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My alternative MST3K Lyrics

[In the not too distant Future
Next Sunday A.D.
There was a guy named Joel
Not too different from you or me

He worked at Gizmonic Institute
Just another face in a red jump-suit
He did a good job cleaning up the place
But his bosses didn’t like him so they shot him in the face.

“We’ll send him cheesy movies”
“The worst we can find”
“He’ll have to sit and watch them all”
“And we’ll monitor his mind”

Now keep in mind Joel Can’t control
Where the movies begin to end
Because he used the extra parts
To construct his robotic companions

Robot Roll Call

Cambit
Gypsum
Thomas P. Servovitch
Krowatau

If you’re wondering how he eats and breaths
And other scientific factoids
Just repeat to yourself it’s “just a show
I should really Just relaxulate”

For Mysterious Scientific Theatrical Production Twenty-Eight Hundred!]

This is what I sing aloud every time the show starts. (In appropriate seasons of course)

A big THANK YOU to whoever reposted The Black Scorpion and Hercules Against the Moon Men. The former is one of my faves and the latter is one of my sleep eps. I missed them while they were gone. So I'm a happy gal!

so... just found out there is a sequel to Killer Shrews

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=czmdmltBeX0

The STUDS and BABES of mst3k...

Mickey from the Screaming Skull - http://cdn5.celebgreat.com/pics/a8/9c/Alex-Nicol-3e701.jpg
Godo in Time of the Apes - http://www.monstershack.net/reviews/full/gfx/timeoftheapes/godo.jpg
Steve Benton in Attack of the Giant Leeches - http://www.briansdriveintheater.com/horror/kenclark/kenclark14.jpg OR http://2.bp.blogspot.com/_P_CuIJfQb-0/SeJIm4PCclI/AAAAAAAAABw/wf7GK2NLk4c/s400/leech2-revised.JPG

Question. I'm going to show my niece Fugitive Alien this weekend. Should I give any setup beforehand? Like, who is who in the cast, etc? I think the theme song covers it all well enough for a season 3 episode. Thoughts?

The REAL favorites Volume 19: Martial Arts Movies. While I enjoy these movies it's hard to call hardly any of them good. That said I'm going with the first Bloodsport, Jackie Chan's Drunken Master, and Tai-Chi Master. I'm also a huge fan of Tony Jaa strictly on the basis of athletic ability.

I was wondering if anybody had ever tried to caption any episodes for the hearing impaired? Would anyone like to experiment with an episode with me, I'm just curious. I guess you could get an episode and write .srt files for it?

If anyone is interested, Cinemark Theatres is running an ad for this (I build the ads for the theatre in my area):
RiffTrax Live: Starship Troopers * 8/15/2013 - 120 min

So I'm watching Experiment #524 - "12 to the Moon" and Crow's French and Swedish accents had me rolling on the floor, so I was thinking:
how's about we get a Crow foreign accents compilation going??

I found that's it's convenient to upload while playing an episode and falling asleep with a shutdown timer, so I'm just going to do a missing episode per night from now on and add the link in the morning. It really saps the HDD and bandwidth, so that tip might help other uploading folk.

I just uploaded 113 - The Black Scorpion, 624 - Samson Vs The Vampire Women, 905 - The Deadly Bees, 906 - The Space Children, which I know you were all DYING to see.

Now I know I watch too many bad movies... I was at an Italian restaurant with my wife and mom, and I ordered some Spicy Ravioli, and I couldn't stop laughing because the ravioli looked like the space ships in plan 9!
They just looked at me and gave me that "someone is very tired ands needs to go to bed" look... still laughing now by the way! lololol

OT - Excluding MST3K episodes, what movies would you say you have actually watched start to finish the most times?

For me it would be:

-'The Big Lebowski'
too many times to count, it's an obsession
-'Mad Max II The Road Warrior -
not in awhile but loved this movie as a kid
-'Sling Blade'' -
Don't even own it, but I've seen this at least a dozen times on cable and never tire of it.

*I also excluded movies my kid watched when he was a tyke, and if you have kids you probably know you how that goes. I may have seen all or parts of 'Toy Story' and 'Ice Age,' and others 50 or 60 times each.

Mom...?
http://www.engrish.com/wp-content/uploads//2013/06/my-nuts.jpg

So, we've all heard where a bunch of knuckleknobs are trying to remake Plan 9 From Outer Space, with no understanding of just what it was that made Plan 9 such a fun movie. They'll make something self-conscious and self-serious, with a bunch of flashy CGI effex, and it'll totally suck, but not in a good way, not in the way that the original Plan 9 sucked. As if we needed more evidence -- as if remakes of old TV shows, franchise movies, and movies based on '80s action figures wasn't enough -- here's proof positive that the American film industry is absolutely, completely out of ideas.

Still, let's have some recreational speculation fun. If it were you bankrolling this dung heap of a remake, who would you get to write, direct and act in it? Let's follow the Ed Wood model here, and get the worst actors we can find, with the rottenest sloppy-assed script we can slap together, helmed by the most inept ham-handed director we can rustle up. Right off the top of my head, here's mine:

I'll confess that I've not seen anything directed by M. Night Shamalamadingdong, but I've heard his stuff is box-office poison these days. So, I'm thinking either of him or, perhaps, Michael Bay, based on his experience in directing loud-assed, explosion-ridden stinkburgers based on '80s action figures.

As far as writers... well, I don't know of any writers by name, but I'm thinking of a collaboration between the clowns who wrote Sideways and Accidental Tourist.

Now, the actors. This part is comparitively easy, as Hollywood these days seems awash in movie stars who can't act their way out of a wet paper bag:

I'd go with Nicolas Cage as the airline pilot; his performance in Adaptations made me want to gouge my eyeballs out. Some consider him one of the greatest actors of his generation, in which case his generation is in big-assed trouble.

Perhaps Reese Witherspoon would be good as the airline pilot's wife. I saw about fifteen minutes of her in Sweet Home Alabama on cable, and maa-aaan, did she ever suck. Alternately, I'd go with Nicole Kidmon. I don't know why Hollywood keeps insisting that she's sexy. I think she looks like a friggin' redneck diner waitress. After seeing her in Moulin Rouge, I wanted to knee her in the groin, and snag on her, and give her a power sit-up.

Now, I've always hated Tom Cruise, even before he started pimping Scientology and jumping on sofas on TV. I saw him in Jerry MacGuire and his smug, dimpled smile just made me want to smack the sh!t out of him. So, of course, I think he'd be ideal as the alien saucer commander. It'd be sweet revenge to see him forced to deliver the line "Y'see? Y'see? Your stupid minds! Stupid! STUPID!" Hell, I'd pay ten bucks to see that.

Now, for the saucer commander's useless, easily-panicked female partner. I'm thinking of maybe Geena Davis. I saw her as the love interest in Accidental Tourist, playing a Manic Pixie Dream Girl (spit). Granted, that's the only picture I've seen her in; she could well be an entirely capable and talented actress, but I still hate her for playing a Manic Pixle Dream Girl.

Still thinking of who we can get to play the gruff police detective who takes over the case after Inspector Clay (Tor Johnson) is murdered by the zombies. I dunno... Morgan Freeman? He's somebody I'm tired of looking at, and would love to punish by casting him in an Ed Wood remake.

Now, the tough casting decisions:

Who can we get to play Tor Johnson's part? I was thinking of Ahnuld Schwarzenegger or Lou Ferrigno, but they're both getting kind of old. Perhaps there's another mush-mouthed wrestler or weightlifter out there somewhere...?

Then, there's the question of who's going to play Bela Lugosi's inexplicably bangin' hot wife whose funeral we see at the beginning of the picture. It was originally played by a woman who went by the stage name Vampyra, who was a local TV "horror host" in the L.A. area. I was originally thinking of Elvira, Mistress Of The Dark (also an L.A. local TV "horror host", famous in the '80s for Coors commercials), but she's gotten pretty old, too... Too bad Anna Nicole Smith is dead; she was smokin' hot, talentless and rock stupid -- in other words, ideal for the part.

Then, of course, who the hell can we find to fill Lugosi's shoes? I dunno... Keaneu Reeves? I saw him huffing and pouting and showing one expression all the way through Private Idaho, and detested him instantly. I hated Keaneu Reeves before it was cool.

Non MST-related post below!

I don't think I've ever started an OT thread yet, so here we go:

What's the most recent song you heard? I don't mean your favorite song, nor a song you like/dislike, but the most recent song you heard before reading this. I don't care if it was radio, iPod, elevator music, or someone whistling.

Mine: CCR - Bad Moon Rising.

Just found a new URL for Jungle Goddess:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=xeJYdvlBG3Q

Off-topic:

Do we have any experienced Geocachers here?

My wife has decided she loves the idea and did the five closest Caches today to get the feel of it.

Now don't get me wrong, I 100% understand the allure of it. It's totally cool. But it's not for me. I hate sunlight, outdoors, etc etc. I already feel itchy just having TOUCHED NATURE! I think I would have been way more into this when we lived in Europe.

That said, my wife really dug it and I'm cool with that. So I'm curious if any of you have advice on how to have the best geocaching experience/find good spots/make your own/best sites for it. For my wife the enthused, not for me the unenthused! I'm just the faithful tagalong.

Moar trivia please

Consarnit, ep 203, Jungle Goddess, is down due to account closure...

Once again I had serious trouble signing in to the site here. I tried about 50 times restarted my computer four times, and used two different browsers. The "Allow Access" button on the "Request for Permission" page is really, REALLY fighting me and I'm worried that sooner or later I won't be able to sign in at all. The "Allow Access" button just remains faded and non-functional most of the time and I have to get really lucky for it to come up properly. Does anybody have any ideas what's going on?

JLI's Favorites volume 19 (with guest writer Xterra): Sword-and-Sandal Epics. To clarify, I mean films that typically have a middle-eastern or southern European setting, ancient setting (typically in the BC period but can stretch into the early AD's), and heavy emphasis on battles, quests, and swordplay.

So, as the creator of the Club, I'm curious about how you all first found it. I want to know your personal journey to club-mst3k :)

There's a Plan 9 remake on the way, folks. Be afraid.
http://cinemassacre.com/2013/06/04/plan-9-remake-coming-soon/

So Leslie, you mentioned that you were going to introduce MST3k to your awesome niece, has that happened yet? Inquiring minds want to know : )

Hey, gang, check this out! Via the Manos HD remastering project blog, it's a newspaper clipping of an early review.

What's really ironic about the headline is that it's not that far off from a riff in Torgo's "death" scene: "They're 'rolfing' him to death!"

Let's hear it for Monster A-Go-Go reaching 100 votes!

Of course, there was/is no dignity for me or anyone else who loves this episode, but I think we should all be okay with that... ;)

My wife and I have actually thought about opening a mini golf course, and I got to thinking (which always scares my wife... and me), what would a MST themed golf course look like?
Any suggestions? :)

Question... why are some of the earlier black and white films so blue? Like literally, they're blue and white instead of black and white.

I'm almost shaking from excitement! Red Zone Cuba in my hands, complete with handwritten receipt and a "Thanks Seth". I know have all three Coleman Francis films, and to think I was going to watch Pod People tonight!
Did I mention how excited I am!!!

who would win in a battle of wits, Crow or Servo ?