821 - Time Chasers
|Short - none|
Riffs you quote here will appear randomly in the above.
[Nick] Go ahead and pick a date in time, past or future...
[Servo end credits] Well, they are special-thanking the hell out of these people, eh?
So, getting back to the movie, who did they think this would appeals to anyway? Elderly squirrels? People without heads? Toadstools? Clumps of dirt maybe? Barber poles? Coffee tables perhaps? Little bits of materials that break off plastic trays? Used napkins?
Oh, I see, it’s man against machine....C’MON MACHINE! GO, GO, GO! MACHINE, MACHINE, MACHINE! HEYYYY MACHINE!
Never chase a wounded executive into the woods
They all borrowed their wives blouses for this movie!
[Crow] So they were playing Splatball one day and just decided to make a movie...
[Crow] The movie really heightens the lack of interest in the film...
“Ready to go?”...Sure, if you let me out of the half-nelson
So the guys office is in a branch library??
[Crow] So...it’s an armed Levi’s ad?
Myrtle Johnson didn't serve lemon bars?
"I thought you were part of the team."
That doesn't mean I'm a good shot!
What a great name! Heather KillingBECK!
A giant fingerprint! Run!
Maybe he'll be torn apart by ewoks...
I don't know how to downsize these people!
There goes a damn good weenie.
General Washington's plane has landed!
Hey! The New England Patriots!
Hey, Children of the Corn. -- Hi. Hey.
His chin butt is engulfing her!
You didn't count on the ASSISSTANT janitor!
The L.L. Bean Gang.
Wow, people are opening a lotta beers out there.
Hey, Servo, the future looks like your room!
I think they ended up getting molten gold poured down their throats.
Wow, he even declared war on his surge protector.
Spielberg stole that bit for Jurassic Park.
I shaved this morning and got a Nick. *Whack!*
Come to the future with us.
"I don't have a swim suit."
Nick, what is that? "It means I like you."
...because in Time Chasers, they don't take American Express.
We could send an egg into the future!
We've got a dead alien in the attic...okay...
We also raise llamas if you'd like to pet a llama.
hey look a lesbian OF THE FUTURE!!
I recommend a suicide pact, personally.
'You had the misfortune of running into me; I'm a life wrecking idiot'
When really short guys try to walk.
That was a good chicken head... Auuughh...
But what about my hockey hair?
REAL ACID WASH ACTION!
He should use his chin as a piton.
Oh, he's poo alright...
"The seven ammo clips of highly effective people"
Yuck, he's scooting!
Why doesn't the movie just cover him in cat vomit?!
So did you guys see the game last night - er, I mean, LIBERTY!
Does everyone have corn dodgers and pemmican?
Chimneysweeps took over the future!
The future still has Mason Reese!
I'll walk back to the past!
Sale on romaaaaaaaine lettuce.
THERE'S A MAN ON THE WING OF THE PLANE!
But I chased you on a horse! I'm supposed to win!
You're out of paper TOWELS in the bathroom!
If you don't mind me saying so, that's a real cute top, ma'am.
"No, it isn't."
Made completely of animal feces.
-Aw man, it's my boss...
-Ugh, it's that guy from R&D...
Look at that, too many sevens in that date. I'm going out for a smoke.
Someone garnished him with parsley! That's nice.
Whee, we're getting poison sumac! Wheeeee!
Yep. Grandma came back from the dead, built a duplicate plane, and crashed it.
We listen now to the Jefferson Middle School string quartet.
Yes, I DO need kale!
Hey, Nick, there was a stairs on the other side of the tree.
That's my favorite two-by-four! Give it back!
I haven't the strength or the screen presence to pull this off!
Well, then, fall down!
Am I exploiting my core competencies?
-The Fifties, huh?
-Yeah, there's Mrs. Kruschev, sweeping the sidewalk.
We can eat a bike, that's a better idea!
"I really don't have time for this nonsence!" TIME, get it?!
Hello, I'm Fido Hitchcock, the director of this film.
"Walking on, walking on, walking on broooken glaaasss!"
"...shes gonna try skydiving for the very first time."
And its not gonna go to well if you know what I mean.
Ill walk back to the past!
More of a prom limo, isnt it?
The plane looks like it can't think of anything to say.
I LIKE PIE!
I'm willing to settle.
Ugh. I got me all over me. Eww.
Stupid half-an-hour ago me!
Robot from the future, there's another one of you guys here to see you.
Mike Nelson to the lunchroom, there's a robot from the future here to see you.
"There must have been a war," We don't have the budget to show it, so you'll just have to take my word for it.
I will not accept this hero, movie! I demand to see your manager, movie!
Just try to go, Harry; we're not watchin'!
"The door is locked!" The adventures of the average people.
I'll have your library card revoked!
It looks like he's takin' a LYCAN to that tree! SMACK! OW! What did say about puns? Shove 'em up my ass.
He still has the knowledge in him, so shouldn't he kill himself?
That guy could use chinderwear.
Oh; so that means that means that the people of Rutland, Vermont were involved in this film. That means that I hate the people of Rutland, Vermont. GO 'DA HELL; people of Rutland, Vermont!!!
Our young nation's first spaz attack.
Man, our forefathers were dumpy.
Cool! Zubaz faces!
Director's cousin, may I help you?
Sure, I'm an unappealing actor in a bad movie, sure!
Come on down for Parallel Parking Days.
HE THREW MICHAEL MEDVED AT THEM!
I wonder if I should have held out for more than 65 dollars?
Michael Moore in thirty years!
[Hey, Marty, wanna do me a favor?] Tell me to stop acting like Richard Dreyfuss!
Which way out of the hangar? Oh thanks!
"I'll take you back up sometime." "I'd like that." Oh, here we go.
I'm going over to Sbarro.
"You're using the transport as a weapon!" "You got me."
"The person who died in the plane crash is... Lisa Henson of The Banner." "Oh, that's a big loss."
Manchu Wok...Of the Future!!
You've got mail...pattern baldness
"But Lisa, I only own--" One jar of mustard!
It's the Spruce Gnat.
Come to Martin's. What up!
"This is big."
Big and pink.
No monologues with poopy pants, please!
Your chin's going to have to go in trunk Sir.
Those dead grandma pictures, they bring in the readers.
"My car! What the hell did you do to my car?!" It drives like a Kennedy, ya idiot!
MUSIC CREDIT- "Demo button on little keyboard hit by...."
Hey, everybody! She's going to drop shorts on the runway!
"...my grandmother is turning 75 tomorrow and she's going to try skydiving for the very first time." It's not going to go too well, if you know what I mean.
"...double hull tankers are here and oil spills are a memory." A good memory!
That moss has taken a lichen to that tree.
"I'd like to present you..." with some soiled pants.
Can I call you Dickweed?
Ahh, he's trying to ask himself out.
"Yeah, they study this battle at military colleges. Well, unaccredited military colleges... in malls... next to hair salons."
"If you can see a character's eye boogers, you're too close."
"Guy's such a jerk he brought a bag a' zebra mussels and tossed 'em overboard!"
"Did they hide the mike in the broccoli?"
"Oh, yeah! We could prevent Newt Gingrich, Jim Carrey, and The Smashing Pumpkins!"
"See, there could be dozens of grandmas jumpin' outta' planes right now!"
"Degas' Reclining Loser."
"Ooh! Ow!" - Jump back! Kiss myself!
Whatever! Well, I s'ppose!
They're running out of ALT! And their MPH KNOTS are going down!
So, fifty years from now it'll be....three years from now.
"Gen-Corp." - A division of Plas-Mon part of Con-Med-Tech-Ton.
My god...somethings very wrong here...theres no food courts.
Filmed in Vermont, the other smaller Wisconsin!
He's climbing an Ent!
Ben and Jerry's was the key to the Armageddon.
"Why don't you go watch a video with Gypsy. Free Willy... Mondo Cane..."
"Mondo Cane! Cool!!"
They travel back 30 seconds and crash into themselves.
"Oh...two different plaids...man I'm a naked robot and even I know that's a fashion no-no!"
He died as he lived: mud-stained and splaying...
"Everybody wants to change history." Me I just want to find a little beef-a-roni at a bottom of a can.
Can you change the fact that I have crunchy pants?
Let's go, director's college buds who brought their own suits to the shoot.
"So, uh, you cooking dinner?" "Are you offering dinner?" No, I'm saying MAKE ME DINNER!
The adventures of the average people!
They got off at the 2nd floor, they're masters of escape!
Oh, THAT guy got shot! How could they do that, he was great. ALL the best characters, dying!
Who am I trying to kid? I never went to Castleton.
I left my keys at the Man Chu Wok of the future.
Food courts, OF THE FUTURE!
Starring Bruce Springsteen's little brother Wayne.
I'd like to double-bag you, hehe.
You're evil and that's ok.
Flying toasters are pretty.
I'll have a scotch with a time chaser.
He's got a bucket of crotch-flavored popcorn.
You had the misfortune of running into me, I'm a life wreaking idiot!
This was written?! I don't think so.
Hey now, that's just a pirate.
Ah, Should the sky have trees, and houses, and be rushing straight towards us?
"Nobody from around here looks like you for long." Where's your filth?
Ah, so Drew Carey's nemesis Mimi survives the apocalypse.
Is this that subliminal advertisement I’ve been hearing about? I don’t know but suddenly I’m hungry for a guy with glasses.
I never liked the citizens and officials of stupid Rutland, Vermont! This is just the nail in the coffin as far as I'm concerned!
Just try to go Harry, we're not watching.
So what, did the tree contribute money to the film? Why are they showing this?
"Well, I'll be back with Mr. Robertson at um..." Dork thirty.
I'll be the guy sitting at the desk in the mall skyway.
The haunting Bakery Theme. ♫ Saale on romaaiiine lettuuce ♫
Your butt looks good in the future!
Boy, I hope they end up together--at the bottom of a WELL, torn apart by animals!!!
"Nick, what is THAT?"
That means I like you!
I s'pose I better buy toilet paper--a girl's comin' over later.
You know? Sometimes I think I lie, because I'm evil...
This guy's real strength is that he's totally used to getting wailed on
That guy could use some chinderwear.
"See you at community theater practice."
"Please eat me!"
"Mrs. Heinz." "How's your ketchup empire?"
"Hey Marve it's me and I'm nude!"
You know, I wish uncooked liver was the star of this movie.
I'm gonna squint the hell out of them...
I leave for 20 minutes and Evil Co. is in shambles!
"You brought us up here this morning to look at your..." - Hinder?
"What should we do?" I suggest a suicide pact.
Did somebody tape a dinner roll to his chin !?
Neither of you have heart valves do you ?
Big boys don't cry.
Where's your filth?
You dichotomous drum majorette!
47 Keebler elves were killed today when a light plane crashed into their tree. E.L. Fudge remains in critical condition.
Somehow they've given her plaid theme music
If he's going to run, he'd better put vasoline all over his nipples!
We don't brook back-sass from OUR fillies, Nick.
Ted Nugent's family reunion!
Dr. Demento: Patriot!
You Castleton snob!
Vermont, city on the go!
Hi, I'm Bob Evil.
You see in the future men wear long leather coats, and there are junior colleges.
Hey wait a minute. This isn't our star, is it? I will not acccept this as OUR star! SORRY!
Next we're gonna see the real hero of the film. Comin up... DOH!!
This cannot be the star, can it....Movie. Hey movie- can i see your supervisor?!
Hey, he's trying to get honey like Pooh! Well, he's like poo, alright.
Hey, look, a lesbian... of the future!
You have mail - pattern baldness.
Better start drinkin' my urine.
What would McGyver do? Get cancelled.
"You can always come to my house, but you never do!" -Because I'm frightened of you!
Oh! Thank you, movie!
Who's playing the chamber pot?
Someday a lot of puffy old losers with no lives will reenact this battle, men!
The plane looks like it can't think of anything to say
So eight 5-1/4" floppies hold the key to time travel?
10, 9, 8, 7... 7, 6, 5, 4... 0... 4, 3, 2, 1... 3, 2, 1... 2... 1... whatever
There could be dozens of grandmas jumping out of planes right now. Very entertaining. Very informative.
Ah-hah! So it's bicycles then, eh? We accept your choice of vehicle! Enguard!
Loser status confirmed.
We could send Bob Saget to meet Charlemagne!
Stripes and plaid? I'm a naked robot and even I know that's a fashion no-no.
Stupid grandma leaver-outers!
I could kill me, hollow me out, and live in me!
I'll walk back to the past.
Arrr, 16 men on a dead Dodge Dart.
Looks like they taped a dinner roll to his chin
So in the future, kids become gay agents?