These guy's are aggressively incompetent!

This must be the swimsuit edition of Leech Illustrated.

Have ya ever felt like cryin, and ya don't know why?

"Soon they will be laughin at me, and I'll have to go on a shootin spree."

"Oh, poor thing." Yeah, boo hoo.

"I’m gonna clean my otter lines out before morning." No, no, not in front of us!

Huh. Maybe we should have subtitles for this.

NORM!!!

"I'm asking you for the last time, Dave Walker!" Did you eat the last Moonpie?

"You know, I've wanted to tell you..." I'm the Ronald McDonald for this region.

"I didn't kill them." I ate 'em.

"Is there a reeeward if someone finds the body, sheriff?" "50 dollars." And you get to keep the body.

Sister, you got roots.

Do I still have a tab going?

"She might still be down there. Alive." But musty.

I think I know where the drapes went.

Hey, I suffer in the trap of love.

Kinda looks like a forest up there in your nose.

Like that guy could sneak up on somebody.

"What's with the mud? Did we miss some metaphor?"

"Hey little girl, would you like a salted nut roll?"

"He'll make a grand naval officer."
"He'll make several of them."

Then it was back to the lodge for a smooth Canadian Club!

I feel like I'm in Hef's grotto!

HONEY WEST!

BOSS HOG.....AFTER DARK

BOSS HOGG .....AFTER DARK
BOSS HOGG......AFTER DARK

and everywhere the smell of men enjoying themselves

"He did see something that night. Something that had intelligence enough to seek him out and destroy him later."
That was smart.

"They're probably night creatures. They can't stand the light, so they stay down at the bottom during the day."
Servo: *looks at Joel* Oh, like comedians.
Joel: *nod* mmm-hmm.

"I want straight answers. Where did you hide them after you killed them?"
*giant belch*... Sorry. I ate 'em.

Boss Hog: After dark!

(In robotic unison) I'm a little teapot, short and stout. This is my handle, this is my gun. One is for pouring, one is for fun.

*being attacked by hulking robots* "They're not human!!" Uh, yeah. We noticed.

Okay, hand me up that horse!

We are lost, R2.
*boop boo beep boop*
No, if you go that way, you'll be breaking down in no time.
*sad whistle*

Wait a minute! We're on the Pirates of the Caribbean ride.

"We're being dragged down by some mysterious force!" The plot?

Hey! Guys! You know where you're going? It's this way!
*entire cavalry regiment does a 180 and comes back towards Joel*

No. No! NO! NOOOO! I am the sum of my vices, my pain, my happiness, my losses, my love, my struggles, my hobbies, Mylanta! I want to live! I want to live and love and learn and live! *sob*

But this won't hurt a bit.

Okay.

Crow---You saw Jesus?
Servo--Yeah. A real nice guy, too.

I love you Lucy.
But I love groceries more.

Joel, I thought underwear was supposed to match.

It's okay to shoot 'em, but this...

"Laugh if you want."
Ha!

Hold on a minute. I don't go calling you a beautiful shapely woman, do I ?

Hello again . I'm the leech. See you later.

"AAAAHH!! AAAAAHHH!!!! AAAAHHH!!!!!"
"What're you yelling at?! Shut up! SHUT UP! You think I like it, being stuck in Limbo with you? NO! Get on your orange and yellow knees and kiss my clown feet that I haven't killed you!"

This is more like Night of the Iguana than Attack of the Giant Leeches.

"You sure you used enough to kill them off, Mike?"
"I used 106 at 40 percent."
Enough to kill all of us.

"... And speaking of 'common animals,' how's Steve coming along?"

I'm willin' to bet a month's pay they ain't gonna come up with nothin' but excuses! ("I could USE ten bucks!")

They're certainly well dressed for adventure.

"Go on."
No. Make me.

...and he wasn't beat up by clowns.

[Crow] Good thing they brought a make out tarp...

[Servo] Will the leech survive? Will they drink more coffee and will the fat guy’s wife ever touch him? And what about Naomi?!.....

[Crow] This looks like the right side of the wrong side of the tracks...

[Man with headdress/helmet walks by]
[Joel] Your heads very creative today Kyle

"She came in thru the bathroom window"

"I am the god of hell fire!"

Clean up in aisle three, please!

Wait there! We're coming to attack you!

I'm a danger to myself and others
My cousins are as close as brothers...

Hey, it's the Thirty-four Horsemen of the Apocalypse!

He's being followed by Michael Nesmith! "Hey, did you know my mom invented liquid paper?"

What is she on her lunch break from Wendy's or something?

Don't help or anything, Dave!

Crow: I hate when they talk thru the movie---ooooh.

But for the lonely detonator...

"I don't mean anything against you."
You're a little piece of flab.

Mayor Dinkins just ain't cutting it, is he

"It'd kill a full-grown whale."
That's it! We'll put a full-grown whale down there!

I can't be held accountable! She's got bosoms and everything!

Shouldn't have married her knowing she loathed me.

Run 'till ya drop. "Like I will."

I found it during a recent trip I made in my rocket submarine.

Thanks for comforting me with a gun.

Do you believe this crap?

Would you rob a shop? Anything...!

"Yeah, and then we went on to showgirl costumes."

"Oh, I just love underwater love scenes."

"By the way, can I borrow yer' fondue set? Sara an' her mother are comin' over later."

"Hey, it's Bartles & Jaymes."

"Man, look at all the weed where are they Tommy Chong's backyard?"

"Y'know, maybe this isn't the right time ta' talk about this, but I love muffins! Y'know those... real fancy nut 'n fruit muffins they got fulla' whole grain..."

"Man, ah' do wonder what it'd be lahk' t'make love t'ya', though."

"...and around the clubhouse turn is Apartment House with plenty of room with Bird Droppings on the rail comin' 'round the bennnd..."

"We're out of baking soda, Sir!"

♮ ♫ "The night Chicaaago diiiied... La la la la la la..." ♫ ♮

"Hey, Kid... D'huh... Feel free ta' dig ya' heel inta' my groin!"

"You take it back my sister does not swim towards troop ships!"

"WELL I'D LIKE TO KNOW WHERE YOU GOT THE NOTION!"
"... like to know where you got the notion..."

Say...could you show me some...sundries?

"I hate it when they talk during the mov-...oh."

"Annapolis a day keeps the doctoris away."

and now back to men with little pants.

This is getting weird! Joel, you gotta do something !

Give us Barabas!

I haven't thought of anything...ever!

Now who's hungry for Blood Sausage?!?

Fish Fry tonight!

I'll carry her!...nah, I'll carry her!....No, I'll carry her.....

Dooo doot doot dooott...Skipper!

"Steve!"....Steve!...Spock!...

You know liquor makes everything right!

Hey! That was Bob there!.... Get it "BOB"?

We're worried about you not smoking Chad!

It's TGIF fellas!

Hey! there's a "Madman Across the Water" there

Uh...Taxi, I say Taxi...

We're a danger to ourselves and others. / I like shows with Sally Struthers.

These guys are aggressively incompetent.

Suddenly they're The Defiant Ones.

Hey little girl, would you like a salted nut roll?

“I’ve been round here for years; I’ve never seen anything like that.” I’m a professional skeptic.

“We’ve only been at it two days and I feel worn out.” Probably because of my stories.

He must have a really good personality.

They bomb horses don’t they?

How am I going to explain this to my husband?! Now this side...

You know, I liked Meg Ryan in this role better.

HURRY DIANA!

And now back to: Men with Little Pants.

I didn't kill him... I ate him!

Thunder husband!

I don't remember Liz being dead with big hickies on her face.

"I said go soak your fat head."
Is that exactly how you said it? Wasn't there more of a lilting quality?

Keep your mind on your work! You're in enough trouble already.

Oh, no, a football game has broken out! I don't know what to make of it!

I hate those clowns and I don't even exist.

"Get out you fat pig!" Now wait a minute, I don't go callin' YOU a 'beautiful, shapely woman' now do I?

This must be the swimsuit edition of Leech Illustrated.

"And uh, supposin' there is no contamination?"
Well then we'll add some.

Oh great, the leeches have a little fort.

I hadn't thought of anything, never!

I'm a beaver and this is the view from my living room; enjoy!

We ARE the water cooler.

Ya know, I think the bloom's off the rose. (One of my Top Five Crow deliveries.)

"We're walking really fast, we're walking really, really fast. . ."

Only half a cup. Don't I like my coffee?

"First husband was a no-good bum."
Second husband, no-good bum. Third husband, no-good bum...

Get on your orange and yellow knees and kiss my clown feet that I haven't killed you!

Quit wearin' my things.

If anything goes wrong just yank on the line. And yank real hard, I might have the radio on.

Now it's time for Trout Blastin' in America!

Keep in mind, I'm intensely stupid

Do y'ever feel like you're in a Gary Larson cartoon?

Ha, ha! Soiled myself!

" over there in those reeds is where my daddy met my pappy!"

"Oh take me to the mushroom palace my sweet friend booze,"

Crow - "Are you thinking what I'm thinking?"
Tom Servo - "Yeah...CREST!"

Tom Servo - "Maybe we should have subtitles for this."

Take care of yourself Steve.
Crow - "Or someone might stab you in your sleep."

Crow - "Uh...I heard you say 'did you hear something."

Well I blew my blankie clean off.

Joel: It looks like the camera man can't find the cast.
Crow: Oh, I've seen this in Dementia-13.

I'm Skippy the Chimp!

Tom: You know liquor makes everything right.
Joel: From the Liquor Council.
Crow: It's what your body's thirsty for.

I'll make some coffee sandwiches.

Hey look. Jim Henson's Cracker Babies.

"Dave Walker wasn't the kind of man to hang himself." Nah, he's a blade man.

"Everybody knows Cal and Liz had a hankerin' for eachother." I think it went way beyond hankerin'

I've got a Ph.D. in staying away from your wife!

Hey! That was his heart blowing up!

Mrs. Shelby, I got your groceries here. Don't want no trouble this time.

Liz: You're just so strong.
Joel: Smelling, I mean.
Liz: I like a man who's strong.
Crow: Smelling, I mean.

Yeah, I'm here about the affair. I have an appointment for two o'clock Wednesday.

Oh, it's a swamp. Should we bring our evil in here?

Aw, this guy's the sheriff of everything.

Ah! Thanks for comforting me with a gun!

This sittin' around plum wore me out.

Hm, a Title Sequence Named Desire.

I'll have a Dick Rubin, hold the sauerkraut.

Looks like an E.E. Cummings book cover.

Hey it's the thirty-four horsemen of the Apocalypse.

Hey did you remember to close the HATCH! Doh!

This looks like a fine place to set down my pasty white bottom.

Ken just exploded sir.

"Look, I'll spit in my own mask this time!"

"Goodbye Gilligan! Goodbye Skipper! I sure hope those coconut air-tanks hold out!"

"I think we should use my new A-Bomb!"

"Stay together, cheeks!'

"Hey, he's stuck to the ceiling!"
"Oh great, a swinger. Always on my shift!"

"If they kill me, they're probably enemies."

"And everywhere, the smell of men enjoying themselves."
*Sniff-sniff*
"Ew!"

"All these people are dead now. Isn't that weird?"
"Think about it."

Clowns are raining down...
Hear the scream of the grease paint...
Danger...
Clown puddles

Feller by the name of Humbert Humbert wants to see me.

It's a 1968 Chrysler Merrimac.

It's the Ponderosa under the sea!

Kill the dorky guy! I hate comic relief.

every weekend I go through this

♪ I'm a danger to myself and others ♫

Uh, she dropped her contact lens in my mouth and was trying to get it out with her tongue...uh yeah, that's it...

We now return to Fat Guy Goes Nutzoid, a Troma presentation.

Sucker - wait a minute, that's me!

GE - we bring good things to death.

Oh no! They're shooting hot dogs at 'em. Hold the mustard on that one!

This is my handle, this is my gun. One is for pouring, one is for fun.

"You just don't understand, do you?" - I'M A JERK!

Uh, Jeb, you got a real dark side.

Your hat's very "creative" today, Kyle.

I'll catch you, you wascally adulterers!

"Remember what he said about the gators." He said, 'AAAAAAUGH!'

I hate when they talk during the movie! Oh...

Eye--cuh--rum--bah

Liz, honey ??, think ya could lose some weight ??

Let me get in my costume and tell you about it, now pretend I'm a ???? pirate.

"Right over there in them weeds" is where my daddy met my pappy.

I know what you're thinking. Did I fire one shot or only one?

Calgon, take me away!

We're worried about your not smoking, Chad.

Hey! These dogs have been sniffing each other! Liberty! Checkers!

Joel, I can't help but feel that that film was flawed in certain ways...

Oh, I stood up too fast - phew...

I'm-a-little-tea-pot-short-and-stout...

Keep your mind on your work, you're in enough trouble as it is!

How dumb are you Uncle Dad?

"I belieeeve this is my date!"

~I don't know how to mmmmmp mmmmmph~

Oh, take me to the sweet mushroom palace my friend booze.

"One night, he tried to hold up a gas station." But he wasn't very strong, so it fell on him.

I had a really weird dream last night; I dreamed that we all got back to Earth, and then you guys got a duplex together.

Hey, I hate when they talk during the mov-- oh.

Ah, what a rich life huh? Flipping a walnut in a sieve all day.

Wait there, we are coming to attack you!

Ya, that's great...when you get near a sentence, let us know

"Look Dad!" --How come they all turned when he said 'Dad'?

Here Billy, you draw their fire. AGAIN?!

they're dead...GOOD BYE! they don't have a chance...I'LL SEE YA LATER, GOOD LUCK! we'll drag em' out tomorrow...GOOD LUCK OUT THERE!