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Rocket J. Forklift (Paul-Gabriel Wiener)
In Third star to the left, and straight on 'til midafternoon
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New account, due to FB login errors: http://www.club-mst3k.com/msties/12898


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Hi there! There's no place for an "about me" thing in the profile, so I'm posting on my own wall. If you're curious enough to come to this page, maybe you want to know something. So here are a few things, in no particular order:

* I have long names. Call me whatever works. I usually go by "Paul." "Rocky" works here. The full screen name is just there to amuse me.

* "Favorite" episodes are unsorted, and somewhat arbitrary. Depends on my mood when I watched. But I'm generally not one to pick favorites. I enjoy something or not, on its own terms. I don't like pitting them against each other to say which is better or not as good.

* I'm fairly open about stuff, and I like getting to know cool people. Feel free to drop me a line, ask questions, check out my FB profile. Or not. Whatever floats your giant turtle.

That's it for now. Have a MSTie day, and keep circulating the AVI files!


Favorite Episodes

  1. The Robot vs. the Aztec Mummy
    211
  2. Phase IV
    66
  3. SST: Death Flight
    83
  4. Robot Monster
    161
  5. Moon Zero Two
    222
  6. Untamed Youth
    146
  7. Cave Dwellers
    467
  8. Pod People
    596
  9. Catalina Caper
    294
  10. Time of the Apes
    297
  11. War of the Colossal Beast
    247
  12. The Unearthly
    213
  13. The Giant Gila Monster
    276
  14. Teenagers from Outer Space
    307
  15. Attack of the Giant Leeches
    228
  16. Hercules Unchained
    205
  17. Mighty Jack
    182
  18. Star Force: Fugitive Alien II
    268
  19. Fugitive Alien
    351
  20. The Magic Sword
    217
  21. Hercules and the Captive Women
    171
  22. Fire Maidens of Outer Space
    238
  23. The Rebel Set
    170
  24. The Human Duplicators
    223
  25. Bride of the Monster
    254
  26. Manos: The Hands of Fate
    728
  27. Warrior of the Lost World
    355
  28. Secret Agent Super Dragon
    233
  29. The Magic Voyage of Sinbad
    232
  30. Operation Double 007
    256
  31. The Girl in Lovers Lane
    241
  32. Gunslinger
    173
  33. Mitchell
    618
  34. The Wild World of Batwoman
    244
  35. Alien from L.A.
    292
  36. Outlaw of Gor
    340
  37. Radar Secret Service
    236
  38. 12 to the Moon
    223
  39. The Skydivers
    285
  40. Last of the Wild Horses
    173
  41. The Starfighters
    256

Recent Comments with recent replies

1010 - It Lives by Night - over 4 years ago
3 laughs

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Squeak?


K09 - Phase IV - about 4 years ago
4 laughs

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Whoa. The original ending (filmed by the director but cut by the distributor, found and restored in 2012) is really trippy. (And kind of icky in parts.) I wonder what J&tB would have made of it.

https://youtu.be/beLpsWaUDNk


K09 - Phase IV - almost 6 years ago
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Is this Crow's first misidentified "kitty"?

Also, why is his bowling pin so loud this time?


307 - Daddy-O - almost 3 years ago
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Y is the symbol for the heavy metals that the fish eat? I'm confused. Sure, fish have been contaminated with heavy metals like mercury, but Y is the symbol for... (goes to look it up)... yttrium. Which is a metallic element, but not a heavy metal. Google tells me that they've actually done studies using yttrium as an inert dietary marker in fish. (It seems it's a component in some indigestible plant fiber, so they can use it to help study how carp eat.) Am I missing something here, or is Joel just making up a symbol because there's a fish on the screen and mercury in fish was in the news at the time?


202 - The Sidehackers - almost 6 years ago
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Side hacking died in the 80s? Myth busted. Mythbusters used a modern side hack in the last test of their "flaming reel" myth. Starts around 1:20 in this clip. Looks a little less ridiculous with the new streamlined version.

https://youtu.be/W2ZjR6bul58

Here's a clip from an actual race:

https://youtu.be/DU4QxHQ6IAQ

Plenty more at this website dedicated to the sport.

http://www.speedwaysidecars.com


K21 - Legend of the Dinosaurs - almost 6 years ago
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Forrester points out that the theme song says "there was a guy named Joel." Not what he meant, but it's always bugged me a little. The first half of the lyric is "in the not too distant future," so shouldn't it be there will be?


508 - Operation Double 007 - almost 6 years ago
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Largo's device makes no sense at all.

It uses magnetic waves. Okay, sure. Those exist. And they can have a whole spectrum of properties depending on frequency. An EMP can even disrupt microchips (which was actually the plot of at least one Bond villain). But this thing...

* It somehow causes any metallic device, no matter how simple, to cease functioning. This includes a pistol, which is basically just a tube with explosives in it, set off by a spring mechanism. (Luckily, the good guys somehow have a battalion of trained archers stationed in Munich, ready at a moment's notice to grab bow & quiver and jump on horseback, and they have no problem being commandeered by a woman who, up until that very day, was an enemy agent.)

* Despite using magnets to somehow disable every metallic device in the area, none of those devices are in any other way affected. They're not magnetized, they don't spark... they just stop working.

* And yet the electric generator which is powering the device still works. As do the harpoon guns.

* Somehow, this thing is supposed to help him take over the world? What's the range on it? Do they even say? Seems like he's basically just disabled the weapons and equipment of his own base of operations and the surrounding territory. There's no way it would work worldwide. And even if it did, I don't see how that helps him. Other people have bows and arrows, too, their armies vastly outnumber your forces, and you can't exactly rule the world if you've shut down communications and transportation.

I just don't get it. This is basically just the same plot as It Conquered The Earth, only less plausible.


303 - Pod People - almost 6 years ago
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The egg,which has a two inch thick shell, is cracked wide open. Trumpy, who has a soft nose and no claws, and who just hatched in the last minute, is fast asleep inside. Anyone care to try to explain?


505 - The Magic Voyage of Sinbad - almost 6 years ago
7 laughs

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"I forgot to sacrifice to Neptune!" Uh, sure. Because that's what Arabs and Russians are known for. Sacrificing to the Greek gods.


502 - Hercules - almost 6 years ago
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Two things about constellations:

1. Without light pollution, you can see a lot more stars. If you're anywhere close to modern civilization, there's usually a fair amount artificial light, making it hard to see any but the brightest stars.

2. Without TV, bookstores, board games, etc., they didn't really have all that much else to do with their free time.


313 - Earth vs. the Spider - almost 3 years ago
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Say what you will about the short, but imagine what early instruction to speak clearly and pleasantly, without letting your voice get high and shrill, could have done for Kathy Ireland.


101 - The Crawling Eye - almost 6 years ago
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Science note: The reason dogs don't appear to sweat is that they lack sweat glands. Actually, though, they do have five small sweat glands: one on each paw, and one on the snout. For the most part, though, temperature is controlled by panting. Same principle: evaporating water carries away heat. Except it's evaporating off the tongue instead of the skin. More broadly, they shed more during warmer months, resulting in a thinner, cooler coat. (For indoor dogs, this often gets reversed, as their humans turn up the a/c in the summer and crank up the heat in winter.) Nice try, though, Dr. F.


Recent Riffs

414 - Tormented - almost 6 years ago
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"Sandy, whatever you're doing, come here at once!" I'm harboring a horrible secret, which I'm sublimating into my unconscious, Mom.


414 - Tormented - almost 6 years ago
1 laugh

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♫ I saw Tommy killing be-at-niks... ♫


311 - It Conquered the World - almost 6 years ago
3 laughs

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"For a few dollars, you hire a woman who will fit all your fetishes. She'll match your requirements perfectly. And if you ever get tired of her, you can run down to the employment agency for another!" *runs away in tears*
That's a great idea! Honey, you're brilliant!!


113 - The Black Scorpion - almost 6 years ago
2 laughs

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You know, Gary talked that way to me once. ... Once.


311 - It Conquered the World - almost 6 years ago
2 laughs

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He never used to make deals with the devil before...


607 - Bloodlust - over 5 years ago
3 laughs

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Thank you for your request to come pick you up. We are sorry to inform you that we cannot...


414 - Tormented - almost 6 years ago
1 laugh

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Charles Moffett...


K09 - Phase IV - almost 6 years ago
2 laughs

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Servo: Come on, Joel! We're joshing you!
(Does it count as a riff if it's in a host segment? What if it's meta?)


424 - Manos: The Hands of Fate - almost 6 years ago
4 laughs

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So. So, I told Gary that I was going on this vacation. So he goes, "Well, then, I'm goin' huntin' with Jeff next weekend." Well, then, that's when we were at Nigh's. Well, then Lou sang Fernando, and Gary, oh he sings so good. You should meet Jeff sometime. Do you like Barry Manilow songs? I know that farmers need rain, but when it's damp like this, my hair just explodes! Just explodes. Ooo, I'm feeling kinda gassy. McNuggets, they make me so gassy, you know all that grease, you know. It really helps if you drink 8-10 glasses of water a day. But you know sometimes I drink 5, sometimes I drink 9 to make up for the other 3 I didn't drink. Coffee and diet drinks don't count, either. You know, this is pretty country, isn't it? You know it's really kind of a blessing in disguise that I didn't get accepted to college, huh? You know, I'm going to have to revise my twenty year plan, but... Oh, did I tell you about my twenty year plan? Okay, well. Okay, listen here. In year one, this is the year where I'm going to take off those extra seven pounds. You know that's equal to seven pounds of butter? Heh heh heh! So it's like I'm wearin' seven pounds of butter! Ha! Eh, oh... Where was I? Oh, oh yes. So my aunt and uncle here were celebrating their twentieth anniversary. My uncle wanted to sing Sunrise, Sunset. He wanted me to sing that, and I haven't sung that since Cindy's wedding, and, well, she never thanked me for that. Well, I'm still, uh... Well, she's probably really busy and all...


K15 - Superdome - about 4 years ago
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"Show them a quarterback and all they see is a capitol asset..."
Only off by two letters.


K14 - Mighty Jack - about 4 years ago
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He looks like Frank Conniff.


K14 - Mighty Jack - about 4 years ago
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They dubbed his fingers!