415 - The Beatniks
Riffs you quote here will appear randomly in the above.
"And give them anything they want." "Oh yes, I understand." Mhm, in the groin, right.
"I'm comin' over." "Wait a minute, where does she live?"
Oh hey, it’s Charlie’s Cafe of Beer...
He should seriously consider a soul transplant
Stop trying to co-depend all over me Eddie.
"He just signed the Hudson Brothers!"
"What about our continental breakfast?!?!"
"You're my sad clown."
"Jeez I'm stupid. I forgot how stupid I was."
"For making us laugh about love again."
"They robbed Paul Wellstone!"
"Yyyes, I'm more important than him, uh-huh... Yes, he is a dickweed... Yeah, and rude, too!"
"Shut up shut up SHUT UP!!"
'Morrissey was in this'..."No wonder it was so depressing"
Tom you are so childish...when you become a Woman you will understand these things!
Wonder what Tony's thinkin' about right now?
"Well, Bill never eats my plaster cake at home."
Whoa, my own plastic faced but lady.
Take that and this and that
Must Marry Ketchup Bottles
"Eddie?" You know, I sit behind you in Phy-Ed.
Ugggggggh, PASTA FONDUE!
Next time I'll punch ya!
Let's recreate the scene from Videodrone.
Quick, you work the fryer, you hostess. Uh, can I take your order?
I'm very superstitious. "That explains why you have garlic in your underwear."
Gypsy crushes Joel.
"What are you afraid of?" "Escalators."
Hot dog, at least somebody scored! I can go to bed now!
I think we're here, Michael!
But that's his name: Fat W. Barkeep!
Can I have 10% of your sandwich?
That's the problem with long necklaces.
We were expecting you!
Oh, isn't that interesting, he took ten percent out of the agent.
"Yeah I think I found somebody."
He grinds his hips under the breakfast table.
"Operator this is Harry Bayless. I wanna place a call to the Harry Bayless Agency in Los Angeles."
That's fine sir, but you wont be in.
There are a million stupid stories in the naked city. And this is the stupidest one.
"My friends go where I go." Now where's the bathroom?
We could dress like Beatniks and go undercover!
- Have you seen Crow around?
- Yeah, I saw him runnin' after Gypsy with a knife...
No magic fingers for you, young man!
- Hayes? Keller? Gurly-Brown? Wheels?
It's just that I love pancakes!
Meanwhile, at the same time, at the Gotham City Bank...
Carousel had more Beatniks than this movie!
Frank - baby...
Then Pat Boone is a Beatnik!
STOP HIM! HE'S GOT A DRUMSET!!
"Havin' a ball with a crazy chick..." Who, Francis Farmer?
Hey, you got a snooker down there!
He went to gesture B!
Technically, is this a killing spree, now?
He's got a really nice skull.
Oh, no! The plaster's coming off!
He's going through puberty.
Ugh! It's bouillon with cream!
Are you pregnant Eddie?
Ooh! I turned into a switchboard! Ooh, I'm back again.
Good thing they're shooting him from the waist up huh?
Would you like heavy smoking or moderate smoking?
Uh oh... smells like a montage.
"Well to tell you the truth I've never given an engagement party before and I don't know if it's appropriate..."
To stab you.
I have seen the best guys of my emanation deployed by badness.
Come on - plenty o' time for that in the Big House...
Meanwhile, at the same time...
STOP HIM, HE'S GOT A DRUM SET!
Oh! My ankle... shoulder... *this* thing...
He kinda reminds me of a singing weatherman...
Joel: Oh - I got stripes...
Tom: How do you know?
Joel: I just know, all right?
♪ "And we're sorry we popped that fat barkeep~!" ♪
He's the shakiest hotel manager in the West.
He kinda reminds me of a singing weather man.
I mean, you wanna see beatniks? THIS is the movie that has… beatniks… in it…
"I never seen an injection molded face before."
"We'll hear this in the booth."
I'll hear this in my nightmares.
I'll wait until it comes out in stores.
"Beatniks, Man I love those guys, I'm going to grow out my troll patch.......against the establishment"
Tom Servo: everything he touched, he destroyed. We'll be right back.
It's, uh, snowing backstage, Eddie.
If these guys are beatniks, then my mom is a beatnik! And she's...not.
That's his name! It's Fat W. Barkeep.
Tom Servo - "He's singing into a refrigerator."
Ya know, for a recording studio they have a lot of garbage."
"Hey, you're Paul Frees!"
"She looks like Donald Sutherland in drag."
Joel - "She lives in a library?"
Crow - "I'd like to check out a girl, please."
"Wait a minute, she's sleeping in a drawer!"
"I've never seen an injection molded face before."
"You smell like chicken fried punk!"
Crow - "Oh, is the great Martha Wentworth going to be in this film?"
Tom - "Oh, is the great Crow going to do that joke in every movie?"
dish of ice cream? don't tempt me
We were expecting you!
We're shooting the DI-SHES...
Forget the contract- what are you wearing?
"If you've got what I think you have-" Scabies??
Thanks for the laughs- sorry I missed out on the Russian roulette...
I'm gonna moon ya, man! I'm gonna moon ya!
Not a high school diploma between 'em.
"What's your name?" Who's your daddy?
Here's your STUPID cake.
There's a layer of squirrel in here!
Accessory After the Fact Theater will return after this.
They shoot horse faces, don't they?
'Hey look, uh... get in touch with Morrissey and ...' tell him to stop cryin.
Can you uh, pass the ketchup please?
You have underarm odor, but you're being held up. WHAT DO YOU DO?
Well I'm gonna go over to the morgue and cheer up.
I wet 'em, sir
"Go down to Mexico and be bandidos!" And then we can ride Yoshi to the Mushroom Kingdom!
"I feel like... like..." An onion.
I'm resolved- I will kill him.
Hey! Keep it down- I'm eating a bagel over here!
Another alcohol-free party ends in shame. This little play has been brought to you by the Booze Council, reminding you to always stock up on alcoholic beverages for all your social occasions.
Because Booze...really satisfies. Booze takes a dull party and makes it better! Booze makes you popular and heals all wounds! B..double-O..Z..E = Booze!
I've known you for well over an hour, Eddie, and I think you're wonderful.
When in Hollywood, be sure not to stay at the Hollywood Inn.
"Eddie it looks like you're an overnight sensation!" -And it hasn't even been overnight!
"love wears a mask," a tight leather mask.
"...about how the big bad boys made you do things and how you didn't want to do those things" Oh, scientology.
oh, school shoppin' with mom.
This scene was shot with a bank camera!
"Anything..." is better than this crap.
Shut up, Iris
Meet George Jetson, Jane his skirt, HYAH!
Boy, beatnik music is really square!
"Hopelessly in love"...With myself.
"Slow down they tell me" In fact they tell me to shut up!
Congratulations! You're one second into the film!
Let's do some crimes!
I am Iron Man...
" Oh, and I think I have gigantism"
Drink your bottle of A1 and shut up!
And here's to the most depressing party I've ever been to.
Uh...yes, hello, this is Pete in props. Don't eat the cake.