John Allen Nelson was much more tolerable as Dave the cop in Killer Klowns from Outer Space. Also, the woman who played the princess sisters is now the official United States diplomat to Denmark.

The domestic problems of TrucksArtist and TennisHog make for much better cinema than Deathstalker's vague goals.

I don't get the hate. Y'all have no tenderness in your hearts. This is a cute flick with neat dystopian flair. And endearingly nerdy but occasionally steamy Kathy Ireland just wants to find her papa. And inventive outfits. And she gets the cool guy in the end.

Meanwhile, there ain't nothing cute about Ring of Terror (kitty aside). Swamp Diamonds (leggy ladies aside). Hercules (nope). Fire Maidens of Outer Space (leggy ladies aside). Gamera (nope). Rebel Set (nope). Attack of the Eye Creatures (cool eye suits but nope). Anything with guys you can't tell apart speaking rapid fire. Killer Shrews (nope). Phantom Creeps (though Bela Lugosi is still great.. then there's Bauhaus). Anything else featuring leggy ladies aside from aforementioned leggy ladies featured in them. Blood Waters of Dr. Z (aside from... well, nothing, that one just plain sucks).

Love Crow's "Who arrrree youuuu?/Who werrrreeee youuuu?" bookends.

"Well hey, a new outlet for muh rage."

Whenever I want to enter a deep, dark well of depression, I watch the first ten minutes of any Coleman Francis movie. Any longer than that would be crazy.

Something tells me "wench-jacking" made a big comeback with this movie.

(16:00) After Jean-Claude GoshDarn commits the beer crime on hobo Santa and is running away, is he yelling "I want my mommy!"?

Gary should take his ray-shins over to aunt Effluvia's and share in her tray-sher.