618 - High School Big Shot
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Comments (76) Best Riffs (211)
Riffs you quote here will appear randomly in the above.

What would you say if I got married again?
Well, you should clear it with Mom.

'What's Love got to do with it?' "What's Love but a Second Hand Emotion!"

"i mean it, betty. i'm stealing a million dolllars."
i'm stealing it a dollar at a time from a million places.

Triumph of the Bread!
Bet you'd be pretty impressed if you knew the shipping clerk here... Well, I'm him! Heheheh.
"How does a punk like you know where a million dollars is?" I, sir, am a shipping clerk!
She's going to blow the lid off the whole bread wholesaling racket. She's naming names!

"The more you talk it up, the more he'll push it." Then the kids will buy it...
Get your buns outta my truck!
Quit loafing in my van! You really take the cake!
You got a lotta crust to come around here!

I think the point of purchase displays has gotten a little out of hand.
Where's the bread display?!?

Oh I know you! You're that Shakespeare Queen that Betty dumped!

'To whom was this speech delivered?' "Richard Dawson...Fred Sanford...Larry Hovis..."

A Monkey's going to come in and start throwing that suitcase around!
"The story involves Bill Dudley, a mighty darn good wholesale bakery salesman" and that's about it

"This is the PTA, reminding you to always do your homework."

"So are your dads bean-eating alcoholics, too?"

"It's been two weeks and you haven't slipped her the tongue yet."

Movie bad. Movie go away!
Everything is gonna be... Every been is... beans! Come here you little rascals!
"All my life, my brains have been sort of a curse." Kinda like Dick Cavett.

Hey, here's my impersonation of your dad! ::takes a drink::

I'm sorry I made you work the docks for our date.

"This is a tough business, a mighty competitive business."
"I've been shot twice!"

"... just like your mother wanted." Before I drank her. I unscrewed her head and drank out of her neck.
"Don't move!" *Fires* "You have the right to remain silent." *Fires* "Anything you say can and will be used against you."

"If you're going to tempt a guy, don't send Claire Booth Luce!"

Try new, enriched "Stuff"!
"Well you see son, she lives in the Thimble Kingdom, and she has to defend the Mushroom People before we can marry.... Her name is Thimblina, by the way she milks butterflies and she's charmed, if I touch her I turn to wood."

"Hey, can I split your top and butter your buns?"
Yeah, I'm sure what with wars and famine, God is really interested in your heist.

I'll do community theataaaaaah.

"I like to do business with salesmen like that." But his bread sucks.

"Never slams his trays around, or makes a nuisance of himself." Why can't he leave me alone?

"Always interested in my store. Always treats my place with respect." What does he want from me?

"That Bill Dudley is ok. Never slams doors, always seems friendly, always got a smile." What's he on?

"I've been wanting to say this for a long time..."
"You've got dandruff and weird-smelling breath."
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The most underrated episode ever? Could be.
This has to be one of the 4 or 5 funniest eps they've ever done. Nearly every riff was great. The movie itself is sad but if you can just look at it from a riffing standpoint, it rules.
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Wanna see Marv (and a chum) beat the living crap out of a young E.G. Marshall? Sure; who wouldn't, right?! Go to YT and enter the search terms "Suspicion Four O'Clock".....
Enjoy, won't you?
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The short, host segments, feature...all hilarious. This epi is under-appreciated.
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Marv's dad tucking his tie into his pants like that XD lookin sharp~
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Tom Pittman was killed in a car accident when he was 26. :/
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MST3K has gotten me through some pretty depressed times. Thank you for that. :)
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$75 a week ?? Wow he must've been Union to make that much back then ....
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Ah, Marv, the beautiful, shining example of the difference between having knowledge and being wise...
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Gotta love that safe cracker. Even in star trek he's trying to get a free drink. DON'T PAY THE FERRYMAN!!!!!!!! Is this the only episode where Tom gets tossed?!?! Love it!!! This episode needs more laughs....
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My mistake, that wasn't Harry Mudd. That was Tribble-pusher Cyrano Jones as the safecracker. You Trekkies out there know who I mean.
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I have to say, I actually liked the movie! The riffs are great, and I laughed a lot, but I was actually invested in the main character, and really hurt by the (spoiler!) gold-digging, manipulative Betty! The safe cracker and his brother in law were great, too! Good movie, with great jokes from Mike and the bots!
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Crow ain't too far off when saying, as Marv: "I'm gonna blow it all on video games!"
if you grew up when this ep aired, the mid 90s, that was the best era for gaming, Nintendo vs Sega, etc....
(Gamer moment over, thanks for your time...)
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that dad's a dirty old man if he says Betty's the best looking girl in school.
and why does every bad 50's movie have a woman named Betty in it anyway?
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Okay. Granted--Betty is a stone cold, manipulative, gold-digging trollop. But her teacher's treatment of her is unsettling inappropriate, and would cost him his job nowadays.
I mean he basically told her, to her face: "You're a sweet piece of tail, but dumber than a bag of hammers"....JESUS! The harassment lawsuit that would result from a teacher talking to a student like that these days would bankrupt the school district!
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Like Crow said .. all this because the English teacher was a fucking Jerk! Sure ... punish the kid for doing someone else's homework by ruining his life. This just proves that strict, straight up, upright citizens of society are total jerks and should be avoided at all costs!! They seem to cause crimes to happen.
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At 37:00 Tom Servo says, "Levon and the Hawks," in response to the shot of the diner, because it looks somewhat like the original cover of The Band's 1973 album, "Moondog Matinee." Somebody is a fan of The Band, that's at least the fourth mention of them I've spotted.
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TV Frank's science experiment is like a terrifying precursor to the Rollergator.
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Y'know what? The actor playing Marv is hot. There, I said it. He's certainly weird-looking, but it works.
So, don't let those riffers' comments get you down... [checks wikipedia].... guy who died not long after he finished filming this movie! You were really good-looking!
...now I just feel like a creep.
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This short is excruciating to watch.
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So what I've learned from the short is that the people who work for "good" are insincere and just know how to schmooze to get money.
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Lol Dr. F, "Natural Born Squirters"
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... I'm afraid my husband might be headed for trouble. Keith is a good, kind, decent man, but I think the desert has started to melt his brain cells. Let me explain. He works in the chemical lab of a power plant. Recently the company hired an assistant by the name of Frank. Well, in the course of training Keith has told him to “Push the button, Frank.” He then laughs hysterically for no obvious reason.
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So who DOESN'T want a mini T. Rex stuffed down his shorts?
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as per the drill in the forehead after the commercial break to "relieve the pressure" .. that's a -real thing!- called "trepanning" that people used to do and sometimes still do. i got this crazy documentary on dvd several years back called "a hole in the head" after talking about it with this lady on another forum. interviews with people who've done it, talking to this real calm happy character with a funky dimple scar between his eyes on his forehead. references to it in film include the end scene of Pi. just for reference. world's a weird and wonderful place......
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Does anyone know what they used to make the big, mutated Servo at the beginning of the episode? I imagine it would have to be something more lightweight for Kevin to be able to hold up and control unless... I don't know...
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Just when I think I've seen the worst characters ever. Along comes another cast of hateful, incompetent losers.
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Marv really has no head for crime. The whole idea about a heist is to keep it under wraps until after it is done.
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The bread guy seems to pretty cynical. He develops relationships with store owners solely yo sell more bread. But does he *really care* about them as people?
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Marvin isn't just awkward and ugly, but he doesn't actually have any intelligence/plain-as-day common sense. She just says, "You're kind of special," to him at 32:32 and he reveals his entire following train of the thought seconds later by saying, "But you go with Vince." He actually thinks she authentically wants him?
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Wow, Tarantino-like carnage ending (hmm…wonder if he ripped off anything from this one too?). In any case, as I have noted many times my friends, just one hot girl carrying heavy “daddy issues” can take out more men than an Armored Division.
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This is one of the episodes when the movie actually pissed me off. The fact that Marv is wimpy and friendless but inexplicably has a connection to career criminals to help with the heist. By help with the heist, I mean do the entire heist themselves with Marv's only involvement is going along with them. To top everything off, Marv acts like he's somehow in charge of the heist by giving orders like, "Hurry," and "Come on," and the two professionals actually listen to him and follow his retarded commands.
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What the hell was the purpose of the short on selling breads - and the angel & demon of bread-sellers?!?
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The funniest MST3K Episode so far! Almost non-stop riffs. These guys were on a roll!
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'ah, the simplest of tasks for T. Hewitt Edward Crow' at 1:13:41
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i just dont understand why the angel is the one trying to do the tempting... this short makes no sense! :p what a goofy idea. lol
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When she sticks her tongue out and servo cracks "no thanks, i use toilet paper"... wow. if only i had that baby in grade two. hmmm... how do i bait someone into sticking their tongue out?
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High School Big Shot: A misrable story about misrable people and their misrable lives.
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Hey! "HS Big Shot's" Shakespeare teacher was the counselor in "Are You Ready For Marriage?".
I think he got to show a lot more range in this one.
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I've been watching MST3K for years, and somehow this one always slipped by me. So many good visual dumb moments in this one: giant Servo, Crow's face on sideways after the 'bots try to blow up Gypsy's diary, Dr. F literally stuffing a dinosaur down Frank's pants, and just so much LOVE when Mike chucks Servo across the theater for singing "Don't Pay the Ferryman." Seriously one of their best ever physical comedy episodes.
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The people in this movie seem to have an awfully casual attitude about marriage.
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If I were seeing this movie "raw", unriffed, in an actual theater, I'd have gotten up and left immediately after the scene in the coffee shop where Marv divulges his plan to Betty, as I could've totally guessed the rest of the plot.
Seriously, man... who else here, after that scene, could totally see Marv's big plan going straight down the toydee in a dozen different ways?
"Hey, I smell a big, stupid ending coming!"
--Joel, Wild Rebels
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Anyone else notice the fat guy playing the safe cracker also played the dude selling TRIBBLES in the Star Trek episode the trouble with tribbles? Lol
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so a good work ethic is important to "whitey" and to prove it she's allowed to lie, entrap, and take stakes in gambling. got it.
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LOL Giant Servo is the best part!
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GIANT SERVO!!
"Movie BAD!!!"
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"y'know....sometimes I wanna put a bullet in my skull."
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"Never put doughnuts next to kitty litter." HAHAHAHA
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I feel like this is the only episode where the Mads don't mention the short... or am I wrong?
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Bots trying to get into Gypsy's diary earned the Laugh all by itself. What is it about Crow getting busted up that floors me every time!
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This episode has such a depressing movie that I don't watch it very often (as in, not once in the last year), but being reminded of Giant Servo and Mike throwing Servo out of the theater...well, I'll watch it, and probably be depressed by Marv's absolutely depressing life.
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So is the short about the Breadman an allegory for the book of Job?
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How would this kid know a professional criminal and where to find him?
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P.S.-- I found the original guide to sitting properly on a loaf of bread, in case anyone needs it. Ta-daaa!
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As lame and cheesy as the short about the bread salesman was, they had a point about bread being important. Ancient Athens was brought to its knees when the grain shipments stopped coming in from the Black Sea. Man's gotta eat!
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28:16: Richard Dixon and John Nickolaus on the same credit screen, a long silent pause, and then all Mike could come up with was mumbling something like "(that should be) Jack Nickolaus"? I bet they regretted missing that one.
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What always kills me about this movie is how insistent it is that Marv is a genius, even though he never really does anything particularly clever (or adequate, really).
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So her and the devil both work for DuPont.......that's dark.
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This is the single most depressing story and Marv is undoubtedly the most pathetic character in film history. That saddest part is that the producers expected the audience to connect with Marv obviously because he's the only character in the movie who comes close to being the protagonist.
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Of course satin tap pants could ONLY come from Hell, so it makes sense that the devil in this short would be wearing them.
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"Funeral breads, War breads!"
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The climax of this stinkburger is a touching reminder of just how many filmmakers, to quote Our Heroes, "Have some issues with women." :/
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This is one of my favorites- mostly for the short.
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"But you go out with Vince!" LOMBARDI!!!! I wish Crow would've done that EVERY time they said his name.... too awesome
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The specialty breads short is one of my all-time favorites - it comes to a sharp point!
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The opening tune sounds like a jazzy version of the Friday the 13th theme.
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As a person with chronic migraines, I know what it is to want to run a power-drill through your own head.
Good stuff.
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Marv's heist plan doesn't seem to take into account the part where his boss ends up with his tongue pulled out through his slit throat for not having the money to pay the triad guys.
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i think tom pittman, who played marv, is actually pretty good considering the material. i looked him up on line and was sad to find he actually died shortly after this film at 26. :(
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I honestly wonder what they used to make the Giant Servo puppet.
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Frank's lackluster scolding of the dinosaur is probably one of my favorite Frank moments.
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The short is one of the best of the whole series. Probably my second favorite behind Progress Island USA.
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Wait, Heaven and Hell is keeping track of Bread Salesman? Sounds like a Gospel of Wealth thing... Or a Ferengi Divine Treasury thing. xD
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Who else noticed the "Police Squad" music at every dramatic scene? "My name's Drebbin. I carry a badge."
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I still don't know how this ep stays so low on the totem pole with the quality riffs on this awful movie. The way they tear into the depressing guy and his even more depressing dad is almost magical.
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It's like I Accuse My Parents as written by Sylvia Plath.
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I love the diner scene where Mike hums "Tom's Diner" by Suzanne Vega. 1:04:35