605 - Colossus and the Headhunters
|Short - none|
Riffs you quote here will appear randomly in the above.
(crowd behind blind king during speech) - "Uh, your majesty, we're back here; yoo-hooo!"
(Blind guy snoring)
Well, I still have my pecs.
"No need to run, I'm sure everyone is fine"
I hate to drag this out, but I need the screen time!
No weapons on the water bed!
Let go of my makeup brush!
They pierced his varnish!
"I must admit I regret putting out your eyes”...Oh, water under the bridge!
"Never in my life have I hated anyone like I hate him." -- You're in love. You're in LOVE.
(German accent) Very interesting...
“Soon I shall become King of the Urias!”...Who wants pancakes?
[Mike] It’s not a plot point...it’s not an action sequence...so what is it?
And then what happened?
“You must rest, your life is precious”...it IS???
“He’s dead.”...yeah, lets ignore his BREATHING
So, uh, what kind of name is Colossus anyway?...Is that German?
I'm well sculpted and I'm here.
These people are led by a girl group! Not complaining...
It's an outdoor ornamental bidet.
I am worried... about burning my hand...
Wait a minute, eight times seven isn't two hundred!
So all this time there was this other much better island just over the horizon.
Why do we live in caves again?
Man, Hasselhoff can't suck it in like THIS clown...
Ooooh...that styrofoam really burns!
This... *blgh* is easy, *ugh* hold on... Comedy is hard. Either these curtains go or I do.
"We'll take them away." Haha, hehe.
"I'm at the edge of despair."
We're on the eve of destruction.
Shouldn't have put those holes everywhere. Then, they wouldn't be falling into them willy-nilly.
Take off that Handi-Wipe!
Honey! Bring back the shower curtain!
Boys, you take the rough-housing outsi- ...oh. Never mind...
Huh - I wonder if they'll come across a piano...
- It would be really fine if we found some land!
Ha! It was behind the sail, the whole time!
Want me to tell ya about my dog, again...?
It's the Ringo Starr Gang...
Starring the law firm of Morris, Brown & LeRoy!
Want me to tell ya about my dog, again...?
Another Italian government collapses...
The Ringo Starr Gang!
They've combined the bachelor party with the wedding ceremony.
I wanna talk to Julie our cruise director.
Carnival cruises were very rustic in those days.
Another Italian government collapses.
Um...what's following them?
I'll be fine without my head. It's 20 pounds I've always wanted to lose.
You ever feel like the world is Manhattan and you're Fergus Falls.
I'm on the verge of despair again!
Hey, folks, thanks for cooperating! You're being real sweet about this!
"I'm marrying Amoa." A lawn-moa?
"I know... it's impossible..." To stick a Cadillac up your nose...
700 brides for 700 brothers!
Crow: A less conspicuous hat would have helped!
Mike: Well, they weren't very good at camouflage yet.
If they had writing, this day would live in infamy!
Hadn't worked out all the kinks of that tanning booth system, yet!
Wow, he's Mr. Perma-grimace!
The one actor who doesn't feel compelled to pull in his gut.
so the director has a girlfriend
at least they could have gotten a dj
Look at me, "I'm out-standing in my field!"
"When's he gonna eat that marshmallow? It's burnt to a crisp!"
"Look at that, it's Paul McCartney's head on a pole!"
"OK, five more minutes of fighting and then it's girls' dance."
"Hey, you guys should relax, you're TWO TENTS! AHAHAHAHAHA! HAHAAhahhaa.. ahaha... sorry..."
"SOUND THE ALARM!" DAD'S HOME!
Do you think they fantasize about wearing business suits?
You'd think they'd be repeating themselves now. But no, they've come up with fresh moves.
"Now speak!" Woof!
And the Greeks return to the river of their birth to spawn...
So is his name Colossus or Cheesesteak?
Well, I think Colossus is his Christian name and Cheesesteak was his nickname.
Hey, look, my island blew up!
This is supposed to be pretty good land. I read about it in Land Weekly.
Oh, wait...it's the wrong land.
And I just made my last house payment!
This is where being a theatre major really pays off.
Italian weddings haven't changed much.
Oh, the director has a girlfriend apparently.
Now *this* will really anger the gods.
Well, that really lit a fire under them.
I failed my legend finals.
Hey! Get off the fairway!
Crow: I can't help it, I just love weddings.
Well there's implied death everywhere.
Even I'm getting bored... gotta scare up some action here.
Look, I'm gonna be your love interest whether you like it or not!
All right, now FROLICK!!
Hi ho. Kermes here.
Here's a little cheesesteak for the little lady.
Are we talking about the same thing?
Colossus has got to be feeling pretty stupid about now.
Levers were like computers back then. People were scared to use them.
Your typing skills HAVE improved.
Go back to the head part.
You know, without walking, there wouldn't be much of a movie here.
The Fabio army arrives.
They've imprisoned Michael MacDonald!
I want to speak to Julie, our cruise director.
Colossus has got to start doing something heroic. He's survived a flesh wound! That's all he's done!
A less-conspicuous hat might have helped.
"They need our help."
But they have to be willing to help themselves.
You're going to be my love interest whether you want to or not!
So I would like to zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz…
“We’ve come to rescue you. Where are you?” Well I was getting some amontillado and ah…
Kind of an ancient UPS look.
Who’s he? Is he with you?
I can barely stand to eat it.
“I’m worried.” About burning my hand.
Hey, get off the fairway!
Let’s ignore his breathing.
I told you Firecracker Island wasn’t safe.
Huh, rocks are big today OOH!
Hah hah hah hah! "I caught you, you bitch!"
They're going to invent the Catholic Church just so they can annul this wedding.
Luckily this was before death was invented.
Very skinny extras make Colossus looked bigger
Cheesesteak will be back in David Brenner's 'Soft Pretzels and Mustard'!
Woo! His teeth flew out! Woo -hoo hoo hoo!
Wait until they see how we decorated the chariot!
Lepers were like computers back then; people were scared of them.
He's up to his ears in rears.
"Looks like the fish elected a new Pope."
Kinda like the final day of WE-FEST. (Shout out for my hometown, woot!)
This is surprisingly painful......
"Miss Manners says the father of the bride should wear beige and keep his eyes closed."
"Now listen to this." YGBBGDDBLM YSYGLDYABLIM.
If she is cuter than me I will be devastated.
"Land! Land!" It would be really great if we found some land!
Alright, Betty. I think that's, uh, fine...
That IS your arm, isn't it?
"No one has ever touched my heart before." Everything else, sure.
"...he'll take revenge on my people. And on my father." And on my carpet.
"A woman who is worthy to sit on the throne of the Orias." Or the face.
It must be Danny DeVito's house.
Hey look - it's Paul McCartney's head on a pole.
War is heck.
There's no one around for miles and he's still self-conscious about tinkling.
If only they had First Alert.
Carnival Cruises were rustic back then.
Oh excuuuse me, Ron. I was acting!
Another Italian government collapses.
Careful, I've got hips like Waterford crystal.
Hey, have you guys seen our pants?
"A steel piñata? That could take hours!"
"He's like Art Garfunkel walkin' around the world!"
"This tribe lives in a gravel pit outside Spooner."
"They're being forced to join The Rainbow Gathering!"
"Ugh! Medical waste! We're in Trenton!"
"Their island is turning to stock footage from World War II."
"This movie is like a storm raging inside you."
"That guy looks like a cross between Spock and Bones!"
And now for the traditional viewing of 'Berlin Alexanderplatz."
The camera operator is indulging himself here..
Very skinny extras make Colossus look bigger.
Hey, they should relax... They're TWO TENTS!!
Um.. ahem, Colossus, I've been elected by everyone else to ask you what the HELL you're doing..
Thank goodness I was able to salvage this girl..
I'm well-sculpted, and I'm here.
Colossus and the Headhunters: the struggles of a Greek immigrant in a tough job market!
Starring the Law Firm of Morris, Brown and LaRoy!
We must avoid action at all costs!
All this trouble to be ruler of about 20 people.
Isn't it cute the way they're making a stab at a plot?
Come to Totem City for our big fire sale. Save big on totems, and big savings o-on burnt yurts. Come ... one come all.
Oh, don't hop over the bodies - that's so glib.
"And three quarters of the way thru the movie and COLOSSUS finally does somethng..."
"He's trapped ROWAN ATKINSON"
"All this for Cheese Steak..."
"I called, we married now"
Ah, struck out with Queen Easy, huh? Boy, she never sends anybody away!
That poor guy doesn't have a fighting partner!
This is History's first "Really Awkward Moment"
Watch out for snakes!
Welcome to Trojan burger..... can I take your order ??
Hasslehoff can't suck it in like this clown...
Goodbye John Entwhistle and Mick Fleetwood.
Luckily this happened before DEATH was invented!
Can I bench press one of you guys?
It looks like the fish just got a new pope!
-Bwok, bok, bakawk, bok...
-Now this will anger the gods.
Nurse, get me a braille Playboy!
Caligula in "The Life and Times of Grizzly Adams".
Then what happened?
Whoa! Butts ahoy!
They've washed up at a Klingon language camp...
Drink me in, folks-- no bad parts.
99 amphorae of mead on the wall, 99... c'mon, sing!!
Colossus parts ferns with his bare hands!
They're bumping uglies!!
Is anyone watching the grill??? Nooo
gods...well the gods were supposed to help me move last weekend.
Uh, can't eat scenery, that's for sure.
I am NOT your cheese steak...
Headhunters never come at a good time...