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503 - Swamp Diamonds



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Comments (58) Best Riffs (145)

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7:07 it's Beavis and Butthead!


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Some of this is just amplified as 10x funnier if u have headphones on. Example: Servo doing the boat motor noise as the alligator.... Face hurts from laughing!


Ray Garraty - over 3 years ago
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Nicks friend Jeff in the short is in another short, 'Young Man's Fancy' as Alex


Scooter Atreides - almost 5 years ago
8 laughs

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Say what you want about Corman's abilities as a director--but DAMN! he certainly knows how to cast gorgeous actresses! :)


Jane Sproul - over 1 year ago
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I really love how nobody gives a shit about Touch's girlfriend, including Touch. It's like the character was never in the script in the first place, which begs the question of why she actually was.


Old Man Hermit - 9 months ago
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I like how Servo somehow actually looks kind of dejected at the end of this episode. I never knew a gumball machine could be so expressive.


Dog-Faced Boy was from The Oscar!
Dan Themanfan - over 1 year ago
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Joels' comment about the "dog-faced boy" before the short was from 'The Oscar'! That's a pretty obscure reference to be using pre-hispeed internet days. Swamp Diamonds- I am shocked, shocked! this is an MST3K episode Ive not seen yet! I swore I'd seen them all at least 3x. Also, don't you all think the short on dating was cute? I'd totally go back in time to the '40s-50's any day. Most of the stuff people claim was terrible about that era is a bunch of phony propaganda. My grandparents gave me the real scoop on it including the bad stuff. I think racism is worse now in a lot of ways than back then and that's a fact. Anyway enjoy the show, its' a great episode and the short was a lot of laughs.


Last of the Wild Ponies - over 1 year ago
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Does anyone know if Joel went to the wedding?


Tanishia Williams - about 4 years ago
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The thought of Michelle Pfeiffer spending the night with TV's Frank made me throw up a little in my mouth. But no more than the thought of her with Jack Nicholson in The Witches of Eastwick.


Snuffy Wuffykiss - about 2 years ago
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What kind of complete moron pours a handful of loose diamonds over their head while in a swamp! If I were a fellow criminal, planning to split the loot I would consider that a killing offence.


Zeitgeist Meister - over 1 year ago
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Beverly is like a really angry Harpo.


Zeitgeist Meister - over 1 year ago
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Missed opportunity at 13:19 -- "And Nick is thrown out at second base."


Teri Gee - almost 4 years ago
11 laughs

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Say what you will about Roger Corman (padding and all), he made real stories. They weren't necessarily really GOOD stories, but they had a plot, no matter how ridiculous, and a beginning, middle, and end. The same canNOT be said for the Coleman Francis movies.


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1:18:20 - Watch out for snakes!


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The pickpocket is also Wormy in Gunslinger and Todd in Viking Women and the Sea Serpent, plus a bit part in Teenage Caveman. Corman also used the shopkeep from Giant Leeches in a large amount of projects. The man certaintly loved his little stable of actors...


Stereo Catz - over 4 years ago
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So Nicky, Joey, and Mike were executed for larceny?


Stereo Catz - over 4 years ago
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Gypsy has a terrible telephone voice.


Last of the Wild Ponies - over 1 year ago
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56:44 "There's an extra leg in there." We get it; she looks like a man.


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So... The guy's girlfriend drowns... Instead of saving her he wrestles an alligator... He doesn't bat an eye at her death and a scene later he's making out with one of his captors. Am I missing something here?


Last of the Wild Ponies - over 1 year ago
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22:48 AAGH! Torgo!


Last of the Wild Ponies - over 1 year ago
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Did Terry Gilliam animate these opening credits?


Mike Carmona - over 4 years ago
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The bra of Beverly Garland... The stuff dreams are made of.


Last of the Wild Ponies - over 1 year ago
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13:06 Heh.


Steven Patrick Stevezilla Lee - about 3 years ago
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Beverly Garland....a dream. Simply a dream....


Last of the Wild Ponies - over 1 year ago
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3:50 Dr. Forrester utilizes a further-developed version of the Finglonger.

http://vignette1.wikia.nocookie.net/en.futurama/images/a/a8/Finglonger.jpg/revision/latest?cb=20071229220020


NS - over 5 years ago
8 laughs

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The movie is basically filler between the short and the host segments, which are hilarious.


James Wolfe - over 1 year ago
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Neil Young...nice Joel.


Robert Ferguson - about 5 years ago
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FESTOONERY.....???? I would have thought this movie being in a "swamp", and all, there should have been a LOT more sweat, like....... Cool Hand Luke. These people SHOULD have been perspiring from EVERY square inch of their bodies !!!


Fredrick Stafford - over 4 years ago
10 laughs

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Ever stop to think that most of us are the eventual result of “What to do on a Date?”


Leslie Doesn't Get You - over 4 years ago
6 laughs

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Man, what the hell, man, they're doggin' on two of my favorite musicals: Annie and Chess. So not cool. When I was a wee lass, I was super majorly into Annie. My two role models were Annie and Punky Brewster. But it's okay. I can take their good-natured ribbing. And you wanna know why? 'Cause... the... SUN'LL COME OUT TOMORROW. BET YOUR BOTTOM DOLLAR THAT TOMORROW, THERE'LL BE SUN...

Wow. Think I may have overdone it on the caffeine today.......


Stereo Catz - over 4 years ago
6 laughs

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As a southerner I can tell you, just on accent, that there are NONE in this movie.


Curtis Awful - over 2 years ago
3 laughs

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I like this movie on its own, but mst sure pointed out the flaws. Oh well I'm a sucker for old bad girl films.


Sean Barry - over 3 years ago
8 laughs

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Here's a fun anecdote for y'all: Several summers ago I was a wildland firefighter for the forest service. One time we had just arrived at a fire, and I was changing from street clothes into PPE (firefighting gear) in the back of the truck. Suddenly, the back doors of the truck fly open thanks to a gust of wind and the doors not being latched, and there about 20 feet away was a bus loaded with inmates from the women's prison who had come out to help fight the fire. So I'm standing there in my underwear with a bus-load of male deprived women prisoners hooting and cheering at me "yeah baby!" and "take it off! wooo!" In retrospect it's hilarious, at the time I felt violated lol.


Brian Peter Vandenbroek - about 3 years ago
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This is the creepiest mardi gras parade I've ever seen. You think maybe this was David Lynch's idea of mardi gras?


Jane Sproul - almost 3 years ago
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"Don't worry, I'll stand by you."

THAT'S WHAT THEY ALL SAY, SISTER! *bitterly drags on cigarette*


16 laughs

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That uncomfortable moment when you realize that Joel and the bots are reciting that episode of Star Trek verbatim. And you realize you had enough Star Trek knowledge to realize that.


Stereo Catz - over 4 years ago
7 laughs

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Ah cutoff shorts, stylish, sexy, and stupid. You see there is an extremely tiny insect in the swamps that we call Red-bugs. They like to bite at exposed skin; they won’t feel it at first but later they will start to itch, and then itch in a way you can’t imagine. I have scars because it has gotten so bad before I’d rather tear my own skin off than feel the itch.

Have fun ladies.


Jane Sproul - almost 3 years ago
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Anyone else feel like Kay is kind of a slut and it's going right over Nick's head?

(I mean the good kind of slut, someone who just enjoys sex and has it. Unlike Nick.)


Matt Towler - about 3 years ago
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Great Shatner by Joel in the opening segment. :-)


Brian Peter Vandenbroek - about 3 years ago
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I like how they keep using "Shut up Iris!" from The Beatniks


Steven Patrick Stevezilla Lee - about 3 years ago
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You're no Mannix to me, mister!


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Servo's crush bit on Gypsy... so precious 2 me. I can't help but laugh & feel sad at the same time. My God, hilarious esp when he calls her "Gys-py" OMG, seriously, sweetly precious!!!!!!!!


Southern Belle
Donald Petkus - about 3 years ago
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Touch's girlfriend at the opening seemed strangely ignorant about bayous and Mardi Gras for a southern belle. At least she knew what to do on a date.


Tonine Anne Lepore - over 3 years ago
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Who knew Chip's step-mom was such a spitfire! Some of the best cat fights ever, and I love anything with Marie Windsor in it!


Dr. Forrester's 6 foot arm!
Cy O'Nara - over 3 years ago
3 laughs

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I don't know if this should be here or under the riff tab, but it seems like a good riff.
Watch Dr. Forrester reach for popcorn on TV Frank's lap 5-6 feet away. =^) Pretty slick...these guys were/are geniuses on many levels.


Stereo Catz - over 4 years ago
7 laughs

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In Nick's defense 'Wagon Train' is a good movie.


starman 76 - over 4 years ago
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at 22:48, Charlie The Pickpocket, another Torgo/Ortega/Mickey type, the grade Z stock character that seems to haunt virtually every MST3K film


A Lush Cocktail Rescue - almost 4 years ago
8 laughs

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Man, the host segment arc with Servo dating Gypsy is so funny. "After the intense discomfort of your almost sibling-like relationship sends your date into the crapper, you'll feel the hot sting of embarrassment on your cheeks for months."


Mike - over 4 years ago
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I liked her at first, but I lost all respect for Kay when she chose the weeny roast over the bowling party and the band concert.


SuperJaneEyre - almost 4 years ago
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Of all the social education shorts they've watched, that one was actually relatively painless...the characters were even kind of believable. Someone actually spent longer than the usual ten minutes writing that and it shows.


Elisa Farrington - about 4 years ago
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Well, sometimes I get distracted by the extras when the main action is anything but. A woman in a white hat passes by at least 13 times in the first couple of minutes during the opening scene of teeming New Orleans. This is the closest I paid attention to the entire film.


Joseph Ewing - about 4 years ago
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I wonder if the police station in this is the same set used as the police station used in in Teenage Strangler.


Elisa Farrington - about 4 years ago
7 laughs

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This is not the first time I've seen Dr. F and Frank do the TV sketch, but it's the first time I noticed how long their arms are. Did a double-take when Dr. F comforts Frank on the shoulder, and had to go back and catch all the reaches; so funny.


Scooter Atreides - almost 5 years ago
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Y'think perhaps the running gag regarding the various possible names of Touch Connors is kind of a very early, "beta test" version of the "Names of Dave Ryder" bit in Space Mutiny?


Kimono Dragon - over 4 years ago
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Now I know why they had to take a boat through the swamp. Betty Lou's handbag would never have made it through airport screening!


Kelly Slane - over 4 years ago
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Sploot Connors... Now THAT'S a star!


Stereo Catz - over 4 years ago
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Guys, the first thing to remember when going out on a date is "You'll need money".