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503 - Swamp Diamonds



Viewers_big 2 people watching this episode right now.
88 laughs

Comments (39) Best Riffs (121)

1 laugh

Matt Towler - 15 days ago

Great Shatner by Joel in the opening segment. :-)


0 laughs

Brian Peter Vandenbroek - 26 days ago

I like how they keep using "Shut up Iris!" from The Beatniks


0 laughs

Brian Peter Vandenbroek - 26 days ago

This is the creepiest mardi gras parade I've ever seen. You think maybe this was David Lynch's idea of mardi gras?


0 laughs

Steven Patrick Stevezilla Lee - about 1 month ago

You're no Mannix to me, mister!


0 laughs

Steven Patrick Stevezilla Lee - about 1 month ago

Beverly Garland....a dream. Simply a dream....


Southern Belle
2 laughs

Donald Petkus - 3 months ago

Touch's girlfriend at the opening seemed strangely ignorant about bayous and Mardi Gras for a southern belle. At least she knew what to do on a date.


1 laugh

Tonine Anne Lepore - 4 months ago

Who knew Chip's step-mom was such a spitfire! Some of the best cat fights ever, and I love anything with Marie Windsor in it!


2 laughs

2 replies Comment-icon

Servo's crush bit on Gypsy... so precious 2 me. I can't help but laugh & feel sad at the same time. My God, hilarious esp when he calls her "Gys-py" OMG, seriously, sweetly precious!!!!!!!!


0 laughs

Some of this is just amplified as 10x funnier if u have headphones on. Example: Servo doing the boat motor noise as the alligator.... Face hurts from laughing!


1 laugh

1 reply Comment-icon

The pickpocket is also Wormy in Gunslinger and Todd in Viking Women and the Sea Serpent, plus a bit part in Teenage Caveman. Corman also used the shopkeep from Giant Leeches in a large amount of projects. The man certaintly loved his little stable of actors...


Dr. Forrester's 6 foot arm!
1 laugh

2 replies Comment-icon
Noah Nelson Nearth - 7 months ago

I don't know if this should be here or under the riff tab, but it seems like a good riff.
Watch Dr. Forrester reach for popcorn on TV Frank's lap 5-6 feet away. =^) Pretty slick...these guys were/are geniuses on many levels.


4 laughs

3 replies Comment-icon
Ray Garraty - 8 months ago

Nicks friend Jeff in the short is in another short, 'Young Man's Fancy' as Alex


7 laughs

3 replies Comment-icon
Sean Barry - 9 months ago

Here's a fun anecdote for y'all: Several summers ago I was a wildland firefighter for the forest service. One time we had just arrived at a fire, and I was changing from street clothes into PPE (firefighting gear) in the back of the truck. Suddenly, the back doors of the truck fly open thanks to a gust of wind and the doors not being latched, and there about 20 feet away was a bus loaded with inmates from the women's prison who had come out to help fight the fire. So I'm standing there in my underwear with a bus-load of male deprived women prisoners hooting and cheering at me "yeah baby!" and "take it off! wooo!" In retrospect it's hilarious, at the time I felt violated lol.


8 laughs

2 replies Comment-icon
Teri Gee - 10 months ago

Say what you will about Roger Corman (padding and all), he made real stories. They weren't necessarily really GOOD stories, but they had a plot, no matter how ridiculous, and a beginning, middle, and end. The same canNOT be said for the Coleman Francis movies.


5 laughs

4 replies Comment-icon
SuperJaneEyre - 11 months ago

Of all the social education shorts they've watched, that one was actually relatively painless...the characters were even kind of believable. Someone actually spent longer than the usual ten minutes writing that and it shows.


7 laughs

3 replies Comment-icon

Man, the host segment arc with Servo dating Gypsy is so funny. "After the intense discomfort of your almost sibling-like relationship sends your date into the crapper, you'll feel the hot sting of embarrassment on your cheeks for months."


5 laughs

4 replies Comment-icon
Tanishia Williams - about 1 year ago

The thought of Michelle Pfeiffer spending the night with TV's Frank made me throw up a little in my mouth. But no more than the thought of her with Jack Nicholson in The Witches of Eastwick.


1 laugh

Joseph Ewing - about 1 year ago

I wonder if the police station in this is the same set used as the police station used in in Teenage Strangler.


5 laughs

1 reply Comment-icon
Elisa Farrington - over 1 year ago

Well, sometimes I get distracted by the extras when the main action is anything but. A woman in a white hat passes by at least 13 times in the first couple of minutes during the opening scene of teeming New Orleans. This is the closest I paid attention to the entire film.


4 laughs

2 replies Comment-icon
Elisa Farrington - over 1 year ago

This is not the first time I've seen Dr. F and Frank do the TV sketch, but it's the first time I noticed how long their arms are. Did a double-take when Dr. F comforts Frank on the shoulder, and had to go back and catch all the reaches; so funny.


6 laughs

Kelly Slane - over 1 year ago

Sploot Connors... Now THAT'S a star!


3 laughs

1 reply Comment-icon
Mike Carmona - over 1 year ago

The bra of Beverly Garland... The stuff dreams are made of.


7 laughs

1 reply Comment-icon
starman 76 - over 1 year ago

at 22:48, Charlie The Pickpocket, another Torgo/Ortega/Mickey type, the grade Z stock character that seems to haunt virtually every MST3K film


3 laughs

1 reply Comment-icon
Alex C. - over 1 year ago

1:18:20 - Watch out for snakes!


5 laughs

1 reply Comment-icon
Kimono Dragon - over 1 year ago

Now I know why they had to take a boat through the swamp. Betty Lou's handbag would never have made it through airport screening!


3 laughs

4 replies Comment-icon

So Nicky, Joey, and Mike were executed for larceny?


4 laughs

5 replies Comment-icon

Ah cutoff shorts, stylish, sexy, and stupid. You see there is an extremely tiny insect in the swamps that we call Red-bugs. They like to bite at exposed skin; they won’t feel it at first but later they will start to itch, and then itch in a way you can’t imagine. I have scars because it has gotten so bad before I’d rather tear my own skin off than feel the itch.

Have fun ladies.


3 laughs

1 reply Comment-icon

Gypsy has a terrible telephone voice.


14 laughs

2 replies Comment-icon

That uncomfortable moment when you realize that Joel and the bots are reciting that episode of Star Trek verbatim. And you realize you had enough Star Trek knowledge to realize that.


7 laughs

2 replies Comment-icon

As a southerner I can tell you, just on accent, that there are NONE in this movie.


9 laughs

Guys, the first thing to remember when going out on a date is "You'll need money".


7 laughs

1 reply Comment-icon

In Nick's defense 'Wagon Train' is a good movie.


8 laughs

2 replies Comment-icon
Mike - over 1 year ago

I liked her at first, but I lost all respect for Kay when she chose the weeny roast over the bowling party and the band concert.


6 laughs

5 replies Comment-icon

Man, what the hell, man, they're doggin' on two of my favorite musicals: Annie and Chess. So not cool. When I was a wee lass, I was super majorly into Annie. My two role models were Annie and Punky Brewster. But it's okay. I can take their good-natured ribbing. And you wanna know why? 'Cause... the... SUN'LL COME OUT TOMORROW. BET YOUR BOTTOM DOLLAR THAT TOMORROW, THERE'LL BE SUN...

Wow. Think I may have overdone it on the caffeine today.......


10 laughs

8 replies Comment-icon
Fredrick Stafford - over 1 year ago

Ever stop to think that most of us are the eventual result of “What to do on a Date?”


3 laughs

3 replies Comment-icon
Scooter Atreides - almost 2 years ago

Y'think perhaps the running gag regarding the various possible names of Touch Connors is kind of a very early, "beta test" version of the "Names of Dave Ryder" bit in Space Mutiny?


8 laughs

6 replies Comment-icon
Scooter Atreides - almost 2 years ago

Say what you want about Corman's abilities as a director--but DAMN! he certainly knows how to cast gorgeous actresses! :)


4 laughs

2 replies Comment-icon
Robert Ferguson - about 2 years ago

FESTOONERY.....???? I would have thought this movie being in a "swamp", and all, there should have been a LOT more sweat, like....... Cool Hand Luke. These people SHOULD have been perspiring from EVERY square inch of their bodies !!!


5 laughs

6 replies Comment-icon
NS - over 2 years ago

The movie is basically filler between the short and the host segments, which are hilarious.