815 - Agent for H.A.R.M.
| Full Episode: | |
| Best of: | |
| Original Movie: |
Comments (95) Best Riffs (328)
Riffs you quote here will appear randomly in the 
above.
or
Mike, why are you choking the monkey?
Suck in the rib cage, poke out the butt, and let the girdle do its work.
"They're dredging him in flour and they're gonna' pan-fry him."
"Surrender or I'll shoot the garbage can."
"Early VCRs were not easy to program."
"Plus, you were crashin' around like a drunk elephant."
"This time I'm really gonna' see The Great Pumpkin."
"Yeah, well I'm still in therapy over that wire mom."
Can I borrow your ilver for the weekend?
She's thinking of England, France, the entire European Community...
Hirsute Astronauts Revile Massachusetts.
Well then... glasses down... button cardigan... and AWAYYYYYYYY!
It's Pee-Wee's grandfather, Winchester-Wee Herman.
It's Walt Disney and he's mad!
This is the room of a man whose niece's boob I just brushed.
... With Bob Marley, and Prince!
“And don’t rely on charm, you’ll get your head blown off!”...yeah, and quit going around and being a woman...
Well, drove to Mexico. Got a flat, headed back. All in all, a pretty successful mission.
Dear medical examiner, put my friend in the best pail money can buy. Well, looks like I'm running out of room. Best wishes, Adam 'H.A.R.M.' Chance
Ok, let's see...electrocute a guy...check...touch a breast...check. So far so good.
"Then you should know enough to get out of here while you can."
Before you fall into my sex trap.
White things, get your white things.
Man, so many people poured their ENTIRE WEEKEND into the making of this film.
"I would like to take care of the man from H.A.R.M." . . . I would / die for / him.
Hi. i'm Crow T. Robot and I'm here to tell you that Mike is innocent. Mike Nelson is 200% ****ing not guilty, and if you ******** don't find him innocent, then you ****ers can kiss my fat ****ing ***, and that goes for your ******** court system too. Mike, I'm so **********ing sorry that I couldn't ****ing be there for this ***ing *** bogus trial man, but let me g****** tell ya' somethin' Nelson, if I was there I'd ****ing kick everyone's fat stupid ***********ing behind and then cram it up their ****ing ***es. Anyway Mike, buddy I hope this **** helps. Take care, Mike.
"Apparently I haven't made myself clear enough!" - Therefore I will expound upon the basic premise at length!
They don't just pick up dry cleaning, they deliver, DA-DAA-DA-DAAAAA!
*knock on door*
Hmm, that could be any one of the other two characters.
There's bone marrow on the turtleneck, so there'll be no charge.
No, you're out of order! [points at judge] You're out of order! This court room is out of order! The candy machine by the men's room is out of order!
-Starring has-beens and never-wases.
-With Bob Marley and Prince!
Draw up the ribcage, stick out the butt and let the girdle do it's work.
Mr. Peepers, P.I.
Hello, I'm here to set up the A.V. projectors.
♪ ♭ "Volga Boatmen... Volga Boatmen..." ♭ ♪
"Y'get half off clams if you buy 'em before 9AM."
"My bedspread turns into an airplane and my panties are an anti-personnel device!"
"But you know I have clog dancing tonight!"
"Give me that Hundred you owe me or I'll break your darn kneecaps!"
"Starring Has-Beens and Never-Was-es."
"Ah, it's the Eastern Europe part of Southern California."
Better be careful running with a gun! Wouldn't want to put a lead pill in the family jewels!
-I am mighty elderly man!
-He's there was his Howard Sprague fan club meeting
"I hear you have been dying to meet me." Ooof that H.A.R.M.ed me....
"It is surprising how close we have become since she defected." - Actually, it's illegal.
Maybe they should've taken the Little Red Corvette!
It might be one of my associates that calls you, because my body was just scissored in half.
"Oh please! Come on, it's not called 'Old Scientist who sort of helped Agent for H.A.R.M.', okay?!
You still have another pocket, you're just differently pocketed...
Then go practice your skeet kendo and bring your akito rifle, too.
Better get into my judo bikini!
-- a DRINKING machine, if I can help it!
Oh, movie, you made a mistake! That arrow was supposed to go in his face!
Level 5 Smug Alert!
The combination of the spaz chop and the pocket wound was just too much for the old man...
Well, we're out of fumar, now what?
Stop, or I'll Agent From HARM you!
He maintains an appliance -- DAH DAH, DAH DAAAHHHHH!
I think a plot point just spilled all over us, there...
If Pepe LePew was a human, he'd be this guy.
On the way home I wanna pick up some CREEEAAAMMMM!
I gotta swing by the leather panty place!
Watch me open the hell out of this door!
This time I'm really gonna see the Great Pumpkin!
So, Mr. Metal Cabinet... we meet again!
Y'sure there's no Jim Beam in here?
DAAHHH DAH, DAH DAHHHHH -- oh, no, maybe not.
But... I made myself clear that I wouldn't leave, and stuff!
He made his own gravy!
By this time in a James Bond movie there'd have been ten helicopter explosions, eight ski chases...
I had no idea surfing would involve so much nudity!
Oh, by the way, we are going to be sexual partners, right?
Report
Thanks to Death Proof, now whenever I hear 6/8 surf guitar playing "dunk, dunk, dunk, dunk, dunk, dunk..." I see a pair of pedicured feet resting on a dashboard tapping to music. LOL
Report
New Cinema Edition of, "Agent for H.A.R.M." now playing...
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=YJl2ssksnsk
Report
Awesome episode which has in turn ruined MSTK for me because crows sillouette looks like its wanking mike off for the whole film and you cant unsee it. Purple rain
4 replies
Report
I once accidentally blew up a star. I have no idea how many planets were destroyed or how many life forms...
Do you guys think I might have to face this kind of trial some day?
And who should I get to be my defender/prosecutor?
1 reply
Report
That electric razor/tape recorder was awesome. It looked exactly like a regular 1960s electric razor. How did they do that?
3 replies
Report
i think this is one of the few episodes where I remember the host segments more than the movie.
2 replies
Report
At the very beginning this film started off like an episode of the X-Files...and then it failed.
1 reply
Report
Holy space chow! I had an urge for this episode on the way home,and here it is,the watch it together pick.Eerie.
5 replies
Report
I HATE those damn episodes of sci-fi shows when the characters are put on trial. It's in every damn show.
Report
**MST3K FAN EXCLUSIVE** 30 Year Anniversary NEW Fan Based Show Opening. This is a version NEVER seen on TV. I encourage you to watch it to the very end. 2:34, the real hardcore MSTIES should appreciate it. Do hope everyone will. What episode is the final clip from? ENJOY....
https://youtu.be/IDu4AgDp_bM
2 replies
Report
I love BOBO!
Report
My attention has always been on the "judo range" part of the ridiculous opening scene with Chance, but I just noticed what he said to the girl.
"You don't have to know karate, but if you want to be one of our operatives in the MIDDLE EAST, you have to expect the other side to use it."
Yes, those well-known Middle Eastern ninjas.
10 replies
Report
See yall later... i'm off to the kung-fu court.
Report
God I love this show.
8 replies
Report
So, I've though about it and I think super-douche from H.A.R.M is the second most detestable "suave and irresistible to women protagonist" of all these movies. (The first being Deathstalker, clearly.) Every time he nose kisses that baby-woman I cringe.
Report
Jim (Wendell Cory's character) looks like he could be the dad of the blond guitar player in the Horror At Party Beach's band - they have similar bony skull structures.
Report
Jeez, was that a pedal-powered airplane?
Report
@ 18:40 the Agent for Harm says, "Madam..." And Tom cuts in and says "I'm Adam!" Enjoy.... https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=iB-jLraSv3c
(A very simple palindrome.)
Report
If I remember correctly (i rarely do), this started a huge trend in Judo Ranges opening across the country. You rarely see them now-a-days.
Report
Featuring the finest middle aged, moderately fit secret agent the Burbank DMV has ever hired.
Report
lol the secretary's thumb lol
4 replies
Report
Great episode. Thepace of this one is in a coma. Plenty of time to laugh along with such perfect slow motion spy riffage. Lots of time to do Corvair spotting too. Sleepy at any speed!!
4 replies
Report
with his yellow cardigan, black pants, and silly posturing, Adam reminds me of Kirk
3 replies
Report
I really like this experiment only because of Crow's video deposition. I laugh every time. I'll even fast forward and watch only Crow. Too funny.
1 reply
Report
If any MST episode was a tribute to Prince, this one was it.
Report
I have determined that the best running riff is....
SUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUURRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRGE!
Report
@ 8:10... He does look like Shel Silverstein, doesn't he?
1 reply
Report
Wow so many goofy scenes in this movie. When the bad guys, posing as dry cleaners, actually pick up the dry cleaning! Then Prince is poking his head out the window like an 8 year old because he's "on the lookout". Then the good guy, hiding in the dry cleaning truck, comes up with a diabolical plan involving, wait for it..a COAT HANGER! Holy cow. How did he ever come up with that plan? Did an 8 year old write the screen play? Wait, there's more. Mixing up a batch of spore (a single drop will kill you). Don't contaminate the spores (as I smoke, flick the ashes in the spore mixture, then pick up a spoonful with my bare hands to look at it, then put it down and smoke a cigarette with the hands I just coated with spore. C'mon!
Report
All I got to say is that... This movie needed a lot more of Aliza Gur in it!!!!!
Report
Look at the scene at 42:32. Does that remind anyone else of the Deathmobile scene from Animal House?
1 reply
Report
Is it just me or did the mortician seem happy when he was revealing the dead henry manson, then inexplicably sad when he said he would perform the autopsy? I assumed that's what Mike meant by "I apologize for my odd performance".
2 replies
Report
So...yeah he reveals he knew Eva was working for the other side...but didn't do anything about it?
2 replies
Report
That guy looks like prince double.
1 reply
Report
1:20:00 Lupita, you believe!
Report
Kosleck was one of those anti-Nazi Germans who left Germany , only to be type cast as Nazis and other villains . He had a substantial career playing German or Eastern Europeans as in this film. One of those character actors who adds something of value even to B movies like this.
6 replies
Report
It bugs me that the guys keep referencing Germany but the villains seem to be Russian. And anyway, in the 60s, the bad guys were the Russians, not the Germans, so it only makes sense.
2 replies
Report
Human Aetiological Relations Machine: Inter-agency winner of the most tortured acronym for the fifth year running.
1 reply
Report
Its a good thing scientists are such good fighters!
Report
I watched this last night because it came up on the random episode selector (by providence)? and Prince related gags. RIP. I was laughing with you, not at you.
Report
Rest in peace Prince, you short, wonderful, purple man.
Report
I don't like your fashion business, mister, and I don't like those drugs that make you thin. I don't like what you did to my sister. First we take Manhattan....then we take Berlin.
RIP Leonard Cohen
1 reply
Report
so the judge calls him Michael J. Nelson. Does this mean the real Mike is on trial?
Report
Panties, panties, panties, panties. Panties... Panties.
Report
god, I swear some of my favorite riffs are the silliest...when the dork with the glasses walks to the door and Crow and Mike come in with "Mr. Peepers, P.I.!", "Yes I'm here to set up the a.v. projectors." and the one I will think of at the most random of times "Give me that hundred you owe me or I'll break your darn kneecaps!" I looooove it lmao
Report
that woman does like Lolita from Kubrik's film adaptation when he first meets her
2 replies
Report
This movie is soooo bad! Who was the target audience for this?
1 reply
Report
Wait, how long has Gypsy not been played by Jim Mallon?
Report
1:16:26 Polo!
Report
43:07 SPAHCK!
Report
14:29 I thought that's what bras are for.
2 replies
Report
I'd like to hear the uncensored version of Crow's deposition
Report
I'll see you all that the Judo range later.
Report
26:25---Alert John-Boy Walton---Yancy Tucker is on the wrong set.
Report
He really likes rice, they took that to the very end with him packing rice in last Ep.
Report
Heuristic Analog Rental Meat
isn't that dude in the beret El Guapo from The 3 Amigos??
Report
I love how when you load this page the YouTube screen is paused right on the Prince guy, clearly the star of this film
Report
Love the Prince riffs
1 reply
Report
The only thing missing was an H.L. Mencken amalgam in the trial, but Murphy (bobo) does an excellent Darrow
2 replies
Report
The best 2 character riffs are definitely Prince and Preppy Guy!
Report
Regarding the scene at 49:45 of the driver being choked with the coat hanger. He continues to drive, eventually choking to death, with no attempt to remove the thing that is choking him. Just drives. Until he dies. Talk about obedience.
Report
I will act as your impartial judge...though you disgust me beyond all measure.
Report
A pastel-clad agent for change
Met me out on the judo range.
A man-eating fungus
Rampages among us
And everything's boring, but strange.
Report
So this is what someone imagined when they were told Mr. Rogers once worked for the CIA?
Report
This is random, but I've begun putting on an episode of MST3K when I start exercising. That really emphasized the blandness of this episode for me; I could job half a mile on the treadmill between plot points.
While Mike and the bots over-do it a little bit with making fun of the pacing, the amount of padding in this episode is just awful. There are so many instances of just watching vehicles driving under the speed limit, and people walking across the room in order to do one thing, and then walking back across the room.
Report
A greatly underrated episode. This is one I didn't see in college, and only just discovered -- thanks to Club MST. :-)
Report
This one has some of the most LOL worthy riffs. The actual movie is not bizarre enough to stand up to Manos / Mitchel but the boys do wonders with what they were given.
1 reply
Report
wasn't he the badguy in one of the Naked Gun movies?
Report
Oooooooof course they don't show the plane crashing.
1 reply
Report
Wait, where did that body/carcass come from in the ocean @59:12? Why was she safe from the fungus? How did Prince cover that 1/4 mile to the water in less than 10 seconds? Where are the waves that Billy is always going out to surf on?
Report
looks like Petey the Plane made a cameo around 1:05:00 mark
3 replies
Report
The musical reference to Torgo's Theme at 17:23!
2 replies
Report
Did anyone notice Pearl has a TV's Frank curl?
Report
I think Crow's deposition in this episode might be my favorite bit from any MST3K.
Report
Amazing how nothing can be seen leaving the barrel of the gun, yet there it is... an instant mass of green stuff. Science!
1 reply
Report
If Michael Scott had the budget, this is the film he would make.
Report
Have you thought about what you would like to be extreme about?
Report
This episode doesn't get nearly enough love. The movie smells of a thousand butts, but it's expertly riffed, and the host segments are some of the best in the entire show. Definitely deserves a place among the lauded.
Report
I just about killed myself with Orange Crush when I heard, "Get ready to gift wrap a beautiful package."
2 replies
Report
Cripes! At least in a Bond movie you never have to wonder why he gets all the beautiful woman. This guy has all the sex appeal of a sweater wearing doorknob.
Report
I just HAD to re-watch this episode for the Prince jokes alone. Classic.
Report
Basmatti! Eeeeexxxtreeeeemeee!
1 reply
Report
Two things make this one of my faves of the SciFi era...the 60's metro- sexual turtlenecked Prince (come over here and let me work on that zipper) and Adam Chance's toothpaste grey streak.
Report
I would like to state that I (bleep)ing loved Crows (bleep bleep) deposition. It was (bleep bleep) honest and f(bleep) powerful that it made me (beep)ing proud to be a MSTie. And if you (bleep) didn't like the (bleeeeeeeeep) thing, you can stick your (bleep) opinion and (beepbleepbleepbleepbleep) so far it would take a surgeon to remove it!.... Back to you Servo
4 replies
Report
I read where this movie was actually a failed pilot for a TV series. Apparently they wanted a toned down and subdued “007” type of character aimed at a very senior audience. And had the series been picked up it would have been renamed either “Bland, James Bland” or “Barnaby Bond.”
2 replies
Report
This episode is so underappreciated. Hilarious and awesome host segments, excellent riffing, riotously retarded movie. THERMONUCLEAR PROTECTION, WOOOOOOOO!
Report
"We're gonna hear the word 'panties' used a lot in this trial..." LOL at the Anatomy of a Murder reference!
Report
LINK 2 much better sound quality
Report
Crow cusses the same way I used to when I was in middle school.
4 replies
Report
great riffs at the expense of Prince...or whatever his name is now...
Report
"Cardigan" will forever be a funny word to me because of this episode.
Report
The "Aim-ish" thing kills me! I live near a community of Amish Mennonites, so I kinda get it!
Report
Panties, panties, panties...
Report
@ 0:39:15- Crow's video deposition just makes my day. Hilarious. One of my favorite crow skits.
Report
That little pencil trick at 13:54 deserves a haikeeba or something... that was sick.
1 reply
Report
I wonder if I'm related to the doctor in this movie...