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Rocket J. Forklift (Paul-Gabriel Wiener)
In Third star to the left, and straight on 'til midafternoon
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New account, due to FB login errors: http://www.club-mst3k.com/msties/12898


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Hi there! There's no place for an "about me" thing in the profile, so I'm posting on my own wall. If you're curious enough to come to this page, maybe you want to know something. So here are a few things, in no particular order:

* I have long names. Call me whatever works. I usually go by "Paul." "Rocky" works here. The full screen name is just there to amuse me.

* "Favorite" episodes are unsorted, and somewhat arbitrary. Depends on my mood when I watched. But I'm generally not one to pick favorites. I enjoy something or not, on its own terms. I don't like pitting them against each other to say which is better or not as good.

* I'm fairly open about stuff, and I like getting to know cool people. Feel free to drop me a line, ask questions, check out my FB profile. Or not. Whatever floats your giant turtle.

That's it for now. Have a MSTie day, and keep circulating the AVI files!


Favorite Episodes

  1. The Robot vs. the Aztec Mummy
    213
  2. Phase IV
    62
  3. SST: Death Flight
    81
  4. Robot Monster
    159
  5. Moon Zero Two
    213
  6. Untamed Youth
    140
  7. Cave Dwellers
    449
  8. Pod People
    583
  9. Catalina Caper
    279
  10. Time of the Apes
    288
  11. War of the Colossal Beast
    237
  12. The Unearthly
    210
  13. The Giant Gila Monster
    270
  14. Teenagers from Outer Space
    295
  15. Attack of the Giant Leeches
    223
  16. Hercules Unchained
    191
  17. Mighty Jack
    179
  18. Star Force: Fugitive Alien II
    259
  19. Fugitive Alien
    341
  20. The Magic Sword
    214
  21. Hercules and the Captive Women
    163
  22. Fire Maidens of Outer Space
    234
  23. The Rebel Set
    169
  24. The Human Duplicators
    214
  25. Bride of the Monster
    247
  26. Manos: The Hands of Fate
    710
  27. Warrior of the Lost World
    347
  28. Secret Agent Super Dragon
    226
  29. The Magic Voyage of Sinbad
    228
  30. Operation Double 007
    243
  31. The Girl in Lovers Lane
    231
  32. Gunslinger
    169
  33. Mitchell
    601
  34. The Wild World of Batwoman
    238
  35. Alien from L.A.
    285
  36. Outlaw of Gor
    333
  37. Radar Secret Service
    233
  38. 12 to the Moon
    214
  39. The Skydivers
    276
  40. Last of the Wild Horses
    167
  41. The Starfighters
    245

Recent Comments with recent replies

323 - The Castle of Fu Manchu - over 4 years ago
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A movie about a British spy trying to stop an Asian supervillain's plot for world domination? Hmm. Let me see. The first Christopher Lee Fu Manchu film was 1965. The first James Bond film, Dr. No, was 1962. Both characters had existed for decades prior, but 1965 was the first Fu Manchu feature film. I wonder if the success of the Bond movie had anything to do with it.


517 - Beginning of the End - almost 7 years ago
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"How do they get so big?"
"Well, radiation causes photosynthesis, that is, the growing process, to continue night and day."

Even if that made sense for making fruit grow bigger, how does that apply to the grasshoppers?


So, let me get this straight...
913 - Quest of the Delta Knights - about 3 years ago
5 laughs

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Archemedes used science to prophecize that in 1000 years, a child prodigy would arrive, stumbling and half blind. He knew that the kid grew up in a house on a sandstone hill, and that in the English language (which did not yet exist) the word "right" would have two meanings. But he was stabbed before he could write down the part where the entire venture was pointless because the kid was going to be captured by a petty local warlord (after denying help from a princess with a small army at her command), which would convince the kid to blow it all up because the world was better off without all that dangerous science stuff.


520 - Radar Secret Service - about 2 months ago
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List of inventions predicted by this movie (none of which use RADAR):
Fish finders
Ultrasonic geological mapping
Traffic cameras
Metal detectors

Not predicted but does use RADAR:
Weather forecasting
Speed guns

Correctly predicted:
RADAR-equipped police helicopters
Marine RADAR used to detect hazards above the waterline

Already existed, but ignored by the movie:
Geiger counters


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Isn't it great that the king bad guy on the moon shoots the ray gun once and has to reload as if it were a Deringer or something? Ha! Nice technology, moon men! ;)


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WHY IN THE BURNING HELLS WOULD A CRUCIFIX DO ANYTHING TO THE MUMMY?!?!?


The plot, such as it is, the best I can figure...
1004 - Future War - about 3 years ago
2 laughs

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There are humanoid aliens who call themselves "the masters." They are not from the future. Nor are they at war with anyone. Somehow, despite not having evolved thumbs (or anything that serves the same purpose), they became cyborgs with interstellar space ships. They do not, however, have the technology to build robots. Nor do they have any interest in building thumbs or other gripper attachments. At some point, they learn that Earth has intelligent beings shaped much like them, but who have thumbs. So they kidnap a bunch to serve as slave labor. They also (possibly through time travel) obtain dinosaur-like creatures and train them to serve as "trackers" to hunt down escaped slaves, despite the fact that the slaves are implanted with subcutaneous tracking devices. Also, the dinosaurs are fitted with exploding collars powerful enough to vaporize their bodies, but the system of dinosaur bloodhounds is seen as preferable to fitting the humans with similar collars. The dinosaur collars exist to erase evidence of their presence because apparently having dinosaurs roam the streets isn't a dead giveaway.

The humans have Bible verses on the wall of their living quarters. They understand English (written and spoken), but cannot speak or write it. They know they were taken from Earth, but also consider it to be Heaven.

For some reason, the Masters are returning to Earth. Likely, this is to pick up a fresh batch of slaves. Given that the CIA is apparently aware of this, it's not unlikely they've done so more than once.

Knowing that the ship was near Earth, one of the slaves uses an escape pod to, well, escape. With the help of a plucky nun who was a hooker and a drug dealer and still has connections with arms dealers, he escapes cyborgs and dinosaurs, overwhelming them with slow-mo karate. For some reason, the pair ditch her car and escape on a train, only to end up in the same town. A friendly former John gives her a pound of explosives and a wad of cash for old times' sake. Now armed, they pinpoint the enemy base as some kind of underground pumping station (or possibly an old bunker) which for some reason is made primarily of rotting wood. They know it has to be the place because it's near water (which the dinosaurs need in abundance) and because there's a dinosaur-sized hole in the fence. They plant a bomb outside what's apparently the only entrance, set a timer, go inside, kill a bunch of bad guys, do nothing else (despite apparently having some kind of urgent strategic goal), and escape with seconds to spare before the bomb caves in the entrance, sealing the place off. There is no indication of why they would leave the bomb outside or why they cut the timing so close or why they used a timer as the detonator or why they set the timer before going in or how they survived a blast from a bomb that big.

All of this is enough, for no clear reason, to convince the nun to move past her crisis of faith, and (despite lingering doubts and possibly romantic feelings for the slave) she goes ahead with taking her vows. Except, before she can give the final word, the cyborg in charge of the hunt drops in for a last battle. It is left unclear weather she did finish taking her vows. The slave becomes a rehab counselor.

The giant alien space ship is left drifting through space. Or possibly retreating home. Really, there's no indication whether there are any more crew members on board or other slaves left alive or what this all means for the people on the alien world.

This story is then chopped to bits, shuffled around haphazardly, and padded out with redundant flashbacks so that it makes even less sense.

Is that about it?


516 - Alien from L.A. - about 5 years ago
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It somewhat annoys me that they have host segments that are pretty obviously supposed to show how much they know about (in this case) models. If you're going to make a commentary on it fine but if the joke is "look how much we know about asinine things" then it's not funny to me.


Sex with?
Forum - 3 months ago
2 laughs

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If you could spend a passion filled week in a romantic location with any character from any episode, as they appeared then, who would it be?

I'm going to have to say Livia, the witch in Corman's, The Undead.


519 - Outlaw of Gor - almost 8 years ago
4 laughs

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I found the movie that comes before this one, "Gor", on Netflix. It's worth watching, as it's even worse than this one.

On another note, as ridiculous as this movie is (one of my favorite episodes, incidentally), am I the only one who thinks that the theme music is actually pretty cool?


601 - Girls Town - over 4 years ago
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This whole movie is a roller coaster for me. Start with Mel ignoring rape to go back to making out with his girlfriend. Then the painfully stupid and awful gang fight. Then fantastic riffing mixed with catcalling. Then Mel, who let the rape happen, obstructed justice, fled from vehicular manslaughter, kidnapped an underage girl, set her up to be sexually assaulted again, and planned to sell her into prostitution in Mexico (all because the only thing he cares about is his car) gets to walk away scott free just for agreeing (under threat of physical violence) to testify the truth (most of which he didn't actually witness). Then some more good riffs and a mostly happy ending. Then the toxic sexism in too many of the comments below... I want to enjoy the nun jokes, but there's so much pain.


Is FB login suddenly working again?
Forum - 4 months ago
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Weird. I came to check the forums and suddenly I was logged in to my original account instead of the secondary one I created when I could no longer use FB to log in to this one. Did that get fixed or is it just old browser cookies keeping me logged in? Does anyone else have access to their old account?


Recent Riffs

414 - Tormented - over 4 years ago
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"Sandy, whatever you're doing, come here at once!" I'm harboring a horrible secret, which I'm sublimating into my unconscious, Mom.


414 - Tormented - over 4 years ago
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♫ I saw Tommy killing be-at-niks... ♫


311 - It Conquered the World - over 4 years ago
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"For a few dollars, you hire a woman who will fit all your fetishes. She'll match your requirements perfectly. And if you ever get tired of her, you can run down to the employment agency for another!" *runs away in tears*
That's a great idea! Honey, you're brilliant!!


113 - The Black Scorpion - over 4 years ago
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You know, Gary talked that way to me once. ... Once.


311 - It Conquered the World - over 4 years ago
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He never used to make deals with the devil before...


607 - Bloodlust - over 4 years ago
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Thank you for your request to come pick you up. We are sorry to inform you that we cannot...


414 - Tormented - over 4 years ago
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Charles Moffett...


K09 - Phase IV - over 4 years ago
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Servo: Come on, Joel! We're joshing you!
(Does it count as a riff if it's in a host segment? What if it's meta?)


424 - Manos: The Hands of Fate - over 4 years ago
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So. So, I told Gary that I was going on this vacation. So he goes, "Well, then, I'm goin' huntin' with Jeff next weekend." Well, then, that's when we were at Nigh's. Well, then Lou sang Fernando, and Gary, oh he sings so good. You should meet Jeff sometime. Do you like Barry Manilow songs? I know that farmers need rain, but when it's damp like this, my hair just explodes! Just explodes. Ooo, I'm feeling kinda gassy. McNuggets, they make me so gassy, you know all that grease, you know. It really helps if you drink 8-10 glasses of water a day. But you know sometimes I drink 5, sometimes I drink 9 to make up for the other 3 I didn't drink. Coffee and diet drinks don't count, either. You know, this is pretty country, isn't it? You know it's really kind of a blessing in disguise that I didn't get accepted to college, huh? You know, I'm going to have to revise my twenty year plan, but... Oh, did I tell you about my twenty year plan? Okay, well. Okay, listen here. In year one, this is the year where I'm going to take off those extra seven pounds. You know that's equal to seven pounds of butter? Heh heh heh! So it's like I'm wearin' seven pounds of butter! Ha! Eh, oh... Where was I? Oh, oh yes. So my aunt and uncle here were celebrating their twentieth anniversary. My uncle wanted to sing Sunrise, Sunset. He wanted me to sing that, and I haven't sung that since Cindy's wedding, and, well, she never thanked me for that. Well, I'm still, uh... Well, she's probably really busy and all...


K15 - Superdome - almost 3 years ago
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"Show them a quarterback and all they see is a capitol asset..."
Only off by two letters.


K14 - Mighty Jack - almost 3 years ago
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He looks like Frank Conniff.


K14 - Mighty Jack - almost 3 years ago
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They dubbed his fingers!