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322 - Master Ninja I



Viewers big 3 people watching this episode right now.
227 laughs

Comments (79) Best Riffs (207)

steve - 16 days ago
1 laugh

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Ninja, he's not even Asian!


steve - about 1 month ago
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Both of the Ninja movies have good riffs as usual, but come on, I just can't buy
Lee Van Cleef as a Ninja. He's done great movies, especially westerns, but a Ninja, Never!


Kimono Dragon - about 5 years ago
15 laughs

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This movie was released in 1991. Lee Van Cleef died 2 years earlier, December 1989. It had to be in his contract that they couldn't release it until after he died.


Klaatu - about 2 months ago
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@ 1:02:42 it was at that moment that...yes, I realised this a new low, and it reminded me of an Ed Wood movie


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i love how the "we couldn't find your daughter" lines of dialogue were very obviously added later at the end of the second epi--I mean second half of the movie.


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Pam Dawber's probably really easy to impress.


Mitchell - over 4 years ago
7 laughs

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Demi Moore did this and STILL had a career?!?! Is there no god?


Gabriel Block - over 3 years ago
4 laughs

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Did anyone else notice that the executive story consultant was named Tom Sawyer!?


Hank Williams - almost 3 years ago
2 laughs

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San Francisco my butt!


BritLitFan - about 1 year ago
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Tim Van Patten actually went on to have a pretty successful directing career (most notably for THE WIRE). Guess he's better behind the camera instead of in front of it.


ericjcant - 6 months ago
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It's kind of reassuring to know there was a time when any stupid thing could make its way onto TV... that writing for TV didn't take any skill or knowledge, and it didn't even matter whether anything made sense. Boy, those were the days.


ericjcant - 6 months ago
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It's great to see a senior citizen get out of the house with his briefcase filled with ninja toys and a fun little black outfit and fight people. Good for him.


DarkShadows - 8 months ago
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"Hey Ali, might wanna check those bags at the door." Edgy, Crow...


Funky The Monkey - 7 months ago
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1:24:50 Fell for the oldest trick in the ninja book. Look before you strike. Or just look before doing anything around ninjas.


Misterkingdom - almost 2 years ago
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"The tranquility of post war Japan??" That's what I was thinking. The master's origin story makes no sense. I need to find out who wrote this and how this show got greenlit.


Teri Gee - 10 months ago
1 laugh

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On Wikipedia, it states that Sho Kosugi (who played Okasa) also was Lee Van Cleef's double for all 13 episodes. So...he was fighting himself?


NavySandman - 12 months ago
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This has got to be one of my least favorite experiments. It mostly has to do with TVP's character. It would be more tolerable if he wasn't such a cocky bast@rd.


Snuffy Wuffykiss - about 2 years ago
7 laughs

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It just occurred to me. Lee VAN Cleef and Tim VAN Patten drive around the country in a VAN...


Jessica Jensen - over 4 years ago
5 laughs

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I wonder is Demi Moore looks back on this movie and says, "Damn, that was dumb of me..."


Korey Green - over 3 years ago
6 laughs

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basking in the tranquility of post war japan


Theseus9 - over 1 year ago
1 laugh

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Lee Van Cleef's greatest role....really.


MSTeacher3K - over 2 years ago
3 laughs

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Max is a piece of crap for putting moves on Holly just minutes after she was almost raped. What's worse is SHE apologizes to him! But then,she immediately goes on to make a suggestive comment about coming to see him at the motel. Because that's how most women react after surviving an attack; at least, they do when a sexist writer for a tv show writes the script.


Snuffy Wuffykiss - about 2 years ago
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I remember watching this on T.V. when I was a little kid. I am so glad to be able to watch it riffed now!


Stephen Dmytriw - about 1 year ago
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LOL - I watched this show when it was on TV when I was in grade school. This was back when we had TV guides delivered, and you found out a show was cancelled when it never appeared again. As a kid I do remember liking but not loving it - I mean it was no Simon and Simon, Riptide, Magnum PI, Knight Rider or A-Atean,


Veklorr Vigorr - about 1 year ago
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"You guys talkin' about my butt? Yeah, you crack me up. I've seen your show."
Made me laugh so hard I scared my pets.


Dave Ryder - almost 4 years ago
3 laughs

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That Asian mobster...has the same...delivery...for every line he...says. Someone please tell that actor to stop abusing the 'dramatic pause'!


Stereo Catz - almost 3 years ago
4 laughs

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A pair of colt 1911s attached by a chain: Gunchucks

Two hypodermic needles filled with procaine strung together with rope: Numbchucks

Two horseback raiders of the Asian grasslands tethered with cable: Hunchucks

A pair of sci-fi direct-energy weapons connected with wire: Set it to Stunchucks.

The two hot girls from your high-school who wouldn't go to prom with you tied with cord: Shunchucks

A pair of Nolan and Johnson's dystopic/ageist future characters doomed from birth by the constraints of a desperate society trying to cope with an over taxed ecosystem shackled with lanyard: Logan's Runchucks.


Misterkingdom - almost 2 years ago
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This movie is incomprehensible. I have no idea what's going on. They move through plot points randomly.


Warm Tumbler of Jagermeister - over 4 years ago
5 laughs

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"Next on a very special Trapper John." Whenever they use the "very special" riff it reminds me of the 70's & 80's situation comedy ads. As a kid I knew whenever very special was used to describe an episode it involved serious (boring) material.
You say there is a very special Diff'rent Strokes on tonight? No thanks, I'll just go to my room and play with my Smaller Homes and Garden instead.


Iris - over 5 years ago
9 laughs

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Help! I have "Master Ninja Theme Song" stuck in my head!


Misterkingdom - almost 2 years ago
2 laughs

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Why did Lee van Cleef destroy the bar? I thought his beef was with the sheriff? Is everyone a unsympathetic jerk in this movie?


Daniel Durham - over 4 years ago
2 laughs

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wasn't there a series to this? i remember it from my childhood.


Misterkingdom - almost 2 years ago
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How did that guy in the bar know max on the first name basis??? The guy who was talking about the sheriff and demi. Did I miss something?


Misterkingdom - almost 2 years ago
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I don't know if I'm reading the situation correctly, but that part a little bit after he saved demi (when they're at the airport), max tries to make a move on her and she says he put his hands on me (I'm assuming she's talking about the cop who tried to rape her) and max gets all disappointed when she says no??? That's disgusting. Yeah, he saved her life but why does he think that makes him entitled to a traumatized woman's body? Ugh, I almost want to stop watching because I fear he will only get worse.


Last of the Wild Ponies - about 2 years ago
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42:22 Now you're taping with portals!


Bobbin Threadbare - over 4 years ago
8 laughs

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Chinatown ninjas. You gotta love the 80's.


E B - almost 4 years ago
1 laugh

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If a person wants that perfect excuse the end it all, they need only watch 'The Good, The Bad, And The Ugly'...or, Hell, even 'Escape From New York'...then watch this. If seeing how low a truly great actor can sink doesn't make you go in the bedroom, take out your Glock, and blow your brains all over the wall, nothing will.


Barry Ward - over 3 years ago
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They're calling the wrong actor "Sho Kosugi." Kosugi plays Okasa (chain-mail face.) He was also the fight/stunt co-coordinator for the series. Lika (snake-ring guy) is Korean/Japanese actor Soon-Tek Oh.


Tyler Jones - about 3 years ago
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Is it me, or are parts of this episode/movie missing? I don't know why the old ninja started busting up the bar. Seemed a bit self-gratifying for a ninja because of the weird edits. >.>


Robert Brown - almost 3 years ago
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The master-key riff of this ep is: "Hah-bekeebeleh!"


how much ninja could a wood chuck chuck if a nunchuck was chucked wood?
Tyler Jones - about 3 years ago
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the nunchaku sketch is great, but i prefer good old fashioned wood-chucks. not the mammal... nunchuks made of wood. lol xD


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Henry is a hamster, not a gerbil. The gerbil riffs make me cringe.


Brains Fart
Steve-Headed Pig-Benton - over 3 years ago
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Tim Van Patten is NOT Dick's son. He's his younger brother, his half-brother.
Sorry Crow. No hellish spawn there.


Omar Gomez - about 3 years ago
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I miss Lee Van Cleef....:(


Mattafact Weaver - about 3 years ago
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so… heres lee van cleef on johnny carson promoting this as a show… wearing his ninja bling!!!!!!! https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=u2_UZjiKq88


Peggy Anderson - over 3 years ago
10 laughs

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Fun fact: The guy who plays Sheriff Kyle was also Mr. Wilson in "Final Justice."


Joseph Ewing - about 4 years ago
5 laughs

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Sure this was a bad "movie" but I think I would have watched an episode of the show when it was on. Lee Van Cleef and Timothy Van Patten actually do make an entertaining pair. I lost track of what Joel and the bots were saying a couple times and had to back it up.


Teri Gee - almost 4 years ago
3 laughs

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Is there any explanation for what's wrong with Jill? Clearly, it's not paralysis since she can walk some. She manages a few steps; so what has she been doing before now? Or is it a recent problem? I'm so full of questions!


mary - about 4 years ago
1 laugh

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wasn't it a tv show just spliced together?


nami - almost 4 years ago
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http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=coy8XF8x5aU This owl can make the face of Master Ninja! He even has the death stare.


Eric Erwin - almost 4 years ago
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"Master Ninja Theme Song!" An abridged series I watched uses this song as their opening theme @_@ always wondered where they got it. Favorite skit ever!


Dood - almost 4 years ago
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Anything Crow says as Timothy Van Patten cracks me up.


Teri Gee - almost 4 years ago
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They call it insipid, but I actually liked Manimal. I didn't see it in its original run, but the SciFi Channel (when it was still about science fiction) had a summer thing where they'd run a lot of older scifi series, mostly from the 70s and 80s. I thought it was kind of fun. Well-made? No, but still fun. :D


Matt Towler - about 5 years ago
4 laughs

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LOL Crow's "basket" falls off at 34:37


mary - about 4 years ago
2 laughs

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"Wait, whose theme song is that?"


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Aww! Why did they have an edit in the final credits! I kinda wanted to hear the full version of Master Ninja Theme Song!


Sarahbean - about 4 years ago
2 laughs

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Right on Crow! It was about time that someone finally unmasked the infamous VanPatten conspiracy.


mary - about 4 years ago
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Seemed like the right moment...Ooooff!


Morgan Zindzi T - about 4 years ago
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"Believe it"?! My god Van Patten really is Naruto!


Austin Strong - almost 5 years ago
6 laughs

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Evidently, Tim Van Patten is a director these days. Here's a list of some programs with episodes directed by ol' "Max": Sex and the City, Rome, Boardwalk Empire, Deadwood, The Wire, and The Sopranos. THE SOPRANOS, people.


Elisa Farrington - over 4 years ago
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WHAT?! Nobody has started a thread on 'Chuck Ideas?' How about this classic self defense to use against people who want to force you to say a tongue twister....woodchucks! (I know, it's bad...help).


Mike Carmona - over 4 years ago
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I would've paid good money to have David Carradine as Caine just stumble upon the set and beat McAllister to a pulp.


Jerome Montgomery II - over 4 years ago
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Tim Van Patten looks like Bob Saget lol


Fredrick Stafford - over 4 years ago
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Yes, Demi Moore and went on to become a major star and Timothy Van Patten is now an award winning director, but they will always have this shame lurking in their pasts. Just as highly regarded two time Oscar nominated mainstream mega producer/actor Mark Wahlberg can never take back this….

http://youtu.be/-eSN8Cwit_s

I guess we all have our Funky Bunches to bear.


Patrick Gormona - over 4 years ago
8 laughs

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the tv car chase has NOTHING on Mitchell's hot merging action


Lewis Nitzberg STINKS! - over 4 years ago
2 laughs

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Cool! Leon Russell reference @ 1:25:00


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Four words;
"MASTER NINJA THEME SONG!"


Leslie Doesn't Get You - over 4 years ago
5 laughs

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Lee Van Cleef's ninja outfit is so ridiculous. He's supposed to be invisible in all black so he can hide in the shadows or in the dark. Yet he wears this big shiny medallion just waiting for a ray of light to hit it and give away his position. Nice going, Lee.


Cindy - over 4 years ago
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I loved how Joel almost laughed when he read the line "Important and dangerous work" from the letter. I can imagine the crew of the battleship Missouri rolling with laughter as their letter was read to the thrilling beat of "Master Ninja Theme Song"!


Bruce Box-Liker - almost 5 years ago
7 laughs

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It's baffling enough that a woman is fleeing a potential rapist by jumping into a stranger's windowless van without her taking a moment to assert command over the radio.

And when they put the line, "Don't do that; I like classical music" into the script, did it just not occur to them that they would have to score the first part of their high-tension car chase with a delightful and muted bit of symphony?


Josh Lane - almost 5 years ago
4 laughs

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I wonder if he has ever thrown his hamster instead a ninja star.


Sabrina Domingues - almost 5 years ago
2 laughs

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Hey, it's Brian Tochi - the Asian nerd from Revenge of the Nerds and Elvis Nogata from the Police Academy movies!


Jerome Montgomery II - over 4 years ago
5 laughs

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It's Claude Akins from those AAMCO commercials


Jerome Montgomery II - over 4 years ago
6 laughs

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This tv movie is like a combination of episodes of A-Team,T.J Hooker and Kung Fu


Josh Lane - almost 5 years ago
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The old ninjas nose reminds me of the bad guys from prince of space.


Josh Lane - almost 5 years ago
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That gang leader does alot of facial emotes for someone on the phone.


Josh Lane - almost 5 years ago
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What kind of ninjas pose for sillouettes before they attack? Very stealthy.


Scott Davis - about 5 years ago
2 laughs

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I love during the invention exchange, when Dr. Forester is smothering Frank with a pillow. I couldn't stop laughing!


NS - over 5 years ago
16 laughs

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He's an Occidental ninja master with a price on his head. He's a wisecracking young drifter with nothing to lose. They fight crime!

That's nice, but I'm not sure if I'm interested...

We also have this hawt young ingenue named Demi Moore. She only has a bit part in one episode, but we'll put her picture on the video cover higher and bigger than Lee Van Cleef's.

Better, but it's still missing something...

There's a hamster.

Does it talk?

No.

SOLD!