502 - Hercules
|Short - none|
Riffs you quote here will appear randomly in the above.
"You'll pay for the blood of Iphitus."
You are dead, aren't you?
Stephen Hawkings presents The *Silly* String Theory!
This is a weird chain of events.
That came out of nowhere.
Wow. It must be South Central Greece.
Mulch strikes back.
Oh, good thing they left the golden fleece out to dry.
Attack of the Mary Martins!
That's why it's called a "prison."
It's the Andrea Dworkin Memorial Cemetery.
Herc and Iole really had a rocky dating and engagement period.
Oh, no! BOZO THE LION!
Well, I liked it. Heh heh.
Looks like it's a big, brawny, hairy, glistening, two-fisted, manly day!
You'd think they'd be further away by now. They're barely past the dock.
MAN ON THE FLOOR! MAN!
"Hercules has returned!"
Oh, I'll alert the media.
Skin bronzer rhubarb.
"Swept over me like a bad omen."
...3: The Final Conflict.
"What is he charged with?"
Blocking the road.
And the horses! Don't forget about us!
Either this man is dead or my sundial has stopped.
A lone ram committed suicide today...
My mortal weakness is cheesecake.
Stephen Hawkins presents the Silly String Theory
This is how he always closes his act...
Daddy... there's a buncha boys, outside...
It's the future site of Jurassic Industrial Park...
On top o' that, they all look like the Nutty Professor...
Look out, Aeschyluuuuuuuusss...!
...And that's when I got into collecting spoons.
If you're going to do an intervention, you're gonna have to be more persistent than that.
"They've landed on the island of annoying music."
"Well, no plot on the horizon."
"It's a going-out-of-business sale! We've lost our empire and everything's priced to move!"
"Hey, as long as you're over there, grab me a Primo outta the fridge."
"Wait, this is ancient Greece! They didn't have ruins YET!"
"Well we all shine on, don't we, Mr. Robinson?"
"You hate him because you're weak and impulsive."
No, I'm not! ...am I?
So...uh...you wanna look for agates or something?
Um, I'd like to do a scene from Bay Watch, if I may.
By all means.
"Now don't you kids get drunk and go swimming under the dock!"
"Help! I'm drunk and I'm swimming under the dock!"
Hey, as long as you're over there...hook me a Primo out of the fridge, will you?
'How simple men are...as though i were a plant or an animal.' "Can I water you?"
(As an crewman carries a lamb on board the Argo) That's for Gene Wilder.
Why did we meet like this?
You wouldn't leave me alone.
They landed on the island of annoying music.
Did Herc get on a Swing Choir barge?
It's my prayer to have a family. I want children of my own.
Herc is a nineties woman!
Maybe I'll call Samson, see what he's up to.
Come on! Bert Lahr's a wimp! Come on !
He may be an impostor. How do I know?
Have another drink Dad.
Now that the golden fleece is gone he must officiate.
Did I get anything on my butt?
I'd kill for those ankles.
I love my dead Greek son!
YOU HAVE THE RIGHT TO REMAIN SILENT!
Grapefruit! Grapefruit! It's not just for breakfast anymore!
"Pity us for the way we are now."
Gee...I feel bad.
"They came to the island for food and provisions..."
Hey! Can I play through?
But I digress, how was your day?
Excuse me, are you Hector Elezando?
Thank my personal trainer.
Oh! It all comes out at once with you~
Excuse me while I have a strange interlude
“Claude Balls, ladies and gentlemen. Claude Balls.”
Herc's getting lusty and oily again!
Abe Lincoln looks cheesed here.
"Here come Argo and he looks furious."
Good night and may Herc bless.
Well, they're not Amazons, but when in Rome, fellas...
Hercules, reservation for 2. It might be under Heracles (see, hercules is actually a western machination... His real name is actually Heracles)
You know, you pet 'em once, they won't go away.
I'll get the.. water.. pistol..
Oh, the Thompson Twins are calling.
Hey, The pizza's here!!!
Here's when the working out pays off!
Hey, as long as you're over there, hook me a Primo out of the fridge, will ya?
Does this bug you? 'flink'
"Have I mentioned I'm immense and immortal?"
Good, Hercules! Sit, Hercules.
Oh man, if this were in Sensurround, it would be so great!
Well, we could vibrate...
"Hi! We came to get Scruffy our pet lion- OH MY GOD!!!"
Herc, honey, I brought you a sandwich and some clean underwear!
Pan flute master Zamfir was arrested today naked and drunk running through a goat herd.
I've got this incredible sense of inner-peace and well-being, and... a snickers bar!
My movie has a first name, it's O.S.C.A.R.!
That dress melts my fillings.
"Hey, my turd bag's full over here! Can you empty this thing?"
"Hey, it's my piece of meat! I'll start where I want!"
"It's Swiss Family Papadapolis!"
"Uh, remember there's a 30 Drink Minimum."
"Jeez, y'gotta' take orders from Pete Townsend in a dress!"
"There go the dumbest group of guys you'll ever see. Look at 'em."
"Listen to what I say to you:"
"Your tunic is open in the rear. I can see your bike rack!"
"Y'know they never use their scratching post."
"...They take this cheese, they get it really hot, and then they pour Retsina all over the top and then they light it, and then they say 'OPA!'"
"Aaahhh! I dreamed I kissed Gavin MacLeod!"
"Hey, I found a pack of Trojans in the road!"
"Why, it's a Comfo-Rest™ Adjustable Rock!"
Uh, hi. Ummm...He - he broke. Sorry.
Hercules now concludes his broadcast day. Goodnight, and may Herc bless...
... That depends on you define love-- you know, for Iole, it got really hard to come home from Fingerhut night after night & see this big demigod sitting on the couch slamming back Leinies & watching tv...
"Do you think people lie??" No, never! Yes, always!
Hercules, made with genuine Steve Reeves parts!
..i decided to put on some socks: my feet were freezing
Where is the Sampo!?!
Pretty please, with Herc on top?
knock it off jerkules.
i love the way he tells stories
uh..yes..when throwing ..the discus..
"Who are you Bobby McFarrin."?
Malcolm X is over therrrrrre
Ah, Hercules, the first postal worker!
"I see Sparta, I see Athens, I see someone's -- "
"You know, the bigger they are, the nicer they are." "Their butts?" "No, NO!"
"What's new, pussycat? WHOA -- !"
"Hercules, reservation for two. Might be under Heracles."
Ooh, right in the groinatalogical area.
Excuse me while I have a strange interlude.
Well let's hope THEY aren't Herc's mortal weakness...
Chains don't kill people ... Hercules kills people.
Wait ... this is ancient Greece - they didn't have ruins yet!!
There's the constellation Fæces, right below Taurus the bull.
Guess what's for dinner...
I wonder what I'm thinking about...
Well - no plot on the horizon...
Howard Johnson is right!
There will be patches of scattered God, today...
Hey, everybody! I just invented the shirt!
It's a Gore Vidal fantasy!
I'm ah PIG......
Taste it all...Diet Hemlock!
I have a delicious poison in the morning...and that's it.
I'm Herc! And I'm irked!
Hey Herc, gotta match? - Not since Superman died...
I have a delicious poison in the morning and... that's it.
C'mon, wake up, you boozy old sex fiend!
She has a creamy strawberry center!