902 - The Phantom Planet
|Short - none|
Riffs you quote here will appear randomly in the above.
"Apparently women lack the 'fight or flight' gene; they only have the 'faint' gene."
"What shall we DO?!" "We shall break up the attack." ("Thank you, General Patton.")
"Prepare the MILK!!"
"Excuse me, ma'am, do ya have any Liva-Snaps?"
"You wanna live in my Habi-Trail?"
Look! It's the interior of our rocket. Cool, you can see where we sit
“I thought I was being attacked and I defended myself”...with courage and nudeness...
Cool, Huh? Watching them check things, of which we don’t know what they are?
The monster dresses like Carol Channing...
"The wisest and best is to turn our attention on the good, and the beautiful"
[muttered] -Don't hit him.
And she's horrified back into muteness
"My heart pounds like a sledgehammer." -- 🎼 Duh-na-nu-nunt Dan-naah Nunt-nu-nunt 🎼
*sarcastically* Geez, how did I manage to land without that mincing little co-pilot jabbering about the good and beautiful?
THIS IS FASCINATING!
I'm filled with joy, OKAY?
You harm a single one of God's precious creatures and so help me I'll kill you.
Stop asking things!
I guess focus groups demanded more credits.
Frank, you're the worst party clown we ever had.
Hey, you can see the inside of the ship! Look, that's where we sit...
"Isn't that strange?" You haven't called the police yet!
Ma'am, would you stop writhing on the coffee table?
Jeez, this movie is a filibuster!
"Path of travel?" Is that the path you travel on?
"Bring in the jurors." Or the cocktail waitresses, whichever you prefer.
Help! Something fleshy is touching my lower back!
Who knew there was so much gravity out in space.
Out of the way, space ship punk!
Does this tepid little scene deserve Da! Duh DAH duh da!?
Stupid universe, quit expanding!
"You must have been unconscious for quite a while."
We hit you as hard as we could.
Man, arithmetic is HARD!
Oh, yeah. Don't fall down. I remember that from astronaut training.
Wanna play Asteroids?
Well, movie, I hope you can justify all this personnel.
Nice of the credits to let those things through.
Oh, Richard Kiel! A real star for once!
Crow: Hey, maybe they'll run into Wallace and Gromit on a cheese tour.
[I would like you to become acquainted with] Herbal Life!
Aww... why did that have to shrink twice as much as the rest of me?
I know..I'll try submissive urination.
"We must discuss your future." Plastics, Benjamin.
"Look, do you want to hop in with me here?"
"This is no time for explanations." Let me explain...
There seems to be a problem with your credit card, sir...
I landed in a Sea Monkey bowl...
Well, I have all the Tang for myself...
What happened to the fluffy, absorbent credits, I liked those...
Come on! We didn't like these scenes the first time!
We're friends now. Why?
Remember these people? They're in our film!
Who knew that Halls vapor action was that powerful?
In short, I failed.
Good and beautiful?
Yeah, fine. Just turn left.
We're really sick of each other.
You know, is he a loser?
"There can be no quarter called and no quarter given." - We need them for the laundry.
Oh, no. It comes with slaw!
D'oh, ho, ho! We're terrible astronauts!
Motion in the ocean! His air hose broke!
Damn. It's deep fried.
He's got a shape like Dr. Beverly Crusher.
I'm going to go drive around and leave the blinker on.
No, a colony of tiny mimes!
I found a little dark haired woman on the bottom of my shoe.
Okay, what’d I do?
They attack in flaming pet-taxies.
And don’t talk about your secret plans in front of me.
Are you a spy for the Solarites?
You know other captain, every year I become more and more convinced…
The rocket tipped over sir.
“I’m strange?” You’re a girl!
Whoops, my keys are still in the… Doh!
Hey look, you can see the rocket’s fuse.
Don’t move Ron there are two giant eyeballs on your back.
"This story you are about to witness is only..." A first draft.
Houston, we have a moron.
You are the great god Wide-Hip!
"I should have gotten her a stick. . ."
"Why don't we play the Quiet Game while we take off, huh?"
Oh, he's gonna "just friend" him.
Words just bouncing off his skull. . .
It's like explaining something to a garden slug.
"Eyes front, Mr. HornyPants."
What were they doing before he arrived?
AHH, it's a Spazsrtonaut!
What do you know, you're just an intern...
"Is somebody rubbing a cat against a zither?"
I like Potatoes
Oo. I just floated an air biscuit; I'm out of here.
"what are you called?" "Chapman" Chapstick Chapman.
All dogs go to HELL!
"So why don't you kill me?" I'm a loser baby!
Okay okay, her hair controles the light switch. I touch her hair, the lights go out. I got it.
We do not speak it. We belch it!
Heron? You're a blue waterfowl.
Chapman. Would you hang one on me?
I like you. And you can't say you don't like me.
"I'd like you to become acquainted with--" Herbalife.
I pushed down an old guy for you, darling.
He needs a Posture Pal.
Attack of the killer peanut brittle.
"March 16, 1980." Oh, our old future.
Don't make me hurt you.
Tom Servo - "Ugh...I'm gonna puke and its gonna float around!"
"Yesterday I was a bold astronaut. Today I'm a 12 Count party shrimp."
"Scylla and Charybdis: Actual footage."
"I'm coming, Elizabeth... [crackle] Elizabeth, I'm coming. Over."
"In or out, Kids. What, are we heating the whole universe?"
"Spaceship: Now with Gentle-Glide Applicator."
"Fred Gebhardt wrote The Messiah?"
"What then, will the future reveal?
"Oh, Grandpa tried to use the microwave again!"
NO FAIR! You can't flashback to something we saw 10 seconds ago!!!!
"I have many things to say to you, Frank Chapman." Like 'pickle.'
Let's just walk over here to the other end of the planet.
" CHICKEN DROPPINGS FOR THE SOUL....."
"Ya this'll be on tv, if they ever have ESPN 6."
"Jeez, the old guy calls it his COMBAT ROD I can't believe it. It's disgusting, oh wait is that what he's talking about."
"He's just out for his morning SWAGGER."
"Even collecting for the March Of Dimes is complicated in space."
"You can't make someone love you. Its got to come naturally, you can't force it, you can't command it." Well, that's what the judge told me.
"I'm gonna take a walk." Stir fry some vegetables.
"Heey, it's an 'adult' space ship, heh heh heh."
Lipstick... of the Gods!
Weird, we're in space and I CAN hear you scream.
Turns out its not funny at all when you fart in a spacesuit.
The towel we stuffed in that crack isn't really doing the trick...
Well movie, I sure hope you can justify all this personnel ...
Just don't step in our many beartraps
Those nooks and crannies really hold the butter
You smell good sir, like Vitalis and bacon.
Well, there's only one way to find out. Looks like it. Yup, strip down, oil up.
I figure it's just like fishing. You have to be patient and wait. And drink LOTS of beer !
I'll take a crack at anything once. I'm glad you said that soldier.
Uh, you didn't have to take your shirts off.
Houston, we have a moron.
So....were you small when you were gone? Cause you're acting like you were really small...
All right, you may see it. Although I don't know why the hell you'd want to. Let me just lift my skirt ... there it is ... tada.
"Oxygen in your atmosphere would restore you immediately to your regular size." So people are just balloons?
His is an alien he only has one.
Good morning Mr. Oddface.
I filled my pants, sir. In fact I think I filled yours too.
Is he a turnip that grew a face?
Grab his Visa and charge tiny things! Run up a huge, tiny bill!
Um, I'm not good at this, sir. I'm only good at fruity, philosophical speeches.
You know Captain, every year I think more and more that the goodest and nicest and bestest we can be--
Today, the moon narrowly missed hitting a man's eye like a big pizza pie. Scientists believe 'that's Amore'.
The phantom planet is quilted for softness!
Is he rubbing a cat against a zither?
Old guy's stoned on beta blockers.
That was a bad and un-beautiful thing to say, sir.
So? My dad has one of those...
Stupid leech woman....
Hey! Come here! How far do you think you'd have gone if I hadn't called you back?
Congratulations, Mrs. Astronaut, it's a boy-boy-boy... Wake up, Frank, you wet the bed-bed-bed... Frank, you'll have to take third grade again-gan-gan-gan... Frank, this is Northwest Collection Agency, do you value your credit rating-ating-ating...? I'm afraid you're not 7-Eleven timbre, Frank-rank-rank... Frank, you're the worst party clown we ever had-had-had...
Permission to talk in flowery prose again, sir?
Frank, this is Northwest Collection Agency. Do you value your credit rating?
Somehow the answer to all his questions is big white guys in jumpsuits.
Oh man, Kenny G's at it again.
I guess focus groups wanted more credits.
What should I do with this box of "Liver Ats"?
Oh, that's my box of live rats, put it in the basement.
Wow, this is almost as good as 2001...nails being driven into your eyes!
I'm gonna go fold some socks...
...but I think belted at the waist gives me a slimmer look, don't you?
"There are many things you will not understand here..." -being an obvious doorknob...
Well I'm hungry and they're right there and they're snack size...
"You are completely off course, Pegasus 4; check your position immediately"-or you'll get such a spanking!
"Can you read me? Over." Well, have you been published?
Stop asking things!
These guys are bothering me with their ladythings.
Pat Buchanan's first day as president...
well with that said, enjoy your crappy sci fi movie
Shake 'n bake. And I Death!
So, you can just take a sharp left in space.
Makes you feel real huge and significant doesn't it?
You know Captain-
SHUT UP RAY!
"I lost control of my ship. It was like being pulled toward your planet by an enormous gravitational force." Thank you.
Honey Bunches of . . . DEATH!
He kept yappin about beauty so I shot him out the airlock...