408 - Hercules Unchained
Riffs you quote here will appear randomly in the above.
Can we just arrest everyone in red, sir?
"Rats, I can't bend it, I guess I'll have to stay here with all the nymphs !"
He can pass the pencil test.
It's the newest sport---grandpa dunking.
You win the crazy award!
"Now I’m ready to begin action! A man can only live so long patiently”....Yeah, that’s nice, every thought of putting two SIMILAR sentences together?
“Are you planning to take the lady with you?"
“No, Ulysses will come with me”
LAST NIIIIGHT *bangs against harp*
LAST NIIIIGHT *bangs against harp*
I'm the Hellenistic ideal.
LAST NIIIIGHT *bangs against harp*
"Yeah, we know, 'Et tu, Brute?'"
"Industry, big and bold!"
She hasn't kissed a man in five minutes.
Hardly any animals were hurt in the making of this film.
MOVIE SIGN! STEVE ALLEN'S THOUGHT OF THAT TOO!!!!!
"Now, we'll retire if we may."
Well. here's your gold watch and your 401K.
Look to the left. Look to the right. STAND UP SIT DOWN FIGHT FIGHT FIGHT!
(Tweetie voice) I tawt I taw Ulysses. I did! I did tee Ulysses!
Help me... Spock... help me.
Nature abhors a vacuum.
"And tomorrow morning, I will send servants, goods, and provisions." -- and lawyers, guns and money.
Yonder lies da castle of my fadder.
" BUT ONE DAY YOU'LL HAVE TO PASS THROUGH MY VALLEY AGAIN!!!"
Not after they build the interstate.
Have fun stormin' da castle. To thine own self be true. But watch out for that curWAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA
"This is the land of Attica." -- ATTICA! ATTICA! ATTICA!
Let's break off and start another movie!
Well, he didn't forget how to be RUDE, now did he.
Ulysses, what about that story you told me? . . . "Okay, Ulysses, 'Stately, plump Buck Mulligan . . . ' Oh, that's not the one you wanted."
You have a strange power over me . . . "power of attorney"
...and a heck of an engineer.
Ah, the chicken dance. Very nice.
"HEY, in 2000 years it will be worth something!"
"Lambada, the forbidden dance."
"He's putting a car cover on a horse??"
"...he has driven his brother away." In this NEW CAR!!!
Hercules's got a big, smelly butt.
The closer she gets, the weirder she looks.
I forgot how my muscles work.
Red boys are delicious, candy colored love!
Oh, no! Not the bass fiddle table!
"Then, we can escape!"
Escape from this? Why?
Hit the road, Pedro.
Unchained Hercules! Oh, Hercules, my darling!
Strike a pose!
"WE'RE GOING TO DAYTON'S WAREHOUSE SAAAAAAAAAALE!!!"
"Very well, Hercules..."
- Very very well!
Oooh, I'm standin' on my hair - c'n somebody help me?
Jazz hands - jazz hands...
She's gonna crack her makeup...
Hey, is this the line for the execution?
No! We're in line for U2 tickets...aren't we?
All of a sudden it's Paint Your Wagon!
"I'm beginning to like this place."
You, I can take or leave.
"Hi there, just thought we'd stop by and see what's goi-GYMKATA!!!"
"It's like a cheap Temple of Doom set."
Hey, stop feeding my bride!
You take that two drink minimum seriously, don't you?
"Great Queen!" Thanks!
(opening notes of Smoke on the Water)
He's got Batman underoos on!
You know this kinda reminds of The Empire Strikes Back...cept it's not very good....
He learned to late That Man is a Feeling Creature.
Now he's The Knight of the Living Dead!
Hey! This water's warm here...Herc!!
Well this scene ought to raise a few eyebrows!
Mystery Guest enter and sign in..please!
There goes one of the dumbest guys you'll ever meet!
Well! When in Rome!
Oh Come On! He's throwing a Giant Chocolate Bunny!
WRAAAAR RWAARA RAAA WRAARA RRRR RRRAAA!
Peace on Earth was all it said! du duh dududu...
But i feel so anxious when i don't hear! "We should have at least gotten a pigeon by now!"
This is jogging my memory...jogging something...heh hewww...
Oh! Like who can't do that!?!
Blood Sugar Sex Magik
~Hercules couldn't perform...(shut up about that)...because he's using steriods!~
We all went down to Montrose!
Throw this in the bag marked Garage Sale.
and they will always fly back to Ithaca no matter where you release them. "what if you release them in Ithaca?"
Goes thru a lot skin bronzer!
I get the feeling you're going to tell us!
and let me tell you..on this set i toasted more than 1 brain cell!
"I hear the sound of the sea, it's coming from there!" yeah, I guess the sea is in that corner.
GO TO THE SEA OLD MAN!
Hey watch out! There's a guy back there throwing things!
He's no fun, he fell right over!
Hey, I can hear the ocean! Oh - it IS the ocean...
Do I hear Dorothy Lamour?!
The God of Exposition...
"They say the Gates of Inferno are hidden among its trees..." On Broadwaaay,,,
- Is that a full-nelson or a half-nelson?
- Looks like a Ricky Nelson...
- I wonder what would happen if he REALLY hit him?
- Why is he wearing a bathmat?
I think I'll fall on my spear... heh-heh...
(Bum-bum-bum-bum) Here comes the King, here comes the big number one! (bum-bum-bum-bum...)
It's 'Wagon Train'!
Bye, Mr Hoffa!
ATICA! ATICA! ATICA!
"Crayon will be my example." What about el Marko?
I taut I thaw Ulythees... I did! I did thee Luwythees!
Hercules those are our guys you idiot!
He's the knight of the living dead!
The younger sets today only think about girls...uh not me sir!
Hercules table for eight!
Ow! My eye!
I'm Kookoo for coco puffs!
...but the invitation said orgy to follow!
Thank you, Feces.
That's who he said he was!
I can't. It hurts.
"Hobbes, get offa' me!"
"Oh, for the clarity of Mighty Jack."
"Okay, who's got a clue about the plot? Anyone? Bob? Rick? Ted, you got the hat. You must know."
"Uh, but... the invitation said 'Orgy To Follow'!"
"It's twue! It's twue!"
"Miss Utah is a Rhodes Scholar who wants world peace and that special someone."
♭ ♬ "Into the woods... Into the wooodsss..." ♬ ♭
"And now, a journey through the lymph nodes."
"You mean 'nymph loads.'"
"No, it's not difficult!"
"He ran out of body grease and he gets all crabby."
"Throw this in the box marked 'Garage Sale'."
"Oh, I know this movie. It's White Men Can't Row."
You are nuttier than an outhouse rat!
This is the Fountain of Dorkiness.
Hey, wait a minute. Her skin has a zipper.
Rats, I can't bend it. Guess I have to stay here with all the nymphs.
Is the horse talking?
Why do you keep calling me Hercules? You know my name's "Todd"...
I'll show you what a boy can do. I can fly!
"He'll throw her to the tigers." Or the Euphrates. Doesn't make much difference.
What ISN'T an aphrodisiac for her?!
He's putting a car cover on a horse?
"Uh, honey. About all that oinkin' and boinkin' I did on the island? Well, uh, it was nothin'."
"You killed my dad, you freaked out maniac!"
It's like a cheap Temple of Doom set!
To thine own self be true! Oh, watch out for that curve - AHHHHHH!
"So what's on the slate today, eatin' and lovin' now?"
"Hey this is not my beautiful house, this is not my beautiful wife, how did I get here?"
"I just love ITALIAN BEEF."
"I was just going to the bathroom, talk about abandonment issues."
"Bend it! If you can't, you'll convince me!" If you can, you're Yuri Geller.
You know what they say- you can only rent waters of forgetfulness!
I've forgotten everything, but I can't seem to get 'Afternoon Delight' out of my mind.
Well, we must be there, the music's dying down...
Argives! What are they doing in Attica? A nickle.
This is the end of the Story of Forgetfulness: Those who watch of it shall die of boredom!
I look like Lucy!
No, I look like Lucy!
When Kennedys ruled Greece!
"Wait! But I'm smart, and funny and... ah, they never pick the old guy."
"I was just going to the bathroom. Talk about abandonment issues."
"I'm glad you think I'm a deaf mute -- oh, nuts!"
"He makes Andre the Giant look like Paul Newman."
Two words, French Doors.
Hi we're I-X-I-I. Somebody call I-X-I-I?
"I look like Lucy!" "No I look like Lucy!"
Hercules couldn't perform." "Shut up about that." "Because he's using steroids." "I am not."
"I'm tied to the mast."
Hercules in bondage
This is the carrot shake of pretentiousness. Those who drink of it will join theater companies.
"Its a fine one!" -Mister Grinch...
"Look, I'm hungry" Uhh, Listen, its cold...
Next week on Alias Hercules and Ulysses...
"Hey, this water's warm here. HERC!"
"Geez, he's turning into Harpo."
"Hey, Ulysses! Hercules drank from the Fountain of Forgetfulness! Pass it on, bye! Gotta go! See ya."
"They're tailgating ahead, must be a Packer game."
"Frankie Avalon in Slave Ship Bingo."
"Long, longer, longest."
The broom people bristling with anger!
I don't get it.
You've been lifting. What's your max?
Rats, I can't bend it. Guess I'll have to stay here with all the nymphs.
Is there a hooorrrse heaven that you knooow of?
"I feel so anxious when I don't hear!" -We should have at least gotten a pigeon by now
"Come sit beside me."
-Move your big ol' leg
Ulysses! It's The Waters of Forgetfulness! Now his chest won't remember a thing!
"Thebes is my city..." -And we built this city on Rock and Roll!
"These pigeons will always fly back to Ithaca no mater where you release them." -What if you release them in Ithaca?
If you think he's long, try me: Longest.
Hercules is the nice lady's live-in dentist.
Hey guys, bad news, the captain wants to water ski.
The night was made for love...and michelob.
Did somebody here dial ix-i-i?
"It's rainin' men!! Hallelujah, it's rainin' men!"
oops, there's a little bird poopie on your back...