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512 - Mitchell - about 2 years ago
1 laugh

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I love how the plot of the movie is kicked off by a guy shooting an unarmed home invader (oh no!), so while attempting to nail the guy for this heinous crime, our 'hero' cop goes on a shooting spree, which included shooting a guy running through a public park for basically no reason, gunning down a bunch of unarmed people chasing him down the street, and shooting a guy in the face with a rifle who, as far as Mitchell knew, was unarmed and got rid of his gun.


622 - Angels' Revenge - almost 2 years ago
4 laughs

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Phew! All it took was stealing an enormous cache of weapons and ammo, the illegal ownership of several highly restricted weapons such as an anti-tank weapon and stolen machine guns, kidnapping and torturing someone, sexually assaulting another person, ambushing and murdering a few dozen people on their own property, and committing several acts of terrorism, but we did it! We stopped our loser-ass children from smoking the devil's lettuce! Horray!


615 - Kitten with a Whip - about 2 years ago
2 laughs

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Jesus, was suburban life in the 50s this annoying? People just show up with a giant flower arrangement and force their way into your house, wander around freely, interrogate you about everything going on, and push and demand you engage with them. "I have a headache." "I know just the thing, three asprin! Now I'm going to go into your bathroom, dig through your medicine cabinet, and you'll take them and come with us to some stupid dinner right now!"


602 - Invasion USA - about 2 years ago
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At around the 36 minute mark, when the dogfight begins, watch the bots (namely Crow since he's the only one whose mouth we can see). It looks like they completely reedited in news riffs and dubbed it over. Crow's mouth keeps moving but he's not saying anything.


504 - Secret Agent Super Dragon - about 2 years ago
2 laughs

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I kept expecting a "Hello neighbor" riff when that Mr. Rogers music kept playing when he's out and about in Amsterdam.


511 - Gunslinger - about 2 years ago
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I added a link to a slightly higher quality version. One of these links is so poor you can't understand any of the movie dialogue.

That said, the print is in terrible condition so the new link isn't that much better.


508 - Operation Double 007 - about 2 years ago
2 laughs

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I don't think I've ever hated a movie as much as his one. The entire script reads like a shitty fanfic where the writer casts themselves as the hero.

First of all you have Neil, the greatest surgeon who ever lived, who on top of being a master of martial arts and being able to read lips better than HAL 9000, *literally has the power to kill people with his mind.* No really he literally has super powers. His hypnosis tricks are probably the worst deus ex machina I've ever seen. And let's face it, he hypontized that woman in her bedroom way too quickly for that to have been the first time he's done that.

No matter how dangerous and complicated this international incident becomes, for some reason MI6 just keeps letting this dumb, untrained, unpaid doctor cavort around on the front lines because his brother is James Bond (though they never say it).

Somehow they figure something out about blind people making rugs, so what does he do? He literally just walks up with a robe on and gets in line and they let him in. He knew exactly where to go and... in you go. And the only thing between the rug factory and the sinister evil place where they're assembling the device is a unlocked glass door that says 'radiation area'. Yeah nobody will find that suspicious. And he just says to one guy 'Hey you're in danger' and they immediately believe him and freak out and begin fighting everyone. Uh... okay.

Literally every spy movie cliche is out in full force, including the bad guy's completely inept and endless goons, the 'take him away instead of killing him right here right now' event (which happens twice).

The movie finishes with the device in a castle (???). Commence the world's longest 120 second countdown (which takes literally four minutes). Neil literally just walks up to the castle and they say 'he found the secret entrance'. He just fucking walked up to it. That was it. There it was. And they LET HIM IN. Four minutes later, the two minute countdown expires, and the doomsday device is activated... and all it does is inconvenience a few people. Oh and stock footage of a Lancaster bomber crashing during WW2 plays. Somehow 'Not-Moneypenny' manages to not only find a bunch of horses to get around, but an entire freaking army of Scottish archers who apparently were armed and ready to fight. They then ride their horses to the castle in literally a matter of seconds (even though it took four minutes by helicopter and over a mountain).

And of course it ends with the bad guy, armed with a ranged weapon, doing what everyone has done throughout this entire awful movie: walking within arm's reach of his opponent. The goateed plasterer-cum-superhero easily wins the fight, and then culminates in the stupidest showdown scene. Up to this point every single projectile ever fired by anyone in this movie has hit people in the torsos and killed them instantly. Except this one time, when the bad guy - who presumably was a trained archer seeing as how it was his archery weaponry lying around - hits our shitty hero in the arm, while our hero kills him instantly. Because on top of every other incredible accomplishment, he's also an Olympic archer. Oh and he used his psychic mind control during the fight too.

I hate everything about this movie. I've never hated an MST3K movie up to this point as much as I hate this one. I hate Neil Connery. I hate Sean Connery for not beating up his brother as much as he clearly should've. I hate every single person involved with this movie. I hate Bernard Lee and Lois Maxwell for selling out to do this awful thing.

Ugh.


501 - Warrior of the Lost World - over 2 years ago
1 laugh

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Boy if you have a leather fetish is this the movie for you.


Wtf, Link 1
424 - Manos: The Hands of Fate - over 2 years ago
1 laugh

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So in the first link (the HD version), from 1:18:20 to 1:21:30, Joel and the bots just...disappear. No riffing, no theater outline. What gives?


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