407 - The Killer Shrews
|Short - Junior Rodeo Daredevils:|
Riffs you quote here will appear randomly in the above.
"It all started with a tin can."
Doesn't it always?
Hey...that horse has Air Jordans on!
Does anyone know the plot yet?
I been listening to what the president been saying and it seems to me he's been trying to crawl into the wrong end of the Cracker Barrel.
It seems like being a cowboy kind of sucks.
Nixon please? What's he talkin about?
I think maybe rodeos are the "opiate of the masses," huhu, look at these people...
Some call them 'bone-eaters.' I call them cheddar wurst.
"Tell me of your home world, Usul."
Just humor him... He's not well.
"I'm not trying to rush you, but..." GET OUT! GET OUT!
The movie would have ended five minutes ago if it hadn't been for your stupid boot!
Four weeks later...
I can't think of my next line!
"Here's the manifest..."
"Well, this is just like that Happy Days or Perfect Strangers or Full House or Empty Nest or Just The Ten of Us episode when they get stuck in the basement."
"Meestah' Fawlty? Meestah' Fawlty? Polly?"
" 'What about a Bar Mitzvah?' "
"This is like a bad production of a Chekhov play."
"Well, y'see the hammer hits the primer, and the primer--"
"Hey, just throw us your wallet!"
"What a dump!"
[sigh] "Would you knock it off about Dixieland Jazz?!"
"Yeah, he can really tuck away the corned beef!"
"Y'know th' ironic thing is Sam's a vegetarian! [chuckle] But there's nothin' excitin' about ropin' an okra patty!"
"I can't stop 'im I don't know how it works! G'bye, Folks!"
"Out choo' pixies go, tru' da' barn or tru' da' hayloft!"
"16 seconds" (whaddya get..)
*kiss* ... *kiss* *kiss* *kiss* ... *kiss* kiss* *kiss* *kiss*
Your daughter is HOT.
WHAT THE HECK IS HE TALKING ABOUT?!
Flesh in man's drink? "I don't get it."
Mmmm, that's good booze. Mmmm hmmm.
Miles of keef in every direction.
At least you can get some use out of them. You know, school, job interviews, interventions.
Guys! Guys! This was covered in the voiceover at the beginning of the movie!
"Fart and get to sleep?"
Your breath smells like feet!
"He got my foot!"
Well, give it to him!
"You didn't tell us what we were going to face out there!"
Dogs with weird stuff on them.
"I'm going to trust you..."
...to tell me when I've had enough.
Meanwhile, back at the branch...
It's Gilligan's Island, the Headhunter episode.
Weasels ripped my FLESH!
Stop talkin', and finish my pedicure...
Even George S. Kaufman won a prize!
I would have been awone. I'd wather KILL you than be awone!
"It's the Booze Brothers to the rescue!"
"Milkbones! Rawhide shrew toys!"
"I've been going through the script and I'm pretty sure I'm in this scene!"
"Did he just become more southern?"
"The shoes got into the bar?"
"That's a pretty complex insult for a drunk."
"Finish your drink."
GO AHEAD! STRIP ME OF MY DIGNITY AT AGE FOUR! WHAT ARE YOU LOOKING AAAAT?!
You're gonna die from shrew bites!
You're gonna die from shrew bites!
SHREW BITES! SHREW BITES!
I think I just heard Griswald explode!
Anybody get a license number?
Quick! Get another Couch!
Do you know There's a Hurricane Coming? "no...but if you hum a few Bars"
Charles Bukowski was here before you, sorry about the mess..
Hey, looks like The Kids in the Stall!
He's a brilliant man... but he saves his phlegm.
Well bad news folks...I left the keys on the bar!
Dive!!! Dive!!! Dive!!!
It's Festus Buffaaay!
Regrets? I've had a few!
Yeah! Enjoy in moderation my ass!
just for that you can't drink for an hour!
There coming! "to take me away hahah"
Sure I'll go! "If i died it'd be a boon to the Movie!"
Hey,Wait! here's a trick i taught him...Stay, Rot!
She is whisper thin!
You know the big twist in this movie is the Shrews are good and their just trying to do an intervention on the Humans!
Jerry! Jerry! Fairy!
What do you specialize in? "Oh nothing special..."
Tonight!...All Dogs go to Hell!
He's got Rat Scratch Fever!
Beware the Dwarf!
Oh No! I got Shrewdoo on my shoe!
Uh! There's a Muppet behind the stairs!
I don't mean to be rude but your eyes look like 2 peeholes in the snow!
He chewed up the slippers...Bad Shrew! Bad Shrew!
Let's fart and get some sleep?
There are 200 or 300 Giant Shrews out there! "not counting the Dogs...right?!?"
Is there somebody under that dress?
Hang in there Baby!...Friday's Coming!
Sit...stay...sit, stay oh you stay...you you stay! you stay you stay sit.....
Two people per scene..please!
please don't drink from the bidet!
Does anybody know the plot yet?
Aye Aye! All Hands on Deck!
Hey! it's Cousin Marilyn from the Munsters....
Man that sure do look good! "Mrs. Howell?"
There trolling kinda fast...aren't they?...There gonna lose bait!
Hey it's PT90210
"The Killer Shrews" starring Joan Collins & Jackie Collins...
Prizes for winning and prizes for trying..."another words bitter failure!"
Fortunately Bobby didn't need his spine!
Jim Rand Champion Calf Roper of Senior High...."and next years janitor!"
and the crowd goes wild...yaaaah!
Everybody digs Hank Evans!
and when you come right down to it this ole Rodeo is just another reason to crawl inside a Whisky Bottle!
Hey! Mustang Sally!!!
Hey Kids...you ever read the Oxbow Incident?
Come on Quaker Oats for you...It's the right thing to do!
Too lotta quiet!
[Door slams; woman jumps and screams] "Honey switch to decaf!"
Eva wonda where felwt comes fwom?
Yeah, wait till the whip comes down, White Boy.
[lightning strike] "So THERE!"
Dive...(woo) Dive...(woo) (reah) Dive...reah, woo
Meanwhile, in the Merrimac here...
It's Festus Buffet!!!
(Captain Stoneshrimp climbs into barrel) Hey it's really cool in here; bang a hammer on it for me.
Hey Kids...you ever read the Oxbow Incident?
Jim Henson's Edgar Winter Babies!
Well... I'm dead.
Let me guess, the shoe's in the barr?
Two people per scene please.
Tom: *as a cactus* Uh. Bristle... I guess.
Oh no! Piranhas! Sharks!
Now lets not walk in 4 different directions
Hey we got some Cutty down here...nummy nummy Jerry!
I like you your nice your pretty but you just a summer thang....
Tonight...All Dogs Go To Hell!!!
Awwww! it chews up the slippers! Bad shrew! Bad shrew!
Fart and get some sleep
I've been going through the script and I think I'm in this scene...
Oh now your a tree surgeon...
Are the dogs and shrews friends? Is that what's going on?
Fortunately Bobby didn't need his spine
Ah, someone left the cake out in the rain!
He must be the Dr Smith of this movie...
Honey - I think we got puppets down here!
Yeah! They're under the stairs, they can't be marionettes...
Don’t do that, they’re dogs!
Imagine in how much detail Senor?
I’ll go put some alcohol on this wound.
Don’t go in the bathroom!
Man, it’s really breezy in my room.
Next week, geriatric rodeo.
It's sad, really.
"just six seconds." Over Tokyo.
Now it's the calf dress-up competition!
"Seems like most everybody in town's turned out for the great day." All nine of 'em!
Eh, when you come right down to it, this whole rodeo is just another excuse to crawl inside a whiskey bottle!
I'm gonna teach ya the meaning of loss.
Get the shotgun. That'll learn 'em. Heh heh.
"...and it never would've happened without old-timer Billy Slater." Yeah, he's doin' a nickel up at Attica.
Oh no! I got shrew-doo on my shoe!
Those who hunt by night will tell you that the wildest and most vicious of all animals..." - are in Vegas?
A life preserver? That might be kind of ineffectual against killer shrews.
Oh, I know this. This is the famous dock-walking scene. This whole take was done in one shot. It's a planned sequence like the opening of Touch of Evil or the Copacabana scene in Good Fellas. This is virtuoso filmmaking fellas. You've got to see it to believe it. Brian de Palma used this in Bonfire of the Vanities. It's really exciting. Splendiferous.
"Come here, look at this." These things make everything look bigger.
"Billy's youngsters started hitting us with posters most everywhere we went." Then they started hitting us with baseball bats.
And the crowd goes wild!
"I don't know everything; I don't even know how fish work."
"Go ahead --- strip me of my dignity at age 4!"
"I've never been one to turn down a drink!"
-I've been known to beg for em as a matter of fact.
Does anybody know the plot yet?
It's the Gom Jabbar!
Do you know "There's a hurricane coming"
No, but if you hum a few bars...
Hey, y'know what? We could do something with these wiiigs!!
Look at him! He looks weird without his glasses. :)
Oh wait, here's a trick I taught him: stay! Rot! Good boy.
"Hey, I found a WHEAT PENNY."
"There is an extremely high poison content in the shrews saliva."
"BUT IT'S SMOOTH OVER ICE."
"Beware the DWARF."
JOEL: "Honey, I think we got puppets down here."
SERVO "Hand puppets?"
JOEL: "Ya they're under the stairs, I don't think they're marionettes."
"New rule frank. Don't ever touch me!"
Now it's like an Agatha Christie novel!
"I'm gonna bury you up to your necks."
"Let me ask you something doctor" Where are the olives?
We'll never escape this town.
Animals are to be BRED AND SLAUGHTERED!
That must be how Festus got his voice and his limp
Hemotoxic syndrome. Sounds like a Ludlum book.
That's a pretty complex insult for a drunk
Ya know, this is another one of those scenes that is so offensive on so many levels
"Any unusual experiment can produce unusual results."
Well, I put the dog out ... uh, I lobbed him over the fence.
Booze, glorious booze...
Don't run, dogs can smell fear!
"They're coming!" to take me away! Haha!
Did I just step in what I think I stepped in?
They're licking him to death! How cute.
You call that art?
"You should see the boys when she goes square dancin'." Yep, they buck her off right away...
Sure wish I had one of them anti-shrew barrels.
"Oh no I signed up for debate!"
Tell me about your home world Usul.
Hang on baby Friday's coming!
Will ya look at those pants go? Kinda feels good.
Hey Billie I'll buy that Rolling Rock from ya. No way beat it!
Okay, I think this movie just broke the goofy meter, you guys...
You know, that stump has been the cause of death for a lot of people.
Yeah, just go with us on this, okay?
I don't know everything. I don't even know how fish work.
Fleshy man's drink?
Well, we've covered the waterfront.
Jim Hensons's "Misfit Babies"
"Do you believe in fairy tales?" Does it got elves in it?
"How big do they get?" How big does that music make it sound?
"Rather a strange setup, wouldn't you say?" Yeah, but the punchline makes it work.
"He must eat his own body weight every few hours" Plus a delicious shake!
-Hey, Billy! I'll buy that Rolling Rock from ya'!
-No way! Beat it!
I see somethin' subliminal in this here poster...!
Here comes the last surviving castrati!
Oh, Ingrid is Goude, but James is Best.
"I'd take a dull, alive woman every time." I guess the other way around would be kinda sick, wouldn't it...
"Extremely high poison content in the shrew's saliva --" But it's smooth over ice!
"And the crowd goes wild." Yaaaaaaayy.
"Hi, I'm Curt Gowdy, and we're out with George Kirby, huntin' for big Texas shrew -- and it's really not goin' that well..."
"Meanwhile, back at the branch..."
"Yeah, but I'll bet a check line can't play dixieland jazz..."
Jim Henson's Last Picture Show Babies.
"Say, that's an idea!" Not a good one, but an idea.
how does she weigh them?
Ren Stimpy, no!
ahhh! there's a muppet behind the stairs!!
junior rodeo daredevils...smoothered in gravy...texas style!