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Rocket J. Forklift (Paul-Gabriel Wiener)
In Third star to the left, and straight on 'til midafternoon
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Hi there! There's no place for an "about me" thing in the profile, so I'm posting on my own wall. If you're curious enough to come to this page, maybe you want to know something. So here are a few things, in no particular order:

* I have long names. Call me whatever works. I usually go by "Paul." "Rocky" works here. The full screen name is just there to amuse me.

* "Favorite" episodes are unsorted, and somewhat arbitrary. Depends on my mood when I watched. But I'm generally not one to pick favorites. I enjoy something or not, on its own terms. I don't like pitting them against each other to say which is better or not as good.

* I'm fairly open about stuff, and I like getting to know cool people. Feel free to drop me a line, ask questions, check out my FB profile. Or not. Whatever floats your giant turtle.

That's it for now. Have a MSTie day, and keep circulating the AVI files!


Favorite Episodes

  1. The Robot vs. the Aztec Mummy
    209
  2. Phase IV
    61
  3. SST: Death Flight
    81
  4. Robot Monster
    156
  5. Moon Zero Two
    206
  6. Untamed Youth
    137
  7. Cave Dwellers
    442
  8. Pod People
    571
  9. Catalina Caper
    270
  10. Time of the Apes
    281
  11. War of the Colossal Beast
    231
  12. The Unearthly
    205
  13. The Giant Gila Monster
    265
  14. Teenagers from Outer Space
    288
  15. Attack of the Giant Leeches
    221
  16. Hercules Unchained
    188
  17. Mighty Jack
    173
  18. Star Force: Fugitive Alien II
    255
  19. Fugitive Alien
    330
  20. The Magic Sword
    211
  21. Hercules and the Captive Women
    161
  22. Fire Maidens of Outer Space
    228
  23. The Rebel Set
    165
  24. The Human Duplicators
    210
  25. Bride of the Monster
    241
  26. Manos: The Hands of Fate
    694
  27. Warrior of the Lost World
    337
  28. Secret Agent Super Dragon
    221
  29. The Magic Voyage of Sinbad
    223
  30. Operation Double 007
    237
  31. The Girl in Lovers Lane
    225
  32. Gunslinger
    165
  33. Mitchell
    586
  34. The Wild World of Batwoman
    234
  35. Alien from L.A.
    280
  36. Outlaw of Gor
    326
  37. Radar Secret Service
    229
  38. 12 to the Moon
    209
  39. The Skydivers
    274
  40. Last of the Wild Horses
    164
  41. The Starfighters
    239

Recent Comments with recent replies

513 - The Brain that Wouldn't Die - almost 5 years ago
11 laughs

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Note:
"Not all men," says the guy plotting to murder her.


316 - Gamera vs. Zigra - over 1 year ago
1 laugh

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I poked around a bit to try to learn about the background of this movie. Here's what I pieced together: The studio was in dire financial trouble. As a last ditch effort, they made this movie and merged with another studio to spread the cost of distribution. It was released in 1971 as a triple feature along with rereleases of a couple of older monster movies. The movie flopped. The studio, which had already started shooting the next Gamera movie (involving a giant snake), went bankrupt. When they informed the crew, a riot broke out. The sets, costumes, and props were destroyed in the ensuing fire. That was it for Gamera for nearly a decade.

(Gamera: Super Monster was released in 1980. Aliens arrive in what is clearly an Imperial Star Destroyer with some extra stuff glued on. A trio of female superheroes are unable to defeat the aliens, so they find a little kid to summon Gamera, who with the help of the three Spacewomen has to fight stock footage of all the monsters from the previous movies, break free of the alien's mind control, fly past cartoon sequences of spaceships from a couple of popular anime series, and destroy the mothership. That was the last Gamera movie until the series was rebooted in 1995.)

Gamera vs Zigra never got a US theater release, but Sandy Frank released the English dub direct to VHS in 1985.

So I guess that explains the cheap effects, blatant product placement, odd padding, and shoehorned environmental message. The studio was desperate, so they cut corners, took money where they could get it, and threw in whatever seemed trendy at the time.


305 - Stranded in Space - about 7 years ago
7 laughs

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Really? They named the astronaut Neil? Original.


502 - Hercules - about 4 years ago
1 laugh

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Two things about constellations:

1. Without light pollution, you can see a lot more stars. If you're anywhere close to modern civilization, there's usually a fair amount artificial light, making it hard to see any but the brightest stars.

2. Without TV, bookstores, board games, etc., they didn't really have all that much else to do with their free time.


505 - The Magic Voyage of Sinbad - almost 8 years ago
13 laughs

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0:26:00 i loose it. Crow is so worn out from jestering he's gotta hit the commercial sign button with his look-a-like jester stick. He's outta breath and his eyes are all crooked. Hilarious. And then they walk in and catch crow's look-a-like jester stick watching the movie and he scurries off.


519 - Outlaw of Gor - about 4 years ago
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So, the Mads' dance is bookending their time machine, right? They're dancing their way through time.


411 - The Magic Sword - about 4 years ago
2 laughs

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After the Mario Bros reference in Hercules Unchained, I was really hoping for "Your princess is in another castle" here.


Pitch Meeting Theater: Fire Maidens
416 - Fire Maidens of Outer Space - about 4 years ago
4 laughs

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(With thanks/apologies to Alex C, who started it in Sidehackers.)

"Have I got a movie for you!"
"Yeah? Tell me about it."
"A bunch of astronauts land on a planet filled with women in short skirts."
"Okay, I like it. So what happens? "
"What do you mean?"
"They land on the planet, and...?"
"There are women there. And they're wearing short skirts."
"And...?"
"And they're real lonely because the only man there is their father."
"Wait, is this Pirates of Penzance?"
"Penzance? What's that?"
"Never mind. So what happens?"
"Happens? The women are lonely. So... Uh... They capture two of the men. "
"Wait, is this pornography?"
"No, no. Of course not."
"It's sounding a lot like one of those letters in Penthouse Magazine."
"I, uhm, have, er, no idea what that is. Is it a magazine about nice apartments?"
"Right, sure. Why are there only women on this planet?"
"The plot doesn't work otherwise."
"Silly me. So, fine. They capture two of the men. What about the others?"
"They have to wait outside."
"Outside what? "
"Uhm, Atlantis."
"Atlantis?! I thought you said this was in outer space."
"It is! This is the remains of a colony. The people of Atlantis knew the place was sinking, so they moved to one of the moons of Jupiter."
"They what? Fine, whatever. They're on one of the moons of... Wait, I thought it was a planet."
"What's the difference?"
"Never mind. So why do the other men have to wait outside?"
"You said you didn't want it to be a porno. We've got to show something else."
"..."
"Anyway, it builds tension, see? Because they don't know what's going on inside!"
"Ah, yes. Of course! So they attempt a daring rescue?"
"Huh? No, they just sit around, fretting."
"Uh-huh. Anything else?"
"Uhm, and... uh... There's this monster! A big, scary one! Bulletproof and everything!"
"A monster? Now you're talking! What does it do? "
"It, uh, lurks in the bushes and kind of follows people around."
"And then?"
"Well, it lurks some more. Builds tension, see?"
"Uh-huh. So how does it end?"
"Oh, uh... Let me see... The monster breaks in!"
"Action! At last! Does it terrorize them? Is there a fight?"
"No, no! What, you want to give the audience heart attacks?"
"Heart attacks? What..? "
"My uncle Lou is going to be in the audience. He wouldn't miss it! And he's got a very weak ticker. A fight scene would kill him! You want to kill my uncle Lou, is that it?"
"No. Uh, of course not. Perish the thought. What was I thinking? Okay, then, what happens with the monster?"
"Oh, they trip it and throw it in a fire. You can't see it, of course. Uncle Lou would never survive."
"What happens to the old man?"
"What old man?"
"The father."
"He dies."
"Does the monster get him?"
"What? No! What's wrong with you? He dies peacefully, in his sleep, after drinking too much wine, surrounded by beautiful women. Just like uncle Lou would want."
"So what you're telling me is that two guys get captured by a bunch of women, and nothing happens."
"Pretty much. Isn't that what I said in the first place?"
"Why would I want to make that into a movie?"
"Did I mention the women are wearing short skirts?"
"How short are we talking?"
"Very! You can see their knees!"
"Sold!"


108 - The Slime People - about 4 years ago
2 laughs

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I am very confused by that fan letter. The girl writes to the MST3K crew, and asks them for... an address she can write to?


Idiocy, Thy Name Is Tom Gregory
108 - The Slime People - over 5 years ago
7 laughs

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So Tom Gregory flies into LA, sees it wrecked, people dead, etc. Bonnie tells him the tale of the Slime People and how the Army fought them and lost. Then he mentions that he's a newscaster ("sports, mostly"). How could he not have heard about this story?? The ARMY fought monsters. The entire city of Los Angeles was EVACUATED. Yet it's all news to this asshat "newscaster."


108 - The Slime People - over 2 years ago
2 laughs

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Tolliver gets left just outside the door and they don't even bother checking on him. There's no chance he could have survived. Five minutes later, Bonnie disappears and they know she's alive because of course the slime people would kidnap her to draw the rest of them out.

In other news, salt water dissolves the fog wall, but at no point during the war did human blood have any noticeable effect.


319 - War of the Colossal Beast - about 4 years ago
4 laughs

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Recent Riffs

414 - Tormented - about 4 years ago
1 laugh

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"Sandy, whatever you're doing, come here at once!" I'm harboring a horrible secret, which I'm sublimating into my unconscious, Mom.


414 - Tormented - about 4 years ago
1 laugh

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♫ I saw Tommy killing be-at-niks... ♫


311 - It Conquered the World - about 4 years ago
3 laughs

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"For a few dollars, you hire a woman who will fit all your fetishes. She'll match your requirements perfectly. And if you ever get tired of her, you can run down to the employment agency for another!" *runs away in tears*
That's a great idea! Honey, you're brilliant!!


113 - The Black Scorpion - about 4 years ago
2 laughs

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You know, Gary talked that way to me once. ... Once.


311 - It Conquered the World - about 4 years ago
2 laughs

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He never used to make deals with the devil before...


607 - Bloodlust - about 4 years ago
3 laughs

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Thank you for your request to come pick you up. We are sorry to inform you that we cannot...


414 - Tormented - about 4 years ago
1 laugh

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Charles Moffett...


K09 - Phase IV - about 4 years ago
2 laughs

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Servo: Come on, Joel! We're joshing you!
(Does it count as a riff if it's in a host segment? What if it's meta?)


424 - Manos: The Hands of Fate - about 4 years ago
4 laughs

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So. So, I told Gary that I was going on this vacation. So he goes, "Well, then, I'm goin' huntin' with Jeff next weekend." Well, then, that's when we were at Nigh's. Well, then Lou sang Fernando, and Gary, oh he sings so good. You should meet Jeff sometime. Do you like Barry Manilow songs? I know that farmers need rain, but when it's damp like this, my hair just explodes! Just explodes. Ooo, I'm feeling kinda gassy. McNuggets, they make me so gassy, you know all that grease, you know. It really helps if you drink 8-10 glasses of water a day. But you know sometimes I drink 5, sometimes I drink 9 to make up for the other 3 I didn't drink. Coffee and diet drinks don't count, either. You know, this is pretty country, isn't it? You know it's really kind of a blessing in disguise that I didn't get accepted to college, huh? You know, I'm going to have to revise my twenty year plan, but... Oh, did I tell you about my twenty year plan? Okay, well. Okay, listen here. In year one, this is the year where I'm going to take off those extra seven pounds. You know that's equal to seven pounds of butter? Heh heh heh! So it's like I'm wearin' seven pounds of butter! Ha! Eh, oh... Where was I? Oh, oh yes. So my aunt and uncle here were celebrating their twentieth anniversary. My uncle wanted to sing Sunrise, Sunset. He wanted me to sing that, and I haven't sung that since Cindy's wedding, and, well, she never thanked me for that. Well, I'm still, uh... Well, she's probably really busy and all...


K15 - Superdome - over 2 years ago
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"Show them a quarterback and all they see is a capitol asset..."
Only off by two letters.


K14 - Mighty Jack - over 2 years ago
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He looks like Frank Conniff.


K14 - Mighty Jack - over 2 years ago
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They dubbed his fingers!