511 - Gunslinger
|Short - none|
Riffs you quote here will appear randomly in the above.
Whoa! Guess he's not the hero anymore.
"He's gonna shoot you!"
Over my dead body!
We will return to Non Sequitur Theater!
Hey, cameraman! Crank a little faster!
Well, I'm not doing this one for free.
" We could make the salad...cover me while I set the table ! "
[Shoots the other guy dead] [Crow] Well now she’s the sheriff of herself...
[Crow] no, ughhh, they're stuck in a subplot!
Cover me, I'll set the table.
Hey, my sammich is whole again! Cool!
Hey, Lady, you forgot to tell me where the... OH MY GOD! AAAAAAHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
♬♩Doo doo da doot do ♪ ♫ -- The chores!
♬♩Doo doo da doot do ♪ ♫ -- ...the hell?
Booze. Write that down.
In this movie you can just pick any object and hide behind it.
Uh, sir, you can't park here.
At least check his pulse!
"I’ll see you in your room tonight." It’s a hallway and don’t you forget it!
"They got a choreographer. That's a good sign."
You don't need a marshal, there's no people!
Ooh, he just popped that outta his shoulder.
I'll just follow these jeep tacks...
Which one o' you gets the Starlog?
Jack Ruby on piano...
Ooohh, that's two guys in a horse costume!
She thigs I'b cuuute!
Th' stew's really good here...
Shouldn't they have their headlights on?
[The marshal and Cane kiss as the scene fades.]
Does this mean that they... because they were gonna... and then they...
William Howard Taft, ladies and gentlemen!
Is he getting shorter?
GoldFINGER!! GoldFINGER!! GoldFINGER!!
Joel: Hey wait a minute, this is just Swiss cheese!
Crow: That's right! It's nature's own wiffle.
"Haha oh my, that WAS a turd wasn't it?"
"Aw, right in the hat!"
"This movie makes Dirty Dingus McGee look like a John Ford film."
"Gut shot the school marm.... Sorry!"
"They didn't shoot the sheriff, but they did shoot the deputy."
"Am I in time for Happy Hour? I could really go for some mozzarella sticks..."
"I don't think little man is cut out for a rampage."
Whoa, it's like Lady Roadhouse!
Well goodbye everybody!
We're all dead.
Oh that's right.
She didn't even cry when her husband died.
Pop him, pop him, pop pop pop!
Pop him, Pop him, Pop Pop Pop!!
POP HIM, POP HIM, POP POP POP!!!
They have a choreographer. That's a good sign.
Back in those days, when you had relationship problems, you REALLY had relationship problems.
I don't think Little Man is cut out for a rampage.
It doesn't seem like a Tuesday.
Jeepers, it's hard to get in this town.
Ya know, they should start dating other people.
Oh boy, that was a turd wasn't it?
Hey you don't have eight or nine pints of plasma on you do ya?
Now he's in Ireland! What's going on? From Vermont to New Mexico.
Oh hi, everyone's dead.
Oh, I hope this isn't a conjugal visit.
I won't try to make you a bad woman if you stop trying to make me a good man. That's a country song isn't it?
Hey, I love what you're driving. Pinto right?
What is that thing there? Whatever it is it wasn't invented yet.
Crow - "whoa! there goes the facade... almost"
Hey, she got her horse re-upholstered!
"Is that a euphemism? I think that's a euphemism."
"I like Wade --- he's just not a dancer."
"If we hadn't lost Lookout Mountain, there would've been an armistice. The Confederacy would still be alive!"
"And the Vikings would've finally captured the Super Bowl title!"
"Yes, Buns Of Steel of the Old West!"
"Well, there's three bowls a' porridge here. Don't quite know what that means..."
"...And that's when I became known as 'Mister Wiggly.' You?"
"Y'know, he shoulda' slid him across the bar."
"Oh, they hadn't invented that yet."
"Y'know, it's just possible that's Rachmaninoff on the piano."
Pony Express...when it absolutely has to be there in 3 or 4 months or so..
There not that good at sneaking up...well sneaking up had just been invented.
"Say what ya want, Reverend, this sure brings in the parishioners."
"You gonna let him be?" Speaking words of wisdom?
"It looks like "The Terror of Tiny Town" only bigger."
"The mayor's approval rating just plunged like 20 points."
This is like Silverado, only better.
The Pony Express: When it absolutely, positively has to be there in three or four months or so.
Sneak... sneak... sneak sneak sneak... ohhh.
"Booze has knighted me King of the Lovers!"
"Well, I feel good after damning someone to Hell. I'm gonna' rustle me up some Hormel™ Chili!"
"Tuesday the Rabbi Got Robbed."
"She won't dare show her face here." Look right. "HER FACE!!"
"They didn't shoot the sheriff, but they DID SHOOT THE DEPUTY."
"DENNIS MOORE, DENNIS MOORE, riding thru the night."
Man, look what's comin' outta your horse.
Apparently they haven't invented peripheral vision yet...
Now to slip into something Sheriffy and sexy...
Knock knock, "Come out!"
Everything I need to know I learned from booze.
Hey, a chocolate gorilla foot!
That's a line Ms. Kitty and Matt Dillon never crossed.
Hey, could I get a new bucket in here?
Hey, get off my ravioli!
"Ever see a Peace Officer in a corset?" Yeah, you husband.
Kids, don't change light-bulbs without supervision.
Hey, the Angel of Death is stopping by for a drink.
She's been attacked by Babes in Toyland!
Boy, it's really blue out today.
There's a switch - someone shooting a postal worker!
Now whar's he goin'? I'm as nervous as a long-tailed cat in a room fulla rockin' chairs!
Uhhh, cue the horses...
This makes Dirty Dingus Magee look like a John Ford film.
This is better than FantaSuites!
"What do you do nights, Sheriff?" Oh, rut like a crazed weasel. You?
I'll lie in state in the Corn Palace while "Hooked on a Feeling" is sung by a choir of castrati.
Say what you will, but Roger Corman really pushes my buttons.
Yippee kay ay, Mamma Jamma!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
small talk of the oooool west
Oh sure I'll deliver your plans for the telegraph...
Booze! It's what's for dinner!
Man, this movie is just sitting on my head and crushing it..
Oof! Right in my vast, doughy midsection!
Back then, money was a lot of money
Get a restraining order on yourself.
So let me get this straight, you're a man playing a woman playing a man?
"You're not bad." - You're just drawn that way.
Why is all your stuff in the hallway?
But doors don't open like that! He's in a hall!
Ah, back to Monday.
Well, I'm gona shut off the sexual bantering for tonight.
Well, I'm pretty sure he was a bad guy.
"Oh, Lord of Man and Beast..." Oh, now what?
My set is melting! Melting!
And naughty spank and naughty spank and you've been bad in the tushy!
Uhh, look what's coming out of your horse.
You know, a beef roast, in the oven.
Don't fool with me I'm a wizard.
"Only the good die young." Most people are morally ambiguous, which explains our random dying patterns.