910 - The Final Sacrifice
Riffs you quote here will appear randomly in the above.
If this doesn't work I'll throw balls of carp dough.
Mike: "Rowsdower-mobile, awayyy!" Tom: "And together they fought crime throughout Southwestern Alberta."
So their city’s pop-up greeting card...
“You alright kid?”...Well, I don’t have many friends, girls don’t like me, my teachers absolutely ha-...oh, oh yeah, yeah, I’m fine
[Mike] awggh, I shot right in between them, I got confused
[Crow] eh, I’m just a bush, you may want to pan off me...
seven years later
Aha! Here it is. The transcripts from the Spassky-Kasparov match of '82!
You know...he blends in. I mean, he LOOKS like a sack of garbage...
Hand me my top hat!
Well, my name's Bilge Stinkwater.
Some guys can really pull off leggings.
Bigfoot for Wrangler Relaxed Fit.
Come and sit by my side if you love me, do not hasten to bid me adieu-OOOOOO!
Quick, climb a tree! Trucks can't climb trees!
You, uh, got a preference about where you want us to kill ya, eh?
Like a *ugh* rock...
Crank the Molly Hatchet and let's roolllll!
Why did he put a LaserDisc in the refrigerator?
You brought the face mask, you nut!
Hey, he got to second base with himself.
What's this a pile of again? Oh, crap, right.
Remember, if the ladies don't find you handsome, they should at least find you handy.
Here's the plan: my army of trained rats will lead the charge, and my scabies will protect our flank.
"Rowsdower?" Have you ever bathed?
"Where ya goin'?" LIQUOR STORE.
Hey! El Santo!
Hey! Get this caterpillar off my lip!
... Eagle hat?
"You stay here while I go get us some water", "I'll go!"
"...Can you carry me?"
Nobody leaves the World Wrestling Federation!
He exploded before they could shoot him.
It's the Wizard of Id biathlon!
Oh, no! They've got a Chevy! They're so dependable!
It's his Michael Feinstein signature bat.
Uh, oh. The town's alternator is shot.
...seven years later...
" I've been around, kid."
And I've been a square kid!
He's gonna turn into a war-wilf!
Man, I solved Myst in ten minutes, why can't I do this?
I'm in no particular hurry, the cult's got their schedule and I got mine.
Take a left at the tree, THAT HELPS!
Seven years later...
"Am I like him?"
Mike: "No, he was masculine and like-able."
"I like to keep my nose clean."
My body suffers for it, but...
This is no time for zymurgy!
And so it is with a heavy heart that I must resign from chess club.
Dear Agent Scully, did not appreciate your lawyers tone.
Dear Counselor Troy, I waited at Denny’s but you didn't meet me!
I'll just uh, pour my garbage in here...
"I want to know what happened to you..."
It's just a jack-a-lope..
This is just like that time I almost missed the Teens Encounter Christ bus!
Join us next week, when Troy and Zap battle an army of evil Acadian robots on Cape Breton. ... Then in upcoming weeks, they'll take on a band of zombie fur-trappers in Medicine Hat. ... That's on "Zap & Troy: The Legendary Journeys"!
That shot contains too much nostril.
My drinkin' arm's healed!
Susan Dey--! Oh no, it's Troy, sorry....
Heh, heh, heh, heh. I'm just remembering a scene from Bio-Dome.
Audrey Hepburn--! Oh, it's Troy....
A whole 'nother city to fail in!
The Love Canal State Forest.
[Crow] Okay, hood-washing time, guys.
[Mike] Let's just do 'em all in one load, they're all the same color!
Well, it's a pretty good cult, but hockey season's startin' and all.
Stay with me, Troy, and I'll guide you in the ways of alcohol, cigarettes, and meat.
And remember: if the ladies don't find you handsome, at least you should be handy.
"You will be the last sacrifice. The last one between me, and ultimate power over the earth!"
Oh, wait, there's one guy after you, so you're-- you're second to last.
Hey, this is it-- this is the actual "Crazy World of Arthur Brown"!
Wow, it's a Stuart Anderson's Cattle Company cult.
Ah, he splashed around a little thug musk in the area to lure them.
[Mike] Hey, how'd he get his pants clean?
[Servo] Say, what you want about the filthy, grizzled guy, he does a good load of laundry!
"Why don't you ask your friend when he arrives?"
Ha ha, the joke's on you, I don't have any friends!
Hang on, I gotta tinkle.
My glee club will be looking for me!
Erich von Stroheim hitches across America!
Ladies and gentlemen, Mr. Alan Jackson!
Uh, sir, y'know maybe if you got rid of that huge gunny sack of ground pork-- oh, that's your butt, sorry....
Yeah, we're kind of a muffiny, Swoosie Kurtz, Calista Flockhart kind of cult.
Ha! This'll teach me.
Oh man, that's not a nose, that's a duplex!
Bless my stick, O holy Willie Mosconi!
He's invoking the powers of Bryan Adams!
Oh, man, those 12-ounce curls really take it outta me!
Man, you kill one guy's dad....
Ah, crusty pants, a filthy wall... good morning!
The soil became so soft, the city sank into a huge quagmire.
"Wait, I'm a huge quagmire!"
Can I drink him? --nahh....
By the way-- I hates that rabbit!
it's Gordon Lightfoot, at home!
Is it possible to trash a garbage house?
I haven't been this tense since mock U.N.!
"Did you know him?" Know him?! He was delicious!
Man, I solved Myst in 10 minutes. Why can't I do this?
"Am I like him?" No, he was masculine and likable.
Oh, he exploded before they could shoot him.
"OOOOOO I NEEDS AN ERASER!"
"Getting water for Rowsdower! Roswdower wants me to get water for him!"
BTO was such a great band..Man!
the map is real?! i'm pretty sure israel is fairly well mapped already...
You're father made this -"didn't do a very good job!"
And I will be the one, to hold Larry Czonka down, kiss him so hard...
I've been around kid. "And I've been a square kid!"
Canadian Villain: "Garth Vader"
Oh, I think he's taking him home in the morning.
And the cops pick up their Zap Rowsdower hotline.
My Rowsdower's come for me!
"You wore the hat, You nut"
Rowser, rowser Rowsdower
Zippity Zappity Zowsdower
Bippity boppity Bowsdower
Mrs. Castanza: "That looks more like WWII."
Mike: "Ohh, I'm such a caution."
Ziox: Now with lapetithemine.
I sensed that with my hair. My hair is a network of nerves, constantly processing information.
You're gonna throw me down there, aren't you.
Me, I don't give a flying Dutchman about this movie.
*sniff* Ew, shouldn't have filed that sandwich.
I know all the songs to Once Upon a Mattress though!
"HI! Im Billy the building!!"
"EW! I gotta get this dead woodchuck out from under the seat! EW yuck bleeh"
"Another human being! I'm in for a beating..."
"Ancient!" Old as the crumbs in your mustache!
The sides of his heart are blowing out like old tires..
YOU were one of THEM? An uncooked bratwurst with hair?
He's working on his Bud Court scrapbook.
Have a drink on me, tattoo.
I can't wait till they start the internet.
The cops pick up their Zap Rowsdower hotline.
Shoot, I'm in Canada...
Know Him? He was delicious!
Seven years after the credits?
That's an illegal use of a silent consonant
I dreamt I was stuck with a chunky backwoods loser named Rowsdow--AAH!
So, "Rowsdower"--is that a stupid name, or...?
He is just POURED into that sweater.
"I should tell you, I wheeze loudly when I'm scared...IHHHHH!"
Is he a makeup-less clown?
Ha ha...sounds like video poker music.
I'm losing track of the crappy vehicles here
Seven years later
Oh he's a Pipper! Wouldn't you like to be uh...."NO" "NOoo!"
Oh, he exploded before they could shoot him.
Didn't Barbara Mandrell have hair like that at one point?
Canada is for lovers
If its any consolation I hates that rabbit too.
He was made in the image of an egg noodle!
Bring me my top hat!
♫ You got mud on you face! A big disgrace! Shoving those sandwiches into your face! Singin' we will, we will Rowsdower! ♫
It's a cult that worships Georgia O'Keeffe!
I don't go map-finding-behinding.
"Hey, he got to 2nd Base with himself-- woo!"
"Quick, climb a tree! Trucks can't climb trees!"
"My Hawkwind album cover will help!"
"Y'know, Rowsdower's got one of Screendom's best rear ends."
"Rowsdower, could you put out my head?"
"D'you have any idea what kind of people you're dealing with?"
"They're from Saskatchewan!"
"Yeah, tell it to my acid-washed jeans."
"...And together they fought crime throughout Southwestern Alberta!"
"He's wearing 'Fashions By Mac Davis.'"
"Doncha' love our healthcare system?"
"And they take refuge in the Anne Murray National Forrest."
"Well, let's just go get some bullwhips and pose for Mapplethorpe."
What is this obsession with not showing us who's getting into what truck??
Oh! I have escaped! Ha ha--AAAGH!!
I've been around kid. And I've been a square kid.
Here, put this jacket on, it's made of lunchmeat
"Come on, Baby, don't let me down!" I WON'T, Rowsdower!
I dropped it! Which is the sharp side? Um, I cut both my wrists...
This is a passive sentence! I'd better alert my English club.
This scene was lit with an Itty Bitty Book Light.
Mmm, cold crazy bread, it really is crazy.
Someones hitting a fry pan so that means it's 8 o'clock.
"Seven Years Later..." Seven years after the credits?
Uh, so you wanna hit the brakes there or not ?
Now is this touching or boring?
We're gonna make you drink something other than beer!
Are you gonna be a Mountie or a fishing guide when you grow up?
MIKE: We mustn't hate! Mustn't hate!
CROW: At least so overtly.
MIKE: Exactly! Must disguise our hate, just a little....
Sorry baby, nobody rules the Tom-Monster!
I hates legends.
Firewood for sale
i made ya some trail mix out of some rat droppings and hair
They're bound to smell me
What is this - a grappling hook dumping ground?
Oooooh what is that? Gimme that, varmint!
I made you some trail mix outta some rat droppings and hair.
I am NOT hiring these guys to do my nipple piercing.
I'm exhausted. I gotta take a nap after I'm done sleepin'.
Know him? He was delicious!
If you hit a Rowsdower you get to keep it.
It's the Canadian Nick Nolte!
"I jerked 'im!"
"Damn, he's got a TEN-SPEED!"
"I AM ZOMBOR! Kelly ZOMBOR!"
*on screen: Bharbra Egan* "That's an illegal use of a silent consonant."
Rowsdower, have you always been a ... drifter? No. I was a business man. What happened? I switched to beatin' up annoying kids with beer bottles.
"look into your heart! (eh?)"
"Mike ..is there ANY way I can hop into this movie and dump this kids books?"
Canadian Villian: "Garth Vader!"
"It's OPEN!" (Chainsaw thru the door)
"waaaaaiit...i havent read Tolkien in almost a WEEK!"
"no WONDER dad lost all his money - he invested in Lemon mines!"
"Beethoven's Fifth just can't get started here"
"Had a hard time saddling up the misses today."
"Oh man my lice has left my beard."
"Sniff, he was a good hamster."
"Ah, finally grandma's head."
"Oh, I love trash, OWW!"
Beethoven’s Fifth just can’t get started here.
Wait, what's this a pile of? Oh, crap, that's right.
"Am I like him?" - No, he was masculine and likeable.
Sounds like Rowsdower's heart just exploded.
This is just like when they bury me every week at school, and give me pink-belly and hang me from the goal-post and shave my head and magic-marker my wienie and stuff me in my locker.
Oh baby Rosdower save us and save all the world
I somehow swallowed the knife
Ooooh, I needs an eraser
Firewood for sale
Take a left a the tree, THAT HELPS
Take those to recycling, thanks
Hold on now, it's my turn to ride you
hehehe someone's scratching his belly
Haha! The joke's on you! I don't have any friends!
Welp, who's up for a moose lip omelette?
No, it's clearly Jeckle!
Oh, you're right.
They've stumbled upon Geddy Lee's birthplace!
The ancient civilization's toilet keeps running.
"Go to Hell!"
Or at least Edmonton!
Map Israel? I believe Israel's been fairly well-mapped already.
Free pictures of Brian mulroney with fill-up.
That's enough trees for the spotted owl, isn't it?
I feel like we're just watching someone fritter away his afternoon here.
You know, people are just dying to g-
That's an anagram for "direct to video."
C'mon! One more sacrifice?
Okay, but this the final sacrifice!
Yay! The movie's closed today because of snow!
I think the movie's going really well!
A treasury of Sergio Aragones sketches!
"It's a cult." They worship blue oysters.
i wonder if theres beer on the sun!
Well, Son of a Buck! That just flew up there!
Getting water for Rowsdoweeerr....Rowsdower wants me to get water for hiiiim!
Mike, is there any way I could hop into the movie and dump this kid's books?
And I'd like to thank Dan Aykroyd for doing that last line.
"Somewhere Lee Trevino scurries for cover."
EH! Eh. Ehhhhh....
They worship blue oysters.
He comes from a long line of greidanauses.
Had a hard time saddling up the Mrs. today.
...and so it is with a heavy heart that I resign from chess club.
I can see why Quebec wants to be separate from all this...
I'm losing track of the crappy vehicles here.
You know it's spring when the executioners get in the house.
Is he a door to door executioner?
(gasp) Larry Csonka!
We're gonna make you drink something other than beer.
Come back here syrup rustler!
It's not actually a lost city; it was just unclaimed.
Cripes, he rolled outta bounds-
look, they shot and stuffed a pair of snow shoes and had them mounted!
Ok, I dropped the canteen and got lost, right on schedule. Ah, next I have to fall, break my ankle, be attacked by coyotes and buried by a bear.
Children and pregnant women should not watch this scene. You know, in fact, no one really should watch any of these scenes.
Wow it's EXPO 67!
"Damn! He's got a 10 speed!"
"Troy?" Are you dead? Cause if ya are, I'm gonna take off.
OW! I was just gonna read the meter!
"Ah! 'Sex: Male.' See I am!!"
Man I'm 25, I hope I hit puberty soon!
This has the bacony stink of Canada all over it.
Oh, the Just About to Sneeze God!
It's the Came With the Frame family.
Hitchcock's "Parade of Homes!"
Um, eat my dust? I dunno . . .
Aw, merde; mon pied!
Smell my fingers!!
We will, we will... ROWSDOWER!!
Look at that! Look what you did! Look!!
That is SUCH a Rowsdowerism!
Hey! I know what you're thinking, and no looting this time, understand?
Wait! I was going to sing something from Bowing Machine
it sounds like video poker music
If u lived here you'd be in hell by now
Oh great the score is skipping!
Rowsdower! (Troy's exclamation when a nearby tree gets shot)
so mike, most humans, when you shoot 'em in the butt, they burst into flames?
no wonder dad lost his money he invested in Lemon mines
oh, he exploded before they had a chance to shoot him
Well, my name is Bill Schtinkwater
Well, if I'm going to be a ventriloquist dummy, I better learn how to live in this trunk.
Dont worry 'bout me boss. The hair on my back is keeping me warm.
I forgot the liquor stores close at 8!
HEY! I had a bead on a goose eh?
I wonder if there's beer on the sun...
Give up your hockey hair! NEVER!
Canadian villian Garth Vader.
"God bless mommy and daddy and grampa and all my evil henchmen..."
"So, uh, eh then, eh?"
...hold on, I'm having an elaborate series of heart attacks...
Dear Agent Skully: Did not appriciate your lawyer's tone...
"Well, I used to give plasma...ya might know me from that."
Dear Councillor Troi: I waited at Denny's, but you didn't meet me...
Let's see what my Cap'n Crunch treasure map says...
Damn you Pee-Wee!
I used to be a Chip n' Dales dancer.
Can I disipline you?
Rowsdower, is that a stupid name?
"CAN I INTEREST YOU IN A REPLACEMENT DOOR?"
I wonder if there's beer on the sun...
Rowsdower, do you know how fast you were going?
Oooooh, I hates that rabbit!
This music is really more suited to plate-spinning.