621 - The Beast of Yucca Flats
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| Short - Money Talks!, Progress Island USA: | |
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Eps:
813,
208,
621,
417
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Comments (86) Best Riffs (338)
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"...an allowance from your father. Something quite unheard of in my day."
Fathers?
(to a Franklin 50 cent piece) He was the best president we ever had.
It's not even a riff - just some great subtle snark from Mike - "Thank you Crow! Thank you very much :]!"
"Greasy, scarecrow kid not invited"
Dr. Forester: Frank, I'm going to start slapping you now and I may never stop.
Frank: Let the healing process begin.
"...So you can sugar frost you damn corn flakes, filthy American pigs!"
You know, this may be Coleman Francis' very best 'Car Approaching' scenes ever?
I’m waiting for the romance between Tor and Mom to get going...yeah, that’s a twist!
'There's no place like a Bank... There's no place like a Bank...'
(Nathan Thurm voice) I never said that. It's so funny you would think I said that. I never said that.
(Tick-tick-tick-tick) Crow: I'm Mike Wallace.
Mike: I'm Morley Saffer.
Tom: I'm Ed Bradley.
(Title on screen Money Talks) -- and talks and talks. I can't get a word in edge wise.
It is more suspenseful when you don't know what's going on?!?
"Where the Atlantic meets the Caribbean." And they really hit it off!
"Did you ever hear of a budget, William?" Uh, that's a fish, right?
"The mild tropical climate encourages many forms of agriculture."
Here are some moo-cows.
A wealth of historic grandeur and beauty... does not exist here. Modern hospitals... are not here. Luxury hotels... are desperately needed. Progress can be seen everywhere... in places other than this. The fortress of San Felipe del Morro... is to be avoided at all times.
They're going to split him open and crawl inside to stay warm.
"Art, get back!" Oh, false alarm, it's not Mom.
"Always on the prowl..." For the ladies.
I think he got lost on his way to the drugstore.
A woman's purse. Flag on the moon. A man murdered.
He's trying things in this movie he later perfected in Red Zone Cuba!
He's either a ruthless agent or Schemer from Shining Time Station?
There was no such thing as clinical depression until this movie was made.
"Man's inhumanity to man" .... Or beast's inhubeastity to beast!
We don't know what this is folks, but it's definitely Puerto Rico stuff!
Joe.. Joe! Joe?? What are you doing to that rock?!? Joe, do not do that!!
July 12th - Tor establishes Base Camp at the foot of Mt. Shasta.
"These men are also from behind the Iron Curtain." Pay no attention to them.
♪♫ A desert horse... no name.... a na na na, duh duh...♪♫ (sing-a-long with Tor).
"Vacation time. Folks travel north, south, east, west."
"Some folks burrow straight down."
"So. . . Anyway. . . You can see how all this adds up to a movie."
"Disappointing turnout for REO Speedwagon at Alpine Valley."
"They're driving through a Wisconsin petting zoo!"
"Shabbily-furnished room action like you've never seen it before!"
"So you can sugar-frost your damn cornflakes! Filthy American pigs..."
Here we're flying in another trumpet section.
"But it was too late. William filed Chapter 11."
"Each week he went down to the bank..."
"And robbed it."
"Promoting dullardism throughout this great land of ours."
They've got it all wrong. It's kill da briefcase and get Divorski.
"I don't get it..." Ah, the appeal of Adam Sandler!
Father MacKenzie. Darning his socks in the night when there's nobody there.
"Do not ever let it become too rigid. If you do, you'll become a prisoner to it." HEY!
Fine... I'll just put off breakfast to investigate your little murder!
There was no such thing as clinical depression until this film was made.
"Nothing bothers some people, not even flying saucers." What the, huh?
Yes, even the air supports airplanes just as it does in the not-better United States.
Are we starting over?
Get off my land, you credits.
What the hell... it's got a Nash front and a VW back...!
On behalf of all girls, none of us are going to the dance with you.
He's got the world's largest area!
Just as Jim closes in for the kill, so does Mutual Of Omaha close in for the kill...
Wow! We can pee ANYWHERE!
The Beast put a hundred down, and bought an old Studebaker...
Now would be a good time for some phrases. A woman's purse... a man murdered... flag on the moon... I'll be back later.
I'm sorry, I meant "two feet to nowhere"... what was I thinking?
It's ilke being abducted by Montana!
Oh, "flag on the moon", too, by the way...!
Sir, do you have any idea how fast you were dying?
How do you decide when to turn on your lights in a Coleman Francis movie?
Never use yourself to block your tires.
You can see why Georgia O'Keefe loved this part of the country.
Tor went bobbing for rubber cement again!
Coleman Francis had a dark, muddy vision... with cars!
Keep...pretending...to write.
The tension is so thick you could cut it with a knife... but please, use a spoon!
This could be vacation footage, for all we know!
Tor could've been contender, instead bum, which am!
Y'know, this place is probably nicer than Javorsky's place in Moscow!
You know, Tor was originally offered the role of the Mom in this film...
I've been handed a rewrite... it's no longer "progress", it's now "justice"...
Shoot the film first... ask questions later!
"Bit of a rip-off?"
"Coleman steals from only the best!"
What, have they got a spider monkey holding the camera?
Well, we have Mom's looks and Dad's intelligence... we should be able to deal with this!
Well, on the good side, this is time away from Mrs. Potato Head!
This movie stops at nothing -- and STAYS THERE!
It was daring of Coleman to change the theme from parking to walking...
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I believe that this was a smash at the drive in theaters, when you got your girl friend in the car and you weren't interested in the movie but your girlfriend and how close you can get before steaming up the windows. There must have been a increase of the population after this movie.
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Yes, ladies and gentlemen; children of all ages----this is Petey's debut (as well as Coleman's), albeit they hadn't started calling him by name yet. Francis, interestingly, lays out in this stunning first effort all his future themes: look for shooting from planes, greasy, ill-lit interiors, coffee real and implied, and pixie-cut women meeting violent ends.
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This movie never answered the really important question: Flag on the moon. How *did* it get there?
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Whenever I want to enter a deep, dark well of depression, I watch the first ten minutes of any Coleman Francis movie. Any longer than that would be crazy.
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folks be doin some obsessin 'round here
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In which Tor Johnson, hulking misshapen scientist, is mutated into Tor Johnson, hulking misshapen Jewish grandpa. Chilling.
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My Holst keeps skipping.
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Bugs Bunny tried to save the beast with kisses. It did not work sadly.
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Well that was some kinky stuff at the end. Real man on man love there.
Trixie: "I like to be alone for a half hour. Leave ape!"
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At some points of this movie, play "Baby got back".
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So the beast is just a round corpulent guy with a sick. Open up a buffet and we'll be okay.
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Apparently, Coleman didn't know we had entered the age of "talkies". This was actually a silent movie! Instead of a narrator, they should've just had the occasional black screens with white dialogue, as is traditional. Maybe some piano music for accompaniment. That would actually be more "fun" . Worst excuse for a movie in the whole history of MST3K!
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why does it seem the narrators just mentioning things in his field of view..not following a script .....matchbook ...tumbleweed...karma catches up.. he is so random
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Coleman Francis should've filmed this movie in Puerto Rico , I mean how can you get more progessive than casting Tor Johnson ??? Why Progress ISland of course !! But guess 'the Progressive Beast of Progess Island Flats " isn't too impressive.
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PUERTO RICO!!!
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And what the heck is with that bunny at the end? Was that supposed to mean something?!
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You know, are we sure this is a Coleman Francis movie? Where is the all-important coffee drinking scene?
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A lot of people wonder what the WORST film they ever did on MST3K was. IMO, there are five films which are so bad, they've fallen completely off the scale of composition, thoughtfulness, or simple good taste. These films are so bad, they each represent a singular atrocity, and to prioritize any one over the other is to neglect them all. They are, in no particular order:
The Beast of Yucca Flats
Manos: The Hands of Fate
Monster-A-Go-Go
Rocket Attack U.S.A.
The Castle of Fu Manchu
These films are so bad, so incomprehensibly, unfathomably vile, that each one must be seen to be believed. I think you would be right to say that any of these five movies are equally the worst films ever featured on MST3K
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i reallty realy love tor johnson! so much that i'm starting the church of tor johnson!
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Progeess Island USA music is from NFL Films
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I notice the Progress Island short neglects to mention the native population. It makes it sound like life emerged with Columbus!
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"...and it becomes Night of the Lepus."
Having now seen the RiffTrax Night of the Lepus, I think having that lead to the killer bunnies would make about as much as sense as what happened in the actual movie.
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This movie needed just 2 things to be a Box Office Hit. (1) Rowzdower and Tornadoes with Killer Tuna heading towards Yucca Flats. oh and more coffee......
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You can tell she wasn't a Timex, she took a licking and stopped ticking
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Laughing hard at there being eight links to the original film.
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brilliant episode!!
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Coleman proving once again to make a movie you don't a big budget, special effects, fancy cameras, decent lighting, coherent scripts, character development, thoughtful dialogue, good actors...a plot...*sighs* entertainment.
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I bet in the climatic ending Tor jumps without a chute and his hair opens up... after credits it shows Tor and "Coffee ? I like coffee" at a Starbucks
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Is Tor killing them, or just giving them the biggest dose of tranquilizer ever of all time?
Either way, reach through the screen, Tor, and put me out of my misery...
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Former Federal official Ben Franklin's basic money management tips must be considered heresy in DC.
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I realize that the 11:30 skit had relevance for the MST3K staff but for us audience members it just lays there.
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"The Beast Of Yucca Flats, Skydivers, and Red Zone Cuba, are but three examples of the many, many godawful films made during this century."
That statement, (particularly the adjective 'godawful') left me in stitches. That is EXACTLY what I would've said.
"What are you watching?"
"Oh, just another godawful film."
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there was no such thing as clinical depression until this movie was made!!
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"Flag on the moon. How did it get there?" Is one of the quotes I actually use in life, as a general response to other non-sequiters. No one ever gets it, but I laugh every time :)
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i love both of the shorts, but the Puerto Rico one is HILARIOUS!!!
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It sucks to be illiterate and dyslexic. I thought this movie was called "The Yucky Flat Breasts", until I watched the whole thing and didn't see my ex-wife even once.
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MISSED-RIFF OPPORTUNITY - #37
"Beast of Yucca Flats"
(Actual film line - narration) ... "a man murdered a woman's purse." (WTF??)
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Is there something wrong with me? I don't get tired of watching this episode. Usually I skip the shorts and go straight to the madness that is Coleman Francis' greatest epic. In a way, I almost like this movie.
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This movie stops at nothing, and stays there.
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School House Rock has nothing on this first short!
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I think Tor hit his stride working with Ed Wood and Bella.
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1:09:00 shoot first, then shoot again, then shoot again, then shoot again, then reload, then shoot again, then shoot again, then adjust your speed, then shoot again, then shoot again, then ask questions.
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Time for watch Tor Johnson.
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Ah .. there goes a stupid, stupid movie! Without a doubt this piece of amateurish crap surely deserves a place at the top of the worst, moronic, cow shit ever to be flung at the cinematic fan. I was pretty sure that "Manos" was THE worst .. and may yet still fight for the right of 'Worst movie ever!', but .. it has definitely met it's match with the 'Beast of yucca Flats'.
Coleman Francis, we salute you ... as we make you walk the plank and watch you get eaten by sharks you absolutely talentless prat you!
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"Time for go to Yucca Flats."
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Love how the "brilliant scientist" needs someone to tell him to get in the car when he is being shot at.
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Say what you will about Roger Corman, at least his movies are actual MOVIES. Coleman Francis is my pick for worst director of all time.
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I just looked this movie up on IMDB-- That guy that buys a newspaper from the newsboy for no apparent reason-- that was Coleman Francis!
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7 dollars, adjusted for inflation from the time of this short, would be over 65 dollars a week.
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Flag on the moon. How did it get there?
Like all things, it springs up out of nowhere.
As my sickness advances,
I'll blame Coleman Francis
And get my last rites from a wild hare.
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There is a long pause in the slaps between Editors and Make up. I wonder. Did Frank collapse at that time, so Dr. F had to pick him up? Or did Dr. F. just have to switch hands? THESE ARE IMPORTANT QUESTIONS. I MUST KNOW!
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I know that I will probably be alone in this, but I think that "The Beast of Yucca Flats", along with the riffing, approaches something close to being a surreal piece of art. All of the camera angles, done specifically to not show the mouth to save the money and work of syncing the audio to the video, along with the incredibly abstract phrases plopped out by the narrator (Coleman himself), just makes this movie hilarious to watch. I wouldn't be able to make it through without the riffing, though, but the riffing adds in another element that just makes it so memorable.
Thank you, Francis Coleman, for trying to cut corners and not work as hard as you could have. In doing it, you have created something much greater, and much worse, than you could have ever imagined.
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Just my opinion, mind you... but I think the Film Anti-Preservation Society (FAPS) is one of the best ideas I've ever heard.
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I think this might have been the first one I ever watched, but my memory is so vague. I'm filled with amnesiac nostalgia.
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WOW. It's like this movie was tailor-made for riffing on. I think this is my new favorite.
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Is 24 slaps enough? Does he continue after the cameras shut down?
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This was listed as the most unwatchable MST3K movie (and that's saying something): http://www.pastemagazine.com/blogs/lists/2013/11/the-10-most-unwatchable-films-featured-on-mystery-science-theater-3000.html
(note: the three Coleman Francis films done on MST3K were ALL on the Top Ten list...)
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So I've decided that this actually isn't a bad movie. Because to be a bad movie, it has to be a MOVIE first. This, I don't know what this is.
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WAIT jest a garsh-darn sec!!... if the two cops aren't able to climb that rocky hill where they think Tor is and need a plane .. HOW did Tor get up there?
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Is the randomly-killed woman at the beginning of the movie Justine's wife in Red Zone Cuba?
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FIST, Over the Top, Rocky 5, Tango & Cash, Death Race 2000...
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Take that counter culture!
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At 35:19, Mike totally quotes the White Stripes "Icky Thump" 12 years before they wrote the song!
Is "Who's shooting who? What should we do?" from something else as well or is it just dark magic?
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So who killed the (Flag on the moon) girl in the first scene?
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I know that someone else has already said this, but how crazy is it that there is basically no scene in this movie where you can see someone's mouth when they speak? They are either way too far out into the distance to see them, or they are off-screen. There are a couple of scenes where someone covers their mouth, too. How difficult would it be to film and edit the movie to make sure that whenever you have someone talk, their mouth can't be seen? Wouldn't it just be easier to have the audio be off?
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Well, I will remember this episode for Tor's singing. His renditions of A Horse With No Name, The Wedding March, Make It With You, The Hills Are Alive, One, and The Lonely Goatherd put him right up there with Slim Whitman. I especially like One from The Chorus Line, that he sings with his cane - ♪♫ One...singular sensation... a blee-bleh, bleh-bleh, de bleh. ♪♫
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The "11:30" skit is a little on the dull side, but I love the cute little squeak noise Crow does, and his "hum diddy de de, hua hua" again.
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I love this episode. Most people say they can't sit through it but I always can. The level of incompetence requires no riffing. It's THAT stifling.
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If only they had Jenny Craig in 1961, Tor would have been a leading man! I about fell over when they said his head has a beer belly!
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"The music of John Phillip Salsa!" That is all.
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This short is a little creepy
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I actually get nervous during the scenes when the parachuter is shooting at the father running below the plane. I just feel bad for that poor guy; he's just trying to find his lost kids. It's the only part of this film that gives my heart a twinge. (Okay, I also worry the guy's gonna shoot the kids accidentally, even though I've seen the episode a few times before.)
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Soylent Green Platanos is made out of Progress!!!! You gotta tell em!
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00:29:30 - A great host segment. Made even better because Crow is reading an old issue of Amethyst. It was one of my favorite comics back in the day, naturally ruined when DC decided that it needed to become all dark and "realistic" and stuff.
I held out as long as could slapping a "favorite" on anything from The Coleman Francis Collection. But due to the aforementioned host segment, plus two of the most fabulous shorts ever, I guess I'll just have to give in. :/
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Mexican guy playing a cuban.
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Gotta love that way Coleman handles law and jurisdiction: "We're fairly certain someone broke the law. Let's go kill someone."
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pretend...to...write...
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They got good use out of those Hollywood meat slammers!!!!
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So what do y'all think -- Coleman Francis just had a big ol' pile of airplane and skydiving footage lying around, filmed a bunch of takes of people being shot at from airplanes and a wild twist party, and rustled up Tor Johnson?
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Sigh. It's sad, really. This film seems to be Coleman Francis's attempt at art. And how far from the mark it fell. And why did they mention a flag on the moon once and then never again? And how small was that budget that Francis nearly always avoided showing anyone speaking their lines? Could he not figure out how to mike the desert? Or is it like the guys said, a way to avoid having to deal with sound and picture continuity? And why am I even asking all these questions? Why do I care?
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Shoot first...ask Christian Slater...
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Just realized there's a looong callback to SST Death Flight in the Progress Island, USA short. Around twenty minutes into the episode Crow quips about the plane's gear being mushy.
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The nice thing about the movie is that it's an hour in length.
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shoot first, ask Christian Slater.
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Mike & the bot's,........ They are ASSASSINS with the short(s). If anybody could somehow make what happened to Gen. Custer at Wounded Knee...
"funny" it's these guys.
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Gypsy's reaction to the wallpaper reminded me of Vonnegut's "Bluebeard." It's been so long that it took me a while to pinpoint what scene I was thinking of and which book it was, in but there you have it. Gypsy's portraial of Rabo Karabekian's reaction to the redecoration of his home took me back almost 20 years.