Whoops, Mike's tripping.

How does the owner of a hand-weaved bassinet compare to the owner of a well-manicured lawn? We may never know.

World's smallest payback--did anybody else notice the credit for "Sheriff"? I can only assume this means the guy who gets shot and keeps sliding down the wall. A fitting punishment for harnessing the power of Rick Sloane and unleashing it upon the world.

I know I'm in the minority but I like this movie better than Mitchel; I liked the movie better and it has some of the best riffs like "you're gonna have to grease me and push me through here".

T.J. Geronimo: "Photos came back from the drugstore"
Crow: "They're pictures of my lunch yesterday!"

So Instagram, then.

Joe Don's IMDB page describes him as tall and broad-shouldered. He sounds positively dreamy.

the american guy calls him heranimo and geranimo! Did he forget or was that in the script?

"But... But JOEL got to escape after a really bad Joe Don Baker movie!"

JDB played in Cape Fear

the female Maltese officer is one of top 10 beauties in MST3K history ...movie one of top 10 spoofed/horrible films ever

The director of Final Justice, Greydon Clark, also directed episode 622's movie, Angel's Revenge. He also wrote and directed the movie Uninvited. If you've never seen it, you need to. It's about a poisonous cat-within-a-cat creature who terrorizes a crime lord's yacht because one of his bimbos brought it onboard. Makes for great riffing fodder.

You've got to love Geronimo's mindless morality: "The law must be upheld, but there's a lot of bad people who skirt the law or twist it to their own purposes. So people like me need to work outside the law, or nudge it a little bit to make sure that our particular agendas and priorities are met. It's really pretty simple."

Just finished it and, you know, this wasn't that bad of a film. Mitchell was more of a beer-drinking fat slob, but here the "Geronimo" character was goofy yet not entirely unlikable. I dunno, this didn't work for me.

joe don baker is apache?

HE'S NOT AN EFFIN INDIAN! HE'S A WHITE REDNECK!!

You know what's wrong with this movie (besides that, that, and that)? It's how Sheriff Geronimo keeps correcting people on the pronunciation of his name. It would be one thing if they were trying and failing to say "Goyathlay" or "Goyahkla," but no; he's telling a bunch of Maltese and Italian speakers the "correct" way to pronounce the Spanish version of Jerome.

This movie is "Welcome to the 'Merican way of doing things!"

And that pretending medieval guard had a real javelin or spear? Hate it when the DnD or reenactment geeks use real weapons for their live action games or shows. They're not toys and can hurt or even kill people as this is what they are designed for. There are real incidence of this too.

this movie sucks on toast

I never realized how funny fat jokes are until this.

My favorite credit sequence!

You were SOOO nice to let the crew riff on some non-SF movies for their last go 'round; just think, if you hadn't, I probably never would have had to sit through ANOTHER crappy Joe Don Baker movie! Thank you SOOOO much!!

You'll get your chance, you can make a book on it? Is that an expression in any language or country? Since when are writing a book and making a bet interchangeable concepts?

"qualifies" as a piece of "cinematic art"?

Final Justice is a good movie in the way that chicken fried steak is a nutritious breakfast. I mean yeah sure at first it looks good, but it pretty soon becomes apparent that it's mostly just filler and saturated fat.

Even the rain in the beginning scenes looks oily and thick.

New link up, MSTies

Joe Don Baker must be the single most trashed actor in MST3k history between this and Mitchell.

I'm impressed by Kevin's ability to quickly go from speaking voice to singing voice repeatedly in the first host segment.

can someone explain to me what the "Miles Davis of strippers" means? I mean Miles Davis is a jazz trumpet player but what similarity is crow seeing?

I can't lie: it was genuinely surprising and exciting when Geronimo cut short his catchphrase to shoot the guy at the end. It's a really good way to pay off a running thing.

209 laughs? This is one of the worst episodes ever...most likely these 'laughs' came from joe-don's stupidity, and not clever or original riffs

Yes as any inmate will tell you, the American prison system is luxurious, perhaps even to a fault. Why in Maltese prisons there's not even any soap to drop!

Hey at around 56:52, when tiramisu is chewing out joe don again, they're standing in front of a window and the lights turn off before getting turned back on again! my guess is somebody got confused over whether it was a day scene or a night scene.

the strippers in this movie fascinate me, what with their bold and sassy triangles. why does the brunette constantly face the wrong way??

Mike does the Joel shadow-run gag from 'Warrior of the Lost World'

I love Crow and Tom dancing during the boat chase. They don't let the riffing stop them, either. They say something funny and then go back to rocking out to the music.

"We try to destroy only things that are specifically yours."

Joe Don did wonders for Malta's tourism industry.

Geronimo shot first!

The chase scene in this movie (the one with the boat chase) is comparable to the pod-racing scene in Star Wars: Episode I. It's long, repetitive and adds nothing to the plot, even in terms of pointless action movies. Incidentally, Mike and Kevin have to suffer through the pod-racing scene on Rifftrax. Ugh!

Its Mitchel 2; The Return of Galano.

Thomas Jefferson Geronimo vs Detective Mitchell in a street fight, who wins? My money is probably on Geronimo but I'm rooting for Mitchell.

as 21 jump street taught us, if you don't read all of the miranda rights, it's no arrest.

they were going to take the mobster...to Sicily? And they were going to hand him over to the SICILIAN authorities? Ummmm...maybe landing in Malta was a good thing because I doubt he would have stayed in prison long in Sicily. They would have "lost" him. Sicily is run by the mafia even now

we have to cross the river into italy!

Joe Don Baker delivers.

"It's pronounced heh-ronimo" . . . uh, no it isn't.

I like how Tom just yells out Geronimo! and jumps off his chair.

Absolutely my favorite! :D

They keep making fun but I know real people who have said “Go ahead on”.

HE'S GOING AHEADING ONNING!!! LULZ

I believe my favorite riff of the entire MST series is at 1:09:33. There is no way to type it out and do it justice (no pun intended). I'll admit to rewinding it 3 or 4 times in a row.

I'm intrigued by the story of Carl and his gate...

Servo is the only original who suffered through the first Joe Don Baker film in the theater (Mike was behind the scenes then)

Our hero, a murderous oaf who threatens women with coat hangers.

Day seven of his shirt!

It's dangerous for Joe Don to be on the water, someone's bound to harpoon him.

There is someone in the closing credits, credited as the 'Man Who Pours Beer' John Suda, at 1:26:20. Missed riff opportunity.

;
How did the miss this riff opportunity?

How come the COUNTRY Of Malta can't arrange to get a guy off the street for 24 hours? Can't extradite him the same day? Ahhh neverminnd.

Love the call back to Joel leaving after a bad Joe Don Baker movie - it's cool that both Joel & Mike had to riff/endure JDB...

So was "go ahead on" intended to become some trendy catchphrase? Or is it just bad screenwriting?

It's hard to believe that JDB was able to be in major motion picture after being in this crap.

I don’t know guys; I think Joe Don Baker gets the last laugh on us. The same year this came out he also had a major role in Fletch. So for 1985 he can claim lasting notoriety in a true classic comedy AND a free trip to Malta!

The line, "You think you can take me? Go head on!" Was stuck in my head for the last two weeks. I couldn't for the life of me remember which movie it was from. I'm so happy I decided to watch this movie tonight. Now I know what was compelling me to watch this. God damn that line cracks me up. Go head on!

LMAO! 1:22:22 is the best riff!! But how would you type that? XD

1:15:34 Such pained whimpers! It's all right, guys. The movie's NEARLY done!

So wait, did the chick shoot Wilson with a flare gun? That's... badass!

Oh, and the real hero of this movie is the sidekick, the skinny Maltese police woman, kind of like the situation in "Puma Man" with the Aztec priest.

I think that six shooter Joe Don was firing in the ever popular speed boat scene was way long outta bullets before he himself said he was out lol. Could you believe it! The Sherriff was the producer of this crapper yikes! And he also produced Hobgoblins, good grief!

So, I just paid attention for the first time. Is it just me or is the radio announcer at the very beginning the same as the pilot at about 16:00? The voice sounds exactly the same to me.

Laugh if you googled Goosio to see if he was really real.

1:26:25 Damn you John Suda and your taking of the coveted roll as “Man who pours beer”!

Though I have no evidence that that guy works for Palermo I’ll throw a spear at him!

Yes Joe Don Baker, the number 1 reason the world hates America.

When Pearl said Joe Don Baker I just about hyperventilated.

Hahaha "What the hell do you think this is, CLOWN COLLEGE??" is really getting me right now

Don't forget JDB's role as a Bond villain in "The Living Daylights" circa 1987. He went from Malta to Tangier. JDB is truly king of the Mediterranean.

Scene at 19:30, is that scrawny guy supposed to be a security enforcer? A ten year old could knock him over.

@0:26:50 - Are those visible nipples on the miss piggy float? That is bizarre.

Brain Guy's Date Outfit: Hubba hubba!!

OMG- merciless on Joe Don Baker and the food jokes. And couldn't have been more richly deserved!

The movie soundtrack sounds like T.J Hooker music cues

Oh, Kermy, take a look at my good stuff

Here's a drinking game that'll cause your liver to shut down:
"Each time a Jon Don Baker fat joke is made, take a shot."

Is he threatening the stripper with an impromptu back-alley abortion?

Man, every one of these riffs qualify as 'best'! It's a shame there weren't more Joe Don movies.

I'm going to try to intimidate someone by peeling an orange sometime. (0:58:00)

"Come on upstairs, Honey, we'll make you some Swiss Miss." D'awww...

Tom Servo only drinks the King of Beers!