707 - Assignment: Venezuela (the lost short)
Riffs you quote here will appear randomly in the above.
Mean Gene Okerlund worked on my site...
I didn't see that panga knife coming at me!
But when I tried my pharsebook 'Spanish of Maracaibo airport', nobody could understand a word.
”In fact, I was kneed in the groin and then thrown in jail!”
"So anyway, Darling, me and some guys decided never to go to that cockamamie class!"
"It is Jeff, isn't it?"
"This is the old work bench, as Ted says. [chuckle] I guess I shouldn't complain to you, but he's never home. He's got another wife and it's called Petroleum!"
"Hey, that's a dairy barn!"
"I'd been Shanghaied by some bad-ass drug cartel. I realized that I was sitting on a kilo of coke."
"People don't take to me very well, Honey. It's time you learned that."
Klingon language camp is hard.
The pattern doubles as a pentacle to Satan
"I'm lyyying: I stayed up 'till nine and had cokes!"
I'm not lusting after the tawny Venezuelans
Sir - cars aren't allowed on the bike path... SIR!
I wanted nothing more than to throw myself on my hotel bed and cry.
Over a WIDE body of water. And it was a WIDE ROAD!
"I almost felt I hadn't left home, when we passed a big Sears Roebuck store." Because it's called 'CRAN VENTA' at home too.
"The first thing that surprised me on that ride was the-" Was being sucked through a time portal.
"Some of the residential areas are almost futuristic." But they're... not... 'cause you realize it's not the future, haha!
"It's laid along a narrow valley, just behind the coastal mountains." Narrow? Did I say narrow? There I go again. The cab driver whirled on me, his eyes narrow-- NO not narrow, no!
It's called Venezualalization!
No, no I couldn't possibly take your wife.
I'd begun to wonder where Ray was taking me!
Frankly, we'd wandered into a bad part of town.
"Suddenly, we were in the city." Shots rang out!
I'll have another Coke!
"Por Favor Senior," fondle my butt.
I donned my swimming trousers and took a relaxing dip.
Get ready to hang our artwork high on the wall.
I thought of you, honey, when I saw the big barge.
I dropped my pants and bent over a car, just to feel at home!
"You kneed me in the groin, Daddy!"
This is like "A Very Brady Venezuela."
Here's our ashtray. You'll probably get one of these.
Oh My! This is the Kama Sutra!
Why here's Oronzio Spellings' house!
Ray and I drove into the hot night..his hand found my thigh.....
Hi, have you heard of the Book of Morman?
I'm sorry, Ray!
"Some have more."
Some have less. It all works out. Everybody seems to get a bed.
"I visited Creole's refinery at Amway recently." Um, why? Just because!
(kid fumbling over her language lesson) Ok, she knows Spanish - next group!
Klingon language camp is hard.
I found half of a dog under the floor here...
IT WAS MAJESTIC, HONEY!
Over a wide body of water and it was a WIDE ROAD!
Well, they're all done with Venezuela! They don't need me to do it!
...Who led six South American nations to freedom... I think it was Zorro, or something...
"You asked about medical care..." Don't ask.
The house has been assigned to another family... But I got a beer out of it!
Does he go to classes at all?!
"The shop windows filled with goods purchased in the United States..." Strewn haphazardly in the window...
Honey, I'm really sick of Venezuela, I wanna come home! Shut off that crappy music and fly me home! I don't wanna live in a Quonset hut! I don't wanna learn Spanish anymore! Creole's really hard to work for! Wah hah hah hah hah...
And as we left the clam flowage that day...
"The cab driver whirled on me --- his eyes narrowed. Oh, 'narrowed'; did I say 'narrow'?"
"Some have less. It all works out --- everyone seems to get a bed."
One lovely night with Ray. . .
Just wait till you hear me when you reach Maracaibo next week. My mouth will be filthy!
We'll have to raise our coffee table to have any hope of fitting in.
You wouldn't know that, Honey, cause you're not an engineer.
Poor fay-vor, señor. Fondle my butt.
"He gave me a regular guided tour of Maracaibo." Know what I mean?
That is one bigass Stairmaster!
"My trip from Maracaibo started with a ferry ride across the neck of the lake; near the entrance from the Caribbean" Nice enough fella; drove the boat well and how they live is none of my business.
"Never get out of the boat'- absolutely goddam right.
"Believe me, this is no ivy covered campus." Just wipe that thought out of your stupid brain!
13:33 "Thank you Mr. Eddie's father."
"They killed all pets just to prove they were serious."
Doo-Doo, "Me-ow!" Doo-Doo! "Me-ow!~"
the first thing that surprised me was being sucked through a time portal
I hope my humor isn't too pungent for you.
There's rats in the toilet, gotta keep a book on the lid.
Boy, the body cavity search must be hell!
We crossed into the land that time forgot... Dinosaurs roamed freely!
Hey, Padre's doing alright for himself.
All Venezuelians listen to mariachi bands all the time.
I made no assumptions about the narrowness or width of the road.
I've taken this opportunity to reassess my views of all inland bodies of water.
"I almost felt I hadn't left home when we passed a big Sears Roebuck store."
Yeah, 'cause it's called Cran Venta at home, too.
"Your daddy wrote the letter from here, Maracaibo." Where he cheats on us with the brown-skinned beauties.
"Just buy the gun, Lady. Just buy the gun!"
The sculpture "Anteater With an Onion Ring" can be found at the plaza.
WHAT? WHAT THE HELL ARE YA SAYING? WHAT?
I saw a nude midget circus...
So where's daddy?....D'oh!
'The downtown area is dominated by the central Simón Bolívar, a building development something like Radio City, except that super highways go through it & under it...' ... and you can't get a good corned beef sandwich, and the live sex shows aren't that good.
I woke up once with a cockroach in my mouth.
The water works about an hour a day, I'd boil the hell out of it if I were you.
"All I have to do now is lick that language problem." And Escobar here.
Hey it's Lake Man, everybody! Sure you can wedge into our narrow office, Mr. Big Lake?!
I felt like a complete ass for mistaking it as narrow.
Ray and I drove into the hot night. His hand found my thigh...
He works for creole lady marmalade.
I want Venezuela on my desk by Friday morning!
BAG-O IN CAR-O!!
"No comprendo" ...I will not give you foot massage.
Dammit, why did I have to estimate how wide was that river?
I began to wonder, where Ray was taking me.
Yes, Venezuela, crown jewel of the Adriatic.
Oil is a loving God.
The first thing that surprised me on that ride was th– was being sucked through a time portal.
Or "white devil" like they say here
Our man in Venezuela, Pee-Wee Herman.