"it's time you realized you have no other choice but to DO WHAT I WANT!"
Please?

They shouldn't'a put those holes everywhere--they wouldn't be falling in all willy-nilly.

Watch out for snakes!

Look at all the pot...aint it great?

the Ringo Star gang!

It's the Dungeons and Dragons version of the Newlywed Game.

I got you, you bitch!

They're bumpin uglies!

Ahh, war is heck.

Oho! Butts ahoy!

Oh, no! Their first fight!

Oh Colossus, don't pick at that, honey. You'll get a scar.

I'm not sure this is MY leather diaper!

Hey! You're singeing my back hairs! Watch it!!

I can't believe the Lions and the Jay Cees reserved the SAME picnic area...

I just walked through a warm spot!!

It's a daring, leisurely escape.

Whoa! I can finally let my gut out!

...and we had peace. And carrots.

Look at me, "I'm out-standing in my field!"

The Bataan 'Oh, My Dogs are Aching' march!

Judging by their colorful fabrics, they have a bustling garment district.

Your volcano has turned into stock footage!

Hasslehoff can't suck it in like this clown.

Welcome to Trojan burger..... can I take your order ??

Great balls of fire!

Hey, we have backstage passes!

So, you got the old man?
I thought you had the old man!
D'oh!

Ah, the all-encompassing movie judo chop.

"That's why you and I will rule together, with me as... (DUN DUN DUN) Your advisor!" ... Huh?

(Fighters fall off the bridge!) Oh no! It's a horrible plunge... (They splash safely into the river a foot below) ... Oh.

The Rodnius Kingicus verdict came in!

"I have a strange premonition." I knew she was going to say that!

"Wait! You can't go!" *sigh* Okay. Let's love.

"Tell me, what am I supposed to do to save your tribe?" WAKKA TCHIKA WAKKA TCHIKA...

Louisicus, this could be the start of a beautiful friendshipicus.

Louisicus, this could be the start of a beautiful friendshipicus.

Is anyone watching the grill? No.

Can I bench press one of you guys?

My people thank you.
They can keep their thanks till we reach safety. Then they'll get my bill.

Who won the World Series in AD 10?

Look at these ferns! And there's a butterfly!

There can be only 300!

For the first time, people don't know where to look!

I repaired your nipple.

Jeez, can you imagine the phantom pains he's having up there?

0:06:55- Who is he? Why does he matter? Why should we care?

0:11:42- Hey! Who spooged all over our sail?!?

Just gonna stick 'em on a Greyhound and send 'em right back.

A mildly harsh slave master.

Stock footage of lion.
"Let's see- do I sleep tonight or not...."

"Once, we saw them perform this ceremony. It was terrible."
And the tickets were 40 bucks!

0:28:35- "You're our last hope!" Help me, Obi-Wan Kenobi!

0:34:19- "Forward!" Into the past!

The passage says- "He who reads these words of wit...."

Look at that bunch- I am the King Of The Losers!

I can't believe I was actually excited when I got this job.

The Wedding Dance- 1:06:50
YIKES!

Ya know, maybe we could give her an extra long scarf and send her out for a drive. (Isadora Duncan reference!)

A typical Robert Bly retreat.

This is the D&D version of the Newlywed Game!

I'll be fine without my head. It's 20 pounds I've always wanted to lose.

He's up to his ears in rears.

"Now listen to this." YGBBGDDBLM YSYGLDYABLIM.

She majored in fencing at Sarah Lawrence.

Hi Ted.
Hi, you hear about the wedding? Wanna go in on a gift?

0:39:25 F Troupe theme. LOL!

Sir, some of us don't feel fresh.

Let me grab your bosom.

Dibs on spaying it!

Colossus manipulates the decor!

Our children can't be raised headhunters.

They're stoic Midwesterners.

Their island just turned into stock footage.

Hey you guys - I found a bird's nest!

And here's where we farm our poinsettias.

You'd think they'd be repeating themselves, but no, they've found fresh moves.

Sir, sir? There's a road just to our right. Perfectly good road.

Why'd you shoot me?

"I must admit I regret putting out your eyes”...Oh, water under the bridge!

(crowd behind blind king during speech) - "Uh, your majesty, we're back here; yoo-hooo!"

(Blind guy snoring)

Well, I still have my pecs.

"No need to run, I'm sure everyone is fine"

I hate to drag this out, but I need the screen time!

No weapons on the water bed!

They pierced his varnish!

"Never in my life have I hated anyone like I hate him." -- You're in love. You're in LOVE.

(German accent) Very interesting...

“Soon I shall become King of the Urias!”...Who wants pancakes?

[Mike] It’s not a plot point...it’s not an action sequence...so what is it?

And then what happened?

“You must rest, your life is precious”...it IS???

“He’s dead.”...yeah, lets ignore his BREATHING

So, uh, what kind of name is Colossus anyway?...Is that German?

I'm well sculpted and I'm here.

These people are led by a girl group! Not complaining...

It's an outdoor ornamental bidet.

I am worried... about burning my hand...

Wait a minute, eight times seven isn't two hundred!
Fair enough.

So all this time there was this other much better island just over the horizon.

Why do we live in caves again?

Man, Hasselhoff can't suck it in like THIS clown...

Ooooh...that styrofoam really burns!

This... *blgh* is easy, *ugh* hold on... Comedy is hard. Either these curtains go or I do.

"We'll take them away." Haha, hehe.

"I'm at the edge of despair."
We're on the eve of destruction.

Shouldn't have put those holes everywhere. Then, they wouldn't be falling into them willy-nilly.

They've combined the bachelor party with the wedding ceremony.

I wanna talk to Julie our cruise director.

Carnival cruises were very rustic in those days.

Another Italian government collapses.

Um...what's following them?

You ever feel like the world is Manhattan and you're Fergus Falls.

I'm on the verge of despair again!

Hey, folks, thanks for cooperating! You're being real sweet about this!

Are we talking about the same thing?

Lepers were like computers back then; people were scared of them.

"I'm marrying Amoa." A lawn-moa?

"I know... it's impossible..." To stick a Cadillac up your nose...

700 brides for 700 brothers!

Crow: A less conspicuous hat would have helped!
Mike: Well, they weren't very good at camouflage yet.

If they had writing, this day would live in infamy!

Hadn't worked out all the kinks of that tanning booth system, yet!

Wow, he's Mr. Perma-grimace!

The one actor who doesn't feel compelled to pull in his gut.

so the director has a girlfriend

at least they could have gotten a dj

"When's he gonna eat that marshmallow? It's burnt to a crisp!"

"Look at that, it's Paul McCartney's head on a pole!"

"OK, five more minutes of fighting and then it's girls' dance."

"Hey, you guys should relax, you're TWO TENTS! AHAHAHAHAHA! HAHAAhahhaa.. ahaha... sorry..."

"SOUND THE ALARM!" DAD'S HOME!

Do you think they fantasize about wearing business suits?

You'd think they'd be repeating themselves now. But no, they've come up with fresh moves.

"Now speak!" Woof!

Dr. Zaius!

And the Greeks return to the river of their birth to spawn...

So is his name Colossus or Cheesesteak?
Well, I think Colossus is his Christian name and Cheesesteak was his nickname.

Hey, look, my island blew up!

This is supposed to be pretty good land. I read about it in Land Weekly.

"LAND! LAND!"
Oh, wait...it's the wrong land.

And I just made my last house payment!

This is where being a theatre major really pays off.

Italian weddings haven't changed much.

Oh, the director has a girlfriend apparently.

Now *this* will really anger the gods.

Well, that really lit a fire under them.

I failed my legend finals.

Hey! Get off the fairway!

*Crow sobbing*
Mike: Crow?
Crow: I can't help it, I just love weddings.

Well there's implied death everywhere.

This is History's first "Really Awkward Moment"

Even I'm getting bored... gotta scare up some action here.

Look, I'm gonna be your love interest whether you like it or not!

All right, now FROLICK!!

Hi ho. Kermes here.

Here's a little cheesesteak for the little lady.

Colossus has got to be feeling pretty stupid about now.
Levers were like computers back then. People were scared to use them.

Your typing skills HAVE improved.

Go back to the head part.

More Cheesesteak!

You know, without walking, there wouldn't be much of a movie here.

The Fabio army arrives.

They've imprisoned Michael MacDonald!

Butts ahoy!

I want to speak to Julie, our cruise director.

Colossus has got to start doing something heroic. He's survived a flesh wound! That's all he's done!

A less-conspicuous hat might have helped.

"They need our help."
But they have to be willing to help themselves.

You're going to be my love interest whether you want to or not!

So I would like to zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz…

“We’ve come to rescue you. Where are you?” Well I was getting some amontillado and ah…

Kind of an ancient UPS look.

Who’s he? Is he with you?

I can barely stand to eat it.

“I’m worried.” About burning my hand.

Hey, get off the fairway!

Let’s ignore his breathing.

I told you Firecracker Island wasn’t safe.

Huh, rocks are big today OOH!

Hah hah hah hah! "I caught you, you bitch!"

They're going to invent the Catholic Church just so they can annul this wedding.

Luckily this was before death was invented.

Very skinny extras make Colossus looked bigger

Cheesesteak will be back in David Brenner's 'Soft Pretzels and Mustard'!

Woo! His teeth flew out! Woo -hoo hoo hoo!

Wait until they see how we decorated the chariot!

STUPID ARROW!!!!

"Deciduous!"

"Looks like the fish elected a new Pope."

Kinda like the final day of WE-FEST. (Shout out for my hometown, woot!)

This is surprisingly painful......

"Miss Manners says the father of the bride should wear beige and keep his eyes closed."

If she is cuter than me I will be devastated.

"Land! Land!" It would be really great if we found some land!

"Aaaaaaagh!"

Alright, Betty. I think that's, uh, fine...

That IS your arm, isn't it?

"No one has ever touched my heart before." Everything else, sure.

"...he'll take revenge on my people. And on my father." And on my carpet.

"A woman who is worthy to sit on the throne of the Orias." Or the face.

It must be Danny DeVito's house.

Hey look - it's Paul McCartney's head on a pole.

War is heck.

wok-a-chicka wok-a-chick-a

There's no one around for miles and he's still self-conscious about tinkling.

If only they had First Alert.

Carnival Cruises were rustic back then.

Oh excuuuse me, Ron. I was acting!

Another Italian government collapses.

Careful, I've got hips like Waterford crystal.

Hey, have you guys seen our pants?

"A steel piñata? That could take hours!"

"He's like Art Garfunkel walkin' around the world!"

"This tribe lives in a gravel pit outside Spooner."

"Greco-Roman Deliverance."

"They're being forced to join The Rainbow Gathering!"

"Ugh! Medical waste! We're in Trenton!"

"Their island is turning to stock footage from World War II."

"This movie is like a storm raging inside you."

"That guy looks like a cross between Spock and Bones!"
"Dammit, Me!"

And now for the traditional viewing of 'Berlin Alexanderplatz."

The camera operator is indulging himself here..

Very skinny extras make Colossus look bigger.

Hey, they should relax... They're TWO TENTS!!

Um.. ahem, Colossus, I've been elected by everyone else to ask you what the HELL you're doing..

Thank goodness I was able to salvage this girl..

I'm well-sculpted, and I'm here.

Colossus and the Headhunters: the struggles of a Greek immigrant in a tough job market!

Starring the Law Firm of Morris, Brown and LaRoy!

We must avoid action at all costs!

All this trouble to be ruler of about 20 people.

Isn't it cute the way they're making a stab at a plot?

Looks like someone tipi'ed the place

Come to Totem City for our big fire sale. Save big on totems, and big savings o-on burnt yurts. Come ... one come all.

Oh, don't hop over the bodies - that's so glib.

"And three quarters of the way thru the movie and COLOSSUS finally does somethng..."

"He's trapped ROWAN ATKINSON"

"All this for Cheese Steak..."

"I called, we married now"

Ah, struck out with Queen Easy, huh? Boy, she never sends anybody away!

That poor guy doesn't have a fighting partner!

Watch out for snakes!

Hasslehoff can't suck it in like this clown...

Goodbye John Entwhistle and Mick Fleetwood.

Luckily this happened before DEATH was invented!

It looks like the fish just got a new pope!

-Bwok, bok, bakawk, bok...
-Now this will anger the gods.

Nurse, get me a braille Playboy!

Caligula in "The Life and Times of Grizzly Adams".

Then what happened?

Whoa! Butts ahoy!

They've washed up at a Klingon language camp...

Drink me in, folks-- no bad parts.

99 amphorae of mead on the wall, 99... c'mon, sing!!

Colossus parts ferns with his bare hands!

gods...well the gods were supposed to help me move last weekend.

They're bumping uglies!!

Is anyone watching the grill??? Nooo

Uh, can't eat scenery, that's for sure.

I am NOT your cheese steak...

Headhunters never come at a good time...