He hates love.

young Johnny: Yeah, I was doing a beer bong with the guys from Theta Chi...

Do not violate ape law!

Start another grave, dear.

Is this the Donner party story?
- Yeah, Donner Reed.

I got an ulcer the size of a lap dog...

And now if everyone can go to the fellowship hall for bars and punch...

♫ Gorilla my dreams.

Remember your EST training!

She bakes a strudel that will make your pelt stand on end!

Now this is what Dr. Cornelius would look like if he was played by Raymond Burr.

This is what comes from teaching apes sign language.

What kind of universe is this where they alter your clothing when you sleep?

Scientists finally have realized that a barren landscape inspires a child's natural curiosity.

Hey, mom - tell us about Hell again.

(laughs) I'll get the sedatives.

Mommy, why doesn't he like people?
Crow: He likes most people...it's just YOU he hates!

What's so scary about an alien that looks like the mascot of a college football team?
He must be from Texas A and M, you know...Ape and Monster

Is he looking into a mirror? It's like he's a schizophrenic ape!
He's got problems...

Ever get a deja'vu Joel?

I got the girl! I got the girl! Oh happy day! I will love her and pet her and hug her and squeeze her and I will call her Georgette.

Right in the test-tubes!

That guy's uglier than a mud fence. He can make a train take a dirt road!

What's so scary about a monster that looks like the mascot of a college football team?

Must be pretty good glue to keep the fin on that gator!

It's an Armageddon weddin!

She can take a nothing day and suddenly make it all seem worth.... ah.... well...maybe not.

Oh, man, that Schlitz Malt Liquor! Boy, do I have the 'Zactlys!
What are the Zactlys?
Ahhh....

"Man, somebody's gotta take that kid outta the rain".

You're so bossy you should be milked before you come home at night.
"Dibs!"
"I'll get a stool and a pail."
"That's utterly ridiculous."
"Oh, cow could you say that?"
"Are you going to milk this for all it's worth?"

Boy, their survival clothing must be getting pretty gamey by now.

"I bear a charmed life." Except in the shirt department.

You MIT guys think you're pretty tough!

He flies better than Superman!

He's got a ham radio! And a lunchbox.
Maybe it's a ham and cheese radio.

Oh, it's just a V-2 rocket.
Aww, he could have had a V8!

Due to an error, there are still a few of you left alive. We sincerely apologize for any inconvenience this may have caused you.

Look, they have Asteroids!
They must be pretty advanced if they have Atari!

Do you think his head is pop-o-matic™?

Kids, don't ever sit on an archeologist's lap.

Man, he should just get some counseling; he wouldn't want to smash people all the time.

All right, give me a snowcone and two bomb pops!

See that dartboard back there? I've got this giant dart...
Don't do it, Joel! You'll ruin the screen!

You're watching the all car chase network.

Joel: Just think of it as getting two booster shots on the same day from the same doctor.

Crow: Yeah, Dr. Mengele.

Servo: Doesn't the Geneva Convention have rules against this kind of thing?

*Cody fires off every bullet in his revolver, then tucks the barrel into his pants*
Ouch, that's hot!
Commando Soprano.

Here I come to save the dame!

"Now, will you tell us where Cody is?" In Wyoming.

What's the physics of a broken jaw, college boy?
Are you referring to the mandible or the maxilla?

Boy, that guy's good at leaning!

Keep digging graves, Mother. Better dig two, this isn't going so well.

"I hired an idiot."

"Write us if you get work."

a Ro-Man outstanding in his field.

So in this movie it's wed, bed, dead, right?

Is this the end of the film, Joel?
I don't think it is.
Have you ever had a déjà vu, Joel?

Sure, bumble bees can't fly. Big deal. So what -- Ow!

Attention extension.

Start another grave, dear.

Hey, no shoes, no shirt, no ceremony.

We're only up to about half a billion bubbles so far, I've been counting.

He must be from Texas A&M. You know, Ape & Monster

nipple nipple and fly!

"I have discovered the secret of our failure to destroy the remaining humans."
It's these gorilla suits. They really slow me down!

There goes the model. What happened to the real plane?

Bye, pretty lady! Enjoy your in-flight meal! Baked Alaska!

It's Miller Day!

I'm surrounded by idiots of my own design!

Save the suit at least, it's rented!

They taste like chicken to each other!

Oh..he deflowered her!

Hey! You two! My marriage license has expired! You're not really married, come back!

They look really bored. He should've opened with a joke.

What kind of universe is this, where they alter your clothing in your sleep?

Stop torturing that cat!

Come in.....same guy!

Here comes Cody and he's got his beer googles on.

Joel: At least she got to bring her clutch purse
Servo: I think it's alligator. Very nice. Very stylish.

"Where are you going on your honeymoon? Niagara Falls?"
No, the Forbidden Zone. We're just gonna monkey around for a while.

Every time he talks the scene fades out!

Maybe it's ham and cheese radio! He-he-ho!

He likes most people, it's just YOU he hates.

They were forced to watch boring war documentaries.

♫ Peekin' through the knothole, in Grandma's wooden leg ♫

I'll go get my things and then we can go.
What things could you possibly have?

Here comes Rompin' Rowdy Ro-Man.

Can I go over the Janie's house and borrow her dolls?
You're one sick puppy, kid.

He looks like a walking paint brush.
Maybe he's from that Sherwin-Williams planet. You know the one that's covered with paint?

What's so scary about an alien that looks like the mascot of a college football team?

It looks like a steam powered soldering iron

Show yourselves and I promise you a painless death.
Uhhhh, we're lookin' at a few other offers first.

Hey great ! A picnic at the slag heap ! Thanks Mom !

You're in trouble bubble boy

And so, after a meal of crushed granite and pop rocks, they slept.

It's not the machine that's expensive. It's the hiring the guy who has to count all the bubbles.

Meanwhile, back in the bowels of the Earth.

Hi, honey! Come die with me!

Oh! Steering's out!

Meanwhile back at Caesar's Palace... .

My purse is on the counter, honey.

For Goons on the go.

Really Johnny, you're overdoing the space man act.
"You're high."

Aren't they supposed to fight the humans?
There are no humans, this is from another film.

That ladies and gentlemen is the destroyer of the universe. Pretty pathetic.

I was gonna sell it, but, everyone else is dead.

Even at the end of the world love springs eternal. Man need woman to be his steed. Woman needs man, yeah, now she got the need.

Dave's van is parked right out back. No way you can miss it.

I want to see the girl Alice again.
"OK, now tilt the camera down a little bit."

What time is it? "It's Miller time."
What day is it? "It's Miller day."

I'm beginning to think these endings are rigged.

Tell your friends Crick and Watson!

You could get in, you know. There are seats for that.

Nice organ.

"You're so bossy you should be milked before you come home at night." I'll get a stool and a pail.

They both taste like chicken to each other.

Cue the deus ex machina.

Look, I'm really busy at this time. Could you call back later?

"Don't talk like that."
I have to talk like that. I'm German.

GERONIMO!

I hope they show this movie on that flight!

Jack O. Lantern, private, eye.

I liked 'armageddon married in the morning" (from my fair lady- I'm gettin' married in the morning." and "uh, we are waiting to hear other options first."

I AM grabbing her.

She's so cute when she's passed out.

Oh, I hate to shoot a butt like that!

Well don't give me any more brain-teasers and my head won't blow up!
I thought it was a rush.

Hey this isn't the way to taco johns!

George Barrows, too ashamed to show his own face.

Pamela Paulson? She's never made a bad film!

Gregory Moffitt, who went on to star in 'Yards of Leather'.

John Mylon, from the comedy team of 'Mylon-g and Winding Road'.

Selena Royale? What a great movie! Wasn't Woody Allen in that?

Claudie Barrett, from the comedy team 'Grin and Barrett'.

George Nader, that's Ralph Nader's naughty brother, he wrote Safe at Any Speed.

I'm surrounded by idiots of my own design!

I think we've all 'reported to the moon' at one time or another.

Yes we'll play house for God's sakes, SHUT UP!

Oh no, he’s fitting her for a gorilla suit!

I'm wearing white though; that's not very good humor.

He's trashed, and now he's gonna get bombed!

HAHAHA - get the sedatives.

Triceratops!
Okay, but I usually don't like Sarah Tops.

I think I'm gonna go cut an apple in half and watch it brown.

"When do we get to see the other three Banana Splits?"

"While Mommy braided Cindy's hair, Daddy read from The Home Repair And Improvement Bunker Guide."

"He comes from a planet where they evolved from apes and water coolers."

"Alligator turnovers all around."

"Smash, slug, shoot, mug... He just wasn't beat up enough as a kid!"

"When you shoot down a Cody, do you call a ranger, or do you call an air traffic controller?"

"It's gutting 'em that's the hard part!"

"This is Buddhist: You create us to suffer!"

"Calling all cars... Calling all cars... Be on the lookout for two men and a babe... May be armed with a gigantic experimental brassiere... You know what to do... Strap it on and parade around singing show tunes!"

"How many times do I have to tell them? No kickball in the lab!"

"Don't ever interrupt me while I'm playing the nickel slots!"

"And stop talking into a pine cone!"

Oh, what a time to get a kink in the back.

We're gonna have to hose those 2 down like the dogs in the backyard.

Hey, this bra is coming along nicely.

Here hon, take these asbestos turn-overs.

ROY: You're so bossy you oughtta be milked before you come home at night!

JOEL: Dibs!

"This will be the biggest social event of the year!" - It's the only social even of the year-

Maybe you should stop eating bugs...

"I have discovered the secret of our failure to destroy the remaining hu-mans." 'It's these gorilla suits, they really slow me down!'

"What time is it?" 'It's miller time!' "What day is it?" 'It's miller day!'

'That's the kid's disease, he grows up to be John Travolta.' 'Oh no! That's so sad!'

Nipple nipple tweak tweak FLYYYYYY!

If I told you once, I've told you a thousand times: we're not rounding off pi to 4!

I didn't know the Death Ray had two settings...

It's Gecko-Roman wrestling!

I'd give my right arm to be ambidextrous!

Don't patronize me rock jocky!

Jack-O-Lantern, private eye.