510 - Lassie: The Painted Hills
|Short - Body Care and Grooming:|
Riffs you quote here will appear randomly in the above.
Oh, let's not forget THESE guys!
Don't trust anyone. they'll only hurt you.
I couldn't help noticing how you look like everyone else.
I'm gonna teach you the meaning of 'arf'!
You've killed again, haven't you?
Wait a minute. I hit absolute zero and I am still walking around.
Prepare to meet Kali...
"Tommy?" -- Can you hear me? "Tommy" -- Can you hear me?
(Redd Foxx voice) I'm comin', Lizbeth. I'm comin' to join you.
He's the world's largest elf!
Must drag butt across driveway.
Alex Trebek, no!
And also with you.
'This is a story of a great love, the love of a dog for one man’ [Joel shakes head] It won’t work.
and remember when you touch yourself 'The Saints Cry'.
[ 'and so the end of a perfect day' ][ "an entire day spent grooming!" ]
Aren't they suppose to turn into huge snowballs when they fall like that?
Wait a minute, these bags are full of Snausages. Lassie!
Uff! OOF! Gun's loose, now! THAAANKS...!
Must be Regional Velvet!
He gave himself a Lilt home perm...
Ugh! I'm turning into Victor French!
Let's not fight in front of the collie...
Souvlaki? MUAH HAHAHAHA!!
He should've tried the bunny hill first.
You know, by now that little puppy's dead too.
Finally, sweet metamucil!
You're drunk aren't you? Bad dog!
"You guys, Lassie is an animal and therefore not subject to the same moral/ethical code as humans. Otherwise, they would all be arrested for public nudity."
"Huh, good point.."
"I'm barking like a canary Taylor! There aint a pound that can hold me!"
"You can't flash back to something that never happened! That's not fair!"
"Yeah I'm going to have to hold you back a year, Crow."
"Cool! Can I keep my same desk?"
"They're being ransacked by Tom Bombadil!"
"Now is this the real Old West or the Roy Rodgers Old West where they had electricity and cars?"
"Lassie's back. And she's PISSED!"
"What kind of agent do you have to have to get your name listed UNDER Lassie?"
Just imagine. No school. Ever again.
If he shoots the kid, all bets are off. We're gonna trash the theater!
You can't flash back to something that never happened. It's not fair.
The world is dying.
Keep going, Frank, I still gotta vacuum under the couch!
Dang smoochers on my property
Gonna snap this kid's will like an old pretzel.
Thank you for extruding me.
Stay off the moors.
Thomas Edison invented the Pornograph, thus ushering in the age of Pornography.
You don't seem the be exactly the type to make guy behave like a human being
-"You know..to make him grope you and paw at you..."
Wait! One more... [fanfare] Ah - thank you...
This is no place for a convertible!
Thank you for extruding me...
Hey - I had poison LAST night...
He buried the old guy and his hat separately...
I'm feeling FETCHING!
Boy, your hands are really soft!
Oh, man - I shouldn't have eaten all those socks!
- Hey, Grampa DID fall down the well!
- Whadda ya know!
There's trouble on the MACKENNA'S GOLD set!
Is Lassie gonna teach us good grooming techniques, too?
Announcer: Enjoy some of the beauties of nature.
Crow: Pick up a riffle.
It's a deadly game of cat and mouse, only with a...dog and a man.
"What you need is to put down that notebook and take in some of the beauties of nature... See what I mean?" The Andrews Sisters??
It was the cleanest of times, it was the dirtiest of times.
When did they build a corral? They used Corral Draw.
.Yep, she's a gonner..probably having hallucinations right now; little wagon coming out of the kitchen cabinet.
Gonna be a snausage, right? Oh please let it be a snausage!
He had sand on his lap and he needed help?
The Painted Hills: the Christo Story!
True Boardman - not his real name.
I'm afraid we're gonna be true, bored men after this.
What kind of agent do you have to have to get your name listed -under- Lassie?
Thus ends a day in the life of Ivan Denisovich!
"Protect your skin. Keep it looking clear and fresh. Keep it clean."
Pickle it, varnish it, soak it in vinegar!
Out from the inkwell comes Coco the clown!
Well, there's oil in them there skins!
But, doctor, I twisted my ankle!
Tackling her from behind is the first step.
"Good grooming starts with personal care."
It starts with the soul.
"But good grooming is more than clothes deep."
It's being snowy white.
"Wearing inappropriate clothes -- like these shoes" is immoral.
"Thanks a lot for helping us prove a point."
"...take in some of the beauties of nature!"
Pick up a rifle!
There, that'll keep the Devil out.
And remember, when you touch yourself, the saints cry. Goodnight!
"He's gotta' be careful, or he'll fall right into that matte painting!"
"Divorced? Harassed by creditors?"
"What's Rutherford B. Hayes doin' in this movie?"
"Hey, isn't that the song that Big Bird sang about the alphabet?"
"Live a lonely, sheltered life. Plotting... scheming..."
"You should never disrobe-- even IN the shower!"
"But good appearance is more than dressing up like a fashion plate."
"It's looking like Bruno Hauptmann!"
"Uh, excuse me. I couldn't help but notice... how much you look like everyone else..."
"I'm late for my Hitler Youth meeting."
"FILTHY, SHAMEFUL SPRING!!"
The dog should make his brain explode! Scanner dog! Then I would buy.
I'm looking for a man with true grit!
Mount Rushmore! uh... before it was built.
Alive... My Side of the Mountain... The Eiger Sanction!
You know, people were whiter back then.
"Body Care & Grooming" They should distribute this film in Seattle where the 'grunge' look is so popular!
"Don't let this happen to you." Don't change a tire with your face.
Lassie's back...and she's pissed!!!
"Look --- it's Bigfoot, putting on a blazer."
"Look --- it's Bigfoot, putting on a blazer."
She's looking right at his throat. . .
"Keep watching the medicine cabinets! Keep watching the medicine cabinets!"
(Referencing the end of "The Thing, From Another World")
"Alright, new rule. No crusty old evangelists!"
Mt. Rushmore! Be...fore it was built.
Yeah, this'll help - a feather and a Dilly Bar.
He's really making him work for his death!
First thing I'm gonna do is buy me a montage!
Must... drag... butt... across driveway.
But enough vernacular.
Thanks for the treaty, Mister!
-Thanks for the continent!!
He's turned into Johnathan.
Three Years Later.
"Johnathan is dead son." And I helped.
This is where Shep's mastery of the stiletto comes in handy.
I'm a lawn gnome in the summer time.
"I've got something to show ya." NO!
I'm late for my Hitler youth meeting.
Body care and Grooming, they're cops!
My God, another grave, Lassie's got 'em buried everywhere!
Wait a minute, the hair has a liver and a spleen?!
Well, you must have done something wrong, Tommy!
Well how am I going to explain THIS with just 'arfs'?
Kenny Rogers is Moses!
[Who of us will ever know what is in the heart of a dog?] Heartworms!
Now is this the real old west or the Roy Rogers old west, where they had electricity and cars?
The most tedious game.
I'm gonna teach you the meaning of ARF!
I know what you're thinking. Did I fire 6 shots or only 5? Well this film is so poorly made it doesn't matter.
They're being ransacked by Tom Bombadil!
I love movies where they slowly assemble the plot like this.
After he retired he founded the original ZZ Top, with James Garfield and Chester Alan Arthur.
So this guy comes in, stops the plot cold, then leaves.
"One of these is cleansing cream." One of these is nitric acid. Choose wisely.
Thomas Edison invented the pornograph, beginning the age of pornography.
And remember.... when you touch yourself Saints cry.
We just took your libido and starched and pressed it!
so this guy comes in, stops the plot cold and leaves.
Expressing individualism is just plain wrong.
You want I should pile on him here?
His hair turned gray so gradually I didn't notice it.
Remember last week when he was alive? Well, that didn't last...
It's milk of human kindness, 2%.
Can you hear me? Can you feel me near you?
He's the worlds largest elf.
Life is pain tommy.
Stallone in Cliffhanger!
Well, looks like the montage finally blew over.
The end of a perfect day. "An entire day spent grooming."
Tommy, do you like refried poison-BEANS, BEANS!
Shep doesn't like you Tommy- she told me that.