Special guest appearence by the car from "Stranded in Space.
"...the only occidental American ever to become..." Miss Japan.
"Stick around, this should be fun!" Not with Claude Akins in it.
Oscar's back, and he's Wilde as ever!
"It's got a ring to it." Yeah, and so does a bath tub.
She cries at the opening of a bank!
Clarence, the Cross-Eyed Ninja
Here's Katharine Hepburn gassing up her plane.
I'm going for the trees if you keep talking old man!
This has all the continuity of a fever dream.
"I guess you can't respect what you don't understand."
"I don't respect why this movie was made."
Well you shouldn't be calling her a gimp now, dick-weed.
"I've got a bad feeling about that knick-knack shelf..."
MASTER NINJA THEME SONG!