510 - Lassie: The Painted Hills
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Narrator: "Who of us will ever know what lives in the heart of dogs?" Crow: Heartworms?
"This exercise will give your dog BUNS OF STEEL!!"
♫ ♬ "Puppy Chow™... for a full year... 'til he's full dead!" ♬ ♫
"Oh, man is it tough to get to the 4th tee!"
"Well, looks like the montage finally blew over."
"Oh, Man. Shouldn't have eaten all those socks."
"Why do I have to go to the bathroom all of a sudden?"
"Uh, we just used that on the bowl, Dear. Oh, never mind."
"Expressing individualism is just plain wrong!"
"Ten years later..."
"THIS MARRIAGE IS SUFFOCATING ME!!"
Oh! There she is, 200 yards. You could make it with iron sights but you'll wanna use a scope, Crow
She's taking him up K2. See, because she's a K-9.
Ohhh, don't you chew the scenery! Don't you...! Drop it. Drop it!!
Great. First I have to dig him out of the dirt, now he slides down a dang mountain... D'aww, forget it. Time to get a new master. *sigh* Humans.
"What's the matter with you?"
*Shep glances off-camera* Mr. Weatherwax, what's the matter with me here?
*Shep runs away* My trainer says I'm not allowed to talk to you.
A lifetime supply of Snausages, or I sing like a canary.
Shep: "Grrr, rrrr..."
Servo: Cut, cut! No, Lassie! It's more of a "Hurrr, hurrr..."
But, Jonathan, isn't free determination based on an egocentric conception of... *sob*
"But wait a minute. Let's start all over again." We'll find new ways to shame her.
Dr. F. on what he's done to Frank's heart: E. K. Gee, it's great!
Oh, how could you possibly tell EVERYbody?
"You're wrong, Tommy!"
--You gonna tell the Chinese?
He's the world's largest elf!
'This is a story of a great love, the love of a dog for one man’ [Joel shakes head] It won’t work.
[ 'and so the end of a perfect day' ][ "an entire day spent grooming!" ]
Aren't they suppose to turn into huge snowballs when they fall like that?
He should've tried the bunny hill first.
You know, by now that little puppy's dead too.
"You guys, Lassie is an animal and therefore not subject to the same moral/ethical code as humans. Otherwise, they would all be arrested for public nudity."
"Huh, good point.."
"I'm barking like a canary Taylor! There aint a pound that can hold me!"
"You can't flash back to something that never happened! That's not fair!"
"Yeah I'm going to have to hold you back a year, Crow."
"Cool! Can I keep my same desk?"
"Now is this the real Old West or the Roy Rodgers Old West where they had electricity and cars?"
"What kind of agent do you have to have to get your name listed UNDER Lassie?"
Thomas Edison invented the Pornograph, thus ushering in the age of Pornography.
You don't seem the be exactly the type to make guy behave like a human being
-"You know..to make him grope you and paw at you..."
"What you need is to put down that notebook and take in some of the beauties of nature... See what I mean?" The Andrews Sisters??
.Yep, she's a gonner..probably having hallucinations right now; little wagon coming out of the kitchen cabinet.
True Boardman - not his real name.
I'm afraid we're gonna be true, bored men after this.
What kind of agent do you have to have to get your name listed -under- Lassie?
"Protect your skin. Keep it looking clear and fresh. Keep it clean."
Pickle it, varnish it, soak it in vinegar!
"Good grooming starts with personal care."
It starts with the soul.
"But good grooming is more than clothes deep."
It's being snowy white.
"Wearing inappropriate clothes -- like these shoes" is immoral.
"...take in some of the beauties of nature!"
Pick up a rifle!
And remember, when you touch yourself, the saints cry. Goodnight!
"He's gotta' be careful, or he'll fall right into that matte painting!"
"What's Rutherford B. Hayes doin' in this movie?"
"Hey, isn't that the song that Big Bird sang about the alphabet?"
"Live a lonely, sheltered life. Plotting... scheming..."
"You should never disrobe-- even IN the shower!"
"But good appearance is more than dressing up like a fashion plate."
"It's looking like Bruno Hauptmann!"
"Uh, excuse me. I couldn't help but notice... how much you look like everyone else..."
"I'm late for my Hitler Youth meeting."
"Ahhh... Spring."
"FILTHY, SHAMEFUL SPRING!!"
The dog should make his brain explode! Scanner dog! Then I would buy.
Alive... My Side of the Mountain... The Eiger Sanction!
"Body Care & Grooming" They should distribute this film in Seattle where the 'grunge' look is so popular!
[Who of us will ever know what is in the heart of a dog?] Heartworms!
I know what you're thinking. Did I fire 6 shots or only 5? Well this film is so poorly made it doesn't matter.
"One of these is cleansing cream." One of these is nitric acid. Choose wisely.
Thomas Edison invented the pornograph, beginning the age of pornography.
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**MST3K FAN EXCLUSIVE**Opening Sequence and Theme Song "Fan Remake" In Honor of the 30 Year Anniversary. I Hope All Of You Mysties Enjoy It!
https://youtu.be/R402VTc1LjQ
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Doesn't Frank's heart harness machine remind you of Ironman? Of course, that's where the similarities end. ;)
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why does Lassie need to go begging at that guy's door? she's out in the middle of the woods, can't she catch a rabbit or something and eat it?
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I think this a really underrated episode. I was skeptical going in, but I liked it alot. Having said that a) Maybe it's just me but Shep seems more like a boy dog name. B) Shep seems like a name for a dog that has oh, I don't know, some sheperd in it. And c) why was that guy aging so quick? were supernatural forces at work? If so, completely out of nowhere. But I really like the episode alot. As I stated earlier, really underrated.
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Ugh, I am so glad dogs aren't very good actors! I can't bear sad stuff with animals, but seeing that happy, "I'm doing my trick right, yay! :D" on the face of a dog that's supposed to be in agony really, really helps.
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Oh, this will help...a feather and a Dilly Bar!
https://www.urbandictionary.com/define.php?term=dilly-bar
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I don't know if it's just because the narrator is bashing that girl for her looks, but I find her really attractive, especially for the late 40s when the short was filmed. Then they clean her up, and she looks like my grandmother as a young woman. Yuck.
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Maybe Jonathan hired Lassie to kill Taylor in case he died ...
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The Roy Rogers old west had phones too.
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I think that Lincoln shadow was supposed to be Jonathan.
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I used to watch the old Lassie shows when they were on the air regularly. Also Flipper. There were plenty of show back then where something other than human and real is the star of the show. But that hardly exist anymore. There's CG animals but rarely real flesh and blood animals. Part of it is budget I guess. It costs to upkeep a live animal like any person. And the other those hypocrites in PETA. They'll say animals like Lassie are being exploited and abused. pfff. Yeah and the people working on the Big Bang Theory or this are treated poorly, hate their jobs, and want to not just quit but start a violent armed rebellion. Those PETA people are such drama queens and gaslighting manipulative cultists, but whatever.
Be funny if they bring back a show like Lassie but for today's culture. Like a boy is in trouble in the woods, and his smartphone somehow breaks and lost all of his other devices and has nothing else but a steadfast dog to save him, But I'll shut up. There's enough reboots and remakes. Not talking about rebooting Lassie, but make something new but similar to Lassie.
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It drives me crazy that the movie implies that a stranger can break into their house freely but the fact that he brought a bible makes it okay and they start playing that noble music begins. Everything is okay if you're Christian.
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The most drawn out, convoluted dog revenge plot ever!
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McGraw Hill is evil!
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The real moral of the story is always carry snausages when you plan on killing the owner of a heroic collie for his gold.
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There is a riff in this, and used also in Mighty Jack. The riff is, "I was born in the house my father built." I didn't get it what it referred to but after hearing it so many times I googled the phrase and it's the opening sentence of Richard Nixon's memoirs.
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1:21:48 Always look on the briiiight side of ARF
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1:13:38 YOU LIE, JOE!
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35:44 We need to construct additional Pylon Petes!
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Crow T Robot as Jay Leno
The chin is the give - away
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Too bad they wasted the 'To Build A Fire' riff on Santa Claus Conquers The Martians. I guess it gets mighty cold up in them thar hills.
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That was darkly dull. I expected Tommy to bury Shep in a sacred "Indian" burial ground even after being warned not to, and Shep's remains are then reanimated from the ground to exact revenge on Jonathan's killer!
But then instead, the living Shep pushes(?) him off a cliff with disturbing indifference anyway. Dark.
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Conform! Dress and act like everyone else or you will be SHAMED!!!
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Aren't there moral implications to riffing Lassie? Who's next, Kermit the Frog? IS NOTHING SACRED?!? :-)
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Some sort of snafu going on. Video is not available in your country? When did that happen?
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I'm fine with Shout Factory enforcing its copyright, I just wish that they would put the episodes they choose to restrict on their website. I really don't mind commercials.
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Dang. I put together a YouTube playlist of the Frank era (I have awful tinnitus and use MST3K as my white noise to sleep at night) and this is the only episode I can't get because the only link still available is private. This is one of my favorites, too.
Anyway, if anyone's interested in my playlist (A Radio Station Called Frank) here's the link: bit.ly/1LP0AsL
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I wonder when the kid rides off on the horse after Johnathan sends him home, if that was a midget stunt man.
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Man, I love this episode. Just like Deadwood!
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If you get the 'not available in your country' message, try this link: http://www.vidoevo.com/yvideo.php?i=Y1RYWXBocWuRpY2szVG8&mst3k-510-lassie-the-painted-hills
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One of Hollywood's worst-kept secrets is that Lassie is usually played by a male dog; but this time, it's a girl dog playing a girl dog with a boy dog's name. But you're just here for the short, aren't you?
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Congress...I get it.
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Thick As A Brick reference+ +1 internets
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"FRANK NOOOOOOOHHHHHi Joel!"
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Dr. F pronounces "turbine" like "turban" at about 3:30. Huh.
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OMG the final host segment!! I love this so hard. SO HARD. How the heck did I not remember this one?!
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Hail to the running riff that pops up in different forms throughout an experiment. In this case, Snausages!
"Alright, throw the snausages out, nice and easy."
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What's sad is that they made that hygiene video because it was needed. People have to be taught how to not have BO. LOL
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My dogs watched with me up until the final chase/fight between lassie and the frozen bad guy, then they got bored and left. Even dogs know when to call it quits on crummy movies, it would seem.
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So this lady let's a man she just met take her son up to Kris Kristofferson's cabin in the woods, then they just live up there for months. Any holes in that?
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A lot of this movie looks like it was filmed up in the ponderosa of Arizona. Imdb says it was all filmed in Cali though. Eh, close enough.
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You gonna tell the Chineeeese?!?
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The short is just so.... wow...
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What does Joel whisper at 39:57?
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What made the creators of the short think that there were enough oblivious college students blundering around campuses at that time to the point that they needed a movie reminder on how to shower and dress themselves? And I like her hair too!
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I'm with Crow. Sloppy girl owns.
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*sigh* Anyone else miss this little guy?
http://youtu.be/0K5BgCI-U7c
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I also love the Poison brand bottle of poison...
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I never wanted to know that much about skin
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When Dr. F was pounding dead Frank's chest at the end, I was caught between laughing and gagging as all kinds of food kept spurting out of Frank's mouth!
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Man, the narrator of this short is such dickweed!
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"Oh, Pilot Pete!"
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1:26:30 He'd rather go over a cliff than face a wounded dog. Most interesting man in the world indeed.
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If you break crow down to his base elements he's made of stuff out of the crafts chest and the Good-Will bin.
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I like how Lassie gets top billing ;)