611 - Last of the Wild Horses
Riffs you quote here will appear randomly in the above.
"I love him in spite of his faults."
"I know that."
You're evil because of it.
Oh, my trick nipple!
So, even though the movie sucks, they still meant well.
La Cage aux Folles, Western style.
"Johnny Pooper Also Murdered"
Oh boy, who'd I kill now?
Oh, and on top of everything else, they're litterers!
Remedy, soon to be known as Malpractice.
Quit daubin' yer neck on my property!
Literacy rate rises to one percent!
"He dropped something!" It's a plot device. It's very flimsy so be careful!
Yeah, their three guns are probably useless against his one.
"My Life as a Dog" the Western version!
“Oh a guy will wander up one range and down the other, always looking for something he think he can’t find”...Yeah, like a second shirt
This is a gripping Levi’s commercial
"This is the Rogue River Valley in Southern Oregon, famous for its scenic and historical landmarks"....Like dirt and stuff
I didn't read the letter - go 'way!
Oh, Mother - BLOOD!
Look at that - the Orcs are involved!
We've got the law on our side! I'm gonna fail to signal my turn!
We've come a-courtin'!
He'll be able to think, in a month or so...
(Well--) "Ever done it in the hay?"
Don't use your wheelchair as a crutch.
"This is like Gamara vs. Zigra... only with Cowboys."
"Wow, the Amish are really haulin ass!"
"Sit down Sheriff, that's a long sentence and your probably tired."
Guilty Valley, Guilty California.
They should have called this movie Butter Fingers!
So I get three free CDs now.
FLASH! Attractive woman spotted!
This movie should have been called Lost and Found.
Only one man has this sweaty a neck.
"You don't lay off that herd for a while, there won't be any herd."
That's what I heard.
That's nice. Where's your daughter?
Apparently, sarcasm hasn't hit the Old West yet.
Two Curlys fighting for supremacy.
They fell off the hash browns.
Hey! There's a Hoover-ville in this town!
GUILTY!!! --Not yet...
"I wanna see your father." Well I hope you two are very happy...
Uh, I don't think you're supposed to burn YOUR OWN barn, Ted...
I'm sure I can lose the weight before the weddin'!
"You know, it's funny." HAHAHA-- what?
They don't seem wild, they seem more fancy free.
Hey! What's he lookin' at?!
Cool! He almost made it into his hat!
You scuffed my hair, you dink!
"Oh, thanks for the help. I've only been getting down from horses since I was 5."
"Oh, my comic relief shift is over!"
"Everyone here is so fun!"
Her bullets say no, but her eyes say come hither.
Let's close with another random assortment of notes courtesy of Albert Glasser!
Oh, my comic relief shift is over!
It's not so much that he's dead, it's just that I have this headache!
Touch my gingham!
I want this scene to go away... Oh, thank you.
Yeah, thanks for the help, I've only been getting off horses since I was five.
So, their whole plan is based around dumb luck.
This is really awkward because all the horses are really good friends.
Dr. Quinn, Frontier Proctologist
Alright Hot Wheels, let's get goin'
Old timer Billy Slater! No!
Now go do, that voodoo, that you do, so well!
It's a dangerous game we play.
You mean like Jarts?
Do you have a girl?
No, got me a horse.
I've told her a hundred times: if you're gonna go around dressed like a boy, you gotta learn to take it like a boy.
Heh heh heh. God love the drunken old fart.
Say, you got a sweet outlaw ass don't you?
Say, it's lucky for me you happened along. Otherwise I might have had to walk.
I've got news for you, you're still gonna walk.
-Look at my face, am I not the guy Remedy hired?-
You're the jerk who smacked my butt!
I'm so sick of gingham I could SCREAM!!
He's Baron von Raschke!
- The Mummy!
He's hiding in an abandoned Stuckey's...
Knishes!... Get your Old West knishes!...
How any of you already know about Amway?
Without you, Gary, we'd be lost!
I *WILL* be a captain's woman!
It was just a head and a stick - it was WEIRD!
Oh... Quit givin' me pee!
I'm Susan - I'll be your daughter, today...
Oh, GOD that STINGS!
- Aren't you gonna carry me into the theatre?
- Frank, you're getting too big for that...
Uh, w-what's a "sideline", sir?
I've been accused of everything since I hit this part of the county...shot Kennedy according to some folks!
It's Crown Noise Days in Jacksonville.
Word 'exonerated' is invented!
Philanderin' bastards of the Old West.
Curly and Anti-Curly.
That's a long sentence and you're probably tired.
My horse threw a shoe. Made a ringer!
Let's save our strength, we'll probably have to fight later in the movie...
Here, dry your tears with this clue I planted.
Building Code Invented And Under Fire!
I'm sick of your carping!
Maybe they're like bees and they won't go into the water. ...sure enough!
If you don't, I might become disgruntled!
Life is so hard when you're stupid.
"Stand up. Put your hat on."
Now, go and stand 250 yards away.
Huh? Huh? Get it? KILL GUYS!
Look at those guys. They all got butts. I'm just sitting on my pelvis. No flesh there or anything.
Actually, my scarf's dark navy...and so is my horse.
"Well, it's none of my business."
I don't even know who I am yet!
Little Joe and Adam have it out.
Can't stress that enough, folks. The last of the wild horses.
That horse has a Beatles' wig on it!
Better tie it better than that. (uh-huh) I can undo that knot! I'll leave, I will! (uh-huh) Goin'!
Meanwhile the bandana's out there like a ticking bomb.
"So consider me for your next corporate function; I'm available for all sorts of events!"
"What's the solution?" Saline, heh heh, cough.
Now I'll just disinfect this by wiping it under my arm pit!
This place is crawling with Holly Hobbies!
Get his feet a glass of lemonade.
John Waters; Texas Ranger.
Oh once again I'm putty in your hands. :(
Here's where the sepia-tone really pays off.
Has his scalp ever seen a bar of soap?
Ewww, smells like Grandma's purse!
Foot fetishes of the Oooooold West!
"Hey, they got in a shipment of Muslim women!"
I'm a Formula-1 race car! Vroom vroom!
Oooh! Quit givin' me pee!
Kindergarden baby~wash your face in gravy~
wrap it up in bubble gum~and send it to the navy~ NYA!
"I'm so sick of gingham I could just SCREAM!"
"I miss my spur noises. . ."
Well this Muriatic acid will be safe ... AHHHHH!
Hey! The horses don't have guns!
Two grown men, ladies and gentlemen.
This is a pretty wimpy old west ... more like midwest part of the old west. Like Des Moines.
I want you to brand Carol Channing!
Wow! The Amish are really haulin' ass!
HEY! The two O'clock shootout is startin'!
Go on home and disappoint your husbands!
Hay! That's the last straw!
"Hi Terry!" - You're dirt!
Ungodly coincidences of the Ooooollld West!
The Double C? I thought it was The Double Cranch!
"Pete Ferguson Slain!" - 'Never Liked Him!' Neighbor Declares! Building Code Invented and Underfire!
Wow! That's like a whole foot of ear!
Foot fetishes of the Ooooollld West!
Will you two keep the fight on the lower level? We're filming a Rifleman up here.
You sure this will make good toilet paper?
My butter shipment!
"I got the old man so he won't budge." I put a rock behind his wheel.
It was just a head and a stick, it was weird!
I wasn't playing shoe store!
"Dear sir your horse has a potentially serious design flaw that can result in explosion and fire."
"I hope he kills the Apple Dumpling Gang."
"Ah, he's coverin' the stamp so you can't see that it has Roosevelt on it!"
"Well, that's dating in the '90s-- the 1890s!"
"Tonton Macoutes of the Ollll' West!"
"Knishes! Get yer' Ol' West Knishes!"
Rarely do we see a good face whipping.
"Get the Doomsday Machine !!"
"Here's your problem, you got a tongue in here."
"This is like Gamera vs. Zigra, only with cowboys."
"I'm glad we had this little face to groin talk."
Oh, ram it, clown!
This shot is just screaming out for a huge grasshopper...
POOPER HELD AS PROBE WIDENS!!
Don't use your wheelchair as a crutch!
The movie's just starting to mosey now.
I've been trapped by this guy at so many parties...
Just don't tickle me. I'm thin, and it wouldn't be fair.
Tourette's of the Old West.
Die-die-die die die die die-die-die die die! br-r-rup!
Can I look under your blanket ?
Hey........ they got in ah shipment of Muslim women
Watch this...right in the butt!
I fought the loft... and the loft won!
I coulda' called Joel Hyatt, but, NO! I go with REMEDY!
They oughta just close this town and start over!
Remedy, yer a national friggin' treasure!
Looks like callback auditions for the Marlboro Man!
Well, we can go watch a wagon wheel get made, or we can go to the trial!
I want you to brand Carol Channing!
Now... my butt, my butt... I had it in church...!
Wow, he's Black Crowes lead-singer thin!
And now, Robert Lippert pretends he's John Ford!
Just for that, I'm not gonna let you feed me or help with my ablutions!
I hope this doesn't ruin the Taste Of Jacksonville Festival!
Hey, they got in a shipment of Muslim women!
Owww, my trick nipple!
Well... it's easy-goin' justice around these here parts...
Why, if this scene wasn't ending, I'd...
I'm glad we had this little face-to-groin talk...
Shut up Iris.
Please sir, can we have our bullets back?
I guess sarcasm hasn't hit the Old West yet.
Oh, yeah, the Hittelman film empire began with this movie.
LET ME GO! I'll have you KILLED! and then TORTURED! and... oh, hey a cowboy movie!
Johnny Pooper, number 2 badman in the west!
Please! I've already got hay in my pants!
What's that thing you say... uhh, "Grab!" ...uhh, "Push!"...
If the horse drops below fifty, it will explode!
I think those women did the right thing by not wearing earrings with those outfits.
What, does he just sit in there and plan golf courses in his mind...?
In Wisconsin, that farm would say "DIESEL CHEESE GIFTS"...
We'll head him off at Exit 31C!
It's a plot device... it's very flimsy, so BE CAREFUL!
The US Post Office: there's still no cheaper way to deliver a blackmail letter!
If you wuz alive, you woulda' heard that ironic retort...!
Gee, lookit those guys... THEY'VE got butts...!
Ahh, just do a little morning bowl, then get to work... no, you can't have any, this is eighty dollars an ounce!
Jeez, this movie has more scenes of people picking at themselves...!
Albert Glasser: The man who holds you down and pummels you with music