607 - Bloodlust
| Full Episode: | |
| Short - Uncle Jim's Dairy Farm: | |
| Original Movie: |
Comments (82) Best Riffs (231)
Riffs you quote here will appear randomly in the 
above.
Mr. Brady: "We'll have to try a real grand stand play"
Tom sings 'Stars & Stripes Forever'
Good luck with your vegetable stand. I'm gonna go off and be Kenny G, so I'll see you later.
"Cows are a lot like people." –They're sinners.
This would be really suspenseful, but for the fact that it isn't.
On no! They've stumbled onto another room!
They progressed a whole ten feet before being captured.
"There's nothing to be scared about; you'll be with me!"
My point exactly.
"I'm going to retire to my room." "How about you?" "No, thank you..." I was about to go to her room, too.
(Wife talks woodenly as he stands with his arm on her back.) Ow, he's working the jaw.
"Of all the girls in the world, I had to get involved with the daughter of a judo expert." Foreshadowing.
Thank you for your request to come pick you up. We are sorry to inform you that we cannot...
(Petting the sow and admiring its ears) These would make nice purses.
Is Velveeta part of the Dairy Council?
They're a splinter group.
"As a matter of fact, cows are a lot like people."
They're sinners!
"Maybe we can find a knife or something." Then we can bone some ham!
"Jane's kitten loves to drink his milk." But he wishes he had a straw.
On the farm, the big dogs have room to run and play. But he is more than a pet, he also protects the family.
"It was fun too, especially riding the horses."
Why it's a wonder cities even exist.
"You'll be able to do it by the end of the summer."
NOW GIMMIE THIRTY SOLDIER!
Tonight on ESPN 2, Hayloft Rope Swinging! You better watch, ‘cause it might happen...
"No one else has ever come back a second time." Maybe I'm overcharging.
"Hidden cove? Well, where's that?" I don't know, it's hidden!
Well, now how about me? Do I care for a drink? Well, I oughtn't, but... Well, I'll have what I'm having.
The kids feign interest so as not to rile Uncle Jim.
'I can't go on pretending to be a useless drunk!' - It's fun for a while, but my Liver keeps shutting down...
'Hey guys, guess who's in my living room! Robert Reed!'
"You don't think... You don't mean... You mean that..."
- Well, you don't think that... you're not saying... it's not true that...
Unfortunately they landed on Bikini Atoll in 1947.
They found the tree of interminable dialogue.
Tonight: Love and the Landing at Normandy!
"So why this symbolism? Did Christ hunt people on deserted islands?"
"It would be too bad to come all the way to this island and not see the boiled head!"
"The first thing we do..."
"Let's kill all the lawyers."
"The wall is covered with Issey Miyaki clothing!"
"G'bye! We'll send you that arm if we find it!"
"So long, you corn-shuckin' suckers!"
"Back home, a Hershey's™ truck has overturned and everyone's gettin' all the free chocolate they want!"
"I find that I can sit for hours and not make a single sound..." - Why don't you demonstrate?
Already the children have disturbed Uncle Jim. Uncle Jim is an edgy man who should not be riled.
So it turns out 'rosebud' was his sled! And then, The Crying Game, well turns out the chick had a... HEY HEY! That's enough.
Now I understand why he's so sick! Boy, I'm tempted to call her something that rhymes with bitch!
See? We dump this stuff in the creek, and the government pays us for it!
C'mon, make with the fright already!
Yeah, bring on the scare!
"He is more than a pet; he also protects the family." From rival farm gangs.
"Betty helped Jane take care of the baby lamb." And prepare a mint sauce.
"I can't go on forever pretending to be a useless drunk." Fun for awhile but my liver keeps shutting down.
Ding, Ding, Ding, Ding! Well whata know somebody fell in the thresher again.
Please, uh, BEAR with me folks! Hey, didja know in college I was an Ursa Major?! I'm kidding! {drum roll}
Yeah, women know nothing about underwear.
Ah yes, now's the time for Uncle Jim's fundamentalist dogma!
or
Report
...now promenade...
Report
Pearl's not quite in her prime....even in season 7 her character isn't up to par....but i do love her and Frank's chemistry, which helped clarify how when i first watched SOULTAKER on Netflix years ago, how she knew Frank...
Report
After you've grown strong from all that wholesome food and work on Uncle Jim's Dairy Farm, you'll make great sport on the island...
Report
15:15 Gross, she just stuck her gum onto her pillow!
1 reply
Report
@ 42:42 when Servo makes the toe jam comment, you can hear a woman (Bridget Jones maybe?) laughing in the background.
Report
This movie is like if the Hardy Boys grew up and went to college and were every bit as obnoxious and tiresome as you just knew they were going to be. And somehow had girlfriends anyway.
1 reply
Report
Drunk guy, you're an idiot. "Now that four strange kids have shown up, and the evil sociopath murderer has strongly implied he's onto us, we can finally go through with our plan, which doesn't involve the four kids and all and we could have done at any time." I bet you're not even that good at chess.
Report
1:07:09---
Oh...!
...Mein Papa!!
great Crow riff
Report
Uncle Jim's Dairy Farm remains one of my favorite shorts. From sinning cows to pants from Pamida, the short and riffs are too perfect.
Report
The first warning sign should have been that he's lounging around his living room wearing a tuxedo shirt (with regular buttons, not studs), bow tie, and silk smoking jacket.
Report
I'm a hunter. One of the best in the world. I have someone else (this guy Ross Allen handles most of it) catch the animals for me. (You know, the actual hunting part.) Then I have them shipped here. They're confused and weakened from the long trip, possibly still have tranquilizers in their systems, and totally outside their native habitats. That's when I shoot them! For some reason, there's no real challenge in it. I guess I'm just that good. So I had to find something more interesting. The NY Times crossword puzzle! No, no, I kid. I wait for people to wash up on the shore of my tiny, remote island, and then, well, you know. Doesn't happen that often, unfortunately, so do I need some other hobbies to fill the time. Macrame is so underrated, don't you think?
Report
I feel like most of their best riffs are the ones they do together.
Report
Troy Patterson sighting! Troy Patterson plays the drunken captain Tony. I thought he looked familiar and he should because he plays Joe, the friend with the car everyone borrows in Earth vs. the Spider!
Report
Wow, Tom sure gets a lot of use out of his car... To bad Crow got stuck with sensible brown pants.
Report
On the farm, the big dogs have room to run and play. But he is more than a pet, he also protects the family.
Report
GEEZ! Could the brunette girl in this film be any more of a boat anchor?
Report
LOVE Dr. Forrester's story arc in this episode!
(Couldn't have happened to a nicer guy.)
Report
ANARCHY! ANARCHY!
Report
55:11 I just lost The Game.
1 reply
Report
The melvin remarking that his girlfriend is too young to know as much about corsets as he does is one of the more baffling moments in any MST3K movie.
1 reply
Report
It sounds like the floutist from this film's soundtrack went on to play in Manos!
Report
This movie works best when taken with at least 1 large bag of chronic.
5 replies
Report
1:19 the crossbow is "loaded", he takes off the bolt and slides it into his inside jacket pocket, scraping his neck as he does so. THe razor-sharp tip fails to leave a mark. At 1:21 he arrives at the fallen guard with the bow in about the same position but the string is now slack. And the rifles...no bullets...they're useless to us otherwise -- couldn't be used as a club or anything -- ! So many, many doors from behind which to jump out and clobber an old man...
Report
At 1:30 he attempts to put the bolt in without pulling the string back. At 1:31 we see the string back and in the "loaded" position but the bow itself is out straight...and you can't "remove the firing pin" from a revolver without a hack-saw. But Mrs. Basehart is right: they're all ready for some complicate skit and..."It was me." Ha!!!
2 replies
Report
Our tour guide is the absolute worst,
Feeding us to a rich man's bloodthirst.
I'm sure to be snuffed
And then mounted and stuffed,
If my shirt doesn't strangle me first.
8 replies
Report
the MJP/Pearl character was the beginning of the end for me. Frank and Dr.Forrester eventually leave the show and that's when the intro segments aren't really funny anymore as far as I'm concerned. I started skipping Pearl's segments because she's just not funny.
4 replies
Report
I like how in the 'educational' short they completely ignore the fact that cattle evolved to eat grass and and being fed grain makes them horribly ill.
2 replies
Report
Urgh- Did anybody else find the skin and limbs to be genuinely horrifying? I mean, I know the props aren't that good, but just the idea of it...
4 replies
Report
Servo reads from right to left.
Report
Crow's wearing his sensible slacks in the first host seg!
Report
AAAaHHHH Anarchy! ANARCHY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! ...Now promenade!
1 reply
Report
Beer came out my nose at 15:45 - "Despair was the bumper crop."
Report
"Dr. Forrester, perhaps no other individual embodies the style, panache, and verve of the elegant sport of polo more than you."
- Gypsy
2 replies
Report
Oh god, I smell a "most dangerous game" ripoff coming...
2 replies
Report
No no no, silly bad guys! You forgot to install the sharpened stakes in your pitfall trap!
5 replies
Report
Lol when Gypsy says bitch that was awesome! This must have been that period in the 90's when certain 'mild' cuss words suddenly started becoming OK to say on T.V.
Report
Cows are a lot like people...theyre sinners. lol
3 replies
Report
These four kooky kids are one dog short of groovy gang.
Report
there's something i have to tell you....radishes make me burp!
Servo.....
Report
at 58 minutes, the part where he throws them the unloaded gun... In a realistic situation chunk beef-flex 1 foot away from him would have just destroyed the unarmed old man.
2 replies
Report
"If there were any ninnies out here they'd have... been trying to sell us hand-painted coconuts by now."
Ah, the casual racism of 60's cinema.
Report
1:16:55 There's no bend in that crossbow.
3 replies
Report
"Then, we slaughter them."
Actually, dairy cattle don't make good beef.
3 replies
Report
John the Baptist was in the New Testament, not the Old.
Report
Okay gang let’s split up. Muscles and Judo will go together and the second group will consist of Timid and Wimpy.
1 reply
Report
56:20 Was that the horse statue from the Brady Bunch?
Report
27:50 Ah, Crow, put your legs together man!
1 reply
Report
Hey, that clock isn’t even moving.
2 replies
Report
Well, we get a glimpse of why Dr. Clayton Deborah Susan Forrester turned out the way he did. I'm sure it won't last long, but for this episode I do feel sorry for the mad whose mother wanted a daughter.
3 replies
Report
OK, the rats. Fancy rats are domesticated and far removed from their wild, aggressive, sewage encrusted, disease carrying ancestors. Besides being obviously well-fed and docile, they chose WHITE rats? Just another example of poor casting.
3 replies
Report
how did this guy teach these robots how to be sarcastic? amazing!
5 replies
Report
Egads! We have a working dog and cat. Actually, pigs are clean animals, the most disgusting ones are chickens.
3 replies
Report
At 42:40, after Tom's toe jam joke, you can hear a woman laughing. Did someone in the studio laugh and their mics picked it up?
Report
~27:00 Crow has a Leg up--actually 2 of 'em up... he may as well sing when ever he sings whenever he Siiiiings!
2 replies
Report
Crow in khakis... but still shirtless...hmm?
4 replies
Report
It's amazing that the stocky, elderly villain is able to take five people hostage by surrounding himself with them, standing within arm's reach of four of them, holding a single pistol up to the big guy and craning his head around to talk to the people behind him, all while his unarmed minion stands about twenty feet away. Even without the revelation that the pistol was unloaded the whole time, it's a wonder that our heroes didn't end the movie right there.
Report
They actually wrote, "So long, suckers,"? Hahaha.
Report
I don't like hearing Robert Reed treasure hunting.
Report
The "my mermaid outfit" riff slays me for DAYS after I watch this one.
1 reply
Report
1:08:33 Wow, Betty got huge!
4 replies
Report
I am told Vincent Price was originally cast in the Dr. Balleau role, but once filming began Robert Reed’s incessant pit stains kept putting him off his lunch until he finally walked off the picture.
4 replies
Report
Uncle Jim's farm AKA Parents too cheap to put their kids in summer camp.
Report
One of the best episodes, period. Short AND movie. Both brilliant.
4 replies
Report
HEY, YOUNG MEN: JUST TACKLE THE LONE FREAKING MIDDLE-AGED KILLER WHO HAS HIS BACK TURNED TO YOU!! PROBLEM SOLVED, MOVIE OVER!! AHHHGGHG
2 replies
Report
...public service videos from the fifties and sixties make me want to burn things...
Report
I can't believe there are two links for people who want to "enjoy" Bloodlust in all of its original, uninterrupted glory.
1 reply
Report
If they're dairy cows shouldn't Uncle Jim feed them powdered milk?
1 reply
Report
00:27:36 - "Vegables!" Like Lunchables™ for vegetarians... or something...
3 replies
Report
Starting at around 9:45, farmer Jim tells the kids what their dairy cows eat. I wish America's cattle still ate like this, and not ground up bits of dead cows. It's so disturbing that they'd make cattle unwitting cannibals. They're herbivores, for goodness sake! Now in order to be certain you're buying products from cows that haven't been fed this kind of crap, you have to buy expensive organic. It's such a shame.
4 replies
Report
In the beginning segment, when Tom Servo reads his part, he's reading right to left! Trace got it backwards!
5 replies
Report
No Brady Bunch jokes
2 replies
Report
aw... ive never seen this one and it completely ends at 1:20. anyone have a full one they can upload? :(
7 replies
Report
Ok, so, when Mike talks about going off and being Kenny G...what the heck? Is there some context for that I missed? I've watched this episode many times and I still don't get it.
4 replies
Report
Uncle Jim's Dairy Farm is, in my humble opinion, the best riffed short of the entire series. It's only a couple of minutes long but has at least five laugh out loud moments. Honorable mention to Mr. B Natural but Uncle Jim is top of the heap !
1 reply
Report
Dang....Gypsy FLIPS in the opening....she usually doesn't go off like that...
Report
I'm here to tell you about Mutual of Omaha!
9 replies
Report
The 2nd intermission..... ah.... the "HOE - DOWN",(and I DON'T mean one of the sista's been shot on a corner) that vomits into a MOSH pit,.... well, ummmmm....
4 replies
Report
Frank makes a great "girlfriend." Who knew?
3 replies
Report
This has the same music as The Unearthly. I call shinanigins!!!!
1 reply
Report
Alternate film title: The most boringist game
4 replies
Report
The mystery murder dinner party sketch is one of my absolute favorites. Short, sweet and hysterical. Brilliant character based comedy. One of the things that was so great about this show was the consistency of the characters. Love em all!
Report
Another of my favorites. One of the few I actually own...