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I liked both "Wizards", I feel like they're in the same vein as Final Sacrifice (and to a lesser extent, Gamera): Eager-but-inexperienced kid paired with apathetic dickweed fighting ridiculous antagonist- Crabby Crabhat.

Conspiracy theory time! This is not likely, but what if it is? When Frank is dead and comes back at the end of his death episode to give the bad boss speech, what if the writers slipped that in to be talking about Mallon? What if it was talking about Mallon and he had NO IDEA! Because Mallon is the reason Joel initially left and I heard that he made things much more difficult! Plus, he made that crappy flash animation of the bots! But, I digress. I think it could be a possibility? Or I could just be reading tooooo deep into the material that was just meant to be about Forrester. Thoughts?

Directed by Fred Olen Ray

The disclaimer reads "The chainsaws used in this motion picture are real and dangerous! They are handled here by seasoned professionals. The makers of this motion picture advise strongly against anyone attempting to perform these stunts at home. Especially if you are naked and about to engage in strenuous sex.
My conscience is clear."

Starring Gunnar Hansen (Texas Chainsaw massacre) and veteran B-movie scream queens Linnea Quigley and Michelle Bauer, this is one of those few schlocky comedy horror flicks that actually sort of works.

Jay Richardson plays the hero, in a sort of tongue-in-cheek film noir homage to the likes of Raymond Chandler, with plenty of sardonic voiceovers. He investigates a teenage runaway (Quigley) and encounters a cult of Egypt-worshipping chainsaw hookers. You absolutely cannot accuse this movie's title of lying about anything.

Oh yeah, and there's boobs. A lot of boobs and a lot of fake blood.

Funnier and far more intelligently self-aware than a lot of similar attempts at the gore'n'guffaws genre, this actually is a lot of fun.

Recommended.

The reboot is great! My only beef with it is that the selection of the movies was poor. Here is my rating:
1. Avalanche - MST3K at its best! A+
2. Reptilicus - Very good MST3K movie and great job by the crew. A
3. Carnival Magic - Great awful MST3K movie. A
4. Cry Wilderness - Horrible movie, great riffing! B+
5. Yongari - Bad, English-dubbed movie, reminiscent of the original Sandy Frank films! B
6. The Time Travelers - 60s farce sci-fi, riffs great! B
7. Starcrash - Abysmally bad movie, classic MST3k material! B
8 Beast of Hollow Mountain - boring movie, decent riffing, B-
9. The Loves of Hercules - Really terrible movie, lots of riff material, B-
10. At The Earth's Core - Joke of a movie, even good riffing can't save this one. C
11. Wizards of the Lost Kingdom - Stupid movie from start to finish, riffing ok. C
12. Wizards of the Lost Kingdom II - even worse movie, why did they choose this? Riffs ok, C-
13. The Land that Time Forgot - Really dumb movie, riff material was tough to come up with. C-
14. The Christmas That Almost Wasn't - Horrible, unwatchable movie. Riffing good but not enough to riff about in it. D+
So there are my ratings on the season! Kudos to everyone who made it possible, and Jonah was awesome, bots very good, as were Kinga and son of TV's Frank. I get a kick out of the Skeleton Crew, and loved all the tie-ins to the original MST3k. Here's hoping for a season 12 with some black and white old movies.
(Note: I posted this in another discussion but thought it should stand by itself!)

It's the day of the total solar eclipse and it passes right over my house! I don't think there are any MST3K references to solar eclipses, but I promise that I will not look at the Sun through the rings of Saturn. :D

91 years young...He was all about my favorite thing "Laughter".

The bad guy tells Ator he is not afraid of him but after seeing the hero make a flourish with his sword, he backs up, leans back and Tom speaks for him and say, "well maybe a little." I died a little inside.

This is the footage
posted on RT News
of a bunch of guys
who stole an ATM...

https://www.rt.com/usa/400326-forklift-used-steal-atm/

No agenda here, but I'm interested in knowing how you feel about your enjoyment of MST3K, Rifftrax, Cinematic Titanic? Is it a guilty pleasure, or do you openly talk about it? Just interested in opinions.

My wife thinks the eps are funny but won't watch them with me. We both have tinnitus. We both have Bluetooth earbuds. She says they hurt too much. Her IPad goes on with 600 lb. morbidly obese people, ER. Dr.s. with blood and guts and Quack Dr. shows. I have to move to the guest bedroom to listen to eps or relaxation music. Or wait till she leaves the house to go to the store. Ridiculous situation!

Hypno-Helio-Static-Stasis, now with X-4!

So...pretty damn good, but took a while to get going. The monitor problems didn't help with the short, and there were some duds in there. Not too many Bill flubs either. My favorite: "Did...did I miss my cue?"

I'm a little late, but I just wanted to register my approval of Jonah and the new season of MST3k. I've watched the first 6 episodes, and they're good. I like that they kept the spirit of the show, but weren't afraid to try new gimmicks. Good!

Aside from our fav bots, know any others you'd like to share?

To follow up Autopilot, what do you consider the most shocking riff? It could be anything -- something risque that slipped by the network, or perhaps humor that was fine in 1990 but offends 21st Century sensibilities. I think my choice would be (can't remember the episode -- maybe I Accuse My Parents) where a guy walks into the scene with a woman and Servo says "I brought the vag." It's close between that and "the three spooges" from Slime People.

In doing a little fun fact finding and research I came upon this:
It was released in “Hallucinogenic Hypnovision,” which meant that after a turning "hypnosis-inducing" spiral appeared on the screen, people wearing rubber masks of the movie’s characters would run down the aisles and try to scare the audience. All kidding aside I'll bet that was a lot of fun..Like from the movie 'The Tingler'..always wanted to see it with 'Percepto!' but then I guess if I had I'd be dead now ;o)

Just finished watching Star Trek Season 4 Ep 1 (the continuation of Season 3 Ep.26) where Jean Luc Picard is now BORG...and the solution is not the realistic admonition of 'Shields Up!', or Phasers to Stun', or 'Watch Out for Snakes'...BUT to put the Borg to SLEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEP!
Cosmic Snickerage caused by my loving addiction to this wonderful perv-universe of our folks stuck in orbit. We MUST admit our collective loveliness.
♪ ♫ In a not-too-distant future, next Sunday A.D. ♪♫ SLEEEEEEEEEEP!

What is your single favorite riff in all of MST3k?

I've written up my full summaries of the three books and posted them in my profile if anyone wants to be spoiled for the original stories. If no one wants to read them, that's fine, too. I mostly did it because I had the time and I liked the books. :)

One interesting side note regarding the names.

In Fugitive Alien, it's Valna. In the books it's Varna. One of the Starwolves (hardly the main guy but the name is similar.), is Harkann. The main bad guy in FA is Halkann. In the first book, Yorolin is from the planet Vhol. They say Vaholi in FA. They kept some of the names the same, but others are just slightly different and I wonder why.

OK so what's your pick? Mine are 1.The Terror w/Jack Nicholson 2. Cape Canaveral Monsters. Both guaranteed to induce sleep after a whole lot of squirming.

Sorceress (1982)

Roger Corman in fine form, with a movie that contains approximately zero sorceresses. Plenty of male sorcerers, who don't look to me like sorceresses wearing fake beards, but I could be wrong...

However, it does feature the Harris twins, who had recently appeared as Playboy centerfolds. So we have frequent boobs. Unlike another contemporary sword'n'sorcery flick, 'Barbarians', whose starring twins were Peter and David Paul, the celluloid equivalent of Cheez Whiz... although I must say they have bigger chests than the Harris girls.

One of the heroes has a full-on Marjoe Gortner bubble perm (in mediaeval times), so he instantly cranks the trash-o-meter up several notches. There's a ginger Viking, much given to exclamations of "by the something of something!" Oh, and a satyr, who communicates in bleats and likes to spy on the twins (and their oft-exposed "twins").

But here's the twist; the gals have been brought up without realising that they are female, an don't understand there's a difference betwee the sexes. Cue a scene where they unleash the bewbs and say "What, these? Oh, we never really thought much about them." Oh, and they are also magically linked, so they experience the same things... cue a sex scene with one, while the other embarrasses herself in front of her fellow heroes, due to sympathetic orgasms.

Buckles are swashed, horses are galloped in random directions, breasts are exposed, bad exposition is, er, exposed. Repeat the above sequence 'til you've hit feature length. Oh, and Chewbacca's family seem to have been block-booked for mook duties.

Good guys'n'gals win, bad guys bite the dust, the end.

So, a thoroughly Cormanesque boobsploitation flick. And why not?

Frankenstein Island (1981)

Jerry Warren, the writer/director of 'The Wild World of Batwoman', took a long break after that 1966 movie, only returning to filming 15 years later, with 'Frankenstein Island'. Whatever he was doing in the interim, it certainly wasn't Film Studies.

Several of the cast are varyingly familiar names from 'Mystery Science Theater 3000' episodes like Batwoman, Space Mutiny, Red Zone Cuba and The Giant Spider Invasion.

However, John Carradine only appears as a disembodied head, delivering dialogue that may actually be from a completely different movie. Fellow B-Movie stalwart Cameron Mitchell appears to be channelling Edgar Allen Poe, in a performance that seems mostly a work of drunken improvisation, much like the plot.

Okay, the plot... erm... uh... well, it barely exists. Hot air balloonists, alien Amazons, zombies, a henchman who laughs before delivering every line, kung fu zombies, Sheila Frankenstein, Professor Van Helsing, telepathy-induced forearm spasms, a vegetable patch, vampire zombies, vampire Amazon aliens, plus dialogue that sounds like it was written by a species that only communicates non-verbally.

The titular monster does turn up... eventually. Over 70 minutes into the movie, in fact. He doesn't really do much, though, even in the final fight scene.

That scene sums up the movie, apart from the fact that there's some action in it. And here it is - five minutes and 10 seconds of "what the actual freshly-squeezed hell am I watching?"

https://youtu.be/BFKwtUw2o4g

It's from 'at your fingerprints-grasses'..."This is one lawnmower away from being a Snuff film" Pretty much everyone had a good laugh from it.

I know you've all been waiting with bated breath for my review of the Starwolf series by Edmond Hamilton. For those unaware, Fugitive Alien and Fugitive Alien 2 come from a Japanese TV series which was based on a trilogy written by an American scifi author in the 60s.

The short version is that I loved the books. They're only about 150 pages a piece and there's no important societal message being given. It's just a good story with an interesting couple of characters.

I'm not going to spoil the story here in case anyone wants to read the books, but I'll put a full review in my profile posts. That way I can be long-winded, too. :)

Long version below:

First, to recap the background that is different from the movies. Humans did not evolve on Earth. They are the remnants of a much older species who populated most of the galaxy eons before and the different planets all have different humanoid inhabitants based on evolutionary pressures. Earth is the oldest civilization and they are mostly Mercs (mercenaries) who have a strict code of honor and try not to use lethal force unless absolutely necessary. Varna is a planet of thieves. It is a heavy-gravity planet and they use that to help them in their raids because every other planet's gravity feels like nothing to them. They got star-faring technology from Earth and then turned right around and used it for plunder. The Varnans have thin, golden fur and Chane (Ken) has always stood out as a human because of his dark hair and eyes. His parents were missionaries to Varna and died under the pressure of the heavy gravity, but Chane, who was born there, managed to survive and grew up in it, giving him the same abilities as any Varnan. Dilullo (Capt. Joe) had a family who died in a house fire, not a Varna raid.

Starwolf #1: The Weapon from Beyond -- In this one, we meet the two main characters: Morgan Chane (which would be Starwolf Ken) and John Dilullo (Capt. Joe). The story opens with Chane on the run from the Starwolves because he killed a fellow Starwolf (Ssander) after a raid (NOT on Earth) and Ssander had tried to steal some of Chane's loot. Ssander tried to kill Chane and injured him, but Chane killed him in return. He went on the run and blew up his own ship in order to destroy evidence that he was a Starwolf. He's found by Dilullo who almost immediately figures out what he is. The events of Fugitive Alien and the first half of Fugitive Alien 2 are mostly contained in this book, although there are obviously a lot of changes.

Starwolf #2: The Closed Worlds -- It starts out on Earth. Chane is wandering around, bored, and Dilullo tells him that he'd better not get in any trouble or his secret will be told (YOU'RE STUCK HERE! is not spoken, but the threat is there). So he travels to Wales, where his parents had grown up before traveling to Varna and meets some of his parents friends and then makes some Welsh pals there until Dilullo calls him back to go on another mission. This one is to find a rich merchant's lost brother who went to the so-called Closed Worlds to find some major secret. Chane does meet a girl in this one, her name is Vreya.

Starwolf #3: The World of the Starwolves -- Dilullo has tried to retire but Chane (who is bored again and doesn't have a real Merc mission going) lures him out of his hopeless retirement to go to a mysterious planet to retrieve some stolen jewels called the Singing Suns. The mission turns into a disaster and Chane decides to risk death by returning to Varna in order to recoup their losses and get some tasty revenge. In this one, we meet Graal, a Varnan woman who teases Chane but doesn't despise him completely. She plays a very minor role.

I'll write longer summaries of the stories and post them on my profile, but it might not be until tomorrow. Suffice it to say that I loved this series and I'm so glad that I bought it. Hooray for Fugitive Alien and MST3K for introducing me to these books!

Thank you for being such good sports. My next one will be truly EVIL, but a nice kind of evil....mwahahaha

Cry Wilderness: Rock Climbing in wide-screen Technicolor is still Rock Climbing. Provides 100% of the recommended daily requirement of smarm.

I'm about half-way thru the MST3K Reunion Vid and I think I've found a new favorite short. It's not for the faint of heart...'Shake Hands with Danger'..First off the music to it is awesome..guy singing is sorta' Johnny Cashesque..great cast with the likes of Two-Finger Joe and then there's the guy this riff goes with..Wow! "Shaking hands with Dan(ger)...He's putting his hand right up Danger's Ass"

OK, now back to the show..Joel & Jonah are about to riff with Mike, Kevin, and Bill :o)

Reading up some on Coleman Francis. Among films in which he had an uncredited part? "This Island Earth."
(OK, back to source to figure out *this* one...)

https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Coleman_Francis

Love Kevin Murphy's quote there.
You can just hear him delivering those lines, too.

hey guys, i'm trippin. this started as a comment on the current wit ep., 'the sword and the dragon', and its, uh, unique nature, has motivated me to share it with all you guys.
ok, so, i'm watchin the dorks shootin arrows in the tugar city. right? and, i look on the 40 ft hi wall in the background, and i can't believe what i'm seein... a 30 ft relief of the female reproductive system, with spermatozoa in attendance. kinda explains all the dickhead totems about. am i wrong? my buddy in the comment section will tell ya where to look. Love and Light

Which MST movies would leave you the most soul-crushingly depressed, if not for the riffing?