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I finally got one. It looks like Rowsdower but it is really me. There was a year of my life when I was his spitting image. Always getting stopped at restaurants and having to sign autographs sucked. Glad it lasted only one year.
Join me, won't you?
For my drama club, we have a monologue/scene show. We don't do a fall play. However, I decided that a monologue/scene that would be good was "Crow on Women," from Hobgoblins. I changed it up just a little and it sort of gets personal in the end. It gets serious in the end, where it is symbolic for stating a good woman is actually hard to find. I will post the revisions underneath here. Tell me what you think. (Also, it wouldn't let me center things. All of my formatting left when putting it in this box. Please don't kill me for no centering or anything):
Originally performed by Bill Corbett playing Crow T. Robot in Mystery Science Theatre 3000 from the episode, “Hobgoblins.” It was showing how horridly the movie was treating women as sexual objects, however, is also a comedic moment.
Reworked by: Harley
(This scene does count as a monologue, however it has been expanded for further use.)
SPEAKER: Okay, wish me luck! Seeing how today’s society and media treat women like sexual objects, I thought it was time to make a speech for boys and young men on how to treat the fairer sex with a proper and true respect.
*SPEAKER walks out in front of the audience. If a podium is available, it is recommended to be used.*
SPEAKER: Ah, women! Women, women, women, women, women, women, women! For you young fellows, fresh on the cusp of a blooming man-hood, the questions are bound! What do women like? What do women want? How should I treat a woman? Perhaps, however, one of the thorniest questions for any young man is: How do I find a woman in the first place?! It turns out to be….NEARLY IMPOSSIBLE! Many reporters have spent many long months searching for women in the Pennsylvania Boarding School for boys, but to no avail…
*MALE #1 walks onstage with a piece of bread. SPEAKER points to him*
SPEAKER: During a tense steak out, the closest we found to a woman is this fellow, who experts believe is not a woman.
*MALE #1 walks off-stage*
SPEAKER: So, we begin to wonder: where ARE all the women? The overheated references in poetry, the images that dominate our media, is it all…*pauses for dramatic effect* AN ELABORATE FRAUD?
*SPEAKER pulls out a photo from a binder and holds it up for the audience*
SPEAKER: This grainy photograph is the only direct evidence we have of a woman in her natural environment. Note the longer hair, the gentle and nurturing demeanor, are typical of what a witness describes their supposed encounters with women.
*SPEAKER pulls out another photo*
SPEAKER: This footprint, while possibly the work of jokesters, is another piece of the puzzle. Now, I’m going to have someone who actually had an encounter with a woman come out on stage. Please welcome Chad, as he tells his terrifying story.
*CHAD comes out onstage*
Chad: Well, this woman, well I think it was a woman, she…MARRIED ME!
SPEAKER: Did you have any children? Did you have a family? Did you meet her family? WHAT HAPPENED TO THIS WOMAN?!
CHAD: I DON’T REMEMBER!
SPEAKER: Alright! Let’s give a big hand to Chad, everybody!
*Chad walks offstage*
SPEAKER: Someday, perhaps, an actual woman will emerge! And they will no longer live in the depths of mystery! Thank you…OH YEAH! And also, if you see a woman, please treat her with respect and stuff. That’s a very important part.
*SPEAKER walks away from the podium*
*Male #2, who is planted in the audience, stands up and starts his lines as he goes up the steps onto the stage*
MALE #2: This is horrible! I took time out of my day to come see this, but you didn’t make any sense! You didn’t drive the point home! What is wrong with you?!
SPEAKER: You obviously don’t understand the point I’m trying to make….
MALE #2: I DO understand! You are a complete moron! I’ll tell you, listen to me on this one….
SPEAKER: NO YOU LISTEN! YOU ARE NOT GETTING THE POINT!
*MALE #2’s jaw drops, as he stands there, wide-eyed at how the SPEAKER just spoke to him.*
SPEAKER: This is a symbolic speech! Sure, I do believe in treating women with respect as much as the next guy, but this means more than just that! Me, being one of the strangest kids in my class, I don’t get a lot of women! Most of them make fun of me! And you’ve gotta understand that now-a-days a good woman is nearly impossible to find! Look, man *looks like he’s about to cry* I really would enjoy arguing with you all day today, but I really…*SPEAKER glances back and forth as he tears up* I need to go!
*SPEAKER runs offstage*
MALE #2: It is kinda true that a good female is hard to find….I hope he finds one….
*MALE #2 walks offstage, sighing*
END OF SCENE
I have nowhere else to post this and I feel I must share.
Recently two men I never met but who have enriched my life died.
In 1993 a band called Greta released an album called "No Biting".
The songs, the themes, the occasional dark humor, it really resonated with me. Two songs especially, being about our wanton destruction of our own habitat, struck a chord with me and were relevant to a storm I was enduring at the time.
Despite being a really really great album it did not do well.
I decided in mid-August of this year that I would contact lead singer/songwriter Paul Plagens and let him know that his music still touched people after all these years, even if he didn't go on to light the rock world on fire. Paul had a unique voice and approach and always seemed like he'd be an interesting guy to have a thought with.
So I looked for his contact information before stumbling across a couple pages others had written about him recently.
For, you see, he had just died the week before.
Some of you know about my neurological ailment. It mimics MS and Parkinsons and comes and goes. It was brought about by a drug used to treat arthritis and many other ailments, a huge seller of a family called "biologics" and, specifically, is a TNF Inhibitor. So, yeah, I was a crippled guy that had his best remaining feature fucked up by a drug that was supposed to help him (and it was very successful against my RA).
This neurological dysfunction manifests by interfering with my cogency, afflicting me with cognitive issues, aphasia and confusion. When this happens I tend to get esily confused and overly sensitive. When my crippling pain kicks in on top of it I get stupid, depressed AND pissed.
WHY SHARE ALL THAT???
Because, like many similar ailments to the brain, it helps if one exercises the organ regularly to hold onto what faculties you can either possess at the time or hope to maintain over the years.
Puzzles are such diversions to keep the brain firing on as many neurons as possible.
Crossword puzzles are great. Even greater is when you have a master puzzler, someone capable of crafting a crossword that contains esoteric clues, themes, plays on words, homophone riddles, anagrams.
That's why weekly I have made sure to focus on the clever ciphers of one Merl Reagle.
If you don't know him by name, well, boo! The man got to play himself on THE SIMPSONS.
That's right. That's how badass he was.
And he did other types of puzzles as well. The San Francisco Chronicle carried some on the backpage of their monthly SF Magazine. He regularly contributed to the newspapers Christmas Fun issue.
Merl Reagle, crossword titan, died on August 22nd. He was struck with acute pancreatitis and two days later he was gone.
Now, keep in mind he had a wife and family. Trust me, I'm not about to let it go unsaid to them how much their loved one meant to me, how I was touched by his work in a manner is so sneakily profound it doesn't announce itself until too late. Too late...
And then we come to the man I did meet...
I just realized how unfamiliar I am with comedy. Anybody know some good stuff? As a youth I watched quite a lot of Monty Python and Looney Tunes....and MST...and that's actually about it. I watched some of Joel's old standup (SEE OTHER VIDS SECTION) and thought it was very funny but I realized I had no basis for comparison-- I'm pretty sure that's the only standup I've ever seen.
Audio, TV, movies, heck, cartoons? I like wordplay and sight gags an awful lot. Not too big on overtly crass material (not big on Mel Brooks) or musicals. But any suggestion is welcome. I'm too serious. I could use some laughs.
I don't care what anybody says; Invasion Of The Neptune Men is one of their all-time best Japanese movie episodes. I am absolutely there, man.
I hadn't planned on posting about it at this point since I've only seen two of them, but I thought it might be nice to get something else on the main page, even as simple as this.
I've now seen East Meets Watts and The Alien Factor. Both of them were live, and I will admit that the live format is just a little more distracting, but still very funny.
The Alien Factor is an absolute classic. The riffing was very good and I was almost crying I was laughing so hard. East Meet Watts was still funny, but not nearly in the same category of hilarity.
So what should I go for next? I can watch some for free on Amazon Prime which is great. :)
I blorpped in the toilet last night. A LOT of dark blood.
Anyone else here getting together for some cheesy third-rate Eurospy action? Super Dragon is right up there among my all-time Joel-era faves, man.
"I may be a secret agent, but there are places even I won't look!"
--Crow T. Robot
Would Manos: The Hands Of Fate count as Weird Creepy Occult on the Genre sorting?
I'm gonna totally be there -- with a ham sandwich... because I can eat ham like you do.
So, if you guys have been following the soap opera of my life recently, (if you haven't, I don't blame you!), my boyfriend, Jerry, (who, I have been falling more and more in love with everyday, which is really surprising me... anyways...) is moving in with me.
Now we are in the discussions of what furniture he will bring from his house and what to put in storage... that sort of thing. Well, my decorating is very black leather. Also, I managed a chain of Halloween stores many years ago, so I have a lot of creepy scary stuff all around the house, skulls and other horrific adornments.
Jerry thinks I should put all of my creepy stuff into one room, out of the way and he will re-decorate the rest of the house... I said, "Bitch! Don't be movin' my shit!" and words to that effect. And then we had a Kung-fu fight and he won... so... all of my Halloween stuff is going into the Media Room with the movie theatre, which is probly a good idea...
And he is redesigning my kitchen... I find that unsettling... you know, you get used to a thing and then... well, it seems fair, I mean, he's the one that's gonna be spending the most time in there! You know, fixin' my damn dinner!
LOL!!! I really shouldn't be teasing him like that. He benches over 200 hundred pounds and I only weigh 160... he could literally lift me over his head and throw me into the weeds.
Which he's gone, actually, but in a FUN way... ok that was a bit much, sorry...
But, I am really happy! And that makes me goofier than usual, so I apologize in advance, to all you good people who patiently endure my goofiness!
In Secret Agent Super Dragon, there's a riff I've never understood. It sounds like it's meant to just be a surreal juxtaposition, but I'd like to know if it's more than that.
"Have you ever taken a bath in electricity?"
I once saw a bear eating a donut.
I just saw the WIT for tonight! MAN! I saw that show when it came on the TV that all you kids love these days... I had a little crush on Timothy Van Patten, I'm not gonna lie to ya...
The word "testament" as in "Old Testament", "New Testament" etc... comes from the root word "Testicle". Yes, that's right, in the Ancient World, men made oaths by, not covering their hearts, or raising their right hands, but by grabbing their balls.
Also, in much of the literature of the time, women were considered "shifty" because they could make no "testaments" because they didn't have... well...
And, that idea permeates even to this "modern" day... It's subtle, it's an undercurrent, but you women know what I am talking about, don't you?
Anyways, Equal pay for Equal Work!
(Frankly, I think women should be paid MORE than men, just for the hell they go through biologically, but that's just me... spouting off again, you know how I do...)
My friend texted me the other night to tell me MST3K was WTTW, a Chicago PBS station. Just a heads up, check your local listings!
RIP Wes Craven!
Horror legend Wes Craven has died at the age of 76 after battling brain cancer. Craven helped reinvent the horror genre at multiple points in his career. In the '70s, he was one of the core directors that helped bring exploitation and shock to the genre with "The Hills Have Eyes". In the '80s he brought blood back to mainstream horror with his classic "A Nightmare on Elm Street". And finally in the '90s he created the kind of meta-horror that's popular today, with his movies "Wes Craven's New Nightmare" and "Scream". He was a huge influence on many directors. We definitely lost a horror legend.
Two minutes to go, if anybody has to.
Join me, won't you?
I posted a new youtube link for both of these movies. I've missed titled them both so watch while the watching's good. :)
Hey all...just wanna share my favorite song with my favorite people.
Had to type the link out by hand cuz tablets sucks...or at least this one does. Hope I sent the right link. Should be a song called Get The Revvup. It's been my jam all summer. Cheerio
Do you guys know Dar Williams? She is a witch and I met her in one of my first covens back in the 90's. She is one of the most amazing poets I ever read, (and I am a POE fan!). She's a modern folk singer, even you oldsters can listen to this song. The images she paints with her words are just, magnificent, vibrant...
Anyways, the song is, "The End of the Summer" which is somewhat apropos, I think...
Another song she is somewhat famous for is "The Xristians and the Pagans" which is a xmas song but I will post it here, because it is a song about the spirit of unity between our two peoples:
OMG! Colossus vs. the Head Hunters!!!!!! My favourite! A big, dumb, half-naked guy, oiled down, loin clothed, in a very goofy movie, with great riffing... Oh Man!
But, tonight is a very important Full Moon Ceremony! Son of a bitch! Well, Mike and I had a lot of fun on that one a few months ago, (remember that, Mike?). Also, Dr. Despicable and I had much fun with that one...
Oh! BTW, he gives you all his love. I have spoken with him, almost every night... he is still having money problems and can't be online... but once he sells his mother's house, he should be liquid enough to get back. He is even planning a trip to NYC, where we have set a meeting place and I have promised him a limo tour of Manhattan, (he's never been to NYC before, so I am looking forward to meeting him...)
What were we talking about...?
Remember the aliens in Laserblast? Laughably designed, but well-animated (probably the best actors in the film). They were animated principally by Randy Cook. This fellow went on to work on Ghostbusters (which I've never seen), the new Lord of the Rings (which I saw parts of and didn't finish), Jurassic Park (which I saw a long time ago) The Thing (which I've seen and liked altho I believe Cook's animation did not make the final cut) and he also animated the wonderful Demon Lord in The Gate, one of my favorite 80's horror flicks; that creature is one of the coolest I can think of. His appearance is brief but I love the character it managed to have, and the "breathing" effect he had.
Hurrah for stop motion animation. If you've ever wondered why my name is Jason "ARGO" it is a nod to the great Harryhausen film. Those skeletons friggin' rule.
Steve Headed the Black is a very cool guy. I don't know if you guys know this but he sang the part of Jesus in "Jesus Christ Superstar", my favourite musical, (What?! It IS!!! It's not very pro-jesus, actually...), and that is a VERY difficult part to sing!
Most importantly, he posted a very insightful, very critical, but honest, posting on my wall about my recent drama... and his insight was welcome and truthful. In fact, I have found him to be a very wise and thoughtful man.
Also, very funny, and an excellent writer, I think we all know this about him!
A big shout out, and much love and respect for Steve!
Let's hear it, club members!
I have been very busy, with work and other things... but I thought I would impart upon you all this arachnophobic story that I came across three or four years ago, in a documentary about, anti-toxins.
I am an arachnophobe, extraordinaire, (which is difficult for me, because my religion forbids me to kill spiders as they are images of the Goddess... it's a thing...), when I saw this documentary I had nightmares for weeks, and occasionally still do.
Did you know that there are such things as black-widow farms? There are only two in the US of A, one in Pennsylvania, (too close!!!) and one somewhere on the west coast... (still, too close!!!).
These are homes, with families living in them, wherein the basements are home to, in row, upon row, of metal shelving, in little clear plastic drawers, tens of thousand, of black-widow spiders. These are milked by the families living there, for the venom, in order to make, black-widow anti-venin.
Apparently, this is good money, but you couldn't pay me enough to step INTO one of these houses, let alone sleep there.
The house in PA, (again, FAR too close to me!!!!), as of three or four years ago, had a family of four living in it. The teenage boy and girl also participated in the milking of the spiders. It takes upwards of 4-5000 spiders to make an ounce of venom and they handle them like it is just another job of work...
The basement is sectioned off into a breeder area, and the milking area and even describing this is making my skin crawl...
Anyways, I leave you with the Alice Cooper song, "The Black-Widow"
(This includes the super cool Vincent Price intro! Enjoy!)
LOVE YOU ALL!
Classic season 4 eps might be my new regular Saturday night thing. After last week's Merritt Stone conundrum, tune in for tonight's WIT to see the following:
The Dark Timmy sketches - Joel nailing the Dad role, evil subplots during quality sketches, a great Robot Holocaust callback, and the best theater guest ever
Crow (or, as I suspect, Trace), getting genuinely belligerent at Cy Roth's antics
Sitting around, smoking cigarettes, and making analogies for sex
Hey Guys! Riff those Fire Maidens for me tonight. Sorry I'm gonna miss all that dancing. :)
I can remember seeing a BW movie that was riffed upon, I believe by Joel, in which these people run out of a house and get into a car, headlights on, that is in broad daylight and the riff is..."and they escape under the cover of daylight". I have never heard it any of the Episodes. So was I younger and hallucinating (lets not judge) or is it from something that is not posted on this site?
Thanks for humouring my ventilation rant, dear MSTie brothers and sisters!