309 - The Amazing Colossal Man
| Full Episode: | |
| Best of: |
Comments (70) Best Riffs (208)
Riffs you quote here will appear randomly in the 
above.
or
colossal man: "you know what they wrote about me in the college yearbook?"
Tom Servo: "...Dickweed?!"
man: "...his heart will literally explode"
Crow: "...so don't wear a white dress that day."
man: "you probably already know, the body is like a factory..."
Tom Servo: "...what, there's a lot of underpaid workers in it?"
woman: "why did this have to happen to him?"
Tom Servo: "cuz' he's rock stupid honey."
woman on screen: "we met in the funniest way..."
Crow: "...playing chicken with trains."
How long have you known Col. Manning?
And what are you doing after he's dead?
Hell be the biggest guy in the dam site!
Tom, that kind of talk will get your arm ripped off!
Hey, what're we watching? The Arts and Entertainment channel?
You mean the "All Hitler Channel?"
Suzy doesn't think she needs a seatbelt. Watch her go ballistic through the windshield.
How do your chromosomes work when they're the size of step-ladders?
She's got nothing but a teddy on under that thing.
You wish.
hehe. a little surprise...
We know that if you HAD breath mints, you'd use them.
Yeah, it's not like you choose to leave a pheromone trail ever you go...
Susie doesn't think she needs a seatbelt. Watch Susie go ballistic through the windshield.
If you're attached to Security, how can you get through the door?
Thanks for putting down the girl! Here's some bullets for you!
"We met in the funniest way" Playin chicken with trains
Actor:"Can we smoke, sir?"
Joel: "I don't care if you burst into flames."
"Ask them to report anything unusual, missing cattle, broken fences..." Big guys...
"Save the coupons?" "Sure, how'd you think I got this neat war?"
"Hey it's the Amazing Colossal Dud."
"...Hit it! Wiggle the plug or something!"
Psychologically you could do him some good - but don't climb on him.
Keep dabbing him with butter and rubbing him with garlic every half an hour.
Hey he's done, and he smells great! - get the bbq sauce!
Change your headings 180 degrees - but never change those little things I love about you.
Have you had a chance to clean your side of the office yet?!?
'and his heart will explode!' / "so don't wear a white dress that day!"
Yeah your a Super Freak sir!..the kind you don't take home to Mother!
'Doesn't he have any relatives?' / "Someone he can move in with!"
'You know what they wrote about me in the College Yearbook?' / "Dickweed?!?"
'Would you mind if i tried something on my own?'...'Oh,What is it?' / "Oh! some Crystal Meth and a Leather Clown Suit!"
Daddy's got to shoot up 1st! heh heh heh...why don't you put on some Sid & Nancy for me!?!
"The body is like a factory."
"There's a lot of underpaid workers in it?"
Oh my goodness... I'm growing so fast, I'm giving myself a wedgie!
That's the risk I have to take Lieutenant...now you get out there.
"Would you mind if I tried something on my own?" "What is it?" Oh, some crystal-meth in a leather clown suit!
Oh no, it's Amelia Earhart, she picked a bad time to come back.
"So, how's the tar heroin coming there?"
"Well, Fluffy, time to shave your butt and put cosmetics all over it!"
"Xanadu: Palatial home of Charles Foster Kane. Cost: No one can say."
"There was a family of 12 in here. Should've told 'em to leave."
"Oh, terrific. My fiance''s a Deli Stacker!"
"Aahhh, we'll just stuff this back in anywhere. No one'll know."
"It's light and refreshing-- No, it's zesty and I- I think I see cheese on the wings!"
"His heart will literately explode." - So don't wear a white dress that day.
Oh, whoops! Sorry, wrong bone growth. I'll cover that up there...
"Make sure he gets penicillin and cortisone around the clock." - And keep stuffing him with cilantro.
-"By all accounts he should have died..."
-How?
-"...in the blast."
-Oh.
Tom and Joel: (singing) Scarecroooooow.... Scarecrooooooow...
Crow: Scare me?
Susie thinks she doesn't need a seatbelt. Watch Susie go ballistic through the windshield!
"How long have you known Colonel Manning?"
-What are you doing after he's dead?
"Do you know what they wrote about me in the college yearbook?" "Dickweed?"
-Why, why, why, why does it have to happen? -Which question do you want me to answer first?
"[...] To give you a simplified laymen's explanation -" Crow: He's really big.
"No..no..I can see his pulse! He's alive but...his head's gone!"
Report
I'm loving the new link... all those early 90's commercials are making me feel really nostalgic.
1 reply
Report
So, the bomb completely disintegrated an entire airplane and its pilot, but Col. Manning survived by covering his face with his arms. Okay.
Report
......and bruce springstine driving throgh nebraska
Report
I love what Servo does @ 1:00:00 They have made many comments regarding cannabis in many other films here on Club-mst3k. COOL
Report
"Put the hurt on 'em, Frank." My new catchphrase.
3 replies
Report
@ 1:06:20 Tom says... Let's do it on the 3-D BB!
*Do you remember what that line is from, and who said it?
If you do, comment.
Report
You know, if they'd just explained that the greater mass of pretty much everything was causing Glenn's circulatory system to be unable to compensate, it'd actually be a nice nod to the square-cube law actually keeping people from getting this big. As is, though... one cell? Ugh.
Report
51:10 - Prime comedic timing, Servo.
1 reply
Report
Correct if I'm wrong, but weren't both Trinity and Little Boy plutonium decices? Maybe it was still classified when Mr. B.I.G. made this?
1 reply
Report
So, in War of the Colossal Beast, when Glen Manning makes his disastrous return to the U.S., where is his never-give-up-on-anything fiancee?
3 replies
Report
"We have two helicopters but only one pilot." Brilliant budgeting.
Report
New Cinema Edition of, "The Amazing Colossal Man" now showing:
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=kAShZYoIqlU
Report
This is one of my favorite episodes, I can't believe it's so low ranked under laughs!
Report
I bet that if Plutonium bombs could regrow skin, insurance companies would say it was "cosmetic" and not covored
Report
The "Single Cell Heart" Doc. made a better drunk in "She Creature"
Report
Butter! Parkay! Butter! Parkay!
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=I35F8WfRfG4
5 replies
Report
The dialogue in this movie keeps clarifying its own vocabulary, which drives me nuts. "We hoped that you would be able to understand, or to learn how Col. Manning survived." "He's growing at an accelerated, or speeded-up rate."
Report
I think Paul is an emotional manipulator. (dick!) As he unabashedly shows it with Glenns' fiance.
5 replies
Report
It boggles me that even the finger holes on the syringe are huge.
2 replies
Report
Classic 50's "all exposition" flick. "Before we do this, let's take 10 minutes to describe what we are doing." Love the complete corn-ball age of movies.
1 reply
Report
Glen Manning was supposed to be wed to his fiancee after the bomb test. He ran out to the bomb on purpose. The downed plane was just an excuse. "No one chains ME down!"
Report
Heart is made up of a single cell.... (WTSF????), Security Lifted means removing security restrictions last time I recalled. The Dr was better as a drunk in "She Creature"
Report
Well, it's probably the best Bert I. Gordon film I've seen, but that's like picking your favorite dentist visit.
Report
More like Amazing CRABBY Man, amirite?
4 replies
Report
heres a scary thought imagine if Glenn got diarrhea lol.....sorry
2 replies
Report
I liked this episode because they didn't use their stock riffs like 'Skipper... Little Buddy...Skipper!, By this time my lungs were aching for air, Bite me!, McCloud!, Ahhh Rickyyyyy!!! and 'I thought you were Dale!'.
13 replies
Report
The single most important question that this film NEVER addresses. How does he take a shit?
1 reply
Report
Insensitive Hospital. A House reference before House was produced. XD
4 replies
Report
Hey, Mike doesn't look half bad in jeans and a bald-cap.
2 replies
Report
this is relevant. http://what-if.xkcd.com/77/
2 replies
Report
i mean quite aside from the fact that he would collapse under his own bulk. Double the height, square the area, cube the volume.
Report
I thought this wasn't going to get a laugh, but then, "So don't wear a white dress that day," and here we are. XD
Report
Funny. I have been to a clinic that was a bit insensitive and judgmental in passive ways. They were bad at hiding their true opinions about people. I go in and see they have a negative opinion about me even though they try to hide that. But I didn't figure that out weeks later too. Stop going there too because they also didn't help me at all or gave me bogus help. They are still human. Make mistakes, and let too much the worst of themselves effect their work. But the latter is a big no-no in the medicine profession.
2 replies
Report
A civilian plane over an atomic bomb testing site? No, I don't think so. "It's Buddy Hackett and Mickey Rooney too." Love this illogical 50's SF movies. And the guys are hilarious!
1 reply
Report
This movie isn't realistic at all. One of their soldiers becomes a giant. The army spirits him away to do a battery of tests to understand his condition. And not once does anyone suggest the possibility of deploying him (or a battalion of giants like him) to the active war zone.
4 replies
Report
You've got to love that scientist's reaction to being asked how a man could have survived the nuclear blast:
"Obviously, there was just some sort of freak, unknown condition by which he was protected, and then he magically healed for some reason even though that's impossible by all logic and reason! GEEZ! What's the big MYSTERY?"
I want to know what it's like to be in the lab with a scientist like this. I'm imagining him receiving a grant to research a cure to rabies, and then he calls a press conference to say, "GOD! Obviously rabies could be cured with either a really, super-sciencey medical substance or some kind of crazy procedure that would make rabies go away! Now GET OF MY FRIGGIN' BACK!"
Report
I wonder if the Marvel crew watched this movie. Glen's origin is oddly similar to Bruce Banner's. At the test of a new type of atomic bomb, an innocent civilian stumbles onto the testing ground. Guy runs out to save him, absorbs a massive amount of strange radiation, and becomes a huge monster.
2 replies
Report
Lieutenant Colonel Glenn Manning
Played the hero after a rough landing.
His fiancee was vexed
And his doctors perplexed
Because he could not stop expanding.
3 replies
Report
At 56:32, does Servo ask, "Is he jerking off?" in response to Glen's hand pointing? Joel and Crow seem to respond as if Servo said something surprising! This episode is chock full of suggestive and flat-out naughty riffs! IMO, one of the most risqué Joel era episodes.
Report
The heart is a single cell..... Right...
On the other hand Amazing Colossal Mike is hilarious, they sure do come up with a lot of reasons to put him in a diaper over the years...
3 replies
Report
"What sin could a man commit in a single lifetime to bring this upon himself?" Maybe it has something to do with shooting a Korean man in the face.
1 reply
Report
Anybody here listen to Rob Zombie? I was watching this and was suddenly struck with the realization that he used an audio clip from this movie in a song (Demon Speeding). Crazy! Anyway, love this ep. Heheheh, the host segments were hilarious! And the riffs were great! That doctor guy was a jerk though! Trying to convince what's her face to leave Glenn all by himself. And why couldn't they just hold off on the bullets for a bit, huh?? The guy might have survived!
Report
I really wasn't looking forward to this one as I had already seen the War of the Colossal Beast episode first (didn't know it was a sequel) but this one was actually funnier than the sequel episode. (Both are great, but this one had me rolling)
1 reply
Report
The doctor with the giant hypodermic needle is the funniest thing I saw in the movie -- except the part where Glen harpoons the doc with it.
Report
singing the circus theme ya da da da da da da da da da
1 reply
Report
I'm somehow going to work the phrase, "Ah! Anarchy, anarchy, anarchy!", into a conversation soon.
2 replies
Report
Hahaha too bad Mike didn't step on NSA headquarters. Also, Satellites in the Gut would be a good name for my next album.
Report
I don't know if it's just on my tablet or what but the video's audio is playing at a super slowed down speed, and I need to say, the theme music sounds REALLY COOL slowed down haha, makes me think of like Devo, but somehow...haunting.
3 replies
Report
You know, of all the stink piles I've seen these guys riff, with their B-Movie pseudo-science and mis-placed terror about atomic energy and all, the scientific explanation in this one is probably the most painful. I might need a lie down after that "single-celled heart" schpiel... WOW
Report
The Las Vegas TV report's name, H. Wells - An Easter Egg to H.G. Wells' book "Food of the Gods"? Which also happens to be a Burt I. Gordon film as well.
Report
Such great host segments in this one. Amazing Colossal Joel still cracks me up every time. "No. Ahhh. I'm huge."
Report
This was one of my first sci-fi films I ever saw. Watched the ending on TV in the early '60's and even then, I thought it was cheesey.
Report
The riffs in this one, especially in the "hospital" are some of my favorites... I just love this one!
6 replies
Report
Re-uploaded and added episode. Enjoy, MSTies! =D
Report
Both Glenn Manning episodes are huge (!) favorites in this house. We are forever quoting them.
1 reply
Report
not technically a riff, but at 00:27:21 Tom whipping his whole body around to follow the dialogue volley while you can hear his arms smacking the chair .. it just had me giggling uncontrollably :D
Report
Looove plant!Kevin XD
Report
First time for everything, I correct myself lol. Dr. Lindstrom was in "She Creature" it's his twin brother that was in "Screaming Skull' My badd. Well hell, they look alike there twins ok :-)
Report
Nice dive off the dam, whoooaaa lol. I remember The MST3K Hr. totally scene-cut the hell out of this movie to make room to fit it in 2 smaller 1 hr. sets. Wasn't Dr. Lindstrom the evil jerky scheming husband in "The Screaming Skull"?
3 replies
Report
Whoa, that was close! This one almost broke me. Thank goodness they never made a sequel to this debacle because I don’t think I could….huh, what? They what…D'oh!
Report
"Hello baabyyyyYYY!"
Report
The real tragedy here is this all negates the plutonium bomb’s usefulness as a weapon of mass destruction.
Report
"He must have protected his eyes with his arms. He put them up when the blast hit." Well it's a good thing he can move faster than light then.
Report
Alright, it's back! Thanks for finding this.
3 replies
Report
As a biology major, the scientific explanation "the heart is made up of a single cell and that's why it isn't growing as fast" made me burst out laughing. Seriously, writers? I mean sure, amazing colossal man, but if you give a scientific fact, CHECK IT!! Sheesh.
2 replies
Report
Pity this came along before the "What Happens in Vegas Stays in Vegas" ad campaign...
Report
What a maroon! What an ignoranimous!!
Report
They have this episode on VHS at my liabrary. I watched twice with my dad. Apparently, he saw the original movie when he was a kid.
2 replies
Report
I lost it at "...and his heart will literally explode". Didn't even need the riff.
Report
Hello, photosynthesizing Kevin Murphy!