503 - Swamp Diamonds
Riffs you quote here will appear randomly in the above.
Sorry, folks - I don't know how this float got into the parade!
"Yes, it was a good idea to come here." AT FIRST...
Please don't touch Touch Connors....
Where are YOU from?
Aaron Copeland throws a party!
whoaaaa swamp diamond
Hey, it's a wet Pendleton contest.
Now remember Opie you stay away from the kids by the liquor store.
Angels...you're going undercover at a swimsuit competition.
Top of the Tree, Ma!
♫Touch..Touch...I thought I heard her calling my name♫
You usually find these sort of things on Pay-Per-View.
Hey, it's Pope Ed Asner! "Let me touch your ring, Lou."
"And, you better be pursued. Unsuccessfully of course." - Story of my life, sir.
[Prison alarm rings]"I hit the bell on the way out, I hope that's ok...!"
"I don't know about your eyes, but I sure got a sore back"
"-But not from working"
And this must be Children of Paradise all of a sudden...
"If you try anything, I'll kill all three of ya!"
"And if you try something, we'll kill you!"
"Well I... guess I had that coming..."
Maybe we should split up into groups of one...
Oh, gracious, they'll all be so surprised when they wake up and their guns are all nice and clean...!
Hey, Joe Namath! ...oh.
You guys suppose the Video Watchdog people are wrong, and Corman really is a terrible director?
What's this?! Touch Connors is being helped from the field, but he should return in the second half!
Cool it, the R.A.'s coming!
"It begins with Jeff... and Kay..."
- And a human ear...
"And if Gypsy calls, I'm on a date with Cindy Crawford!"
"That's a Spock move."
"I could use an overdose of dramamine right now."
"So, you wanted to make shoes out of me huh? Well I got your shoes right here buddy!"
Whoa, Miss Tunnel Vision there!
Let's not fight, Nick. It's our first date.
Hey, you read the list, too!
They're all doing a nickel at UPS!
I'm kidding, I'm kidding, hang up the phone.
Fine... FINE! I hope you'll all be very happy together ~Cindy~. Oh man, I can't let Gypsy see me like this... is my mascara running?
No, you're fine.
Ok, I'm just going to go listen to one of my Danielle albums and just... lay down... And if Gypsy calls I'm on a date with Cindy Crawford!
*one of them ducks after being shot at*
She caught it!
I'm going to turn to a life of cri... oh wait...
But Santa... why? Why are you taking my gun?
*whispered* Their breasts are gone!
Welcome to dye-job theater.
You were in prison? Did you know Bubba?
Oh! The 2 plots are on a collision course...
The Kids in the Hall escape from prison!
No one has ever escaped from Stalog 13!
They're all strung out on Correctol!
Guy's! It's a prison slumber party!
They're all doing a nickel at UPS!
It's Lucy & Viv in the Big House!
Sweet Love beyond the call of duty!
Give us a Kiss!
"Night Gallery: The Lost Episodes"
What if she says no? "She Will!"
I need to know what not to do on a date!
Oh, *I* know - these are J.J.'s "Good Times" painting!
All right - who wants an overture...?
Uh, I haven't had a line in ten minutes. I need a line. Can I just say a little one?
One bad idea could mean the end of your relationship.
Hey, can we stop and wrestle now?
"I gotta better idea...."
I'm gonna start a sod farm!
Who wants guns?
I do! I do!
I could go for him. Nice enough lookin'. Stupid name though.
Enjoy yourself. I just did.
Hey, if they get drunk again they won't have any pants at all!
Boy, I can't wait until all these movies come together.
I'm gonna find a doctor and have him change my whole face around. To the back.
The purpose of the movie finally revealed.
They're all strung out on Correctol
Tom Servo: "PINCH Connors?" Crow: "PRO Connors." Joel: "WING Conners?"
"It's a reenactment of the breakup of The Judds."
She was in a swimming pool across town. He couldn't have saved her anyway.
What are we gonna do?
Wouldn't it be funny if it turned out to be just Swamp Cubic Zirconia?
Apparently THEY'VE see the how to date film!
She's blonde, Jim.
The sensuous pagan ritual begins.
"Where's my racket?" I should spank myself!
Beverly can sure handle a Johnson, can't she?
"Okay, we need volunteers to get killed at this campsite!"
"Y'know, I think this is really about more than just diamonds."
"As we left the Clam Flowage that day, we knew that one day soon, we would return, to seek the wily Bucketmouth."
"Hey, it's a wet Pendleton™ contest!"
"Let's just stand here and jut some more."
"Yes, I'm a Q-Tip™! Please do not insert me in your ear canal!"
"Hey, Guys, what's a Weenie Roast?"
"My God! Kay's been missing since last February!"
"This is like having your Mom tell you about sex."
Uh, Nick! Other people have to eat too!
sales have gone up since she has been here
Wow, what a range.
Ok, who's for lizard biscuits and cypress gravy?
Oh! Why am I thinking of Joe Theismann?
I hope they didn't kill the diamonds.
You have the right to remain hot, anything I have will be held against you.
I wonder what other names Touch Connors considered before he settled on 'Touch'?
What? O-oh, I've been shot, okay...
"Swimming meets for example" Are very dull.
"Why'd ya have to kill the guide?" For effect.
Introducing and saying goodbye to Jil Jarmyn.
I do not know what we are. Perhaps we are gauchos. ¡Olé!
The Banana Splits haven't aged very well, have they?
Why can't Nick be fun like George is?
The Kids In The Hall escape from prison!
BE QUIET ABOUT OUR SECRET PLAN!
"Hi Nick, how are you?"
"I hurt inside."
"So, what's the story?"
"Enchanted April meets Deliverance."
"So they get drunk and make shorts?"
But I've got a 'Forever Plaid' audition...
The Crips or The Bloods ??
Kay has worked on the kill floor,... she knows where to deliver THE blow...
Weep weep weep weep weep......
He's kissing her her rights!
-You have the right to remain HOT. Anything I have WILL be held against you.
Kay has worked on the killing floor. She knows where to deliver the blow.
Boy this is fun, what with the used lamps and the festoonery...whoa
This party is getting out of control!
Please don't touch Touch Connors!
And coming up, the Miss Hathaway Marching Band. "Oh Mr. Drysdale!"
Its Haley Mills and Haley Mills in 'The Misfits.'