Troxartas: This has, NOTHING to do with, being rich.
Servo: [as Troxartas] I, put the, beats in my, own script and I'm, sticking, with them!

i just heard an eagle meow!!

John Allen Nelson was much more tolerable as Dave the cop in Killer Klowns from Outer Space. Also, the woman who played the princess sisters is now the official United States diplomat to Denmark.

This is by far the best Mike episode!

Outlaw of Gor, Deathstalker, Delta Knights.

Back to back to back. Oh yeah.

So.....two villages.

https://pasteboard.co/JsdvInC.jpg

Fanfare is to announce arrival. Or something. You don’t play it on a loop for the entire first scene

Midwestern Frat Boy and the Warriors From Hell

'Relson' looks nothing like the dude on the cover.

One good riff I think was missed is this: During the Rennaisance Fest theme, "It's the Final Countdown!"

there's a lot of plot similarity between this story and the SMB movie plot...
Hero needs to save girl, who has stone/crystal, and villain wants girl, while villainess wants villain...

https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Carla_Sands
Wuuuuuuut

...And apparently there's a whole series of these movies, which were released in response to "Conan the Barbarian" along with the "Ator" movies. I never thought I'd miss Ator.

this movie is like a fever dream that is on a loop for way too long

New Cinema Edition of, "Deathstalker and the Warriors from Hell" now playing...
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=DiT4TrKMtP4

When real life imitates a bad movie.
https://news.avclub.com/the-u-s-ambassador-to-denmark-starred-in-a-movie-mocke-1837473913

Deathstalker = Jon Anderson, lead singer of Yes. Argue with me. Have you ever seen them in the same room together?

The Ren Fest stuff, the LOTR stuff the Potato stuff and the 80s fantasy cheesiness, this is becoming one of my go-to episodes.

13:45 wait! when did this turn into 'the force awakens'? isnt that rey i see running from that sith on horseback?

Actually, come to think, this entire movie is pretty irritating.
P.S. - I repeat my desire for an exit button on comments

The music in the opening scene is the single most irritating piece I've ever heard. It instantly infuriates me.

Throw a coin in the air and it calibrates your video! This comment is one dead link away from WTF?

I pity any ren festers that had this as the first MSTie experience. The crew goes to town on it!

Wait a minute... "Fa, a note to follow sol"?

And if someone wants the "Extra Stuffed Germanic" font used in the opening credits, you can get it here:
http://www.dafont.com/primitive.font

Amazingly bland!

"Oh, must be time for the college painters to begin!"
Ironically my brother IS a 'college painter' he loved the joke! But we thought it was strange that he chose that particular job out of a million different jobs out there?

Wow. A Deathstalker movie with all the nudity cut out... But all the scenes where the "plot" is explained had nudity so now it makes even less sense. Not that it was "good" to begin with but, you know... Boobies!

The domestic problems of TrucksArtist and TennisHog make for much better cinema than Deathstalker's vague goals.

Mary Jo looks like she's about to crack up all through the opening sketch. Not that I blame her. (Potato Planks™ are what we eat!) Also, can anyone make out the riff from Princess No. 1 around 0:8:55 (Right before the Dr. Quinn line.) I've tried and tried, but I can't. :o

Seeing this episode for the first time since watching Season 11 a few times, the bad guy's head looks so lonely and bare without Crabby. The actor playing Troxardas also plays Shurka in Wizards of the Lost Kingdom.

Wreck of the edmund fitzgerald Humming choir @ 1:08:40

Loved all the Lord of the Rings riffs (and the One Ring sketch!). Best parts of the whole movie/episode! Maybe I should ask Servo to whip me up a Ring o' Power...
Lol, oh mother Pearl. She totally succeeded in being super annoying! :D Man, poor Dr. F. Between Mike and the Bots messing with him and his mum (especially when sick), I think it'll be Clay who goes crazy(er) instead of Mike!

The bad Guy's girlfriend is more attractive than the princess, especially in terms of personality.

Imagine Timmothy Van Patten saying "Find Nissiouss" in three sentences. Also I think Trux...err Thom Christopher was a body double for Diabolic , in the white costume.

Who's Shane McGowan of the Popes? I know there's a Shane McGowan of the Pogues, but I've never heard of the Popes.
Also I love them for that reference there.

so....Vadinho lost his gig as a princess' bodyguard, and got stuck protecting Thepumaman...??

If you want more Troxartas in your life, you can see the same guy playing pretty much the same character in Rifftrax's Wizards of the Lost Kingdom. I highly recommend it.

Holy crap this one was so cringy! I wouldn't be able to stand it without the riffing.

1:09:20 Lets gather around the Klingon and listen to his tales of glorious battles.

39:35 Alone in misty woods. The guy gave her rape eyes earlier. I really do feel scared here. Turn it off! TURN IT OFF!

28:38 You'd think they would just stop and laugh at him for that move. Poke him with a sword mockingly and call him "Stickhugger".

Tee minus 4 seconds till a emotion. 3... 2...

Sorry, but the "She was Ore-Ida" line near the end just sent me into a laughing fit....

Mike chuckles in this episode more than any other I can think of.

I'm thinking i've found the smuggest leading man in MST3K history.

"Potatoes are what WE eat"
Where's Trumpy when you need him?

As a general rule, don't include the word "stalker" in your hero's name :-p

So I decided to try some of that smooth “Deathstalker” game at my local pub. I came in with fake English accent which I quickly dropped; told my attractive server girl I DID NOT kill her twin sister, constantly referred to myself as a HERO, ordered a baked potato, potato skins, French fries, tater tots, and a baked potato, challenged a balding guy to several lame sword fights, and NOTHING; no hot virgin fell in love with me, no BDSM play with a sexy nympho, no one wanted to join me in a vague revolution, although when I left I distinctly heard cheering behind me. Oh well, guess I will just go back to my old “Mitchell” moves.

I heard that Deathstalker was originally known as Crap-talker by his friends, mostly Nesisus, but he had it changed after a shameful incident in the shower after gym class and moved to a new school district. Also who did the voice over work for the bird ??? Must've been the guy/gal from Eehga that said "Watch out for snakes".

Somewhere in my fever dreams a Nicias and Merlin fanfic is bubbling

The soundtrack sounded like the RuneScape music from like 2004

Sheesh, I didn't think John Nelson was al that bad in Killer Klowns From Outer Space. I wonder if the director's coaching to him was "Now your character's motivation is to be as big a douche as he possibly can."

This deserves more than 240 laughs.

I never thought anything could make Deathstalker II look well thought out. Remind me to never think again.

I've seen a lot of half baked stupid ass movies in my time but this movie,as mike said "is one the most ambitiously bad movies we've ever done." I guess when u make up a fake Middle Ages-like fantasy world u can just skip any sort of time continuity like zippers or hairstyles or manners of speaking...

I can't get over the medieval Casio music, it just cracks me up. What is the deal with this movie, every time they get the story moving it will cut to a scene of something already in progress and as soon as I can start to follow that story line it cuts to something else. What did this movie look like before editing? Did they cut every scene that explained the plot?

I gotta say... these are some of the WORST swordsmen I have ever seen. They are swinging so damn slow, I could beat each in about 3 seconds (I lettered in fencing in college). They really need 2 things. A little experience with real fighting. And a MUCH BETTER fight choreographer... who actually knows how to fight with a sword.

Why does a guy named "deathstalker" look like a twink?

Pearl has a man-cold.

So that's Alan Moore at 8:30, right?

Is that the prophecy theme from Dune 35 minutes in?!

Among the most "ambitiously bad" parts of this film has to be the soundtrack. Absolutely horrendous.

My sister got ahold of this, my favorite episode, un-MST'ed. SO MANY BOOBIES were cut from this. I did a write-up a few years ago on every boobie scene that was cut from this ridiculous movie, if you don't mind me linking to an offsite blog: http://mst3k.livejournal.com/1360066.html (worksafe despite the topic!)

The look that crazy potato mom gives Deathstalker when he talks about eating a rabbit is pretty much the same look vegans give you if you mention eating steak.

So, question... why are the guys always so down on ren-fests? Nerd in-fighting makes me a sad panda....

Wait, so someone help me out here. The third stone, which Troxarus needs to become omnipotent and immortal..... has just been sitting on some table in his house for, like, years?

I love a villain who, in the big climactic fight scene, uses his two swords—what we are to believe are two weapons of hardened steel designed for stabbing—to pick up a piece of lacy fabric and gently lay it over his prone enemy (while wearing a boat neck blouse). (~1:19:30)

As someone named Steve, I just LOVE the way they call people Steve in many of the movies they riff, this being one of them.

So, after repeated watchings, I'm starting to think that John Allen Relson (aka Deathstalker) may be the most under-appreciated actor of the 20th century. Now, hear me out: anyone can be unlikeable on occasion, or even usually, but to be so consistently, flawlessly douche-y . . . I mean, my God, it's like a work of genius.

I think a better name for this film would have been "Death Stalker III: The Warlock, His Lost Rock Collection, and His Mixed up Zombie Friends"

My god after the first 50 "clayton"s I wanted to choke her...

"I should be playing canasta with Saruman!"

Another reason to hate the "Deathstalker" franchise: 3 of the 4 movies (this one not included) were executive produced by Roger Corman!

I loved this episode! One of the funniest. "We're Bats!" and the deep voiced, "Squeak, Squeak..." We were laughing so hard at Batman and his men! :D

Very likely my favorite episode of all time. And this from a Misty who used to tape these off of Comedy Central back in the 90s and watch 'em after school.

By the by, if you ever have a chance to watch the pilot episode of Quantum Leap, I think you'll find that our simple 'hero' here plays the part of a pilot on an air force base in that show. Pretty sure it's him. I'd know that smirk anywhere.

Deathstalker versus Ator taking all bets!

This guy becomes so amazingly likeable once you've seen the first Deathstalker movie. It's unbelievable.

Now let's see how long these accents last....

OH MY GOODNESS!!!!! Look at the scene where Deathstalker hides in the tent and uses a stick to make the princess think that he has a knife in her back. If you look at the two guards for the princess, ONE OF THEM IS THE AZTEC GUY FROM PUMAMAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! :D My life is now complete.

Can anyone who has seen the other movies tell me if every woman unfortunate to cross paths with the title character and interact dies?

Or is it just this actor? I can just picture during the filming the actresses approaching the director saying "Look- Can you just kill me off?"

I have no idea what a meatsa-treatsa-rati is, but the opening host segment makes me REALLY wanna try one....

one of my favorite episodes! i love when these guys riff renaissance/pseudo historically accurate "movies" (i.e. quest of the delta knights, another favorite of mine). in itself, the movie alone is very entertaining. the baldo old man prince who's revered by all the women as being wickedly handsome; the completely ineffectual wizard/wandering goat visitor; the grunge-box eagle meowing valiantly across the ren-fest fair grounds sky... mike and the bots just murder this film <3

Listening to it again, I'm pretty sure Deathstalker's accent disappeared before he finished his first line.

I know plot-holes are usually beneath mention but:

Did anyone else notice that one THIRD of the stone was powerful enough to RESURRECT THE DEAD (with remarkably few side-effects) and yet Deathstalker still let them barbecue the chick who died saving him?

What the HELL man?

Tarl Cabot would make this loser his bitch.

there are 4 of these movies??

"Could you at least find the strength to sweep the garage?"

I wonder why the high school theater they used to shoot half the movie wasn't included in the credits?

"DUH HUH, KILL DUH"

summoning my inner Captain Kirk:
"WHAT isssssss.....THIS!?"

i love VHS-to-DVD-to-DIGITAL transfers

Got to get back inside the castle, I need more hot metal on my groin.

Love should be secret and shameful and leathery and dirty

I just looked it up. That guard actually IS Miguel Fuentes from The Pumaman.

There's one moment in this movie that actually strikes me as having some genuine emotion. When the potato woman gets killed, he says, "My life wasn't worth yours." and if there had been that much sincerity in the rest of the movie, it wouldn't have been half as bad.

28:08 "You are the Puma Man."

Just noticed that Crow's cashier name tag says "Mary-Jo" and Tom's says "Paul."

Trucks Artist looks like kind of a low-rent Rudolph Valentino

This movie has the same soundtrack as Final Fantasy Mystic Quest.

Am I hearing this right? The kid's name is Amatron?

Is it just me or does that bird sound a lot like the alien whale noises from Startrek IV?

This movie riff on itself... "Maybe theres another treasure city waiting for me out there" Wizard: " There isn't"

Hard to believe the original Deathstalker spawned one sequel let along this third one. I wrote better dialogue in the 4th grade!

I had to sneak off to YouTube to watch this properly. Without the host segments, well... it was like RenFest without a dead camel to pet, if you get my (throbbing gondola's) drift.

I hope Deathstalker finds death really quickly...his own death that is! :)

Is it the same helmet that David Warner wore in "Quest of the Delta Knights"?

Potato-Perm-Chick sounds like the Wharwilf girl's long-lost sister.

This might be the highlight of the amazing, seminal season 7. This one has lights out riffs from beginning to end. It also doesn't help how earnest the filmmakers are ... I actually, kinda sorta like this movie.

I just noticed it, but the opening theme of the movie is actually James Horner's opening theme for "Battle Beyond the Stars". Then again, both "Battle Beyond the Stars" and the Deathstalker movies were made by Corman's company.

Full Episode- Link 1- MINUS HOST SEGMENTS?!?!?!
WTF?????

Wow, this episode really presented a ton of riffable opportunities for Mike and the bots. I was skeptical going in, but came out thinking this is a top shelf episode. May be a little underated.

27:10.... The guard on the left, MST3k #903 Puma Man ???

I wonder if that linebacker-style sword stance that Deathstalker favors has ever been used by anybody who lived to pass it on.

Holy shit, Pearl is annoying.

Did anybody see those guys attack the chickens. They’re lucky this isn’t Skyrim or they’d be hunted down like dogs for such an atrocity.

The wizard, the potato ladies, the first princess who gets killed... it is ASTONISHING how little these characters contribute to the plot. If they cut this movie to the bone, it could have served as a short to another movie.

Omg was the end skit really an homage to a scene from Hitchcock's Suspicion?? I didn't think I could love this show any better.

CLAAAAAYTOOON!

Are potatoes like Caesar salad? When you both have potatoe-breath, and you make out, does each ones breath cancel out the other? If not, that was the most disgusting mack-session ever!

At ~0:40:50, do my ears deceive me or did he really just say "I'm just a simple hero trying to eat his dinner." That's one of the worst lines I could imagine.

Man, I don't think I've actively cheered against a movie's hero before.

Full episode is down, looked it up and all I could find was it split into 10 parts on youtube :( I know its crappy like that but its the best we get for now

28:10, It IS....... That is Pew - mah Man

1:08:01 - looks like the undead guy in the foreground is rubbing his crotch.

Also, strategic perm-placement at 1:08:20

Oh God, the helmet with the floppy bat wings. Can't stop laughing.

Hilarious!

mst3k dont get better awesome episode

oh gawd, this is one of my favourite episodes EVER...I cry laughing every time.

the pink sultan/ninja/mink stole super villian ensemble is a straight classic... Truxartis is one bad mamajama... BEWARE.

1 of the best (in my well informed opinion)... "and you, you nut, GET OVER HERE!"

Been removed!