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Avatar Du Jour | I hope I’m dead ‘cause my pants are full. [614]
In the Court of the Crimson King

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Jeff Lingenfelter - about 2 months ago
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I had typed you gotta have a bass fiddle in your hand instead of band, so I deleted it. Then I was too lazy to type it again.


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Yeah, so here's the deal: The Reaper Du Jour wasn't too cool for this version of reality. And, I'm having Restless Brain Syndrome during The Great Reset aka Lockdown USA. So: While I may not stop by as much these days for lots of reasons, but when I do, I'll share my Microscopic Giggle of the Day with you, avatar-wise.

Meanwhile: Mask up... keep your distance you damn dirty apes... and, as always: Here's the rub - scrub-a-dub-dub.

Forward, into the communal brain fog!


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Brace yourself for a crazy-wonderful earworm.

And now, a musical flashback moment for boot camp survivors:
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=kmAQS75YqOk


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You've reached the number you dialed. See you in a while.

BEEEEEEEEEP.


Jeff Lingenfelter - about 2 months ago
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Hey artist previously known as Reaper. I sure hope you're doing well. Hang in there (thinking of a cat calendar).


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Dire days/daze call for a name-and-avatar change-up. Onward toward a kinder, more gentle, and genteel reality where everything makes much more sense and is way more pleasant and fun.

If one is going to be Comfortably Numb, it helps to take along an ample supply of music and laughter.

So, dump all that cosmik debris - get on your feet an' do the Funky Alphonzo!


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Brace for impact / culture & dietary shock:
There is now "Post Hostess Twinkies Cereal."
One supposes this has a higher sugar content than even the Chocolate Frosted Sugar Bombs at Calvin's and Hobbes's house.


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NEED ALCOHOL-BASED HAND SANITIZER?

I get no cut of the proceeds here - just sharing some info that took me a while to find, re: where to still find such things online, now that stores have long been sold out, and finding any online is tricky, too.

Here you go, 62.5% alcohol base and a fair, non-gouging price for volume offered:

https://smile.amazon.com/Artnaturals-Alcohol-Sanitizer-Infused-Alovera/dp/B085PS82HF/ref=sr_1_1?dchild=1&keywords=Artnaturals+Alcohol+Based+Hand+Sanitizer+Gel+%282+Pack+x+7.4+Fl+Oz+%2F+220ml%29+Infused+with+Alovera+Gel%2C+Jojoba+Oil+%26+Vitamin+E+-+Unscented+Fragrance+Free+Sanitize&qid=1584142179&s=hpc&sr=1-1

Only drawback is that it won't ship out superfast. Place an order now for later? [shrug] Was what I wound up doing. A decent price-per-ounce break when you get two, so I went for it.

Got other similar info to swap? Share away!

(I posted over here as the link was so long and I seldom have luck converting long links into TinyURLs.)


TheLightningBug - 4 months ago
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It really is a dirty shame that this never got released in the US with a dubbed version, or it surely would have made, if not the original series, then certainly the reboot:
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=dqWH474DnCc


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Quote of the Day:
When we remember we are all mad, the mysteries disappear and life stands explained. ~ Mark Twain


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How about a feel-good dog story for our troubled times?

Here you go:
https://wokesloth.com/bus-riding-dog-eclipse/patricia-grisafi/


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With all the revivals of great songs for movies, TV, and documentaries, WHY has this one been left out, d'yer think?
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=91VN4X4P1s8

(Of course, there are millions more FINE tunes looking for resurrection...)


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Looking for new theme music? Test out this one:
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=QLAnhOt_snQ


Jet Jaguar Abides - 5 months ago
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Hey Reaper-Man, well I've officially joined the living here at Club Med....thanks for all the support, cheer and sage advice(or was that the Turkey seasoning..hmmm) Happy Holidays!


Jeff Lingenfelter - 5 months ago
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Hey Reap, I meant to ask a while back, then realized I forgot. I would appreciate your tips and it's very kind of you to want to help me. out. I think it's getting worse and I really don't know why. I'm pretty laid back and don't let things bother me very much. But that doesn't mind my weird-ass mind isn't constantly racing about the craziest bat-shit stuff. I've watched so much Rifftrax lately I walk around in life doing riffs all the time in my head or out loud. Okay, I'll quit rambling. Again, thanks and you are a good dude.


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I don't like The Old Guy Getting Killed Channel.
- Hobgoblins

Still wondering what to make of this riff. The institutional worker in me objects, but the leisure-me approves, as no one should take their work home with them.


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Back long enough to pass along a musical mind-meltdown:
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=W780LSQHbYY

If you have any pesky braincells left over, here's how to show 'em the door:
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ZmaicurzPb0

Time to hit the pain meds again - this time, a little harder. : )


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*°*°*°*°*° CLEARANCE SALE! *°*°*°*°*°*°
After more decades than I can count, it appears I finally have enough points to retire from this Reaping gig and move into new areas of challenge, if not actual and outright relaxation. Toward that end, take a look among my yard sale career bricabrac, job souvenirs, assorted trinkets, and fine collection of famous last words! Pick up for a song what these babies originally cost me in entire orchestras! No offer refused! Bring your own bag and take 25% off your total! Huzzah!

The Grim Reaper | Nothing Personal, Just Business™
The Grim Reaper | Your tour guide to the other side
The Grim Reaper | Cease the Day
The Grin Reaper | Hey, What are YOU Grinning About?
The Wind Reaper | No, Nevermind - That One's Not Going Back Inside ME!
The Swim Reaper | I'm Doing the Underhanded Australiam Pub Crawl, Why?
The Whim Reaper | Winner of the Scythe Young Award™
The Trim Reaper | Wainscoting Done at Reasonable Rates
The Limb Reaper | Have Scythe, Will Travel™
The Chin-Wipin’ Reaper | Have Sushi Burrito, Will Daub a Lot
The Fringe Reaper | “Sir, do you have any idea how fast you were dying?”
The Gin Reaper | “Abra-cadaver!”
The Crimp Reaper | “Sorry, I can’t hear out of this eye.”
The Cramp Reaper | Not Naughts, just Naughty Knots
The Hymn Reaper | “There’s going to be some turbulence seeing as we have one wing.”
The Gym Reaper | “Pants, totally filled!”
The Kim Reaper | “My wallaby means a lot to me.”
The Pim’s Chocolate Cookie Reaper | Anything above 95º and I am just death warmed over!
The Rim Reaper | “A wheel slices into the crowd, killing three!”
The Tums© Reaper | RIP better mean Rest In Pizza!
The Vim Reaper | So, trouser browsers all around then!
The Win Reaper | Cash Flagg on the Moon, Baby!
The Yen Reaper | "My money's on the big guy!"
The Slim Reaper | “His underwear and his hat are interchangeable.”
The Work-a-Day Reaper | "That's the thing about a job like this. I never think 'I have to go to work tomorrow.' I just love it that much."
The Grimacing Reaper | “Ever kissed a dog? You know, right on the mouth?”
The Recalcitrant Reaper | “Back when NASA was family-owned and operated!”
The Crony Reaper | This is a stupid space program - I’m gonna go work for my uncle’s space program!
Last of the Wild Reapers | “Yippie-DIE-aye-AY!"
Last of the Wild Reapers | I’m gonna go walk in front of a bus.”
Last of the Wild Reapers 2: The Saga Limps Along Some | I’m gonna go kill myself again…”
The Idiotic Reaper | “Lucy, I’m dead!”
The Idiomatic Reaper | “Look at how dead he is!”
The Idiomatic Reaper (later that same night) | “Well, he’s still dead.”
The Idiomatic Reaper Dreams | “It’s as if he’s dead.”
The Swinging-Ladder Reaper | “There, I fixed it.”
The Principle of Reaper Junior High | "Hoodies will now be allowed. Bite me."
The Vengeful Reaper | “A wounded being that large isn’t good!”
The Custodial Reaper | Death rides comfortably with Central Moving & Storage.
The Stringer Reaper | "I better take my pants off and do some typing."
The Theatrical Numismatist Reaper | “I am being severely backlit!”
The Numismatist Reaper | "Hang on and I'll show you coin of the realm!"
The Crimp Reaper | Only the Numb Survive
The Crumb Reaper | Ah, Mr. Homeless People! Once again, we see that there is nothing that you can possess that I cannot take away!
The Sporting Reaper | “He should have worn a cup.”
The Grump Reaper | "You kids get off my lawn!"
The Frump Reaper | We are flabbergasted for you, so you can don’t have to - save your precious natural flabber and gast today!
The Gram Reaper | Souls Measured by Weight, Not Volume ™
The Chimp Reaper | An intriguing mix of genocide and modern dance
The Graham Reaper | Hold on! “S’mores & More" sale’s next week!
The Grommet Reaper | Yacht Clubs are just Holes in the Ocean and More!
The Tin Reaper | Try new Cromwell’s Condemned Soups™ today!
The Hamdinger Reaper | “Killed by vapor action.”
The Harumph Reaper | “Hey, wait! Didn't you see the Bridge of Death sign back there?”
The Alert Reaper | “Dead people have too much time on their hands.”
The Elusive Reaper | Don't tell Frank 'cause then I would have to kill him!
The Secretive Reaper | Enigmatic bastard, isn’t he?
The Reaper | ♪♫ Tooool Operatorrrr ♬♫
The Hometown Reaper | “I like to sleep with my head in a catcher's mitt!”
The Avuncular Reaper | “Never make light of boing, son.”
The Wiley Reaper | “Just as Jim closes in for the kill, so does Mutual of Omaha…close in for the kill.”
The Relaxing Reaper | “Tonight on Dr. Kevorkian, MD…”
The Exasperated Reaper | “Don't the dead just bug you? Come on, back me up.”
The Grinch Reaper | Calling me Frosty makes my snowballs itch
The Grinch Reaper | More Nog, Less Egg!
The Grinch Reaper | Less Eggnoggin’, More Toboggan!
The Grinch Reaper | Less Ponderin' with Noggin’s, More Dangerous Toboggans!
The Ham Reaper | " First, take one can of devil-dolled ham-and-puppet mix..."
The Jam Reaper | "Ooooh, sticky fingers, baby!"
The Cam Reaper | No, I just know about the Thrush pipes and Hooker headers.
The Cambot Reaper | Stop trying to rewind these DVDs, willya?!
The Lamb Reaper | Guess how many bags full I am today.
The Ram Reaper | If you keep honking your horn, I'm gonna make you blow something else, you nitwit!
The M’am Reaper | Good vending machine manners are never out of order.
The ‘Nam Reaper | [moment of silence]
The SAM Reaper | Incoming!
The Whamo Reaper | Free Frisbees for Life? Oh, If I get them down from the garage, you mean.
The Shazam! Reaper | Crap! I liked my OLD costume and powers BETTER!
The Gimp Reaper | “Death rides comfortably with Central Moving & Storage!”
The Compassionate Reaper | “Hold me closer, tiny Death.”
The Glam Reaper | “I'm half Bondo®.”
The Pam Reaper | Cooking Tip: Never store combustibles with your old people.
T.G. Reaper, Test Pilot | breaking the blood-brain barrier since 2013
The Hamdinger Reaper | The budget-stretcher that comes with its own life-size stretcher!™
The Spam Reaper | Fresh snouts for them with a nose for gnus!™
The Hamdinger Reaper | Packed eight to a can with care for family and friends - who'll all pack YOUR can without ANY! ™
The Cafetorium Reaper | “I’m a lunch lady at heart.”
The Dim Sum Reaper | “I’m a lunch lady at heart.”
The Heath Reaper | The Moor the Merrier
The Moor Reaper | The Moor the Merrier
The Slim Reaper | Does this hoodie make my scythe look big?
The Sim Reaper | Why settle for reality? ™
The Buttoned-Up Reaper | “Touch a button, things happen.”
The Buttoned-Down Reaper | “Touch a button, things happen.”
The Zen Reaper | “Touch a button, things happen.”
The Zen Reaper | “I dedicate this song to Thorazine.”
The Zen Reaper | Just Business. Nothing Personal™
The Biz Reaper | Just Business. Nothing Personal™
The Hymn Reaper | Peace is our Profession. (The “Rest” is up to you.)
The Brim Reaper | “Here’s your hat - what’s your hurry?”
The Grump Reaper | Cease the Day™
The Dim Reaper | “Well, here’s your problem - you’re dead!” | (this riff from "The Beast of Yucca Flats," is one I laughed at so hard, and for so long, when I first heard it, that I died a few more times, by accident)
The Yin-Yang Reaper | “His hat and his underwear are interchangeable.“
ReaperCo | Your Timekeepers - for Keepsakes and for Keeps™
The Grim Reaper | aka Frosty the Woe-Man
The Gift Reaper | Heeeeeeere’s SANTA!
The Reaper Tracks Santa's Every Move With Regret, Knowing that the Jolly Old Elf's "Sleighbell Runner 3000" Gig Could Have Been His IF He'd Had a Larger Downpayment and a Red Suit, NOT a Long Hoodie (with Mandatory Farm Implement Accessory). Dang.
The Gift Reaper | “Santa’s doing the forbidden dance!”
The Grinch Reaper | Come, we will drink a special yuletide tranya!
The Wassailing Reaper | “That's right - I said a whole case of vodka.”
The Solstice Reaper | "We can't all be the Honey Nut Cheerios honeybee."
The Grinch Reaper | Less Joggin’, More Toboggan!
The Grinch Reaper | The password is “Missile-Toe,” countersign: ”Keg-Nog”
The Grinch Reaper | Merry FilmMess & Happy HollyCheese!
The Grimms’ Reaper | Free Fairytales with Every Trip

Aloha!


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This scarecrow always freaks 'em out on the moors. It helps that I move it around from place to place now and then.


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Can't a guy take a nap any more?


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Geez, these MLB training-review films are tough on the ol' ego!


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I just realized - this could help my golf swing!


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Try to do a favor for a couple lifeguard buddies...


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As I periodically remind people - don't fear the cowbell!
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ClQcUyhoxTg


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I got an award from the guys today - a photo showing me, out standing in my field...


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Are you game... or predator?
Sorry, it's a work-joke.


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In honor of Blood Beast swinging by later tonight...


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In case you're wondering why The Muppets went off the air - the Chef had a nasty habit of betting with other's people's money... and shows.


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Now, you can star in your own 50's short! Go here & roll soundtrack!
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=xELDqIyrtNA

You're, uh, welcome.
- Bing! -


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NEWSFLASH: Now, new Fruit of the Loom© yogurt has Fruit on the Bottom! ™


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Another great use for material also used by our MST crew:
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=kU8OJAOMbPg

The visual fun kicks in about 2:50 or so on this great tune. : )


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Nope, not actually dead... yet.
Just feeling like a warmed-over version of it, as I alphabetically work my way through humanity's known diseases list.
Hope to see you again soon, hybrid ailments permitting. Cheers!


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Stay tuned for The Dim Sum Reaper, over most of these serving suggestions... uh, stations.


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“Well, here’s your problem - you’re dead!”
- riff from The Beast of Yucca Flats

I laughed so hard at this one I died a few more times, by accident.


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We're sorry - the number you dialed is not in service at this time. Please check back another time, or check your directory for Medically Renovated and/or Fully Healed Individuals. [Doooo-weeee-ooooo.] We're sorry - the number you dialed is not in service at this time. Please check back another time, or......


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Most people freak out when I show up singing this song to them...


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See? No need to fear the Reaper - just a tour guide, paying cosmic bills...



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My favorite summer blade is no substitute for that snowblower I sent back.


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Noooooo-body expects the reaping snowman!


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Moonlighting to make ends meet...


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Finally, a seasonal break - and some depth to our bench...


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The Reaper Tracks Santa's Every Move With Regret, Knowing that the Jolly Old Elf's "Sleighbell Runner 3000" Gig Could Have Been His IF He'd Had a Larger Downpayment and a Red Suit, NOT a Long Hoodie (with Mandatory Farm Implement Accessory). Dang.


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Some gigs have better pay and benefits.


Phantom Chicken of Crank Whore - over 1 year ago
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Back home again and taking it easy. Kind of back and kind of not. Spaced out but doing OK after the hospital's Screaming Skull Special. Thanks for the nice notes, thoughtballoons, and wordflowers!


Phantom Chicken of Crank Whore - over 1 year ago
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I'm with 'BUG' ... We Miss You, Reaper-Man ... ok, ok and Love You also ... there I said it ... Hey, that was pretty easy...Now please get your A** back so we can enjoy more of your Witty Repartee :o)'


TheLightningBug - over 1 year ago
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Come home, Reaper - we love and miss you fiercely.


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Hey everyone - Thanks for all the grins and support. You've been good pals and I appreciate the Wit Exchange (like the Invention Exchange but with words) we have here. It's been a fun run. I’ve really enjoyed gabbing ’n’ grinning with everyone. I have medical miles to log, so have to keep pedaling down that lane right now. Wishing you all the very best of the seasons ahead -- all those holidays as well as those newly-minted "Season's" Greetings, fresh from the latest MST riffing family's efforts. Long live laughter!


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Reaper-

I'm sorry for my screwed up posts in Aileen's Rooney thread. Despite what you have endured, it is obvious to me that you have retained more grace, aplomb and mental dexterity than I. When I get confused I get overly sensitive as well. I'm sorry if I caused you any pain. I hope you are back to posting in here soon, because not only do you class up the place by your presence, your contributions are one of the few reasons for some bodies to hang around and make their observations here. So, that makes you a valuable- and rare- commodity here.

I am returning to my "safe space", which some would find ironic, as it is a political commentary website. What makes it "safe" for me, is that unlike here and other communities I once belonged, I don't give an at's rass about anyone on that site- even those I agree with. This emotional detachment makes it easy for me, as I can't misinterpret the posts of people I care about, nor do I care when I make a mammoth misread, as I can't hurt anyone for whom I care. It simplifies my life, and anymore I need simple.

Take care and deeply sorry for any pain I may have caused you.


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Taking some time away. See you on the other side of the next series of medical miracles the docs wanna test drive. Good thing I'm a cheap, and usually cordial, lab rat. (The sedatives and painkillers help, too.)


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I love the end-of-October holidays. Instead of Death By Chocolate, everyone wants Death By Pumpkin Spice.

So, then, I bring out my trainee, the very newest Spice Girl...

Gets 'em every time.


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October is crammed to the gills with medical procedures galore. Hope to check in here again before the worst of it starts, then again when the bulk of it has passed (and before checking out). Well, that's the state of shuffleboard, here on the USS Mortal Coil. Thanks for stopping in to say howdy and chuck a puck.


Phantom Chicken of Crank Whore - over 1 year ago
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Happy 65th! Is there anything left to claim with the Orange Menace in office? I'm very foggy so I won't stay on and embarrass myself with attempts at wittiness..just wanted to let you know I was thinking about you :o)


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Slowing things down tonight with this old favorite...
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=FHyr9GS1lzo


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Anyone ELSE like a NEW disease for a change of pace - one requiring treatment with insurance-paid, ethnic food buffets and umbrella drinks? (This should NOT be too much to ask for a time when, by now, we were all supposed to have had flying cars!)

"Also, I want a new drug." - Huey Lewis & the News


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Malady of the Month:
https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Hyperacusis

"Collapse tolerance" is such an exceptionally descriptive phrase for this condition. And for sooooo much else.


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Feeling poleaxed, flummoxed, hamstrung, flapdoodled and bollocksed?
Ask your doctor if Bollox®™ is right for you too.


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Time to freshen up that atomic cocktail, folks.
Bar could be closing any minute.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=LzBysft2d6c


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My current soundtrack:
"Life. Don't talk to me about life." - Marvin the Paranoid Android
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=hTXOW_jJdKE


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In the words of Tom Servo, regarding my clients: "They're not dead, they're metaphysically challenged." (We all have jobs to do. I am just grateful I was promoted and am no longer Demigod of the Sewer Systems. )


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Support animals flying on airplanes can now include horses. (If there are problems, take it up with the airlines. If I show up, I'm just doing my job - it's nothing personal.

http://www.bbc.com/news/world-us-canada-44132340


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    258
  113. Gamera vs. Zigra
    177
  114. Gamera vs. Barugon
    176
  115. The Amazing Colossal Man
    215
  116. War of the Colossal Beast
    232
  117. Gamera vs. Gaos
    152
  118. The Incredible Melting Man
    282
  119. Overdrawn at the Memory Bank
    435
  120. Space Travelers
    154
  121. Stranded in Space
    129
  122. The Skydivers
    274
  123. King Dinosaur
    203
  124. Being from Another Planet
    196
  125. The Sword and the Dragon
    228
  126. Angels' Revenge
    213
  127. Laserblast
    407
  128. Future War
    272
  129. City Limits
    174
  130. Girl in Gold Boots
    288
  131. Escape 2000
    264
  132. Blood Waters of Dr. Z
    211
  133. Devil Fish
    266
  134. The Touch of Satan
    353
  135. Track of the Moon Beast
    290
  136. Boggy Creek II: And the Legend Continues
    344
  137. Eegah
    395
  138. Ring of Terror
    197
  139. Parts: The Clonus Horror
    291
  140. Master Ninja I
    262
  141. Master Ninja II
    164
  142. Village of the Giants
    203
  143. Hobgoblins
    404
  144. Squirm
    241
  145. Quest of the Delta Knights
    267
  146. Crash of the Moons
    177
  147. Red Zone Cuba
    234
  148. It Lives by Night
    172
  149. Santa Claus
    301
  150. Santa Claus Conquers the Martians
    302
  151. Hamlet
    178
  152. Assignment: Venezuela (the lost short)
    174
  153. Daddy-O
    253
  154. The Beatniks
    192
  155. The Girl in Lovers Lane
    228
  156. Merlin's Shop of Mystical Wonders
    333
  157. Lassie: The Painted Hills
    161
  158. Alien from L.A.
    280
  159. Catalina Caper
    272
  160. The Castle of Fu Manchu
    155
  161. Kitten with a Whip
    153
  162. Wild Rebels
    166
  163. The Hellcats
    115
  164. The Sidehackers
    209
  165. The Crawling Eye
    268
  166. The Crawling Hand
    165
  167. The Black Scorpion
    127
  168. The Slime People
    125
  169. Women of the Prehistoric Planet
    171
  170. Untamed Youth
    139
  171. Robot Monster
    157
  172. The Mad Monster
    146
  173. Moon Zero Two
    210
  174. Project Moonbase
    118
  175. Robot Holocaust
    160
  176. The Robot vs. the Aztec Mummy
    209
  177. Reptilicus
    38
  178. Diabolik
    214
  179. The Loves of Hercules
    19
  180. The Beast of Hollow Mountain
    26
  181. The Time Travelers
    21
  182. Starcrash
    47
  183. The Land that Time Forgot
    22
  184. At the Earth's Core
    23
  185. Cry Wilderness
    42
  186. The Christmas that Almost Wasn't
    14
  187. Avalanche
    42
  188. Wizards of the Lost Kingdom
    30
  189. Wizards of the Lost Kingdom II
    21
  190. Carnival Magic
    19
  191. Yongary
    26
  192. The Day Time Ended
    13
  193. Killer Fish
    8
  194. Lords of the Deep
    10
  195. Ator
    14
  196. Mac and Me
    18
  197. Atlantic Rim
    15

Recent Comments with recent replies

MENSA Quiz
Forum - 5 days ago
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Rock Climbing is to Lost Continent as
X is to [insert movie]


Forum - about 11 hours ago
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New Cinema Edition of, "Hercules Against the Moon Men" now showing...
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=mQz8wGSBMds


NCNL this week
Forum - 5 days ago
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As a reminder: the pronunciation of "laighs" was completely explained at Christmas. Quit your foul whining. No comments either or you get the wooden spoon!


Recent Riffs

903 - Puma Man - 3 months ago
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Stonehenge is a chain?


903 - Puma Man - 3 months ago
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Air is pretty.


903 - Puma Man - 3 months ago
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I'll deliver this ham then I'll leave.


603 - The Dead Talk Back - 3 months ago
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I'm trying to be dead - can you keep it down?


603 - The Dead Talk Back - 3 months ago
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I'll have to change into my tap pants.


603 - The Dead Talk Back - 4 months ago
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Is this the ham operator and bully victims club?


603 - The Dead Talk Back - 4 months ago
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Well, I gotta order a couple more drab, gray charcoal suits.


603 - The Dead Talk Back - 4 months ago
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What's a six-letter word for toast?


603 - The Dead Talk Back - 4 months ago
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You’re not going to not eat, are you?


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Why did you cancel Battlestar Galactica?


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Get touched by a carny!


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I accidentally ate a No-Pest Strip - what should I do?