624 - Samson Vs The Vampire Women
|Short - none|
Riffs you quote here will appear randomly in the above.
All right. You folks need to turn down the Strauss a little bit. There's been some complaints.
"Nothing. Nothing. You can go now."
Thank you. Thank you. I'll go now.
STRAUSS OUT !!!
OUR WIVES DON'T UNDERSTAND US!
I feel sort of silly right now. Did I Overdress?
She has to hold her arms up, until her roll-on dries.
Say, is your body remarkably different from when I was just in here?
must be the maid's century off.
He's got a full acre of area!
Oh, why couldn't I have been a vampire in Israel?
"In a little while we'll be back." She must've drank Chinese blood.
Remember when we had to listen to her stand-up act?
Would you shut up? Some people gotta work in the morning!
I dedicate this song to thorazine
I looked better before I tried to look good.
I'm very shy around inspectors.
Gettin' too old for these raves!
I will get your Cream of Wheeeat...
You got me up for THAT?!
Well! I think this house is ready to show!
Do we HONESTLY need another remake of “Little Women?”....
“Why do you think we’re here? We’ll stop any attack that they could begin!”...provided the attack is lame..and poorly thought out..and it’s our grandmas...
Alright! O-negative on tap, wooooo!
“You are my spirit! And awaken your sleeping slaves as well!”...Mexico really needs a Martha Stewart...
Meanwhile back at the world's most joyless party... .
Yes. They're real.
Have faith in your father. You're probably just crazy.
I know this is not right to say, but this is an ugly sorority.
“All men are addicted to corruption and obligated to seek self-destruction”....Hey! well, well that’s true actually...
Now, when was I a flying leatherneck?
"But you can't or won't tell me what it is."
That makes it hard to get the scene going!
Sampson, there are a lot of bodies. We have some questions...
If they had just bought curtains, it would have saved the entire vampire race!
This is very much like The Quiet Man, exept they're Mexicans in tights and one of them is the devil.
I gorged myself on a cracker!
Is this Joe Cocker here, in the foreground?
I wonder if there are vegetarian vampires.
Oh, bite me. Heheh.
Guys, the presence of his pants prove there is a God.
Would you JUST get outta the coffi--
I think this was back when glam rock was big.
The owl's impersonating a spider monkey!
Ah, they resort to second grade tactics.
Pan: Texas Ranger!
Mind if I throw that butterfly theory at you again?
Loan me your sweater!
I want to loan her my sweater and I don't need it back!
Hold on! Let me write all this down!
Remember, there are vampire women; so get ready with the Cher jokes.
Sit down! Everybody, sit down! We're not gonna start the match until everybody sits down!
Garth Hudson's outside!
Hey great...you know that thing from Peanuts?
I'm so sure! Debbie gets to be queen when she's been asleep for five centuries. I mean, like, I worked the float and everything!
Now let's get back to the party and Strauss Out!
you are not the Kissingers!
You know what they say about guys with big hats!..Huh?
I'd like to apologize in advance for our Wedding Night!
I came dressed as a Mexican!
Bested at every turn, and now you've got a chance to light some helpless women on fire.
Gee, I hope this is the right thing to do.
Apparently, considerable taxiing is necessary for vampires to lift off.
"Now that's an idea!" Put the cheese inside the cracker!
Samson trained by watching Roadrunner cartoons.
It wasn't such a good idea to send a killer vampire into the crowd...
I'm pretty so I have value now.
The second Schmelling/Satan went on for fifteen rounds...
Wanna buy a watch?
Go play with your ball...
You're getting Pond's on my suit...
Which one is Brad Pitt...?
*I* have a question...
"I gotta get a better fan."
It's like Miss Havisham's summer place.
You know, I went to school with an Alfonso Corona Blake. Oh wait, that was Todd Langley, I'm sorry.
Oh, it's a cage match!
Did you ever see a polish magnet? Here, it's over this way (snigger snigger).
♪♫ Go El Santo! Go El Santo! Go El Santo, Go-o! ♪♫
Authorities suspect arson.
"At last I've got it!"
I've discovered the letter D!
She's been stucco-ed!
This must be the arena...where Samson is fighting tonight. ...perhaps he'll get in touch with us later on.
Ten minutes ago I met you...and we murmured our how-do-you-dos...
Bothered by unsightly demon marks?
No wait! Come back!
Why won't he help me?
Come back tomorrow...and then, LEAVE IMMEDIATELY!
"We will not fail you again, Tundra."
That's Permafrost to you!
Silent except for Ted. Boy, was HE sawing logs.
I have a question.
I,WILL KILL YOU!
Ladies and gentlemen, Miss Putrescence!
So, the devil's minions are cheap thugs!
"Diana, what happened?"
But I can't stay long so don't tell me.
I shouldn't have gotten drunk at Strugis.
"You see, Diana is in terrible danger but what's a good way to explain it to you?"
They're gonna wax his bikini area.
I'll send for your car, Mr. Lugosi.
I feel like one of those trapper monks or something! ..That was one round of silence, gents! --Tom Servo (yelling)
What a dope
Tell your friends the vampires are here!
I'd like to apologize in advance for our wedding night.
Let the Cher jokes begin...
"Do we honestly need another remake of Little Women?"
[sob] "The food here is terrible!"
"And the portions so small!"
"IT'S AN OAK RIDGE BOY!"
"Why can't they just talk about whatever's botherin' them, instead of this senseless wrestling?!"
"Mr. Wrestler, are you trying to seduce me?"
"Maybelline™: Fine makeup sensibly priced."
"I never thought I'd long for a Mariachi band."
"She's got combination skin. One part is fetid and one part is rotted."
"Ah, yes. The three Russian aviators."
♬ ♩ "Yes, the movie sucks, Fernando..." ♩ ♬
A Mr. & Mrs. Vampire from Passaic, New Jersey.
I was sent by Fantasy-Gram.
I don't know; I just came home and they were here.
We're out of blood. Is Pepsi okay?
Why won't he help me?
Uh, I have a question.
I don't tan.
owl: "chi? chi?"
...Consult my sacred roll of Brawny.
Jackie Mason! What am I doing here? Why am I in a castle? Why am I in a crypt? I'm a vampire!
Alright Marines! Grab your socks and drop your...socks.
Thank goodness, a wrestle stop!
The Flying Nosferatu Brothers!
Hello, ladies. Your special today is a cheesy taco loco. I'll be back to take your order later.
It's a Mandrell Sisters's Halloween Special!
Hey, great! You know that thing from Peanuts?
"A thundering tire...a flashing turn signal...and a hearty HI HO SILVERRR!"
Some people burn easily in the sun.
Death Race Liberace!
it's a Vampire Version of Goodfellas.
Run! it's Butch Patrick!
"Who...who will I kill?" "Goodbye Frank"
This scene was cut out of Spartacus.
when a man loves a wrestler....
DON'T ...TOUCH ...MASK!
Panty raid! Hahaha. I'm kidding of course, just gonna burn you to death.
"-God bless you, Samson!"
"-Who is he, papa?"
-God, well he is a judeo-christian diety.
And the Devil is out of the ring! The Prince of Darkness has fallen on a woman in the front row!
This isn't Strauss!
Great, there goes half of the bowling team!
I should tell you, that some time ago a prophecy was spoken... Oh what the hell, give me a Black Russian!
You killed one of the Dutch Masters, you fiend!
Jeeves' final years, exiled to Mexico.
Hm, another man gone. Is it something about my study that drives people away?
I feel sort of silly right now. Did I overdress?
I know, I look like Vincent Price.
Oh, why did I agree to proofread this Michener novel?
"Those were vampires that I saw!" He said the same thing about a parking violation yesterday.
They didn't count on Carlton the Doorman.
That mirror thing was pure genius!
Beethoven from his grave renounces his great work.
-The Mexican Larry Tate.
Now Dean Martin comes in and jumps on her piano.
"Some butlers stay inside, sir-" "Shut up and get outside!"
Mexico is one goofy country!
Something is going to happen Mike. Something wonderful!
It's the international fight like a girl championships
The ultimate battle between good and evil is really goofy.
The ruling party set the debate format.
Provided the attack is lame and poorly thought out, and is our Grandmas.
This is what southern Baptists thing Catholic mass is like.
Her tragic destiny was announced by her parents of Redwing Minnesota.
Consult my sacred roll of Brawny.......
That's too bad......well I got a golf date with Randy the Macho Man.
Are his nipples painted on?
What you call Hell, Ramos calls photography.
"You just tell them that Tony the big bad vampire wants his money !! "
" I was sent as a fantasy-grahm ! ! "
"Tonight we're going to party like it's 1959 ! ! !"
"They're worshiping a giant Toblerone"
Please do not feed the Samson.
He looks like an executioner on break.
Oh, they're making the beast with 2 butts.
No, no, no you naughty boy. Don't look at me.
So, she comes, sucks on your neck, you live for all eternity, she's super hot, what's the problem here??
They've got some pretty busy spiders in these here horror movies.
Alright marines, grab your socks and drop your.... socks.
Don't talk about your mother that way!
I don't get the physics of a hovering bat.
"I bet it was a butterfly out there attracted to the light." - Or a tiny condor waiting for you to die.
This is what would happen if Don King took over opera...
Unsightly demon marks getting you down?
Oh. The passion.
I dreamed I visited El Manderley last night...
This scene was cut out of Spartacus.
The undead recruits of the WWF!
I just realized this is a totally boring party. Let's bring out the peyote!
Wheee! It's fun being the eternal damned! C'mon, Skipper!
This is what Southern Baptists think Catholic mass is like.
I suppose I have to read her The Very Hungry Caterpillar again. *sigh*
Looks like it's the maid's century off.
I dedicate this song to thorazine.
I'll be back Alfred.
Sampson vs The Vampire Women; a major Supreme Court case.
We had a really Hispanic time, thank you!
Can you imagine the huge apocolyptic grease fire if they threw
Rush Limbaugh in there?
Oh, I love what they did with the cobwebs and bat-guano.
Yes they're real.
Call the pound !
Hi, Honey! Gee, it's great to be back at the castle, hope your sister's dress up halloween slumber party went we- OH MY GOD!!!
Panty Raid! Haha, I'm kidding of course. I'm gonna burn you to death.
And the crowd goes wild...yaaay.
She thinks she's hot snot on a silver platter but she's more like a cold booger on a paper plate!
Should I get into my costume?
Oh,I see the spanking service has arrived.
Please stop playing the waltz!
i'm pretty so i have value now
the international fight like a girl championships
Our wives don't understand us!
Isn't it strange how her eyes don't follow you no matter where you are in the room
Hey! It looks like Cher!
Oh good, give me more wrestling.
Be sure to stop by tomorrow, & then leave immedeately!
Do you need any wrestling done?
Many times, lint gets in your eye and takes on ghoulish shapes