513 - The Brain that Wouldn't Die
|Short - none|
Riffs you quote here will appear randomly in the above.
Oh, a wildly fluctuating nothing.
"I'm Bill Cortner."
I'm a doctor. I'd like to lop your head off.
I've got a girlfriend with her head in a lasagna pan. I've seen it all.
"I trusted a man once. ALL THE WAY!"
Jan in the pan, are you still here?
Looks like the 'Father Knows Best' house. Well, except for the blood.
I've got it. If I wander around here some more, it'll keep the budget down.
But what does turning them into clowns prove, John?
Here, put this on. It'll keep you warm.
Fine! Fine - I'll just do my little operation later, because the Thing in the Closet has gotta go out...
The Ropers: the Final Episode!
That's the last time I get in a car with Monty Clift, I'll tell you that...
Well, at least he's not arousing suspicion...
Faye Dunaway?! Pay-dirt!
I feel like I'm in a Travelers' ad...
Ironically, he collapses into an arm chair.
Ah, ma'am, may I pour you a buttock-- uh-- nipple-- uh drink?
"I've got to clean up and get out of here." And I don't want you re-animating anything, young man!
Oh, leave his area alone.
Hey gang! There's a snuff film playing over at the Rialto!!
Hey, doesn't she need lungs? No, she's got neck juice!!
Luke, join me or you'll star in Corvette Summer
Oh, they mean "the Brain that Wouldn't Die". The end.
[singing Barbara Streisand] You don't bring me torsos...
Oh, I stubbed my toe!
"Hey gang! There's a snuff film playing over at the Rialto, let's go!"
"Science? I thought he said pizza."
"Boss, you've broken the goofy-meter again."
"Well his methods are unusual but his coffee's great!"
"Oh jeez, let the baby have his brain area."
"It's awfully warm in here."
I invite you over here and all you do is complain!
"I'll drink to that."
...although it was an odd, ambiguous thing to say.
Should I be drinking before my surgery?
"I'm only a head."
...that can't say no.
"Let me die!"
After you've cleaned your room.
"I've learned from them. I've LEARNED!"
So you've LEARNED, then.
"So what if it is?"
It's mildly unethical.
It's Dark Man.
I think you're selling it short, Mike. There's also the strong anti-women message.
Contestant Number 3 slipped and her head fell off. I'll take her!! I'll take her!!
Have you seen Frankenhooker?
Hey, what kind of town is this? I want to move there right now!
Guys! I think he likes her..I think he's going to ask her out.
'There was an accident' " I wet em'!"
Well, New Feller!
Hey! He's keeping her alive with Grey Poupon.
I'm just curious, what size collar do you wear?
Sounds like Crazy Guggenheim is in there!
God Speed..My Friend!
It's got no fat and half the salt!
"For god's sake, Kurt, this is urgent! Do as I tell you before it's too late! I can't waste precious time arguing with you!"
How was MY day...? Oh, it's not important...
Man! I am tearin' through the Brawny!
Battery acid? You're soaking in it!
Señor Wences and Evita, out on the town!
"Talk to the hand."
You know, this guy's kinda evil.
Oh, yeah, right... hey would you mind if I cut your head off?
If she laughs too hard she's gonna pop right out of her brackets.
What makes you think I'm afraid of what's in there?
Maybe that stain on your pants.
And you stayed with him. Helping him in his grotesque work he claimed is for science.
Hey! You were gonna marry him! Okay?
Do you want revenge?
No. I wanna sleep! Would you shut up ?!
These people will be exploring issues that are teens' issues.
Are you hustling for the house?
I hustle for myself!
Sorry I offended you, you really have a lot of integrity.
Can I get a neck pillow Hon?
Oh, you put the lime in the coconut and drink it all up.
You say "Doctor".
I should have known he was as good as dead when they wheeled him in.
Because he got me as his doctor.
If it's not cheese, what is it?!
She can't have a cardboard body. I've ruled that out.
Keep your head on! I'm coming!
We now join Barefoot in the Park already in progress.
Thanks for showing me that, it really brighten my day.
Diarrhea is like a storm raging inside you.
"But what does turning them into clowns prove John?"
'Nothing you can be is more terrible than what I am'
Mike: Unless you're just a toe...
'What of her SOUL?'
Crow: 'It's in the Car'
He's either gonna win the Nobel Prize or the Heisman trophy!
After hearing you say no to his request, mine is going to sound really bad.
Stupid little PAN woman!
Tag, your God!
The 1958 floozy!
He's really rocking! Who would have thought a few hours ago he was cradling his wife's head in his lap?
C'mon dad! Give me the keys to the morgue!
What are you, tossing a salad down there? Hurry up!
"A freak of life. AND a freak of death!"
You're just a freak is all!
What's money? We'll make our own money! We'll use your scar tissue!
Wow! That was my prom theme!
Don't cry over spilled milk. Don't catch your chickens before they hatch. I'm outta here!
Here put this on, it will keep you warm. Actually give me that back it makes you look tall.
"Aaarrghh!!! The road is attacking me!"
"But what does turning them into clowns prove, John?"
UGHHHH...that's one bad McNugget!
Got some wart-X here...wonder if it'll work on the whole head?
Look...in a week we'll all be laughing about this...
Well...I won that round...advantage Jan in the pan...
I guess you can call this a farewell to arms...
A head without a body...it's like a day without sunshine...
Finally...I'm a size 8...
Sometimes things just screw up...
This operation is going to cost an arm and a leg...
EHHH...his left hand is pretty bad to!
Well she won't be able to do any heavy lifting for a while...
Honey Roasted...MMMM....I remember her being much taller...
"Don't try to play God." TAG you're God!
What's this? Our fanatical physician and his fickle fiancé speeding to their country cottage?
"How am I ever going to tell fish stories?"
"I can't --- he's tearing my arm off!"
"Maybe he's just in there building a shelf. . ."
"I'm giving him a little piping; think it looks nice."
Oh, geez --- let the baby have his brain area.
"OH GOD I'M IN ANOTHER DIMENSION AGAIN PLEASE HELP ME HELP HELP!!! Oh hey, at least there's some cocktails in the dimension..."
He's at the 20! He's at the 10! No one will catch him!
Sylvia Plath, RN.
He's rockin'! Who would've thought a few hours earlier he was cradling his wife's head in his lap?
"We'll be together..." - Doodly doodly doodly WE'RE APART!
♫Pasties and a G-string, beer and a shot. Portland through a shot glass and a Buffalo squeeze♫ (Tom Waits, woo!)
Oh, so that's why you had me kill my girlfriend just so I could see the closet?!
"You have a lovely body and a face that can be made beautiful again." Who you are is irrelevant.
Wait, mother's dead?
"We'll find out on 'Match That Horror!'"
"It's a Johnny Hodges siren!"
"Why he gave my hand rich Corinthian leather I'll never know."
"Welcome to the Diane Arbus Cafe'!"
"An American In Vitro."
"Hey, it's Johnny Tremaine!"
"Thank you, God. Thank you so bloody much!"
"Careful now, Mrs. Webb. Uh, stay-- You're over the center line, Mrs. Webb!"
If Jack Ruby owned a Denny's...
Wow! That was my longest trip to another dimension!
Now he's gonna fall into a pan of lemon juice...
"Well, uh, I'd better be going." - It's been sleazy and all but, uh...
"But what of her soul?!" - It's in the car.
"Stop massaging the heart." - You're enjoying it too much.
"Boy, does she have a chip on her shoulder! Oh.....sorry."
Guys, I remember his fiance being taller ~Mike (after the beheading)
"Hey, he walked all the way to Paris!"
"They're doctors, but they do puppet shows too."
"I'm going to get my Eggo out of the toaster. Anybody want one?"
"I just realized what I did... that was really gross!"
My moTHER GavE ME tHAt gLASS it wAs a familY heirLOOM!
"Nothing you could be is more terrible than what I am..." - Unless you were just a toe.
To recap: Let me die!
"Let me die!" - Are you still on that kick?! Come on, pull yourself up by the collar tabs and get a job!
He's got a canvas skull! A heavy rain would kill him!
Well, you're right. The liver isn't in the skull.
Oh, it's real strong and steady, don't-ya-know.
Thank you, grandma.
We find the music relaxes the corpse.
What's the thing that looks like a mushroom? Oh, my thumb! Heh.
Hey, he's stealing his nipple!
Wow.. it's not color-coded like the book was..
Hey, surgeon-surgeon! He's no surgeon! Hey, batter-batter..!
Eh, have at 'im. We'll make it a closed casket.
"Very well. The corpse is yours." Go in peace.
He's not a gaffer, he's a "G-A-F'er!"
Keep your head on, I'm coming!
"We are here to choose Miss Body Beautiful." So no goofing off.
Contestant #3 slips and her head falls off!
I'LL TAKE HER!! I'LL TAKE HER!!
"With this serum......" I thee wed.
I'll just see the menu.
I AM the menu.
"Let me die...." Oh, you're welcome honey.
WHAT'S THIS? Our fanatical physician, and his fickle fiance, speeding toward their country cottage!
"You don't conduct experiments on people, you should be sure of the results first!" Then they wouldn't be EXPERIMENTS.
"Hi, I'm Kasey Kasem..... This one goes out to a heart sick lover with a severed head."
"Hey, you're not my dad, you're HITLER"
I'm impressed, but how?
Stop sign? What stop sign?! CURVE? WHAT CURVE?!
"A head without a body..." Is like a day without sunshine.
"Alright, close up the chest." Zzzzzzzzip!
"And now Mel Blanc makes his move." 'Yer goin' onna date with me Varment!!'
Meanwhile, at Kurt Cobain's house...
"Once you're married it won't be fun to watch anymore." Ohohoho... that's late night!
But what does turning them into clowns do, John?
The 1958 Floozie!
This man had love in his tummy!!
"Oh he shouldn't have eaten at Jack in the Box."
"Sid and Nancy American style."
21? she's over 41
and don't count your chicks before they hatch... i'm outta here...
So do you think a gaffer is just someone who keeps messing up?
The operation is going to cost an arm and a leg. Zing!!
Guess you'd call that a farewell to arms, huh?
Help me! I'm in another dimension!
"What you see is real." - What you smell is unfortunate.
Back to the Unearthly set.
Hey, gang, there's a snuff film playing over at the Rialto!
Ew, Dylan Thomas' last moments on Earth.
Boss, you've broken the goofy meter again.
His methods are unusual, but his coffee is great.
What's this? Our fanatical physician and his fickle fiancée speeding to their country cottage?
So your saying your not into dismemberment?
Not with RADAR!
Man,this hai-karate really works!
Aww,finally something I can get behind!
"Man, I'm really good at this! I should've started killing long ago! Think of what I could have accomplished!"
You're listening to KPORN-- sleazy, slutty music all morning.
Well, this is my... Headquarters.
Just a normal Tuesday for Cher.
He's only MOSTLY dead.
Obviously someone's sister!
Miss Chestular Region!
This is the most complicated beer bong I've ever seen.
I just realized what I did, it was really GROSS!
They saved Sister Bertrille's brain!
This'll give my pinot noir the tawny nose I've been looking for!
Ohhh, you taste like Vince Edwards!
C'mon, gimme the keys to the morgue, Dad!
Luke... join me, or you'll star in "Corvette Summer"!
And with that cryptic comment, I'm going to bed.
Doesn't she need lungs?
No, she's got neck juice.
Well, it's nice and all but I want something...sleazy.
Stay tuned for the obscene call of the day on..KPORN.
Lots of ways...many ways. Did I mention there are ways? Ways!
You're different, son...
He's pregnant too???
"There's more to surgery than just being a carpenter to patch up walls, or a plumber to drain pipes" -or a muffin baker to bake muffins
Hey! You're not my dad, you're Hitler!
Are you a goer? Nudge, nudge, know what I mean?
Hi doctor, how ya doin there? Uh, what, no problem.. no head.
It's Danny Bonaduce in the fight of his life!
He's either gonna win the Nobel Prize or the Heisman Trophy!
Aauuggghhh, the road is attacking me!
Hey, you're lucky my chick's here!
this dance represents that there are no baked potatoes after five
thats the most complicated beer bong I've ever seen
its not cheese!
Look lady, I got a girlfriend with her head in a lasagna pan, I've seen it all.
"I've got to hurry"
Ironically, he collapses into an armchair.
Are you coming on to me?
I'm too cool for emergencies.
This is nice and all but I'm looking for something sleazy.
See look at this brain, it won't die.