I don't think I've ever hated a movie as much as his one. The entire script reads like a shitty fanfic where the writer casts themselves as the hero.

First of all you have Neil, the greatest surgeon who ever lived, who on top of being a master of martial arts and being able to read lips better than HAL 9000, *literally has the power to kill people with his mind.* No really he literally has super powers. His hypnosis tricks are probably the worst deus ex machina I've ever seen. And let's face it, he hypontized that woman in her bedroom way too quickly for that to have been the first time he's done that.

No matter how dangerous and complicated this international incident becomes, for some reason MI6 just keeps letting this dumb, untrained, unpaid doctor cavort around on the front lines because his brother is James Bond (though they never say it).

Somehow they figure something out about blind people making rugs, so what does he do? He literally just walks up with a robe on and gets in line and they let him in. He knew exactly where to go and... in you go. And the only thing between the rug factory and the sinister evil place where they're assembling the device is a unlocked glass door that says 'radiation area'. Yeah nobody will find that suspicious. And he just says to one guy 'Hey you're in danger' and they immediately believe him and freak out and begin fighting everyone. Uh... okay.

Literally every spy movie cliche is out in full force, including the bad guy's completely inept and endless goons, the 'take him away instead of killing him right here right now' event (which happens twice).

The movie finishes with the device in a castle (???). Commence the world's longest 120 second countdown (which takes literally four minutes). Neil literally just walks up to the castle and they say 'he found the secret entrance'. He just fucking walked up to it. That was it. There it was. And they LET HIM IN. Four minutes later, the two minute countdown expires, and the doomsday device is activated... and all it does is inconvenience a few people. Oh and stock footage of a Lancaster bomber crashing during WW2 plays. Somehow 'Not-Moneypenny' manages to not only find a bunch of horses to get around, but an entire freaking army of Scottish archers who apparently were armed and ready to fight. They then ride their horses to the castle in literally a matter of seconds (even though it took four minutes by helicopter and over a mountain).

And of course it ends with the bad guy, armed with a ranged weapon, doing what everyone has done throughout this entire awful movie: walking within arm's reach of his opponent. The goateed plasterer-cum-superhero easily wins the fight, and then culminates in the stupidest showdown scene. Up to this point every single projectile ever fired by anyone in this movie has hit people in the torsos and killed them instantly. Except this one time, when the bad guy - who presumably was a trained archer seeing as how it was his archery weaponry lying around - hits our shitty hero in the arm, while our hero kills him instantly. Because on top of every other incredible accomplishment, he's also an Olympic archer. Oh and he used his psychic mind control during the fight too.

I hate everything about this movie. I've never hated an MST3K movie up to this point as much as I hate this one. I hate Neil Connery. I hate Sean Connery for not beating up his brother as much as he clearly should've. I hate every single person involved with this movie. I hate Bernard Lee and Lois Maxwell for selling out to do this awful thing.

Ugh.

TORGO!! =D

Is that a wig or a hat? It's a WHAT???!!!!

That "I...know" skit always cracks me up.

Hey! THat guy with the bottoneer who gets out of the car at 36:25 was the guy in F.F. Coppolla's debut 'Dementia 13'.....

I have a religious friend who enjoys MST3K, and he can't stop laughing when Tom starts singing "Jesus Loves Me" (and it is somewhat eerie that the music closely resembles the hymn).

This episode wasn't too painful at all. I really enjoyed the running gag about asking for "your brother's autograph"...

New favorite episode!

PMS Pinafore, lol.

Wait, why do the harpoon guns work?

Alternate vibrators inserted.

I don't know what the radioactive rugs had to do with anything. And then suddenly they're in Germany? Oh gawd, I'm so confused!

Why didn't they have some cool secret agent gadgets for Neil to use? He didn't even carry a Walther PPK. No budget for a "Q".

The fake nun (with the 'Linda Hunt' features) was the evil KGB head 'Rosa Klebb' in 'From Russia With Love'; who was Robert Shaw's boss, and who kicked Bond with the shoe-blade at the end (from which he was recovering at the beginning of 'Thunderball'). She probably came cheaper than Moneypenny or 'M', too........

Bernard Lee and Lois Maxwell must have been desperate for work to do this piece of junk. I hope they got paid.

Largo's device makes no sense at all.

It uses magnetic waves. Okay, sure. Those exist. And they can have a whole spectrum of properties depending on frequency. An EMP can even disrupt microchips (which was actually the plot of at least one Bond villain). But this thing...

* It somehow causes any metallic device, no matter how simple, to cease functioning. This includes a pistol, which is basically just a tube with explosives in it, set off by a spring mechanism. (Luckily, the good guys somehow have a battalion of trained archers stationed in Munich, ready at a moment's notice to grab bow & quiver and jump on horseback, and they have no problem being commandeered by a woman who, up until that very day, was an enemy agent.)

* Despite using magnets to somehow disable every metallic device in the area, none of those devices are in any other way affected. They're not magnetized, they don't spark... they just stop working.

* And yet the electric generator which is powering the device still works. As do the harpoon guns.

* Somehow, this thing is supposed to help him take over the world? What's the range on it? Do they even say? Seems like he's basically just disabled the weapons and equipment of his own base of operations and the surrounding territory. There's no way it would work worldwide. And even if it did, I don't see how that helps him. Other people have bows and arrows, too, their armies vastly outnumber your forces, and you can't exactly rule the world if you've shut down communications and transportation.

I just don't get it. This is basically just the same plot as It Conquered The Earth, only less plausible.

Donald Pleasance's outing as Blofeld was in You Only Live Twice, which came out just a couple of months after this. Too bad. I think he'd have had fun in this one.

This soundtrack doesn't know if it wants to be James Bond or the Pink Panther.

Imagine transferring home movies to VHS and then having to transfer them to digital. What a tangled technology web we weave ...

You can tell perennial desk-jockey Lois (whose character was named 'Lois' in this one lol) was glad to get out in the field; she sure looked happy mowing down hench-folk with a SMG in the flame-thrower scene! 'M' not so much; he pretty much phoned it in, bookending the story of Connery's employ.

What the heck is that at 36:59? is it her hair, or is it the ugliest hat ever?

I've posted before about how much Yashuko's death in this movie irks me, but I was just thinking this time through and it was pretty scummy of Ward Jones to use her as his unknowing messenger. She was completely innocent, not involved in the hijinks at all, and because of him, she was kidnapped, tortured and killed. At least, all the other women in the movie were voluntary participants.

I hate James Bond films. (I don't see the appeal, I don't understand the appeal.) To me, this movie is actually a step up. In a lateral sort of fashion.

CAN - CAN Girls beating up soldiers , Good vs. Evil dueling it out with bow and arrow , A belt that turns into a deadly spear ? OH YEA MAN ! !

What amazes me is how much italians contributed to the wealth of crappy movies we have. Especially when it comes to spin offs. Although the good, the bad and the ugly was also an Italian film trying to do an American genre so they weren't all bad. I know James Bond is technically an English thing but I feel the films are most popular in America.

Isn't the badguy in this movie Valmont in Diabolik? I guess he's a character actor. When you need to portray a sleazy Italian mafioso type, call this guy.

do you think Trace actually slipped and said Jim when he was supposed to say Joel and they just rolled with it? I mean there is a guy named Jim (Mallon) on the show.

so the title of this movie is double double O seven? double 007 is redundant, like ATM machine.

This is not a half bad episode. I love spy movies and the Little Brother Bond is a fun romp that really fits right in with the (campy) mainstream 007 movies of the time. I am going to add the unriffed version to my Bond Marathon lineup.

This is intended to be a James Bond spoof. I'm not kidding. Neverthless, even if it's looked at as a spoof it doesn't improve it's quality.

Try as he might, Neil Connery just can't quite rock the Torgo look.

This film really should've been called Dr. Oh Hell No!

I think this ep had consistently excellent host sketches - but then again, this film in general, and Neil in particular, are such singularly ripe fodder for them!

Of all the spy movies they riffed, I do have to say that this one most resembled an actual spy movie. I mean, there were shootouts, sabotage, pointless gadgetry, assassination, and a plastic surgeon who can read lips!

After the title song, He Loved Me, started up again for the end credits, as soon as the first door shut, I just thought, "Oh, thank God!"

What is with the extreme close ups of the eyes? I bet all the actors had to pick out their eyeball boogers before every scene.

At least this movie answered the ago-old debate: Archers vs Harpooners. (...I think...Archers win...?)

Two words: "atomic nucleus"

Great to see Joel's Smoking Jacket again!

Recipe for film: Start with a generous helping of eurotrash sailor moon weirdness, sprinkle in a lesser connery and a dash of superfluous hypnosis subplot, stir in everything that was wrong with the late 1960s, heat til tepid, and BAM. Delicious cheese.

@ 13:50 You can see the guy driving the "remote controlled car" bounce around as the car tears across the field.

So Operation 00-007 is that part of his SSN or his pin number for Netflix?

"his favorite movie is Turner and Hooch" that was the moment I lost it and laughed so hard I cried...yep real neat.

Ok, I'm 50 minutes in, there's dancing girls escorting armed soldiers somewhere, and I don't have a CLUE what this movie is about. I think this is what happened the first time I tried to watch it. I just think my time can be better spent picking my nose or twirling my thumbs. So I'm diving.

Next time you want to express the truism that achieving freedom sometimes involves sacrifice, just remember the great line from Double 007, "Freedom always has a price tag attached to it," because there's really no other, pithier saying that you could use in such a case.

Only blind people are allowed in? Why do I get the feeling that place is a mess...

Thanatos? What happens before and after the toast?

During the opening credits, when Tom Servo sings: "his favorite movie is Turner and Hoooooch!!" It gets me every time!

I gotta say that considering this film is italian made and clearly wishes it could be an actual Bond film .. it's actually pretty good. I rather enjoyed it, and Neil Connery was fun to watch. This film's got it's tongued squarely in cheek but it's far more entertaining than some A-list films :P Sure it's daft, but I like it!

at 36:00 mark, the band playing at the airport with a guitarist to the left looks like a young Jimmy Page Yarbirds era. OK I know it's not, but he does look like him if you squint.

Some of the music reminds me of the Reading Rainbow song - 12:48
"...Take a look. It's in a book..."

The pointless death that really irritates me: Yashuko. He rescues her and takes her to an open space, while there's still a gunfight going on and instead of getting her to safety, he hypnotizes and starts to question her right there? Why? Why not get her hidden and protected until such time that they could do it safely? Yes, I know there are supposed to be problems, but would it have killed them to keep the completely innocent girl alive? :P

Hmm, suddenly I have the urge to watch Don Swayze dance. Is that wrong?

... I know.

Guido Lollobrigida in the opening cedits and NO riff????!!!

Anybody else have one of those drinking birds in your house growing up? Seeing this made me buy one for Christmas!

I love the liederhosen hosen! Frank's desperate declaration is one of my favorites.
"I just wanted to wear a liederhosen, okay? It's a stupid invention, I admit it! I just want to be Bavarian for one brief shining moment! Is that so wrong?"

I feel so bad for the agent that was in the middle of his wedding when he was called to the case. Seems so unfair that they wouldn't give the poor guy a break. Is he the only agent in town? I mean, really. Let the guy have his wedding. And his wedding night. His poor bride, too.

I get a wee bit too emotionally involved with fictional characters, I know. You don't have to tell me, I know.

00:22:00 Holy crap! That elevator went straight to a moving car!

Now I can schottische while watering my plants, in my LEDERHOSEN-hosen!

Why do I get the feeling that much of this movie was written around Neil Connery being afraid to use a gun?

It's sad that they got M, Moneypenny, and Largo in this POS.

The countdown skipped 26. ???

A common mistake with making a Bond clone type film is giving the protagonist too many skill sets. Bond had too many and he wasn’t a lip reading, electrical engineer, karateka, hypnotist, plastic surgeon.

49:20 Great inconspicuous stakeout wear.

The Katharine Hepburn On Golden Pond impression is perfect.

Pure gold all the way through. 8) More S5 goodness. [hugs everyone involved]

This movie taught me one thing: 3 out of 4 women will try to kill you.

Is it actually a complement if I say Mike does an absolutely brilliant Torgo? It sure did take him a while to get back from his car with the sodas!

the guys must have been thinking Peter Sellers while riffing this film, they do a Jacques Clouseau accent at least three times and Crow does The Party's Hrundi V. Bakshi at 1:03:30

Say what you will about Neil Connery’s performance here; it was still superior to the time brother Sean totally “mailed it in” on First Knight.

There are not enough likes in the world for this episode.

"Double your flavor, double your fun with double 0, double 0, double 0 gum!"

So glad this is finally getting an official release. It's a personal favorite of mine. The host segment with Joel as Largo kills me every time.

Link 1 has the fruitopia logo at the start. Awe man I now I want one, makes me miss highschool.

This one blew me away how good it was. I hadn't seen one this funny since years ago watching the dvd's with my best friend.

"Uh, Joel - none of us have working arms." "I know!" BUUM, DA DAH!
"But its just a useless prop you built! Its not even connected to anything!" "I know!" BUUM, DA DAH!
"Joel you're ruining it for me!" "I know!" BUUM, DA DAH!
God I love it every time XD

Kashken on the mounds? Cashkin? Koschkin? Koshkin? Someone give me a lead here, eh?

I love Mike as Torgo. He brings so much humanity to the character!

Weren't there at least 2 of those helicopter scenes that made you think of the theme song from "M*A*S*H"?

1:13:00 - Joel again plays Torgo from "Manos - The Hands of Fate". How bad was that show, that they knew we would remember the character? "Manos" could knock a buzzard off a manure wagon!

Still better than George Lazenby.

Is Crow clucking to indicate that tom is chicken, or because Joel already hypnotized him? I may never know.

This will be the last official Mystery Science Theater 3000 episode that I have never seen before, until tonight.

Trailer: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=jckMZB854fs