701 - Night of the Blood Beast
Riffs you quote here will appear randomly in the above.
Hey, weirdo. Hey. Freak. How are the shrimps? Weirdo. Freak-boy.
"Dr. Benson, come here quickly, Bring my bag."
Dad never asks me for his bag at home...
Well, at least we can strip him for parts.
(Elmer Fudd voice) Be vewy cawfew wif my hat, huh-huh-huh.
"That we will give them a better way of life." -- (Bogart voice) May not today or tomorrow, but soon and for the rest of your lives.
"What do you have in mind?"
I need sexual healing.
George said if I ever got in trouble. to come back here to the place by the creek.
Well, I can't find the bloodbeast, but I can see the beast of Yucca Flat.
"Why does it have to be killed?" -- Doncha think he's cute?
Ed Nelson, of Ed Nelson Plumbing and Heating. Free hotdogs for the kids.
Condoms. Lingerie for me and you. Let's go to your mother's.
(Liberace voice) I wrote this one for Scott Thorson.
(Lawrence Welk voice) Ah, Bobby and Sissy, aren't dey wonterful?
"♫ A way up high where the blue birds like to fly ♫" -- ♫ I wish that I could sleep with Louis Nye ♫
god bless gramma, and please don't let the alien babies eat me in my sleep, thank you.
Barney's been in a fire!
you know, my gown opens from the rear.
Do the thing with the tongue!
See, Clayton. If you practiced, you could be like Art.
Mike: I wanna have sex! ( whining)
You sly boots!
I could find the jaws of life so I got Cindy. She's really strong.
Okay, bride's side or Blood Beast's side?
So, Julie... guess he wasn't gettin' enough at home.
Hey, you're taller than last year, honey.
There's gotta be a Pizza Hut nearby.
This has 'Steve' written all over it.
I'll keep fiddlin' with the corpse.
Hey, the rug is escaping!
Should we split Johnny open and scoop out the roe?
Where's Dr. Wyman? I hadn't finished his head.
Here's something to complicate things even more: I took these [pictures] upside-down!
I've never seen anything like it. I've never seen a Saltine up close!
♫ And if you say goodbye / I'll sock you in the eye / and run you up against the wall and POP goes the weasel! ♫
"Hum hum hum hum HUM hum...sword and magic HEL-met..."
"I couldn't write the Farmer in the Dell tonight." "Why would you want to write him?"
"...just answer my hair dryer here..."
Donna omitted for clarity.
"Isn't it possible that this has happened for a purpose?"
You said he could stay up 'til New Years and that means Christmas is over!
God, his droppings are enormous!
Imagine how much lower we'd be, if we were down there...
My god - I'm pregnant...
♫I wish I could have sex with Louis Nyyyeee...♫
Oh! How many times have Michael Jackson and Lisa Marie had sex!
I can see the contours!
"Julie! Donna!!" Go check that out.
"He's not dangerous-- not to me, anyway." Except when the Packers lose.
"There's nothing you can do!" Unless you know where his face is...
No- that's his hinder, Steve.
He's got Señor Wences disease!
"It's in there." What? OHH!!
"Guadalcanal." You bought a canal?
"How about a molotov cocktail?" Well, it's pretty early...
So, uh, why a trapeze?
That's weird, Steve! I've got it handled, Steve!
Can you be dead again?
"Oh, my head!" My achey breaky head!
OH! Steve's name is Johnny!
Wait! There's one last piece of carrot cake! Heheheh
Steve! Steve and I have something to tell you.
Steve 1, you go that way! Steve 2, come with me!
Did he have a skull when we sent him up?
"Only, he was supposed to come back alive." Stupid jerk.
I was known as something of a 'chick handler' myself. Hahaha.
I think Johnny's lying about the babies and he just wants the blood beast to marry him.
So...anyway, I trusted that Eagle Scout and he let me down.
This is no way to meet the in-laws!
"I can't hold it back any longer!"
I have to overact!
Ooh, the blood beast is making jerked chicken!
You ever see stroganoff?
Maybe if they had a bloodhound.
"Barney's been in a fire!"
This would be a good companion film with Eraserhead!
Pills, pills, pills, pills, where are the pills?
Four hours ago they were populated with alien amorphic cell structures!
They mean to win Wimbledon.
These Lutheran weddings are so short!
"We're all under a terrible strain."
I feel good!
Ah, just ignore me.
I saw a huge blood-sucking alien, but I didn't think that was important, either.
"Maybe he's got something."
Yeah. Sea monkeys.
"That's impossible, Doctor. You must have made a mistake."
"I'm a doctor. I checked it twice."
"But you're a *girl* doctor, Doctor."
I couldn't get the jaws of life, so I brought Cindy. She's really strong.
"Is the power out completely?"
No, just partly. OF COURSE IT'S OUT COMPLETELY!
"Something hit me. It was big like a bear."
"Was it a bear?"
Oh, I'm fine too... don't even ask...
- Isn't this the Polovtsian Dance #2 by Borodin?
- Yeah. That's why it stinks.
Oh no! Angel dust!
Okay, Jeff, we're all set on this end. Go right ahead.
Wait a minute - do that again. Yeah, okay, now rustle your skirt. Now flap your arms, and run the vacuum.
If I pull hard enough, I can snap my head off.
Should we get a gay man for OUR roof, honey?
Oh dear God, I hate theatre people!
Just go you big poof.
This would be a good companion film with Eraserhead.
'scuse me while I light my spleef!
What would Liberace do?...no I better not do that!
and me completely out of blow!
Oh Mama! that is so sweet!
Wounded animal that large isn't good!
"What's the trouble?"..."I can't transmit across the room with this thing" Goldstar...Huh!!
"I helped design the Jettison Unit that didn't work!"...then 'member that other thing that didn't work?
"Over 3 hours and no body rigidity!" Well that's nothing new!
Who knew we needed fuel?
"How bad is he?" Did you ever see Stroganoff?
Did I hit the Ocean?
Dave? What should I do with my gum?
Here's how far I've gotten "La!"
Hey, now they'll get Immaculate Reception!!!!
Uh sir, should we get on to wars or starvation or......?
Oh it's springtime for Hitler......
Oh, I was known as something of a chick-handler myself.
"It operates on a radium cathode tube."
"I'm not afraid... I'm not afraid." Afraid not am I.
Another long scene in here should help.
(softly) You can call him "creature", it doesn't offend him...
There's a frisbee in the gutter! ahawhawhaw.
Walter Cronkite approves.
Steve, I need to iron a blouse; can you sleep somewhere else?
Not the copier! My resumè was in there!
Be vewee quiet...we're hunting bwod beasts! eh eh eh eh eh eh.
(Dave hands over his watch) "Take a look." This was in my tuna.
Look at this - mealworms! I could raise these and make good money at home!
Well, what would Liberace do?...I better not do that!
Wait...I mean, death.
"How do you know?"
Stay, Donna. Stay there completely alone! That's best.
Are we camping? Is this camping, you guys? You know, I never went camping. You know one time we went to North Dakota to visit Uncle Ron and he had a horse and it stepped on me. ...at least, I think it was a horse.
"Just be back as soon as you can."
"You don't understand. We thought you were dead."
And, frankly, we were getting pretty used to the idea.
You think I'm Steve don't you!
You know...my gown opens from the rear.
"The last count was 140 over 80."
What a selfish thing to say.
It's like he's dead or something.
Maybe he's dead!
"By all medical standards, this man is dead."
So just like before then.
"No heartbeat, no respiration."
I've never seen a man so dead.
Area... Restricted areaaaaaaaa!
Trespassers are shot on sight
By order of the governmeeeeeeeent.
I don't WANNA take a dumb picture!
"I'm getting too close to the earth!"
I'm afraid of intimacy!
If it returns, I'll live forever. If it doesn't, it was never mine to begin with!
Help! The conductor is having a seizure!
We've got to get out of here! I smell GAS!
Pills, pills, pills...where are the pills?
It's springtime for Hitler...and Germany!
Oh, god, I slipped in his face...
Hi - we're looking for honest men...?
This is back when NASA was family owned and operated...
Hang on - we're switchin' all power to the radio...
Dick Currier: When Dick absolutely, positively has to be there overnight!
*blood beast leaps into bush* "I regret nothing!!!"
"Don't stare at me" "And don't look at my area..."
*beats wall with pillow* "Stupid wall, you stupid wall!"
In our country it's custom to throw gasoline on the new couple.
Oh, Blood Beast scat! Be careful.
♫ He's once, twice, three times a Blood Beast ♫
"Better to stalk it than have it come to us." - That's my dating policy.
"Well, once --- but he had the wind at his back."
"Everything's going wrong in this movie!"
Um, am I having a feeling? Do I need a perm?
"I wish I had an stove whose pilot light was always LIT!" "Well don't look for it now; it's only available in the year 2000!"
Oh, I wish Hardware Hank hadn't done my kitchen!
Wait a minute! I work for Otis Elevators, I don't write music!
They should fire grandma as their decorator.
As a precautionary measure I suggest we all stay in this room tonight. I'll lay on Sharon.
The cliff has Billy Idol hair.
Maybe they shouldn't have launched a rocket while the dryer was running.
"No fur, no blood." ♫No disco! No foolin' around!♫
Meester Fawlty! She so crazy! She heet me!
It's great how they can run the space program then sell corn from their flatbed truck.
Eh, Breaker-One-Niner for the Big Booty, we've got a spam in the can and we'll catch you on the big bounce-around, over!
Music by Ray Manzarek! (RIP Ray!)
♫I wish I had a pretty purple phone to match my purple Gypsy color!♫ Oooh, saaay... Thanks, wow!
I'll just order the hit! *Charles Nelson Reilly laugh*
Hey, hey...Leave room for the Holy Ghost.
"...you haven't eaten lunch yet!" "I had three packs!"
They wrote their own vows, you know.
Do not be afraid! I am not here to harm you! I just want to kill you.
Yes, I am using Dr. Wyman's voice. I've got a little problem with the reverb, though.
"Don't say 'rub.' Or 'grind,' or 'moist,' or 'hard' or 'gristle.'"
Dear God, I hate theater people.
This is no ordinary Steve.
Ladder, that same evening.
i'm being severely backlit!
Hurt? "No thanks, i already was"
("have you seen my Hairbrush")
My bodily functions aren't like those of a normal human being. ("I'm Italian")
Barney's been in a fire!
"We discovered the ultimate power." Radar.
My nails aren't dry.
Barney's been in a fire!
"I want you to see this." Look how dead he is.
Look a frog!
*playing piano* BANG bang BANG BANG bang BANG BANG!
Elton John was here!
♫ Everybody was Kung - Fu figh - ting ♫
There he is, officer! Come down off the roof.
I love it when I get a call in my pants.
Alright taking you up to news time with the CHUCKERRRRR!
I-I'm seeing a wool pantsuit...and someone is hungry for a frosted item.
"Steve!" - What, Me Steve or He Steve?
Just three little ties in the back, slips right off...
"We've never sent a man this far into space before." - With so little food and no air.
"Look at it closely." - Now, lick it!
"It's a Lands' End™ ad!"
" 'Available in Loden, Camel, Stone, Pant, and Twerp.' "
"Uh, there's gonna' to be some turbulence, seeing as we have one wing."
"I'm losing his pattern, Captain."
"Ah, sort of a Western-y Gingham-y Oriental Danish Modern-esque Prairie School sort of thing."
"This might actually be sex right here!"
"Angels work about as hard as road crews!"
♩ "...A cozy little castle with a hundred rooms or more..." ♩
♫ "And I wouldn't have to dress like Tipper Gore..." ♫
"It's the Pope about the one sexual position."
"I'm leaving you."
"I thought I was leaving you."
"Lucy, I'm dead!"
"DR WHEIMANN" You march straight down from there mister
It just reminds me of when my turtle died is all
This is a stupid space program. I'm going to go work for my uncle's space program!
" CLAYTON SUSAN FORESTER !! !! !! "
He's getting deader...
Look at how dead he is!
Before this decade is out, we will put a man in a pickup truck, and bring him safely to Mendocino County.
How bad is it? Did y'ever see Stroganoff?
"He alone stood on the threshold of our future." And he peed it down his leg.
That's her come wither look.
Sir, should we get on to wars or starvation or anything?
Aw crap, and we open tomorrow, too.
Lingerie for me and you!
Oh, this is going right in my eye.
Come here, you little tramp! When I think of the Blood Beasts hands all over you...!
There. All set in case "The Birds" attack us."
You know I had an angel rottin’ in my chimney once.
I'm the one whose had the most contact with it. No duh !
Oh my God ! He is showing !
It was big, like a bear. Was it a bear?
Here's how far I've gotten...LA!
Don't say rub! Or grind, or moist, or hard, or missile!
No more questions! More boobies!
I'am a photo-ah-grapher.
Oh no! This is terrible! I took this picture upside down!
Time to dance bloodbeast.
"Oh I knew I was lactose intolerant."
"Hey I had an angel rotting in my chimney once."
"Just go you poof!"
"Copper bottom b*tch-another sandwich dear?"
He shrimped you!
Here's how far I've gotten -- "La"
"Perhaps a color scheme of gold and blue" Yeah that's about as sexy as a garage.
It's all part of my kitchen fantasy
I think owning a newspaper would be fun!
'Scuse me while I light my spliff...
My God, I'm pregnant.
"This was your first project under Dr. Wyman wasn't it?"
Oh, I've been under him before.
Help! The conductor's having a seizure!
This is back when NASA was family-owned and operated.
This has STEVE written all over it!!!
Hey, look! Jelly comes out!
"Over three hours and no sign of body rigidity." - Well, THAT'S nothing new.
Hey, now they'll get immaculate reception!
Snarf - farm ?
MmmmmmmmMANNIX! ... double Mannix.
Pants,..... totally filled...
This movie has been THOROUGHLY Corman-ized
THIS.... would be a good companion film with Eraserhead...
Honey...... is that a gay man on the Johnson's roof??
Pill's pill's pill's pill's, where ARE the pill's ?!!
Have some bear gall juice honey....
(Stomach BILE !!!!)
Wish in one hand & crap in the other, see which one piles up first...
There's a cartoon in the microscope.
Well we had to snap him in half, like a frozen dog to get him out of the space capsule.
Should have worn a cup...
-Honey? Is that a gay man on the Johnson's roof?-
-Should we get a gay man for our roof, Honey?-
Shoulda sent up a dog first...
I was misnamed; I'm really the love beast.
Wow, he's loaded with shrimp!
This has been thoroughly Cormanized.
Dick Courier. When Dick absolutely, positively has to be there overnight.
What would Liberace do? No, I better not do that.
Oh, Mickey Rourke came over to help.
Uncle Ron had a horse, and it stepped on me.
Honey. . . your cocaine is all over the phone!
Steves don't preach, I'm in trouble deep.
What the hell was that about, anyway?
I am mincemeat. I invade your inland waterways, choking off marine life.
what I'm about to say might sound strange, but I think we should eat this corpse.
ah, lets see... what rhymes with 'blue balls' ?
In the meantime, I'll just roast
You know, I think I get hush puppies and coeslaw with these
Hard to trust a guy not named Steve.
Not everybody is Steve!
Aim high, sister!