512 - Mitchell
|Short - none|
Riffs you quote here will appear randomly in the above.
"Are you out of your mind?"
"No, I'm going to be out on my boat."
You'll never take me alive, coppers!
It looks like a slow-motion sneeze.
"You went through that Tuesday."
"Yeah, but this is Thursday!"
He makes a good point.
Hello, public sector!
Hey, a gundaroo!
Merlin Olsson bought him that painting.
"Mitchell, what the Hell are you doing!?"
Uh, can we turn on the radio?
Honey, I'm home! Had that meeting with the gangster!
And there, on his colon, was ... a hook.
The cloistered life is not for me.
An empty plate breaks my heart.
"I'm King Hussein..."
[Some bizarre Scouse-ish accent] "Boy Flo's really gonna be mad, I'm drunk again...."
Joe Don Baker: Face number 4.
(mild Groucho voice) Either those curtains go or I do.
(Latka voice) You're so stupid.
Oh, how I long for The Burning Bed about now...
"You don't have to be a pig for the rest of your life, Mitchell!" Well, I kinda do!
[After Mitchell's car is run off the road] MITCHELL!
Sorry, the beer got a little excited." That's okay, we can just cuddle.
"You what?" Wearing WHAT? ...Is it sheer?
Joe Don Baker IS Martha Mitchell.
Mannix! ...extra large.
"Mastretta" or "Guilano"
"Hey" what? *shot "Oh!"
Yeah, here's your loser actor bouquet.
Stop or my heart will explode!
Find my upper lip while u're out there!!!!
"You're listening to KKRO."
Hey! Crow radio!
We’re ‘asposta go to some place called the Pacific Ocean. He said it’s big and blue, got alot fish in it
I see Van Morrison, I see Meatloaf, and I see Spooock. . .
This makes Driving Miss Daisy look like Bullet!
The lunatic is on the grass...
Yea, here's your loser actor bouquet
Geez, Scarface didn't do THAT much at once...
Hot Merging Action!
You know, Joe Don Baker would be perfect for Elvis: The Dying Days.
Isn't it against the rules to shoot an opponent in a foot race?
"You don't drink, do you?"
Just pour, dad!
Huh. Water! I never knew that.
- Hey, look, my foot is HUGE!
- Give me that...
Oh, he's alone, reading a comic book, under there!
*crash* "Uh, it's open."
"ENNUI!!!!!!!!!!!" (I heart Gypsy...)
THIS is what I'll remember as I think of the movie "Mitchel"... and I will think of it...
Cedar lattice... Works every time!
"What would your momma say?" Crow: She'd say he's not mine, you can't prove it!
Somewhere, an Indian is crying.
Damn! I'm still in this Mitchell movie. --Martin Balsam
Why would anyone want to do this with Mitchell, Joel?
Tell my wife I love her Mitchell!
This might be the wrong ride, are you Steve?
Must be a faculty meeting.
"Um, were you expecting a prostitute?"
"You want a drink?"
"Is the Pope Catholic?"
"Aw man this stakeout's getting crowded."
"Oh, you guys got movie light."
Man, he's only got a couple more minutes left to be likeable. Think he can pull it off?
"What's on the water?"
The lunatic is on the grass….
WACK-A-CHIC-A!, .. WACK-A-CHIC-A!, .. WACK-A-CHIC-A!, .. WACK-A-CHIC-A!
Don't you think I'm as good as anything here? -"you got an airbrush on you?"
Oooh you're smart enough, Mitchell!
Ooh, right in the tenderloin steak region.
And find my upper lip while you're out there.
Uh, hello, this is Carlton, your doorman?
Sorry about the porn, there's a Kilgore Trout piece in there....
Mitchell, honey, we're home. Put your shoes on.
'Sorry, I'm uh, really unappealing'
Man, I'm CONSTANTLY confused...
You got the time? Yeah 10 2.......10 2 your own damn business
You know it's about this time in any killing spree that you really should turn the gun on yourself, you know. Turn it! Turn it! Turn it! Turn it! Do the deed! Do it!
I'm going to miss HIM!!!!! Goodbye.....
Put em on your feet! Give your dogs a treat! Oh! what a comfortable shoooeooo...
I can't imagine why "Mitchell II" hasn't come out!
Well! No one's disturbed his Porn Pile!
So long *Chum*! hahahahaha......
Looks like excitement by repetition.
What's that? Whata ya mean you don't have any Schlitz on board!
Oh....This must be Dateline NBC...
OH! I just felt a "Balloon" break! OOOHH!!!
Oh! Be careful with that "Horse" young man!
Take me to Wendy's...I'm meeting Clara Peller!
Just keep walking Lady! I can still see you! Come on...
Well I'd knock, but I know I'm not home.
Dead calm. Dead clam!
He refrigerates his bowling bag?!
Not leaving without some tuna wiggle.
I think this is rice! Ooh, no it's not.
Next week on "Mitchell," the cloverleaf!
It's 'My Dinner with Mitchell'!
Who?? Who is testing Gypsy?!?
The only really exciting thing is that 'Vanishing Point' is being filmed on the other side of the canyon...
Keith Haring was here!
I loved you in The Taking of Pelham 123...
Well I guess I'll have to talk to my accountant.
Ah, were you expecting a prostitute?
He's landed just short of the green
Hey the headlight fixed itself.
It's about this time in any killing spree that you really ought to turn the gun on yourself.
TURN IT! TURN IT!
Do the deed!
I mean street value, punk.
Heh, heh, heh, You can't grow steaks.
I WANNA EAT!
Oh, there's the body.
Don't shoot me! The burglar!
Our hero, ladies and gentlemen.
My, my, my, MY GOD, NOOOOOOO!
"I don't pay for your hookers."
Well, could ya?
Watch out for snakes
"Well we're movin' on up"
Man, I'm so hungry. Only two steaks for dinner; didn't get to finish my orange. All the frozen yogurt places are closed. Big buttery moon up there.
"Oh now it's just stream of consciousness; he stopped singing about Mitchell five minuets ago."
"Oh thank God for the jump cut!!"
"You know; I admire a man like you..."
"...Not you specifically."
"Baby oil!?! AHHGHH!!! NOOOOOOO!!!
"But I'm not a salesman; I'm the chubby blue line."
I'm almost Anthony Quinn...
He pulled out right in front of me!
"What about the heroin?" "That's for dessert."
Word on the street is you're a jerk.
Woah! Boom mic, big time!
Uh,guys,wasn't John Saxon in this movie?...oh,yeah!
They're on a collision course to wackiness!
Just tell me when this gets uncomfortable!
Hey, I thought I had authority over him.
Speaking of "loggin' it", I'd better find a bush around here.
The victim was Jack Valenti.
The spotted cuckoo bird is flying backwards?
It's a cold day for pontooning.
"Say, you got any burgers or somethin' in there?"
"Yeah, well where you come from, beer's an entree'!"
"Ooh, right in the dinghy!"
"He's no Claude Akins, but what a butt!"
"A vase, or two faces?"
"Hey, cut out that 'Rockford' music!"
♪ ♬ "...Eye on the sammitch..." ♬ ♪
"Melmac™? Why would he be collecting Melmac™?"
"They arrested Harlan Ellison!"
"Aahhh... Rent-A-Cops... Private enterprise, why doncha' go back to the mall?!"
"Fresh panties all around!"
"Booze is good food!"
"Tell him we have sour cream"
"He sounds and smells like William Conrad."
U think u can take ME? Go ahead on!
The new Chrysler Fury - the car that thinks its a house.
Don't you think I look as good as anything here?
Well uh ... you got an airbrush on ya?
You got me wrong, I'd like a glass...
OK, your majesty.
I can't imagine why Mitchell 2 never came out.
Well, no one's disturbed his porn pile.
I'll never grow old, I'll never die, and I'll always eat oatmeal.
Uh, let me just tuck your intestines back here.
It's the maritime equivalent of "rock climbing".
I still stand by the idea of the yellow thing!
What a great action hero. He just pawns off his duties to others.
[Tom as little old lady] Bite me, Mitchell!
We're going to control the ghetto you and I, young man.
Schlitz would listen to me right now, that's for sure.
I'll give him a half a block head start and then I'll mow him down!
Oh thank God for the jump cut!
"How do you like your scotch?" Uh... by the quart.
Oh how I long for the Burning Bed right now.
Mitchell's legions of fans show up at any time in the day or night!
Can we play through? We've got a head wound right here.
"I'll have a beer." You like 'em half empty? Some of them have cigarettes in them...
Stop or my heart will explode!
Never corner a Mitchell. See how he reacts?
He looks like Grendel.
"Hey, look; a sex (Essex) film!"
"This makes Driving Miss Daisy look like Bullitt!"
"The declining years of Lee Majors."
That shower wasn't that bad, to think I'd been afraid of it all these years.
"Why does he keep down shifting? It's an AUTOMATIC !!!
"Oh finally, the chase scenes pace car"
Hey! You Mitchell? Can I not have your autograph?
Johnny Mathis? Alright, get my gun!
Big buttery moon up there...
If that's John Saxon, I'm dead.
My My MY GOD!!!
"That Mitchell is one fat-" "Shut your mouth!" "Just talking about Mitchell!"
It's a very special Joe Don Baker Christmas!
These guys couldn't shake a trolley!
There's some chips under the cushion, help yourself...
Speaking of logging it, I gotta find some bushes...
Well, she was gonna smell like beer sooner or later.
Booze and I are buyin' a house together, we're gonna move in.
"There's a police investigation goin' on here." - Oh, there is? I thought there was just a big slob walking around my house.
Well, you're rich and white, I don't see a problem with it!
Mobsters laughing, really smiling, a man selling heroin!
Daryl Gates on his day Off...
Do you work at a petting zoo ?
Perhaps our BRIEF but BITTER affair ?
He looks like ah middle-aged "CHUCKY"
Hey check this out, my foot is huge!!
Word on the street is you're a jerk!
My, my, my, apartment.....
...AND she's an acrobat, Ted!
I just felt the balloon break, ooohohoho!
They're randomly loaded, it's a little game I play.
"Booker? Booker?" Who's got the Booker?
Pass the potatoes, the peas, the butter, the peas, the pie, the butter...
Oh Jeez, those Jehovah's Witnesses are getting rough!
I've seen faster funeral processions!
No wait I want the bone marrow!
I like to follow up my beer drinking with a beer. Its like desert.
BABY OIL??!! GAAAAAAAAAHHHH!!!
Ya know its not a successful chase scene without the *wackictha wackitcha*
Oh good, they merged successfully...my heart was in my throat.
Mitchell: Even the name says "Is that a beer?"
You know, he may be a bad guy but he's got a ton of gifts up there.
-Oh this is nice, they're using the light rock for the chase scene rather than the grunge sound.
Excuse me I don't feel good at all.
Where's the jon? I'm gonna flush this.
What, you have Mickey Rourke over or somethin'?
It's turning into an episode of Riptide.
This makes Driving Miss Daisy look like Bullet!
Is that the signal?
"Hey!" 'What?' *BANG* 'Oh!'
Now this looks positively BayWatchian!
Mitchell: License to Slouch!
I usually take mine with a ding dong in it.
Mitchell! (heart's poundin') Mitchell! (veins cloggin')
Reynolds wrap. Keeps freshness in, can't keep Mitchell out!
No, not the Limited Edition Star Trek collector plates!
BABY OIL? AAAAAAAAAAAAAGHH
Joe Don Baker IS- "Mittens"
Tonight on "Crossfire"!
Sorry, I'm really unappealing.
Our hero, ladies and gentlemen, right there.
Could we get more volume on that jacket, please?
HOT MERGING ACTION!
THIS is what I'll remember when I think of the movie "Mitchell." And I WILL think of it.
BUZZ OFF, KID!
Who's the puffy guy who's the big blurry sex machine? MITCHELL!
Joe Don Baker IS MITTENS
You guys watch Joe Don Baker movies?
Mitchell, even his name says "I'm outta beer."
Meanwhile on an Adam 12 episode not far away...
Any movie with *waka chi waka* in it is ok by me
i like to follow my scotch up with another scotch, it's kinda like desert
*HONK HONK* HEY MITCHELL!