602 - Invasion USA
|Short - A Date with your Family:|
Riffs you quote here will appear randomly in the above.
"To the people of the invaded cities I bring this message: Do not despair." ...uh--to those of you not flash-fried.
"To the people of the invaded cities I bring this message..." ...you're on your own.
"We have huge stocks of atomic weapons." Everything must go.
Go away, you poopie caca-head Russians.
Recently, I was taken by a particular article of literature. The author used sentences and paragraphs to express his point of view.
Barkeep, can I post-date this check?
Yeah, double the bet.
I guess hypnodating is the wave of the future
He's speaking into his Emmy
What we need is blood.
Take all of his.
So, World War III is gonna be a lot like World War II.
They're just shooting caps off on a postcard.
...it's under a big W
Ha, ha ha, I like you. I kill you last.
"There goes the luggage!" "D'oh!"
"Last time I met a girl I really liked, they bombed Pearl Harbor." -- I thought it was because Hirohito . . .
Brother helps Mother to her chair as he would his best girl.
The less said about this, the better.
Why should they feel that way about something you take so completely for granted?
Well look at 'em !
It's a Russian doo-wop group...
Uh, don't say 'probing', sir.
Nation gripped by aches and pains!
Would you really jump out of a window for me, you nut? I mean would you? Right now?
"He said we could safely reduce our armed forces by half." "He wasn't only wrong, he's dead." Guess he won't do that again!
"They landed where?" My Patio! That's going to far!
Ma'am, we need hookers.
The hat squad consoles her
Huh-yello, you're on KWAR ...
"Father feigns eating, draws Jr. out, then disowns him!"
"Despite the war, meaningless activities continue."
"So WW3 is going to look just like WW2?"
"TWA Flight 289 to San Francisco tower, request landing instructions."
"Uh, well just keep coming down until you're not in the sky anymore! Don't you know how to land?"
"Ah, bustling city music."
"A violent argument erupts over who's day was more pleasant."
"Emotions are for ethnic people."
Hey, bartender, what's this woman doing in my drink?
Hide your prostitutes!
This was all cut from Free Willy.
"Directed by: ALFRED E. GREEN" "What, me direct?"
Be yourself. Just be sure it's your best self. And be sure no one knows the real you.
"So then Sister Mary Patrick had him up against the wall, and nailed him..."
How about that sporting event...hmmm? one team emerged the victor...whereas the other, alas, found themselves vanquished
"I'm a tractor manufacturer." Daiquiri-swilling tractor manufacturer, ok?
Vince and I are gonna make our own "tank" parts.
"Anybody got a light?" I think I hear one coming.
Should you really be smoking...?
The Dean Martin/Jerry Lewis feud is heating up...
Weee'll meet agaaain...
Um... You don't have to cut my mashed potatoes, too...
Are YOU my mother...?
One of these parachutes is washed in Tide, the others weren’t.
I call Shut Up!
“I’d like a ticket to Seattle.” Look, they’re dead!
Well your girlfriend and I have got to go.
“He won’t spend a lot of time on the phone either.” He’s mute.
I thought they usually have two of ‘em.
Must go home and kill parents.
Ah, every party needs a pooper.
"...it makes dad and mother uncomfortable and unhappy..." and they already dislike you enough.
well your girlfriend and I gotta go.
I'd loot, but what would I GET?
Hello everyone--you know, you only rent cognac...huhuhuhuhuha
Well, that guy makes a lot of sense too. I'm torn between mourning my boyfriend and subscribing to Marxist dogma...hmmm...mourn boyfriend; Marxist dogma...hmmm.
Why didn't you just drink the whiskey?
HALT! Who goes there?" The cubs! Stuffed turtles! Saul Bellow! Oh never mind, Oooaa, gag, choke, die. (Sorry, couldn't understand it all but it makes me LOL every time).
Some kind of bomb? I'm THE bomb, kid. I'm IT! Mr. A-1 ARMEGEDDON, DUCK AND COVER,END OF THE WORLD, FLESH MELTIN' ATOM BOMB!...but you can call me Bob.
Hey look! It's Tony Bennett's heart!
"What kind of leadership do you suggest?"
"Last time I met a girl I really liked, they bombed Pearl Harbor."
"I thought it was 'cause Hirohito. . ."
"Father, I had a feeling today!"
"Well don't, son."
I'm on the air, baby.
"Please God, take me now."
She was a big nun, with a mustache and this HUGE black hat!
And be sure to make a plate for the Narrator.
"Mother is served first, then daughter" Let's go to the flow chart for this.
"Hey! Nyet means Nyet!"
"Y'ever go see the Cubs play?"
"Yeah, they won! Oh! Damn!"
"I'm flossing my hinder even as I fly!"
"Lois Lane got a 'Fro!"
"If I had one a' these planes, I'd go to my house, put the bombs in my garage, and watch Love Connection. Then I'd just tell everybody I'd dropped it."
"The President stated, 'I'm rubber, you're glue. Everything you bomb, bounces back to you.'"
"The Racine Jaycees prepare another fireworks display!"
"Oh, that reminds me: I have to clean the toilet bowl."
"Hmm... Shoulda' washed my hands after handling that dead woodchuck. Oh, well..."
"Yeah, go piss up a rope!"
"Aahh, sit 'n spin, ya' cruddy skank!"
"Hey, I like my family as a friend!"
"Happy Birthday Plains States."
"I'd loot, but what would I get?"
If you shoot 'em down, you've just gotta clean 'em up.
. . .requesting landing instructions."
"Well, just keep coming down 'til you're not in the sky anymore!"
"There's a bellhop back at my hotel --- knows all the angles."
"Calls himself 'Euclid'."
Father feigns eating, draws Junior out, then disowns him.
Tractor Police! John Deere Squad!
World War III separates the serious drinkers from the amateurs.
Ha ha, now that's a walk-on!
...with Albert Glasser conducting the Invasion USA orchestra!
"Yes mother Junior remembered to clean up", You emasculating bint.
There's a rabbit in there!
Father does his ferret impression.
So snap Dad's bra?
O.K. buck up here we go. Martini!
"Mother too changes from her daytime clothes", Into Vampira.
It's a long par 5 leading to the nation's capital.
Ugh, plane poop. The worst kind.
"You forgot your beer!"
"You drink it!"
I don't drink this swill!
Your son drew another giraffe, sir.
TRITEY MEDIA BERRY ZADOM BUM!!
I'm moving to Fire Island, dear.
"The women of this family seem to feel that they owe it to the men of the family to look relaxed, rested and attractive at dinnertime." So they're unsuspecting when they kill them.
Mike - "Why is there a dogfight in the middle of a nuclear war?"
Boy, this many bombs? Must be a comedy club!
*mushroom cloud* Well, that's what happens when you overcook a brat in the microwave!
A stranger enters—
SERVO : "This music is like a good Danny Elfman Tune."
CROW: "You mean it doesn't exist?"
"Brother has a tight PSYCHOLOGICAL grip on JUNIOR."
Pass the beernuts you back-ass cracker.
At least everyone who lived through the Blitz can rest assured its been used as filler for this movie.
So this is the elevator...AHHHHHHHHH!
This makes me pine for Red Dawn. "Avenge me! Avenge me!!!"
"Despite the heroic efforts of our armed forces..." Bozo has been cancelled.
"This is it. The final game of the World Series, ans we're the home team." And we're the Mariners.
We have got to move this base, this keeps happening!
The Piano Part II: Where Pianos Dare.
"France has pledged crepes."
'New York flight 289 to San Francisco tower, request landing instructions'
Well, just keep comin' down until you're not in the sky anymore...don't ya know how to land?!?
I really am a cowboy - I'm not gay!
We got a real purty view of the dust cloud out the right window.
It's currently 7,000 degrees in San Francisco...
Huh - the lead singer of The Cure is a screenwriter too! I had no idea...
"Nothing destroys the charm of a meal more quickly--" - than having a personality.
"A Date with Your Family": the Woody Allen story.
His helmet is ribbed for her pleasure...
"I call upon all Americans..." to reject stock footage!
The most feared geography teacher of Central High!
Will somebody PLEASE invade something?!
That's the beernuts you wack ass cracker!
Ah! Breakfast at Harry's bar! Cornflakes and gin.
Ah! Bustling city music!
Perhaps booze would alleviate this situation?
Well, there it is, spankings all around!
"Tell mom how good the food is." Even as you gag on it!
Remember, always cut the meat of the person to your left.
An argument erupts over who's day was more pleasant.
Lets go to the flow chart for this.
I can't stress unemotional enough.
"Those boys genuinely greet their dad like they're happy to see him." They're not, of course..
What you are watching now should have been edited in the final version. My apologies.
"A simple centerpiece made from flowers in the backyard,"...is stupid!
The salad needs more butter Mother!
Are we all suppose to be scrubbing each other now or??
Brother runs a boy cleaning service on the side..
He's got to strip and replace the oil in his hair with summer weight...
Mother is needed in the kitchen. Where the postman eagerly awaits.
Well actually I'm in deep physical pain...
Dont go building a robot while you're over there pushing the button Mike!
Their probably gonna bomb the Grateful Dead, & Starship ...
( wooooo hooooo YEAH !!! )
DO YOU, DO YOU !! ?? .................. WELL DO YOU, BETTER say YES DAMN IT !!
And everyone wants to flee the seething cauldron of angst ...
Their stomachs knotted like FISTS ...
And when you pledge to the Soviet Union, you get this nifty tote bag!
Hey wait, this is Canada!
I have no son.
So their unsuspecting when they KILL them..
They bomb our nation's hobos.
"There's a bellhop in my hotel, knows all the angles." Calls himself Euclid.
Try switching to... RADAR!
I hate it when wars are re-run.
I can't stress 'unemotional' enough.
More gin Pop?
Brother runs a boy cleaning service on the side.
everything must go.
Starring all these people and Chuck Norris!
A violent arguement erupts over who's day was more pleasant...
Dad, I'm dating a negro!
emotions are for ethnic people
Hi, I'm Betty and I'll be your wife for tonight.