414 - Tormented
Riffs you quote here will appear randomly in the above.
Honey, shut up.
Forgive me, Tom, for I have slanged.
I pledge allegiance, to the flag... Hallowed be thy name...
Honey, are you carrying a pocket Theremin?
"OK...you be Deborah Kerr, I'll be Burt Lancaster..."
It's Lou Reed!
The dog is downstairs looking at the want ads.
"Just because you couldn't find anything to wear to the wedding didn't mean you had to ruin it for everybody."
"I hate photo collage!"
"PLOT POINT! PLOT POINT! PLOT POINT!"
" ♬ ♪ ...It sure isn't yooouu. ♪ ♬ "
"Y'know, booze is your best drug value!"
"I need some help with 'Autumn Leaves.'"
"Hey, there's a Big Band up in the lighthouse! Coo coo!"
"Yeah, it's just too bad you've got green and pink on."
"All right, Alan Funt, where are you?"
"Somebody kelp me! [snicker] Even in death, I'm funny."
It's a jazz musician's party and there's not one black person here!
♫ I'm gonna kill me a girlfriend, and marry the girl I need... 'Gonna kill me a girlfriend, she'll turn into seaweed...♫
Sandy's grown up a lot this week
Oh great, 60 Minutes is after me!
Yeah, being an usher's a BIG responsibility!
........well, you assumed I liked you in the first place.
Days like this I just feel like having a sandwich and a shower then heading straight to bed.
Except for this watch of her's. *toss* "Hey, three skips!"
... and everyone was there. "Except Heff."
"Then I'll have to go by myself..." Elope by yourself?
Is she wearing a life jacket under that sweater? No, she's Mrs. Michelon Man.
You smell bad and you broke my railing.
whu nim nim nim nuh ni num! (Servo pretending the tape was in reverse)
"If anyone was to ask me seriously I would have to say 'no'." What if I asked you dressed in a clown suit?
Speak to me, O Magic Pendant...
"I brought you some honey..."
- Or it might be motor oil...
Let me call Bill Wyman...
Vi? Pick up! I know you're there, Vi...
You're gonna die! You evil man!
Why ask Vi?
'Sessions' presents David Soul... ♫ Don't give up on us Baby ♫
They're the only one's on the island, why are they whispering?
"Do you charge extra for the plot point?"
"Do I live here?"
Hey, nice head! I'd say that's about a four or five-pound head!
He's cheating on me even in death!
If you could see what I hear...
I have been acquainted with the night.
Sandy's back and she's pissed.
♪ Well I'll be damned, here comes your ghost again. ♪
It's just like Barton Fink now.
"Don't worry Sandy, I love him."
But his touch repulses me.
Do you charge extra for the plot point?
She sounds like a seal.
An aging Kim Novak recreates this scene from Vertigo.
Well, she did ask for the mermaid cut.
"You know, the first thing you're going to do is have a looong vacation."
You've been murdering too hard.
Wait, hold on! I've decided to save you!
She's wearing today's paper!
Forever in Blue Jeans!
Tom - play 'Freebird'...
The Nazis fortified Normandie and waited in their... beach houses...
Yeah, the dog's downstairs checking the want ads, right now...
- How about Kenny Rogers?
- You already picked him...
- Yeah, but I'm still mad about "Six Pack"!
Jazz hands... jazz hands...
Of all the lighthouses, in all the world, she had to fall outta mine...
Aw, great, I left the house on again...
Savoir faire is EVERYWHERE!
Hey - it's Blind Lemon Pledge!
You're assuming I liked you in the first place...
Here, folks - YOU take her...
Miss Johnson, send in another fiance...
It's the Aunt Catherine Wheel!
Oh, thank you, Thing.
Aw, cripes. I just remembered, I borrowed this from the library!
"Mrs. Ellis, I wanna ask you something." How many fingers am I holding up?
You can buy my silence, Tom.
Deviled eggs? NO!!!!
Well, OK, there's a huge disembodied head floating around your living room.
"I should have whacked him."
Sandy, how'd you like to bungee jump without the bungee?
"What do you want?" "Five thou."-sand dollars. "Five thou?"-sand dollars!
There's coke in the refrigerator..."
Tom Servo - "...and a mirror on the table...razor blade."
Crow - "...and the rest of you."
I had my mouth open and my eyes closed.
Crow - "What else is new?"
Crow - "Hey, I can't see my house from up here!" (Opposite of mst3k running gag)
Let's go somewhere quiet, like the bus station.
On my summer vacation... I babysat 4 a paranoid psychotic (~Crow)
::::Clock ticks loudly::: Oh Great! 60 minutes is after me!
Joel - "Hey, a Twister dress!"
Crow - "Right hand red."
Joel - "Hey!"
"Vi, you lost a lot of weight."
"Here, let me put a coaster under you."
"In English please. I don't dig with you, freaky lactose man."
"I think I'll return to the scene of the crime to cheer myself up...IT WORKED!"
"Now he's body surfing...LITERALLY!"
"That's what she gets for RAILING against him..."
FRANK: " POOPIE !!"
"Either this man is dead or my watch has stopped."
"The original DEAD MILKMEN !!" (1:15:00)
well, better unpack another body bag...
Is that you, Bert I. Gordon?
Waitaminnit - were you just walking on all fours?
Look, no habla beatnik, okay?
Don't look now, but Arthur Murray's here...
It's the ghost of Señor Wences!
I've got a headache *THIS* big, and it's got Bert I. Gordon written all over it!!
Honey, are you carrying a pocket theremin?
Uncle Carl says: Hey, why dontcha grab yer uncle another beer, huh?
"What do you want?" My body!
She's saying, "Watch that first step."
Damn! I'm still a crappy musician!
Do you believe in peanut butter?
Milton Bradley presents "Tormented" where you're the killer. Woman not included.
Tales from the Crypt - I want to bury a lighthouse keeper! Hahahaha!
She's wearing today's paper!
brrrring! brrrring! Oh honey, telephone's ringing. Gotta go!
It's her own fault I didn't save her.
Ugh, she's turning into a Cesar salad.
"Hey that's a Saint Paulie girl put that down!"
Tormented, Tormented, Tormented, Tormented, Tor...MEN-TED.
"Sandy, see if there is a window open. There's a cold draft all of a sudden." Oh, gee I could go for a cold draft right now.
rm rm rm rm rm rm rm eeeert OH LOOK A KITTY!!!
"Anyway, I'm sure of one thing..." - I'm a turtle.
"If anybody was to ask me seriously, I would have to say no." - What if I asked you dressed in a clown suit?
Honey! I'm hoo-oh yeah, you're dead.
Welcome to Dialogue Dumping Ground®!
"I don't believe you"...
OK, I'm from a land o' leprechauns, dig??
Ima New Yawk method acta, gimmie a break!
Catch a wave and you're sittin' on top of a girl.
Oh, like there's never been a sex scandal in jazz before.
Quit paddin' your part, Padre-
*Wah waa wah!*
Jim Henson's Vertigo Babies
I hate the prying eyes of furniture.
Tonight's episode: Johnathon Livingston MURDER!!!
Nothing like an invigorating swim with a corpse in the morning.
Uh, hold on, I've decided to save you!
Sessions presents: Faces of Death!
JOEL ROBINSON KILLED US!!!!
A pair of pants would feel real good right now
Jim Henson's Witness Babies
No, Honey, no-oh
Aunt Ethel says: "You're on the goof-balls aren't you?"
put her down Jerry Lee