bwah da BAH DAH

"Pops, there's a man giving the squish squash to the old wind tube!"

Dear Mr. Coroner, please put my friend in the best pail money can buy...

Killed by gluten intolerance.

I'll just need an hour to figure out your metaphor.

He made his own gravy.

"I'm aware of that. I can handle it." - "I've got my cardigan."

"Your Dad's alcoholic golf buddy as Agent for h.a.rm."

I am Mighty Elderly Man!

"So Mr. Metal Cabinet, we meet again."

"My apologies for my odd performance."

Tired of embarrassing sneg? Use "Snegoff!"

Yeah the combination of the spaz- chop and the pocket wound was just too much for the old man.

They're out of fumar, now what do we do?

Action pants!

He's headed straight for the turkey barn!

He's there for his Howard Sprage fan club meeting!

I bought some fudge from you and it was sugary and tasteless!

We're out of fumar? Now what do we do?

Tired of annoying sneg? Use Snegoff!

Once you taste my schnitzel, I'm sure you will understand.

C'mon, movie! Just bite me!

Mike, why are you choking the monkey?

We put the altitude so our agents can adjust baking temperatures.

Thank you, won't you!

And quite goin' around bein' a woman!!

A door to door spat salesman

I didn't know section 8 built beach homes.

Level 5 smug alert!

Here's the wind up and there's the smarm!

Gotta dance!!!!

You'd better go back to the judo range.

Ow! We're being beat up by the music!

Voted 'Best Dressed Lab Tech'!

Was that your 'big thumbed' girlfriend!?

Yes, sir, we have the cardigan in ocher.

Just another manic Monday.

Suck in the rib cage, poke out the butt, and let the girdle do its work.

First rule for women - Do no H. A. R. M.

Well, my prostate seems okay.

Xanadu -- Stately home of Charles Foster Manson...

I'll prepare the autopsy room.
Why is he not in Gulag?

"They're dredging him in flour and they're gonna' pan-fry him."

"The Not-So-Super-Soaker."

"Surrender or I'll shoot the garbage can."

"My Fiestaware™ Collection!"

"Gingivitis!"

"Early VCRs were not easy to program."

"The Farm Bureau?"

"Plus, you were crashin' around like a drunk elephant."

"This time I'm really gonna' see The Great Pumpkin."

"Yeah, well I'm still in therapy over that wire mom."

Can I borrow your ilver for the weekend?

'Get ready to gift-wrap a beautiful package.'

Pops! There's a man giving the ol' 'squish squash' on the ol' wind tube.

You've studied Sporiphycalalalalology haven't you?

Zanadu, stately home of mister Charles Foster Mansion

Oh yeah, I think it's the brake pads.

Y'know, this movie CAN be used to induce vomiting...

She's thinking of England, France, the entire European Community...

He's definitely wearing a girdle.

He's there for his Howard Spraig fan club meeting

You'll have no worries with me ma'am...I'm officer Unic

Aaaa, there's bone marrow on the turtle neck, so they'll be 'No Charge'

It's PeeWee Herman's grandfather...Winchester Wee Herman

Starring... has-beens and never was's!

With our Reproductive Organs!!

Wendy and Lisa are coming over later is that ok?

Get ready to Gift Wrap a Beautiful Package.

You know... A woman can multi-task while their making Love.

Actually it's Illegal.

We have a family of 5.

YES!! AND YES!!

Gotta dance, gotta dance!

Ow! We're being beatin' up by the music.

David Lynch hair!

Gerd your Oswald. Hneh hneh hneh

Well, my prostate seems ok!

A little 'farmer's hankie' here...

Recorder music for young lovers...

Harry Caray's glasses!

Please shut up boy, I'm defending you here.

It's a nice resort, but they need more activities.

Meet me at the karate rink later.

I am mighty elderly man!

Hirsute Astronauts Revile Massachusetts.

Well then... glasses down... button cardigan... and AWAYYYYYYYY!

'Apologies for my odd performance...'

I think he's out of caps.

Forget it, Mike. You'll never be extreme.

Da da dah dahhhhhh.... they're driving.....

"Jim!"
"Gin? Where!"

It's Pee-Wee's grandfather, Winchester-Wee Herman.

I drink a lot. Why didn't I never made the Dewar's profiles.

I didn't realize Section VIII build beach homes.

"My cats cradle got out of control so I pinned it to the wall."

Hey I touched her boob you guys, I'm not a virgin anymore!

It's Walt Disney and he's mad!

Am I needed here? I'm kind of dying.

This is the room of a man whose niece's boob I just brushed.

It's like being chased by your anthropology professor.

I knew I should never have left that one location!

Outside Boston?

Can I play with your monkey?

"Action Pants !!"

... With Bob Marley, and Prince!

I miss the triangles already

Let’s see, snappy, something snappy, come on, uhh… Boy, you’ve got a lotta hangers, huh? No, god…

He's headed straight for the turkey barn!

He's actually doing something here.

So now the car turns into a plane?
No. Just driving.

“And don’t rely on charm, you’ll get your head blown off!”...yeah, and quit going around and being a woman...

We issue station wagons to ALL our secret agents...

We just opened another Kentucky Fried Chicken in San Diego!

"Madam," I'm Adam.

Oops, pacemaker's goin' off.

Can I borrow your liver for the weekend?

Killed by gluten intolerance.

He got that suit at Orville Redenbacher warehouse.

Filmed on location near a power switching station in Oklahoma.

Here's eye in your mud!

Take the knockwurst outta your ears 'n wake up!

Then I put my tongue in the outlet. That did the trick.

Not the tiny sausage gun, NO!

Enjoy our pointy credits...

Hopefully the man under me is Jerry Lewis.

Well, drove to Mexico. Got a flat, headed back. All in all, a pretty successful mission.

Heroin and fudge. What could it mean?

Well, I better start screwing up a new case.

He's in a prolonged state of suspended animation!
-Santa came down from Heaven and made him better!!

I didn't know section 8 built beach homes.

Does he have to die splayed all over that other guy?

"A traitorous Frenchman! Who would've thought?"

"Would you like a drink?"
So we're okay, then?

Mike, do you have Kevorkian's number?

Location scout says this is the only location.

I hate the outside...Screw you outside.

So the only thing he did in this movie was call the Vienna Archery competition?

Hmmmm...what should I almost wear today?

"SPORE!"
What is YOUR deal?

Dear medical examiner, put my friend in the best pail money can buy. Well, looks like I'm running out of room. Best wishes, Adam 'H.A.R.M.' Chance

Ok, let's see...electrocute a guy...check...touch a breast...check. So far so good.

"Then you should know enough to get out of here while you can."
Before you fall into my sex trap.

So H.A.R.M. stands for Hot And Ready Man.

Gerd your Oswald it's going to be a tough one.

Baby, you got to slow down.

White things, get your white things.

And the secret agent hangs back as the injured elderly scientist does EVERYTHING!

Gentleman! I implore you! No fumar!

Sploont.

You von't spaz chop Adam, vill you?

Zippo lighter at the ready.

Perhaps, much like Linus, I could wrap my cardigan around the tire.

Damn, that puts an ol crease in the westcot, doesn't it?

Oh mummery! Posh and bother!

Marvy, old chum!

Good as done, Ol' foot.

I think I wanna dance! ow!

Why don't you come on over here and let me work on that zipper!

Dad, Dad! I passed the bar.

You lucky trunks. Get ready to gift wrap a beautiful package.

Man, so many people poured their ENTIRE WEEKEND into the making of this film.

This movie can be used to induce vomiting.

You still have another pocket, you're just differently pocketed.

SPAZ CHOP!

Day 3 of my cardigan: my funk overwhelmed me.

Agent from Panelcraft.

Must I wager my nose that they'll be back?

Pretend to lock the door and go.

You forget I'll take my niece with me!

Now take it easy, angel. My cardigan's here.

"I would like to take care of the man from H.A.R.M." . . . I would / die for / him.

Titles by e.e. cummings and k.d. lang.

My David Lynch hair, no!

Hi. i'm Crow T. Robot and I'm here to tell you that Mike is innocent. Mike Nelson is 200% ****ing not guilty, and if you ******** don't find him innocent, then you ****ers can kiss my fat ****ing ***, and that goes for your ******** court system too. Mike, I'm so **********ing sorry that I couldn't ****ing be there for this ***ing *** bogus trial man, but let me g****** tell ya' somethin' Nelson, if I was there I'd ****ing kick everyone's fat stupid ***********ing behind and then cram it up their ****ing ***es. Anyway Mike, buddy I hope this **** helps. Take care, Mike.

"Adam...he's gone.." - I mean, he's there but he's dead.

"Apparently I haven't made myself clear enough!" - Therefore I will expound upon the basic premise at length!

ONE OF THOSE! ...things...

He maintains an appliance, DA-DAA-DA-DAAAAA!!

They don't just pick up dry cleaning, they deliver, DA-DAA-DA-DAAAAA!

Joining his niece for lunch, DA-DAA-DA-DAAAAAAA!

*knock on door*
Hmm, that could be any one of the other two characters.

There's bone marrow on the turtleneck, so there'll be no charge.

Power paunch.

We've learned that Italy is drop-kicking Sicily!

It was worth killing to find the perfect picnic spot.

No, you're out of order! [points at judge] You're out of order! This court room is out of order! The candy machine by the men's room is out of order!

I'd like to spend the night inside your sugar walls.

Is there a stud here...besides ME?

-Starring has-beens and never-wases.
-With Bob Marley and Prince!

I think it'll be Wednesday before I can get the suit back...no, no, maybe Thursday!
It might be one of my associates who calls you because my body was just scissored in half!

Drive while I do my grizzly bear impression!

Let me come over there and then we will resume our conversation.

Marc really worked his sneg off for this movie.

Ow! We're being beat up by the music!

Enjoy our pointy credits!

Testing, is this thing on?

He has to plug in his gun?

"Doctor! Knock it off, it's me Adam!", "I know.".

So he's really a serial killer sanctioned by the government?

Mike, do you have Kevorkian's number?
I have it on speed dial,so...appointment for three then?

You OK in there Henry? Need something to read?

Now, he's going to go over and lightly kiss his BOSS!

Santa came down from heaven and made him better!

Let's have a picnic on the judo range.

But I made myself clear that I wouldn't leave and stuff!

I want to spaz chop you so bad!

I'll just need an hour to figure out your metaphor

"Mike, you okay?" "Well, I'm on trial and stuff. . . "

Do it, baby woman!

My cardigan alerted me some time ago.

Now I'll be killed at a slightly different angle!

Clearly they want my Cardigan.

These people did not earn triangles, but they can try again next year!

These people did not earn triangles, but they can try again next year!

These people did not earn triangles but can try agin next year

I miss the triangles already.

The classic "made-you-look" ploy.

Can you give me a ride to Hawaii? Thanks.

EXTREME RICE!!!!

Inspector Gadget in... Marathon Man!

You might want to back up. The power of this Honda 60 is pretty overwhelming.

The only logical response to this movie: Pure, unbridled, HATE.

Well my cat's cradle got outta control so I pinned it to the wall.

Draw up the ribcage, stick out the butt and let the girdle do it's work.

Gotta dance! Gotta dance!

He's pirating free TV.

Mr. Peepers, P.I.
Hello, I'm here to set up the A.V. projectors.

I wonder if I can get my face painted here.

"Ow, my pet hamster was in there!"

(answers phone) "Vodka vacuum."

He has already leered at me.

It might be easier to just shoot the guy!

"I'm..." Impotent.

You must have forgotten my primal sexual attractiveness.

"They would've used night vision." Yeah, they would.

Ill go get the cot.

♪ ♭ "Volga Boatmen... Volga Boatmen..." ♭ ♪

"Ocean's Two."

"Y'get half off clams if you buy 'em before 9AM."

"My bedspread turns into an airplane and my panties are an anti-personnel device!"

"T.G.I.Friday's On The Beach!"

"But you know I have clog dancing tonight!"

"Give me that Hundred you owe me or I'll break your darn kneecaps!"

"Starring Has-Beens and Never-Was-es."

"Ah, it's the Eastern Europe part of Southern California."

I hate the outside. Screw you, outside!

Better be careful running with a gun! Wouldn't want to put a lead pill in the family jewels!

Its like being chased by your Anthropology professor!

So if I duck out of the way, the guns will kill each other.

My knees ratted on me?!?!?!?

She's just after his Social Security checks.

Is there a stud here...besides me?

There's drunks in my room? How'd they get in there?

My apologies for my odd performance.

-I am mighty elderly man!
-He's there was his Howard Sprague fan club meeting

Better go put on my funeral cardigan..

We're out of fumar. Now what do we do?

When in the world, please visit a location near you.

"I hear you have been dying to meet me." Ooof that H.A.R.M.ed me....

Stop! Or your propeller will grind me to hamburger!

Oh no, it's 11:22!

PBR me ASAP.

The traditional running of the Clouseaus.

"LEVEL 5 SMUG ALERT !! "

"Should have taken the LITTLE RED CORVETTE."

"It is surprising how close we have become since she defected." - Actually, it's illegal.

I found this, her hotline to Malko. I didn't tell the audience because I didn't think they needed to know.

Why the tension hook? Oh! They have mail going out!

Now for a giant olive oil pilsner.

Shut up already! DAMN!

"Are you coming, or am I swimming alone?"
"Yes and yes."

Hey, I touched her boob you guys! I'm not a virgin anymore!

"...apple pie and all that jazz." Hula hoops and dungarees.

Tired of embarrassing Sneg? Use Snegoff!

Five hours of staring at the window finally pays off.

Doctor, you realize I could have you sent back. I still have the receipt.

You left early this morning, what was that all about ?

"We were just saying goodbye" with our reproductive organs.

Maybe they should've taken the Little Red Corvette!

"There goes a man with a sexy niece."

"You've studied sporificalololology, haven't you?"

It's a mince-off.

"The judo range?"

"Damn you Shel Silverstein!"

Oh, I see you get the new Map Channel.

Case closed. And bar open.

First rule of women everywhere: First, do no H.A.R.M.

I didn't know section 8 made beach homes.

"I don't like shots. They're owie."

It might be one of my associates that calls you, because my body was just scissored in half.

Here's the wind up...and there's the smarm!

"Oh please! Come on, it's not called 'Old Scientist who sort of helped Agent for H.A.R.M.', okay?!

You still have another pocket, you're just differently pocketed...

I have a condition where I need sex every hour.

Action Pants!

Then go practice your skeet kendo and bring your akito rifle, too.
Better get into my judo bikini!

Headquarters sent me—they want you to go somewhere.

I have abandonment issues with this movie already...