324 - Master Ninja II
Riffs you quote here will appear randomly in the above.
Yeah, he's a ninja. Look at the cat-like moves.
"I stopped believing in causes."
Now, I just believe in effects.
Sob, sob. Remorse, remorse. Well...
I shoulda dropped you.
Grandpa Ninja saves the day.
Yeah Senator...you'll know which bars are open late.
Don't forget to have your ninjas spayed...
"BEFORE you put your coats on the top peg" (another Python quote)
Nothin' worse than a cornerd Van Patten
Whyoncha get a haircut?
Yes! I love these shots! Slow it down even more!
One Adam-12, stop the movie.
Uh, will you guys be my friends?
Oh, be careful, I'm wealthy!
"The same technique that allows a Zulu warrior to chase a running gazelle for fifty miles-" On a pogo stick.
What a loser.
What a loser.
And give me a break basket!
I bet I could eat that guy... yep.
Oh, no! He's dead.
You know you're boring when you're boring a Van Patton.
Come on Max, I know she rejected you, but we've got to try again.
Don't even think about it.
my brother lives in Florida
What's this? The end of Master Ninja! Tune in tomorrow same Ninja time same Ninja station...(Batman Narrator)
"What does it look like?"
Well, you do have that funny eye.
Hey! He's starting up the guys hand.
All over the World.
I don't think Lee can take much more of this.
I don't think that's Lee!
And in an unrelated incident, a car pulled over today.
Looks like a Paul Klee painting.
- In the immortal words of Monty Markham, "Here come da judge"...
- That was Pigmeat Markham! [clank!] Gaaaahhh!
- Not Sybil Danning, but an incredible simulation...
- I'll say...!
Why me? Why me, all the time?
Xanadu, stately home of... Oh, forget it!
After you pick up the girl!
Before you put your coats on the top peg.
I'm da guy wit' a snake on my face.
A Garden Weasel!
You got a light?
Yeah, my butt and your... Uh, that's not right.
Uh, this is my elderly gentleman friend.
"Oh I've heard about this kind of behavior."
Ew, I'm like, blind.
I'll just be by the tree looking cute.
How do you like our little film? Something seems a little... fishy! *maniacal laughter*
Now everyone take out your hymnal.
What's weird is that this is a Chrysler plant, I don't know what all this meat is doing here.
It's Ed 'Big Daddy' Roth, Crow.
"Whatever happened to..."
It's a secret meeting of all the people who want this show canceled.
"I'm not used to them walking away from you."
Usually they run screaming.
Meeeeeeh ill harm youuuu!
Ugh... My colon
This might sound crazy but... I eat light bulbs
Hey don't move me aaaaaaaanhhhhhhggghhh!!!
He's a man with a plan, he's a ninja!
You gotta go where the hamster goes, he's a ninja!
He's got thighs like a hamster!
Hi Frodo... Hi Axl... Hi Divine.
Max...I lost the hamster.
You were the worst James Bond!
This is my elderly gentleman friend.
Climb that rope See-gar!!!
Look at all the things he can do with his Spyrograph!
Michael, this is Kit. I have to be on the set of St. Elsewhere by four.
Tetris, for Game-Boy!
Is he speaking in tongues?
Howard Johnson's right! Harumph, harumph...
"Your father, your brother Vince and your Aunt Joyce are here to bail you out."
"Aah, what a cliche'. A Japanese guy in a GM car."
"The Mediocrity of the Long Distance Runner."
"You whacked me with your riding crop, Crow!"
"Hey, look on the wall. It's Milton Berle netted slingshot briefs."
Thee lights are on but fatty's not home.
Hey, it sounds like Chicago is in the back of the van.
She's Skeletor's sister.
I hope he doesn't soil his ninja robes heeheehee!
He's gonna blow! Look out!
Emmanuel Lewis killed your brother?
He must have hit a springboard.
Oh, excellent Master Dipstick. That's $50,000 worth of merchandise, Lee.
That does it, Flintstone!
Oh! Human speedbump.
You killed him. Hail Dorothy!
This is a Ninja Cookie
Cheeks, stay together!
Cripes, I wet' em! Look out below!
Even a secret agent has to go wring out a sock...Shaken, not stirred.
I'll be in the van..."Reading "Of Mice and Men"!".
Tonight? I was gonna watch my dad's show!
I've always depended on the kindness of caterers.
Man in the crowd with the multicolored mirrors on his hobnail boots!
Hey look! Bud Court's at the top of the cliff playing a banjo! (Harold and Maude reference! Woo!)
Ah, they're doing 'Blood Simple.'
The lights are on but Fatty's not home.
There's no Kosugi like Sho Kosugi like no Kosugi I know.
It's a cigarette lighter and a flame thrower!
Thank you crotch rocketed friend!
What is he? Obi-fricken-wan Kenobi?
"Bruce Lee press-on nails."
[KNOCK-KNOCK-KNOCK] HEY!! KEEP IT DOWN IN THERE!
Microsoft Service, can you hold for an hour?
'I was just telling her the same thing' ... yeah, but in a sleazy, sexist way.
Let's see ... where are we in the script now, Tim?
He would have to climb into a security guard warehouse...
Wait - he just climbed into the basement!
Heh heh, it's great that we can joke about it now that his hips are crushed.
TJ Hooker? He'd have a creature with the head of Adrian Zmed & the body of a spider monkey...
Strain a course of bacon???
Nothing worse than a cornered Van Patten. Yeah, they'll climb ya!
"That's some lady, huh?" No, that's my wife.
I used to be Bond; James Bond. Now I'm in movies; bad movies.
You took the last Tahitian Treat, old man.
Boy, that Gideon writes a good novel.
Wanna do tongue twisters? Are you making fun of me?
Nothing like enjoying nature on a screaming crotch-rocket.
Damn, I just injected him with blowfish poison.
He's startin' up the guy's hand!
This guy’s got a knife in his didgeridoo.
you got a light? yeah, my butt for your fa...no, that's not right
I'm winded..."from driving."
Is it cur-tains for Van-Patten?
that was me, sorry
So how about a little victory party? I have a gerbil...
I'm the floor of an adult movie theater.
Don't we know that box?
Hey, easy on the gerbil, Lee!
No Tim, I was really dead. I've been reanimated.
I stopped for a Heath bar. Want a bite?
"Most people don't cover their tracks as well as they think they do." They should wear long-sleeved shirts.
Bruce Lee press-on nails.
She threw on a dashiki and blew my ninja mind.