619 - Red Zone Cuba
|Short - Speech: Platform, Posture, and Appearance|
Riffs you quote here will appear randomly in the above.
Night train to drop a jeep off...
"I can handle 'em."
I was in Sky Divers, you know.
You know, Coleman would make a lumpy mattress.
The legendary Singing Buick!
Quit stalling and get executed!
I know it sounds crazy--" But would you choke me again?
"Ask the guard for some water." The movie lapped itself!
Wow, can you imagine being Castro and seeing that force swarmin' up at ya?
"You wanna shoot some dice?" Maybe play some freeze tag?
"Ran all the way to Hell with a penny and a broken cigarette." (no added comment... this is just a goofy line from the movie.)
Native beaters are used to flush out the Curly.
The train riding sequence was omitted for clarity.
My nose wheel feels mushy.
"I believe you were engineer on the train they grabbed that night."
"Yeah, that's right." Choo-choo Charlie was my name.
The cast of How to Succeed in Business moves in.
I am a Cuban and looking for Cuban safety here, in Cuba!
Hey, there's way more Cuba! I thought we were done!
Oh, no! You ran over my dog!
How are we going to get the Buick down the well?
-It's me, Margaret.
"We ran all the way to hell."
-There's always a stop in Wausau.
The Wherever This Is PD!
I killed a cute wittle wabbit!
So...they're not in Cuba anymore, right?
Hey! Tab Hunter lives here!
Coleman hogged all the best lines for himself.
The lions sense his weakness and close in, chewing at his hamstrings.
"Is that the mountain?" Let's KILL that mountain...
The gay high school secret service!
His green pants meant a lot to him?!
I have a nail I can sell ya.
The blue Chevy!
Escape from Green Acres!
Huh, he seems okay with this!
Hey, it's Justine... or Janine or Jordan-- or whatever the hell his name is!
This is smart, they're running right up Castro's driveway!
Castro's out raking leaves!
Well maybe 25 minutes of training wasn't enough...
"We must not get caught on the beach." Especially with my thighs! Heh
Man, it's really comin' down-- wait, it's beautiful!
Heh, he's trying to sneak into China.
Make sure your part is gouged into your skull!
"The ear is the human organ the public speaker is most likely to try to impress as he makes a speech." AFTER the human nipple.
YEAH THAT'S IT BABY! SHAKE THAT MONEYMAKER! WOOHOO!
"Women be different than men"
They had to call on the volunteer film maker squad to end the movie.
Did they even need to GO to Cuba?
If you see anything, film it. We'll put it in.
"He won't last 24 hours."
I seen torn pants like that before.
Now, don't run away. That would be unfair.
You couldn't lose money on a Bay of Pigs movie at this time. The country was Bay of Pigs crazy!
Yeah. Is your bunk mate supposed to strangle you?
It looks a lot like Cuba out here but just ignore that.
Your everyday annoyances should not be filmed!
Chinese... fire drill...
She's wed to the devil.
I sensed there was mail.
The loons Norman! Listen to the loons!
You know, I've got an oily Cuba zone.
I'll keep walking and they'll eventually stop filming.
I can't handle the truth!
Didn't happen to see a big fella, about 200 pounds maybe, hitchhiking?
No sir, we didn't.
Just in case you do, his name is Griffin and the reward is $5000.
HE'S OVER THERE !! RIGHT OVER THERE !!
Great job on the Bay of Pigs, honey!
Coleman, now, count to ten!
Location, location, location.
The Red Zone is for Cuba and Un-Cuba only...
I gotta get me a mechanical bull...
Under the spreading Coleman Francis...
Man, Charo could have planned this invasion better...
"C'mon, treatcha daddy right, need a new pair o' shoes..."
- And a hat, and a purse...
From the shores of AlbuquERque,,,
I hope he's here to brief us on the movie...
Look, a soccer team!
You were wonderful!
The Eyes of Kenneth Mars,,,
Did ancient toastmasters make this film...?
There were a lot of forensics going on in Kansas in the 50's...
Uggh...were you saving a specimen?
"This is the last of the cat. Enjoy!"
"Damn Leftist guerrilla drivers!"
"I saw a Bobolink!"
"The Mounds View Junior High School production of The Guns Of Navarone!"
"Hey, it's Fee Waybill!"
"Well, they've got the gravel pit 'til noon and then the Sandinistas are scheduled!"
"There's all the malt cups from his previous takes!"
[whisper]"He said 'erect'!"[/whisper]
"Be sure to get a brand new chin."
(gravely) We approach County Road B with extreme caution...
Ah, Castro lives above a hardware store.
I tink yer s'posedta strangle me 'til I'm dead...
May I finish my story?
Buuuut enough of that...
"Tor no go back."
Oh, how I long for Cuba...
"I hope you guys don't mind, but I've dressed like an ol' time sheriff!"
Kelly commands such loyalty from his men.
"Anybody wanna do some peyote and fly over canyons?"
Even when it's bright it's dark in this movie.
"Robbing people, killing people, hopping trains is fuuuuun..."
Good point, uh, whoever said that.
"To think that I was once Betty Boop..."
"Yeah it's a real tragedy, anyway pass the salt there, will ya"?
"HAHAHA"..."I had to finish smoking before I found that amusing."
Where does the pillow end and his face begin?
"So you guys wanna, uh, mess around and overthrow Cuba or somethin'?"
"Do you guys think that Justine guy is cute?"
"Jose, will drop the ropes... here"... "cus it's Cuba."
"Remember guys, no girls in our fort."
"That was an official thing I just did."
Some of the hottest hinders in Hollywood.
A wild Curly can hit 30 miles an hour when threatened.
ThE mAstEr sAYs yOu cAN't stAy hEre!
Night train to drop the jeep off!
I heartily endorse throwing HER down the well.
You and your swank restaurant with your CHI CHI frogs legs!
It says "Viva Frogs Legs."
Oh, don't tempt me!
They actually made it a very challenging shot!
Thanks. Now, I'm dying and I have paint on my face.
I've heard of this Cuban paint-throwing.
I think the phrase 'ugly American' is unfair. How about you?
"I always wanted money."
But I settled for looks.
Our auteur, ladies and gentlemen!
Sergeant Justine, I want you to call me Lieutenant Vivian.
Drink Night Train
Go to the basketball game
Throw up under the bleachers...
Was he ALWAYS 100 years old?
Well, this is a sunny opening.
You must appear and you must have matter.
That's it, baby. SHAKE THAT MONEYMAKER! Woohoo!
A-yita hooo WA! (a Servo riff that is hard to translate...it's when they show 'The Telephone Pole type'.)
We do more before noon than most people do before 10!
My name is death, I'll be your waiter...
"Well hey, it's Petey the Plane!"
"You want the paint-in-the-face? It's optional."
"You will look poised and dignified." Uh, no, you won't.
dog - "it smells like Coleman Francis in here!"
Shave tall, jump tall, and crouch tall.
I am a Cuban looking for Cuban safety here in Cuba.
"We have a man in Cuba who will throw ropes over the cliffs at 12 midnight." At 12:15 we're captured.
"Throw in the guy?"
"Everybody's having fun and smoking,
And the dogs are eating, too"
Coleman was pre-med.
"Got any... catfish?"
"Ooops --- gave myself a snuggie there."
I'm just glad Coleman's not wearing a skirt.
Uh...is your speech over Mr. Johnson?
-oh for the luva Pete...
Mind if I smoke thanks good I'll smoke then.
It's smelly Kelly, in a heli!
Well, thanks for not killing me. Right neighborly of ya.
"I want to give you some idea of what to expect."
There's 80,000 of them and 7 of us.
Wow, he's a regular Mycroft Holmes.
Ahh, Tony Curtis and Sydney Poitier are in there already.
"I'm doing a followup story on the desperadoes that were through here in '61"
Ah yes... which century?
OHHHH So it's marshall law in rats ass Missouri
Please do not reveal the incredible secret of Red Zone Cuba!
I'm going to have to ask you to leave if this continues. Ow.
Castro looks like Toulouse-Lautrec.
Full Metal Curly.
I think we're being watched by a Winslow Homer painting!
"Now we have the He-man, athletic type." Grandpa??
"Running Down The Road, Trying To Loosen My Load, Got COLEMAN FRANCIS On My Mind."
"JOHN CARRADINE, is he always 100 years old."
"He's got PATTY DUKE'S dad in his contact lens."
Ah the ghost brigade!
Are your bunk mates supposed to strangle you?
Damn tire changerrrrrs!
YOU SHOVE OFF!
Just wait 'til Bebe hears about this!
I'm with you, brother. Bay of Pigs. Right on!
The yanquis will pay highly for you, Señor Francis.
You, and your swank restaurant and your chi-chi frog legs!
the legendary singing Buick!
We now return to "In Cold Blood: The Series!"
We fought for control of the tobaggen run.
Hour, after hour of heartpounding small talk
You wanna video? We got some super-violent Asian triple-X cartoons...
We've got an omelet called "Supercalifragilisticexpialdelicious".
This film dares you to watch it!
Remember to leave your area at home.
My neck got broken in that jump cut!
"I like this one 'cuz its whiter"
*Five guys run up* The massive invasion force storms the beach.
Look peanuts arent important just take one!
Then I joined the Crash Test Dummies.
The Red Zone is for Cuba and un Cuba only.
And when Curly dies in the wild, he provides food for other Curlys.
I am the dark specter of food...
My father was a can opener; my mother was a wood duck
Once we get past the character development this film is bound to pick up!
The wild Curly can hit 30 miles an hour when threatened.
Nothing's happening so fast!
For this next shot, let's focus on me with my legs splayed and my enormous package spread out.
The legendary singing Buick!
Ah, coffee, a Coleman Francis motif.
The Bridges of Madison Cuba.
Fortunately, Cuba has only eight guys in it.
Takes a long good second to get used to that face.
Well, this movie wastes no precious screen time with the plot.
Ah, so it's martial law in Rat's Ass, Missouri.
-They don't call John Carradine the "Voice" for nothing.
-Ah, to be blessed with an instrument like that.
"-It was dark...
-That's not enough?
-John Carradine for Viceroy.
-Sal Mineo for Viceroy.
"She keeps her feet tightly clamped together." 'Nuf said.
"...stand tall and walk tall!" Shave tall, jump tall and crouch tall.
Ugh, ever seen a one eared elephant?
Now you're a can opener. Metal and shiny and taciturn.
The Shining Path Fantasy Camp
John makes Keith Richards look dewey.
This is just after he was drained of life by the Succubus.
I think this is taking place in Mordor.
Women be different than men.....
Now your ready to rub-out Sonny Corleone
You know, the freeway may not be the problem.
Their lives haven't changed at all!
My posture is good! *Screeeeeeeeeeeeeee!*
The movie has finally thrown up its hands and said ' I just don't know'.
"Coleman...I think you sat in ice cream..."
Sgt Justine, I want you to call me Lieutenant Vivian.
Bay of Pigs: That's what they say when I go swimming...
Ya know, the freeway might not be the problem...
Just ten more minutes, boys, then it's time for dinner.
Ho now, I'm rocking!
This is a really stupid use of a split screen!
Somewhere behind that tree, there's a scene happening...!
Maybe now would be a good time to put my hands on my knees and rotate...
Can't you just smell the tungsten?
It's the legendary Singing Buick!
That's why we have a picture of Gene Pitney on the mantel!
I think the location scout was a spazz!
I want to hurt this movie, but I could never hurt it the way it hurt me.
Ow, my area!
I will not make the knee test!
Water... Thirsty... Sick man...
I'm Cherokee Jack!
Obviously, you don't know who you've captured here. I'm Coleman Francis.
We'll be ready to shove off after sundown." You shove off!
Ted, you take Havana!
Coleman Francis is Curly Howard in "The Fugitive".