620 - Danger! Death Ray
|Short - none|
Riffs you quote here will appear randomly in the above.
I want you to know how much your four lines of dialouge meant to me.
Okay, now remember these people are very uptight so don't do none of your jew jokes.
On behalf of the ugly European society, we applaud you!
Thank you Fargo...for being an agricultural capital in the Upper Midwest.
Special effects by Billy!
That's not writing, that's typing.
Did you check me out on the monitors? How did I look?
"Close the door when you leave. There's a draft."
'Cuz I'm nude, you know!
I can't believe she's doing my bit!
Is that too many bullets back there? Is that okay?
His name is Luka.
I'm counting on him being completely blind.
Hi. I'm still in the movie.
Hey! Leave Mr. French alone!
Yes! I will be Mrs. Bart Fargo!
They're having some Montclair moments.
"Commercial relations between England and France aren't always easy. And you know why?"
...cause the frogs don't listen!
I brought you to my parents' rumpus room for a reason.
Our secret agent specializes in rough-housing!
Have you seen Carl?
If he hurts one hair on your earrings...
Jerry Reid IS Polonius!
I'm afraid you won't pass your driver's test, this time. Would you please get out of the car?
"Quick! It's the emergency alarm!" ...a really queer emergency alarm!
"Good evening, gentlemen." It's really quite European in here.
Lucky guess, I gotta admit.
"Until next time, this is Tom Servo..."
"And Crow T. Robot saying, this is your.. movie siiiiiign!"
"I wonder if the whole city can hear my theme song?"
"Time for my obligatory flirting scene!"
"Yes darling,come as soon as you can..." THAT'S WHAT I USUALLY DO!
Hmm, I think he missed this day in secret agent training.
Can the balloon juice and kill something!
Please, turn off the alarm! It's making us all tense!
This is for the ladies, but I like it too.
They tampered in God's domain.
Ah! My gallstone!
Well, this frosts my strawberries.
Thank you all for coming; yes, all of you can be hand models.
In: The 'Bop beda beda bop' Story
"Oh, he is showboating his butt."
"I was just reaching for my mint!"
Hey! I've seen you on TV!
You've gotta slap it in like that or it doesn't work.
It's the da-da-dow attachment.
You know, neither one of us is very good at this.
You must be Carl!
Oh and he picks up a spare!
You're not Carl! Carl doesn't hit me!
I bet you he's getting on the phone with his Wall-Gun representative.
"Tell them I'm here as an honored guest."
Pssh, yeah, OK, you don't have to chip in for the pizza
'Make-A-Face' - Design your own face!
Bart Fargo is Hard to Watch!
David Cassidy as Abe Lincoln behind enemy lines.
"By the way, it's my birthday. (punches waiter in the face) Don't I get a little cupcake?!"
He died as he lived - not really having anything to do with this film!
"Whose that behind those Amy Grants"?
"Paging Mr Fart Bargo.. F.. ah Bart Fargo..."
"This has the tone of an Incredible Hulk episode."
"It was an interesting choice not to have suspense in this movie."
"-Some little boy is going to be very upset."
"...And the way you dove out that window was just horrible."
"We're gonna put an end to this towel stealing once & for all..."
"Abe Lincoln is Time Cop."
"Special effects by Billy!"
"Get this toy out of here; quick."
"The disintegration power of this beam is much more powerful than a laser..."
"- So I haven't just invented that again."
"If Michael Cain and Andre the Giant had a child."
"I'm glad they said danger; I thought it was just a regular death ray."
Meanwhile, in coach...
"I just made some new friends." - I'm sitting on one now.
There's a darkness at the edge of Europe.
Das toy boat
Don't go up there, you'll become a toy!
Give me some PANTS!
This has the tone of an Incredible Hulk episode.
Apparently shiny suits haven't caught on over here...
"Bart! What's going on?" How would I know? What am I, a spy or something?
Ye-heow! Thank you Eastman Widescreen!
(sexily) Ow, my ankle.
So there's where they put the ceiling, clever bastards!
Whoa, pardner! You just missed the Pine Crest Resort!
It's a liquor showroom!
Wardrobe! More pants, please!
He really needs a terry top to go with those swim trunks.
Spy Movie Historical Marker 2 Miles.
Poor little guys! Secrets agents can climb really good but they have a hard time coming back down!
My falafel ready to go?
Whoa! My eyes really rack focused there!
I wonder if the whole city can hear my theme song?
Mommy, I swam all the way out to the raft!
We've got to get drunk, it's urgent!
Ah, the annual 'Running of the Secret Agents' in Pamplona!
"I can't go there! I'll be killed!"
Well, you're all going to be Bart Fargo-less for a while.
"I went for a swim."
See? At least he TRIED.
Some little boy is going to be very upset.
"...we...did our best...to..."
Well, your best wasn't good enough, was it!
You leave yourself open to this kind of thing when you have a trapdoor.
"I like it when you worry about me."
Stress turns me on!
Yeah, it's clear. This is BOGUS, man.
Oh, they better let the tub cool down before they use it now.
These are NOT toys!
No time to shave my brow.
The day they killed Chad and Jeremy.
Ha, now he's an art critic.
We're going to put an end to this towel stealing once and for all!
Ribbit... ribbit... ribbit.................... Ribbit!
"SCTV IS ON THE AIR!"
"He broke into Wes Montgomery's house."
"Our hair is our special bond."
"Er... uh, don't look on the top shelf in there cuz' the guy that lived here before had a lotta' porno magazines!"
"I feel like kissing his shoulder. Is that weird?"
"Whoa! A jumpsuit-less back!"
"The Rockford Files: European Vacation."
"Either he's nine feet tall or that's a tiny door."
"This movie's packed with hinders!"
"Michael Eisner and Jeffrey Katzenberg's last meeting!"
"I hate Triple Sec!"
"Yeah, fine. I'll save the world when I'm ready!"
I'm Gary Crosby,,,
You and I have some issues, Mister...
- It's a toilet paper cozy...
- And a salute to Nair!
Hi, Mike - how ya doin'?
Jack LaLane IS: The Fugitive!
Can you check this? I think I'm done.
Help me Kirk...
there's some brains over here... you want this brain?
I've brought you to my parent's rumpus room for a reason.
"Don't go up there; you'll become a toy."
"If the music speeds up, I'll be able to catch her."
"So, if you ever need to burn holes in stuff, this is your baby. . ."
I got into the cooking sherry...*hick*
"You're watching 'Brian Television.' All Brian, all the time."
When stuntmen try to play cards...
Oh, and our doors moo when you open them.
"You're the one who knows everything --" "Who's god?!"
"This is so lucky, we needed a helicoptor!"
"Police headquarters; Emergency!" "We can't get the alarm off!!"
These Sansabelts are made for action.
"Carl, do we have a casserole dish?"
Is this what they mean by "the dressing rooms may be under surveillance?"
Please, I'm not ready for this. I like you just as a thug.
Have you heard about the guy who's late?
There's a late guy here!
That's him over there! I hear he's late!
"Would you like a cigarette?"
They're done already?!
He's not Italian.
I really enjoy our mundane conversations.
Gun placed by the Gideons.
Is this the National Twister Monument?
Miss Iceberg Lettuce!
"There is some cooking brandy in the kitchen."
Do you have Holland House?
My mother, my sister! My sister, my mother!
Danger!! Small Talk
Mike - "Ladies and gentleman, the pizza rolls will be ready at any moment."
Special effect by....Billy!
Just because you have a high speed chase doesn't mean you can't have an adequate space cushion.
How about a hand of POKER ?!
Bart Fargo is hard to watch
this has the tone of an incredible hulk episode
oh no! one of the three tenors is down!
let's go to the furniture showroom
special effects by Billy!
I want Jefferson Davis DEAD! I want his children DEAD!
Ah, first you want to get me high and then you'll take advantage. Bingo!
Oh now he's showboating his butt....
Uh, sir, there is a nipple on your face.
Too bad they just can't shoot through the bars.
Buckaroo Banzai goes to a nursing home!
David Cassidy is Abraham Lincoln : Behind Enemy Lines
" What I need "now is a KING sized CIGARETTE "
Abe Lincolns' a bad cop ON THE LOOSE ...
"By the way it's my birthday, don't I get a little cupcake !!"
"My nose wheel feels mushy." - Line out of San Fransisco International... thanks guys
"I should like to be in a barber shop quartet..."
Abe lincoln is..." TIME COP!"
Four people down and not a single quip!
"The door's unlocked."
"And so am I!"
I'm going to shun him!
Time for my obligatory flirting scene
I can’t watch another episode of “SeaQuest”, I must do something!
Oh crap! It’s “Danger!! Death Ray”, I hate this movie.
Bart Fargo IS ‘Hard… to watch‘.
"We're looking for a man." Are you him?
Somebody tell the director we lost him, I think he’s dead.
Can you imagine the horrible kinds of peace the bad guys will wage with that death ray?
This is our first emergency, we're not very good!
Ah, perhaps someone should press a floor button.
*Ba pa da ba da-da* This isn't appropriate right now! His friend is dying over there! ... It's nice. It's nice though.
Why have you taken me to the Peterson's bathroom!?
I'm trying to run an international organization and you guys are bugging me
"Don't forget what I told you." That you're a tiger in the sack?
"Why don't you put your cards on the table?" But you're playing pool!
She's wearing an armoire on her finger!
Agh! A Ferengi ear!
Grow some hair!
oh, he's show boating his butt
Lattice in! Heh heh
I was led to believe this was an APPLEBEES!
Danger! Beer gut!
We must get drunk! It's urgent!
Ah, they're coming up for more baking soda.
If Michael Caine and Andre the Giant had a baby
"I'm Charlton Chew!"
They really have captured the grandeur of white guys walking in herds.
Aren't you glad you use Dial? Don't you wish EUROPEANS did?!
On behalf of the ugly European society we applaud you!
"Come as soon as you can." That's what I usually do.
You can tell by the way the way I use my walk, i'm a woman's man, no time to talk.
Augustus has fallen into the chocolate!
Danger! Anti-pregnancy pills!
Bah dup bah dup bahhh dah duh dah dah
What country is this taking place in ?
Hey my car was parked behind that wall!
John Cameron Swayze intercepted it!
Bah dah bah dah ba pants suit, ba dah dah ba dah dah bra!
Actually, the Death Ray would be very good for Hollywood premieres!
What's all the arpeggio-ing about?
This house has the guns, but no central air!
I'm dyin' in a rush!
I want you to know how much your four lines of dialogue meant to me!
Oh, no! That antique breakaway chair's been in the family for years!
Macaulay Caulkin: "Home Alone" 57!
I gotta get a bigger body closet!
Uh... you might want to notch down the music while I'm trying to sneak in!
I'm sorry, ma'am, but I've got to get some use out of this Death Ray!
Let's put our balls on the table, shall we?
Hey! We had our quarters on the table!
Well, you all are gonna be Bart Fargo-less for awhile...!
Better be a damn' good "bonk"!
Have you heard about the guy who's late...? There's a late guy here...!
He just had his suit polished!
She's painted for a Laugh-In sketch!
That robe has "Father's Day Gift" written all over it!
Well, it's 10am somewhere in the world...!
It was an interesting choice to not have any suspense in this movie...
I think we just foiled someone, but... because of the editing, we can't be sure...!
This action sequence brought to you by the Stan Kenton Band!
-Macintosh equipment? That's a nice tube amp... HEY!
It's hard for me to work without my music, but... I'll try...!
It's like when rats pop out of the toilets in St. Paul!
This must be a massive organization to throw away a $1.50 helicopter!
And.. more butts.
Don't go up there, you'll become a toy!
Ty-D-Bowl Man's doin' all right for himself!
Jeez, fellas, if we only had a Death Ray, then... HEY!
There, we made him swerve slightly!
...and the Death Ray's just rattling around in the trunk...!
It was fun! I think I'm finally coming out of my depression!
Now, you might expect to pay up to three million dollars for a Death Ray like this, but, wait...!
All right, now... who here is bald? Show of hands, please...?
This scene could really use a bop bah dop ah dah dah!
Merv's guests are Zsa Zsa Gabor, The Death Ray, and Totie Fields!
All this just to get reruns of "Madam's Place"!
What does "Bap ba dap ah dah dah" mean, anyway? Is it protest?
Cameron Swayze intercepted it!
I hope my death ray wasn't the cause of all this.
This happened when I was Mannix's bellboy too!
David Cassidy as Abe Lincoln: Behind Confederate Lines.
"Enjoy my teeth!"
*timpani* "THIS MAN..."
What's with a secret agent that keeps striking out?!?!
Explain to me why they're called buffalo wings!
Aww he had a little too much death ray.
"They really have captured the grandeur of white guys walking in herds."
I think you know what I meant.
Peckinpah's Wild Parking Attendants...
The power of disintegration of this ray is a lot greater than a laser beam ... So I haven't just invented that again.
Sure it's phallic, why wouldn't it be?
"Ok, remember, these people are verrry uptight, so don't do none'a your 'Jew' jokes."
Come on. Hi. Welcome to Jack Ruby fantasy camp.
Ah, the ocean's beautiful in this part of the tub...
thats no lady! thats my wife!
oh no one of the three tenors is down!
Frank, you look like a slut.
I've got a rail-splitting headache!
"What country is this taking place in?" "Europe."
Exotic locations like the south side of Chicago and Gary, Indiana.
If Michael Caine and Andre the Giant had a child...
Patrick Swayze intercepted it!
BART FARGO! BART FARGO! BART FARGO! BART FARGO! BART FARGO!
Honest-to-Goodness real (not toy) helicoptor.
Help me, Spock!
"So...if you ever need to burn holes in stuff, this is your baby...."
Abe Lincoln is: Time Cop!
Danger! Twist Tie
"Paging Mr. Fart Bar...Bart Fargo"
"Special effects by Billy!"
So it's a peace-loving death ray then.
Come on, death ray something!
They really have captured the gandure of white guys walking in herds...
That was Bat da dada dada! by the Dune Town Vipers!
"In case you didn't know, this is the light-hearted portion of our movie."
"And the way you dove out the window was just terrible. "Oooh! Sorry ma'am."
They were going to call this "Danger! Wall Mounted Guns," but it wasn't a very good title.