802 - The Leech Woman
|Short - none|
Riffs you quote here will appear randomly in the above.
Today's miracle cure .. BOOZE!
"Champagne, soft music, very nice."
Chicken in a biscuit.
Hi, hell hath no fury like me!
Sorry you were in the pound, honey.
I slept like a raisin last night.
More roast stick, honey?
The matte paintings of Africa are beautiful.
This guy's been antique hunting and that's about it.
"It's a secret of the High Priest of Nandos."
And a lady at my highrise also knows.
Today's miracle cure: booze!
Still not my line, do not act...
Don't you remember...the expensive gold necklace?
-The exploding necklace.
This a supporting beam here?
Agh, are we gonna see open mouth grandma kissing?
That's not Alan Shephard, is it?
So why does he have a single meatball in his inbox?
They rolled the tarp out on her face.
Yeah, yeah, keep your loin cloths on!
Shut up and get young!
The sacred Nike?
"Give me your gun." Now give me your pants.
Do you guys know where the javelin-throw is being held?
*elephant runs by* What cute monkeys!
This week on WB, the Sarcastic Endocrinologist!
Does he insult ALL his patients?
Alfred Hitchcock's The Us!
"Looks like they're working themselves up for something."
"Maybe WE'RE the something."
"You don't know how right you are..."
...I see a huge jar of Mrs. Dash.
"For a man, old age has rewards..."
...shiny, purple shins.
I'm gonna do another lap, you mind?
It's so embarrassing having to report your own death.
"He's adding the pineal hormone to the naipe..." - ..But she actually ordered a Gibson so...yup, she's sending it back now.
"That slows the approach of death."
"There's another substance that must be mixed with it to make one young."
"I don't know what it is."
I read the funniest subparagraph in the Uniform Commercial Code.
Good night, everyone. Old women are evil!
I'm billing you hourly for my concern.
Oh, that'll be the trampoline rental place...
Objection - girlfriend is badgering counsel!
Mario Cuomo: gigolo...
Urgh - a woman made entirely of gravy skin...
Did the water just get warmer, EARL?
Well! I nevah!
Hi! Have you been helped?
Codependent Some More!
"You know what she said?" (indignantly) That I have been drinking!
Wanna fall against the coffee table again, huh?
Look! She has an Original Ray Kroc on the Wall.
Oh!...it's Otis Nixon's twin sister....
Would you like to Super-size it?
We kinda ARE alone, nursie isn't the sharpest knife in the drawer.
Prepare a vodka poultice for our next patient.
“Oh, Neil, I can’t.” Starfleet forbids it.
Sure, fall towards the blast.
My name is Janet, Miss Jackson if you're nasty.
"Now that's the Columbo; we'll cross here." Please, I said no pictures, please. (Lt. Columbo voice... took a few seconds to sink in)
(Elephant walking through brush) An elephant never... what? I don't... oh gees...
(elephant raising trunk into the air) Right on!
(Elephant running up to camera) We're closed!
"We've got company."
It's the Mertzes.
You will try the french onion soup!
There's a million pairs of circulation hosiery in the Naked City...
Oh hi Peter Lorre as 'M'!
"Our Drink Special tonight is You Stand By Me and I Breathe."
I'm citing you for a comb-over.
You know, he's a master of not acting.
Our drink special tonight is... you stand close to me and I breath!
Of course you don't HAVE TO buy the vacuum cleaner!
"Sally's outside waiting." - YOU BET YOUR SKINNY ASS I AM! NEIL!! NEIL!!
"She destroyed her promotional-sized bottle of White Shoulders!"
"Hey, whaddaya' say we go home, turn up the thermostat to 85, and watch a little Matlock, eh?"
"Oh, Bill W., you imp!"
"Uh, I had a paper route once. More liquor?"
"You guys seen Pogo?"
"The Menstrual Hut!"
"Well, they needed a new one anyway."
"She enjoys snowboarding and playing with her cats-- Miss Ohio!"
"You will try the French Onion Soup!"
"Rick-uh-rack-ah Firecracker Sis-Boom-Bah! Bugs Bunny! Bugs Bunny! Rah rah rah!"
"Man... I really hate how these guys're rippin' off David Byrne's music!"
"Ooh, Alberta Hunter's gonna' do a striptease!"
"Filmed entirely on location at Bachman's Floral!"
"They have an undying hatred for all Europeans." Well me anyway.
Excuse me Sir.
"I had a drink with Terry, and took her bags upstairs." - There was a bushman in in the luggage and he attacked...
Is this your bag? The brown one with the pineal juice drippin'?
So we're not worried about the lion??
"I love going to Bar, I usually order sandwich and have drink."
Sadly, this tribe of extras no longer exists.
I'm DOING it, Shakazulu, GOD!
Hang on I gotta go.
Obstacle! I mean, gee, um, g...
He belonged to the Steven King book club for a month.
"Diharees!" ...like a storm raging inside you.
She's forgetting BINGO.
Her batteries are getting low.
"I can't even get a rise out of you." Likewise.
"Got any relatives?" - Real hot relatives?
now get your orthopedic shoes on, we're goin' out for pudding!
It's up your bucket, you corn shuckin' moron!
Well, the tests came back...turns out you're old...
He's a doctor of assisted alcoholism
Lyin' in a pool of her own pineal...!
It's a receipt for a canoe paddle, stupid!
Oh, that'll be the trampoline rental place...
When two girls fight, who wins? The American viewing public!
You can survive re-entry in that coat!
Wait, this is the 50's, why am I explaining things to a woman? Get in the car!
What is that, Dick Butkis on there?
You know, if old women give him the creeps, maybe he shouldn't have gone into old-womanology.
Always centrifuge your champagne.
Oh I love going to Bar, I usually have sandwich and drink.
Cover me in doilies, and read me Ann Landers.
Boy, Africa sucks. Whose for Asia!?
Gah, even your ATOMS are disgusting!
"It can actually make old people young again" -but really only women need it
Sometimes I just feel so fat.
Ah, that's a really seamless blending of stock footage.
Hey, I can warm up the Sitz bath...
You emasculating hippo! Give me some freedom!
The tests came back. It turns out you're old.
"...a hundred and forty years ago." / "A hundred and forty years ago?" - A hundred and forty years ago!
Meanwhile, thousands of miles away in actual Africa...
I'd like to show you some carpet samples if I may.
So we're not ... worried about the lion?
"She's wanted for questioning about a murder" "Murder?!" Did I say anything about murder?
"Your insistence does not impress me, but your money is quite persuasive.." - And your cat checks are adorable!
I'm burning with tentativeness...
"She's 152 years old! I've confirmed it!" I've counted her rings!
Get the salt... a LOT of salt.
This guy is gonna die of nonchalance...
"She's gone away somewhere to brood." She's hatching eggs, then?
Oh, blast, I seem to be dead. Still must make the best of it, then! Simply redouble our efforts and grab a lorry and take a lift over to the Darby and things should be all globby by next week! Riff raff!
Oh damn! Rummy quicksand. But chin up and let's have a sing-song!
"There won't be any going back." From now on, we go sideways.
Well, theres never been enough to keep, I could show you some stains by the couch
"Baku alualu" White man please advise
It's from the Mr. T collection...
She looks like Lee Marvin.....
♫ She's ahhhhhh VERY KINKY girl, the kind you Don't take home to muthahhhh.....♫♪
You dis'n me ? ....
Are you ok? How many fingers of scotch am I holding up?
Boy are they in Africa.
Stock footage it's more like stock mileage at this point.
You ARE the leather pouch!
It's so embarrassing having to report your own death.
"your youth will not last long. Don't waste it." go get yourself some nasty.
I choose Adam Sandler!
He's not a very good mohel, is he?
Ms. Jane Pittman and Mr. George Clinton were wed today in a traditional African-Polynesian-Unando ceremony.
This isn't a very good slumber party, Susan.
God, even your atoms are disgusting.
So, those are my dreams of blood. Wild, huh?
Fall toward the blast
"Here's to you, whiskey. Guardian of all frustrated wives." Defender of truth, friend to children!
Are you going to do the whole village?
I guess they came to 'Africa' around animal convention time, huh?
Remember us! Remember this night! Remember Toneeeeee-
Hey, Old Malla and Young Malla were different!
She missed the cement pond!
Well, that's what happens when you buy Sure-Fine Pineal Juice!
She could survive re-entry in that dress!
William Conrad was once stuck to that chair...
It's the Fifties! Why am I explaining things to a woman? Get in the car!
He makes a real good straight vodka...!
Stay in front of your hair, charge your hair, be aggressive, c'mon...!
"Give me the leather pouch!"
-You ARE the leather pouch!
Typical British reaction -- throw dynamite at the problem!
They're getting your Tang?
M-80s, man, got 'em in Wisconsin!
So long, mincing man-pig character, you were enjoyed!
Paul Simon's backyard barbecues are gettin' outta' hand...
He's got an Area Rug, look!
...and don't you dare lift up a tent flap and escape!
Wouldn't it be great if you were kidnapped by an African tribe, and they brought beer... really GOOD beer?
Why, that's our scene over there! What are we doing HERE?
Let's see... I reach speeds of 70, she goes 3 miles an hour, and I can't catch her!
Translated, means: "Can't run from ugly!"
Tonight, we ride mini-bikes and throw hard candy...!
Well, the lion does not sleep TONIGHT, I'm tellin' ya that...!
Well, we'd better camp here for the night; the next stock footage is eighteen miles away!
-Out Of Africa!
-No, there's more in the trunk!
Now, get your orthopedic shoes on, we're going out for pudding!
The bar? Are we there yet...? Bwuaauugghh...!
-Here, open wide, Dino!
-Why, thank you very much!
Sorry, I was going to get you a drink, but I got held up over by the bar!
Hey, look, she has an original Ray Kroc on the wall!
I'm gonna put on a dashiki and blow your mind!
She looks like she backed up over her own hair!
Y'know, if old women give him the creeps, then maybe he shouldn't have gone into oldwomanology!
But, everyone's in my dreams of blood, so it's not that big a deal!
Prepare a vodka poultice for our next patient...
And now, a moment of silence for booze gone by...
I'd like to announce the engagement of me and Johnnie Walker!
Schedule an ermine removal with the receptionist...!
Here's two bucks, baby, 'cause that's all you're worth!
Still not my line... do not act...!
That's the runway for the Minneapolis-St. Paul Airport in a couple of years...
Wow, there's a lotta hair in the gate...
Huh, I'm gonna spit in the ocean...!
Our drink special tonight is You Stand By Me and I Breathe.
"Sorry's not enough" I want candy!
"I see a lot of spilled ink congealing in random patterns."
"that means you're a sexual predator."
"I came here to die,.." Oh, I'm dead.
"Balalu! Ala-ala!" Clearly, he speaks African.
Babar in "Southern Comfort".
"But I'm affraid I can't do anything for you." I'm stuck to my chair.
Sorry the experiment failed, honey!
He has a built-in smug.
I had an affair with Lincoln, you know.
"Here's to you, Whisky!" Why thank you!
The Earth has male pattern baldness.
Now, she juts...She enters a room before SHE does.
Tell her "NO!" Tell her she's a Warthog! NEIL!! NEEIIL!
Oh, please tell me, am I an Alligator or a Crocodile?
Real Africa....HOLLYWOOD Africa!
Hmm, do I trust him? What do you folks at home think? We'll be right back...
What? I can't hear you, I'm def!
This guy is the Kramer of East Africa...
Uh ma'am, is everthing baka-poopie in there?
What's on the wall? Did he bag the Grinch's dog?