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Rocket J. Forklift (Paul-Gabriel Wiener)
In Third star to the left, and straight on 'til midafternoon
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New account, due to FB login errors: http://www.club-mst3k.com/msties/12898


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Hi there! There's no place for an "about me" thing in the profile, so I'm posting on my own wall. If you're curious enough to come to this page, maybe you want to know something. So here are a few things, in no particular order:

* I have long names. Call me whatever works. I usually go by "Paul." "Rocky" works here. The full screen name is just there to amuse me.

* "Favorite" episodes are unsorted, and somewhat arbitrary. Depends on my mood when I watched. But I'm generally not one to pick favorites. I enjoy something or not, on its own terms. I don't like pitting them against each other to say which is better or not as good.

* I'm fairly open about stuff, and I like getting to know cool people. Feel free to drop me a line, ask questions, check out my FB profile. Or not. Whatever floats your giant turtle.

That's it for now. Have a MSTie day, and keep circulating the AVI files!


Favorite Episodes

  1. The Robot vs. the Aztec Mummy
    212
  2. Phase IV
    64
  3. SST: Death Flight
    83
  4. Robot Monster
    160
  5. Moon Zero Two
    214
  6. Untamed Youth
    141
  7. Cave Dwellers
    460
  8. Pod People
    588
  9. Catalina Caper
    283
  10. Time of the Apes
    291
  11. War of the Colossal Beast
    241
  12. The Unearthly
    209
  13. The Giant Gila Monster
    270
  14. Teenagers from Outer Space
    297
  15. Attack of the Giant Leeches
    226
  16. Hercules Unchained
    196
  17. Mighty Jack
    179
  18. Star Force: Fugitive Alien II
    263
  19. Fugitive Alien
    342
  20. The Magic Sword
    213
  21. Hercules and the Captive Women
    163
  22. Fire Maidens of Outer Space
    235
  23. The Rebel Set
    167
  24. The Human Duplicators
    215
  25. Bride of the Monster
    246
  26. Manos: The Hands of Fate
    714
  27. Warrior of the Lost World
    350
  28. Secret Agent Super Dragon
    226
  29. The Magic Voyage of Sinbad
    227
  30. Operation Double 007
    246
  31. The Girl in Lovers Lane
    235
  32. Gunslinger
    170
  33. Mitchell
    611
  34. The Wild World of Batwoman
    240
  35. Alien from L.A.
    286
  36. Outlaw of Gor
    333
  37. Radar Secret Service
    233
  38. 12 to the Moon
    218
  39. The Skydivers
    279
  40. Last of the Wild Horses
    169
  41. The Starfighters
    252

Recent Comments with recent replies

314 - Mighty Jack - over 2 years ago
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Oh man. I can't believe they cut it. About half an hour in, when they're trying to rescue Atari from his cell, suddenly there's an agent in the cell with him, directing the other one to the correct door. Q floods the cell with poison gas, intending to kill Atari and the agent inside with him. But you may be wondering - where did he come from, and why is he trapped inside the cell with Atari? The KTMA version (which also has an extended opening sequence introducing the team and showing how Mighty Jack is launched) has the answer...

Mighty Jack dispatched an agent. He landed on the shore of the island, expertly snuck through the enemy base, located Atari's cell, picked the lock, stepped inside, and proudly announced his success to Atari. He was still rankled that Atari had been so demanding when Q had put him on the radio. Kind of "You challenged me to rescue you? Well, here I am! You can thank me now!" Only to have Atari respond with "You fool!" Instead of holding the door open so Atari could escape, the elite agent of the top secret superhero task force had stepped inside, closing the door behind him. All the training and high-tech gadgetry, and he'd never considered that a prison cell door might have an automatic lock. Now they were both trapped! So the would-be rescuer had to radio Mighty Jack to send a second agent to spring them both.


110 - Robot Holocaust - over 7 years ago
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Wait, but... what happens to Commando Cody?!!


807 - Terror from the Year 5000 - about 8 years ago
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"Now you're suggesting that bologna has no insulating properties? Look, it's really cold, you're nude, and all you have is some bologna, and you refuse to wear it because it's absurd? That's really sad, Mike!"

Tom just wanted the chance to have Mike sing the Animaniacs theme.

(Nice J. Peterman homage there, too, Tom. Totally Nineties!)


Somewhat OT: Token Fun with Non-fungible Tokens
Forum - 19 days ago
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Here's one The Mads never saw coming in their wildest Invention Exchange dreams:

- $69 million for a Beeple electron stream of 5000 Everydays?
- Then $688,888 for Sophia-the-robot's self portrait?
- A digital “house" for $514,557.79?
- The first-ever-tweet-as-NFT for $2.9 million?

What sorts of NFTs would our SOL pals create?
And then what, based on their individual robo-natures?

Speculations, anyone?


Pitch Meeting Theater: Fire Maidens
416 - Fire Maidens of Outer Space - about 5 years ago
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(With thanks/apologies to Alex C, who started it in Sidehackers.)

"Have I got a movie for you!"
"Yeah? Tell me about it."
"A bunch of astronauts land on a planet filled with women in short skirts."
"Okay, I like it. So what happens? "
"What do you mean?"
"They land on the planet, and...?"
"There are women there. And they're wearing short skirts."
"And...?"
"And they're real lonely because the only man there is their father."
"Wait, is this Pirates of Penzance?"
"Penzance? What's that?"
"Never mind. So what happens?"
"Happens? The women are lonely. So... Uh... They capture two of the men. "
"Wait, is this pornography?"
"No, no. Of course not."
"It's sounding a lot like one of those letters in Penthouse Magazine."
"I, uhm, have, er, no idea what that is. Is it a magazine about nice apartments?"
"Right, sure. Why are there only women on this planet?"
"The plot doesn't work otherwise."
"Silly me. So, fine. They capture two of the men. What about the others?"
"They have to wait outside."
"Outside what? "
"Uhm, Atlantis."
"Atlantis?! I thought you said this was in outer space."
"It is! This is the remains of a colony. The people of Atlantis knew the place was sinking, so they moved to one of the moons of Jupiter."
"They what? Fine, whatever. They're on one of the moons of... Wait, I thought it was a planet."
"What's the difference?"
"Never mind. So why do the other men have to wait outside?"
"You said you didn't want it to be a porno. We've got to show something else."
"..."
"Anyway, it builds tension, see? Because they don't know what's going on inside!"
"Ah, yes. Of course! So they attempt a daring rescue?"
"Huh? No, they just sit around, fretting."
"Uh-huh. Anything else?"
"Uhm, and... uh... There's this monster! A big, scary one! Bulletproof and everything!"
"A monster? Now you're talking! What does it do? "
"It, uh, lurks in the bushes and kind of follows people around."
"And then?"
"Well, it lurks some more. Builds tension, see?"
"Uh-huh. So how does it end?"
"Oh, uh... Let me see... The monster breaks in!"
"Action! At last! Does it terrorize them? Is there a fight?"
"No, no! What, you want to give the audience heart attacks?"
"Heart attacks? What..? "
"My uncle Lou is going to be in the audience. He wouldn't miss it! And he's got a very weak ticker. A fight scene would kill him! You want to kill my uncle Lou, is that it?"
"No. Uh, of course not. Perish the thought. What was I thinking? Okay, then, what happens with the monster?"
"Oh, they trip it and throw it in a fire. You can't see it, of course. Uncle Lou would never survive."
"What happens to the old man?"
"What old man?"
"The father."
"He dies."
"Does the monster get him?"
"What? No! What's wrong with you? He dies peacefully, in his sleep, after drinking too much wine, surrounded by beautiful women. Just like uncle Lou would want."
"So what you're telling me is that two guys get captured by a bunch of women, and nothing happens."
"Pretty much. Isn't that what I said in the first place?"
"Why would I want to make that into a movie?"
"Did I mention the women are wearing short skirts?"
"How short are we talking?"
"Very! You can see their knees!"
"Sold!"


Stupid Murder Plots (re: "The Sinister Urge")
Forum - about 2 months ago
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Just watching The Sinister Urge this afternoon and — y'know that scene where they send that Dirk guy on a phony errand in Gloria's old car with the sabotaged brakes? Well, I'm just now realizing... dude had to drive out of L.A. to get to that mountain road, meaning that he had to go through more than a few intersections with traffic lights in them. Had it ever occurred to Gloria and Johnny that he'd only need to get to the first traffic light that went red on him, go for the brakes and be like oooohhhhh poopie — then turn around, head straight back and do a number on Johnny and Gloria with that knife. Cripes, for all the effort and risk that went into that, they could've just hired a hit man to ice the punk and bury him out of town.

Are there any other similarly ill-conceived and idiotic murder plots in MSTied movies? Trying to think of one or two right offhand...


K15 - Superdome - about 6 years ago
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Bram Stoker's Dracula had more football than this film.


203 - Jungle Goddess - over 5 years ago
4 laughs

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I give up. What is a five letter word for rum & diet Pepsi?


So, let me get this straight...
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Archemedes used science to prophecize that in 1000 years, a child prodigy would arrive, stumbling and half blind. He knew that the kid grew up in a house on a sandstone hill, and that in the English language (which did not yet exist) the word "right" would have two meanings. But he was stabbed before he could write down the part where the entire venture was pointless because the kid was going to be captured by a petty local warlord (after denying help from a princess with a small army at her command), which would convince the kid to blow it all up because the world was better off without all that dangerous science stuff.


508 - Operation Double 007 - about 5 years ago
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Largo's device makes no sense at all.

It uses magnetic waves. Okay, sure. Those exist. And they can have a whole spectrum of properties depending on frequency. An EMP can even disrupt microchips (which was actually the plot of at least one Bond villain). But this thing...

* It somehow causes any metallic device, no matter how simple, to cease functioning. This includes a pistol, which is basically just a tube with explosives in it, set off by a spring mechanism. (Luckily, the good guys somehow have a battalion of trained archers stationed in Munich, ready at a moment's notice to grab bow & quiver and jump on horseback, and they have no problem being commandeered by a woman who, up until that very day, was an enemy agent.)

* Despite using magnets to somehow disable every metallic device in the area, none of those devices are in any other way affected. They're not magnetized, they don't spark... they just stop working.

* And yet the electric generator which is powering the device still works. As do the harpoon guns.

* Somehow, this thing is supposed to help him take over the world? What's the range on it? Do they even say? Seems like he's basically just disabled the weapons and equipment of his own base of operations and the surrounding territory. There's no way it would work worldwide. And even if it did, I don't see how that helps him. Other people have bows and arrows, too, their armies vastly outnumber your forces, and you can't exactly rule the world if you've shut down communications and transportation.

I just don't get it. This is basically just the same plot as It Conquered The Earth, only less plausible.


K20 - The Last Chase - about 5 years ago
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30 minutes in, he's sitting there in the garage with the door closed, revving the engine, for a couple of minutes. Filling the garage with exhaust and wasting the one tank of gas in the entire city. And not a riff to be heard. Real missed opportunity.


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I love the jokes in this one, but god, the first section of transmisogyny is so intense. The '90s were rough.


Recent Riffs

414 - Tormented - about 5 years ago
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"Sandy, whatever you're doing, come here at once!" I'm harboring a horrible secret, which I'm sublimating into my unconscious, Mom.


414 - Tormented - about 5 years ago
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♫ I saw Tommy killing be-at-niks... ♫


311 - It Conquered the World - about 5 years ago
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"For a few dollars, you hire a woman who will fit all your fetishes. She'll match your requirements perfectly. And if you ever get tired of her, you can run down to the employment agency for another!" *runs away in tears*
That's a great idea! Honey, you're brilliant!!


113 - The Black Scorpion - about 5 years ago
2 laughs

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You know, Gary talked that way to me once. ... Once.


311 - It Conquered the World - about 5 years ago
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He never used to make deals with the devil before...


607 - Bloodlust - about 5 years ago
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Thank you for your request to come pick you up. We are sorry to inform you that we cannot...


414 - Tormented - about 5 years ago
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Charles Moffett...


K09 - Phase IV - over 5 years ago
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Servo: Come on, Joel! We're joshing you!
(Does it count as a riff if it's in a host segment? What if it's meta?)


424 - Manos: The Hands of Fate - about 5 years ago
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So. So, I told Gary that I was going on this vacation. So he goes, "Well, then, I'm goin' huntin' with Jeff next weekend." Well, then, that's when we were at Nigh's. Well, then Lou sang Fernando, and Gary, oh he sings so good. You should meet Jeff sometime. Do you like Barry Manilow songs? I know that farmers need rain, but when it's damp like this, my hair just explodes! Just explodes. Ooo, I'm feeling kinda gassy. McNuggets, they make me so gassy, you know all that grease, you know. It really helps if you drink 8-10 glasses of water a day. But you know sometimes I drink 5, sometimes I drink 9 to make up for the other 3 I didn't drink. Coffee and diet drinks don't count, either. You know, this is pretty country, isn't it? You know it's really kind of a blessing in disguise that I didn't get accepted to college, huh? You know, I'm going to have to revise my twenty year plan, but... Oh, did I tell you about my twenty year plan? Okay, well. Okay, listen here. In year one, this is the year where I'm going to take off those extra seven pounds. You know that's equal to seven pounds of butter? Heh heh heh! So it's like I'm wearin' seven pounds of butter! Ha! Eh, oh... Where was I? Oh, oh yes. So my aunt and uncle here were celebrating their twentieth anniversary. My uncle wanted to sing Sunrise, Sunset. He wanted me to sing that, and I haven't sung that since Cindy's wedding, and, well, she never thanked me for that. Well, I'm still, uh... Well, she's probably really busy and all...


K15 - Superdome - over 3 years ago
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"Show them a quarterback and all they see is a capitol asset..."
Only off by two letters.


K14 - Mighty Jack - over 3 years ago
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He looks like Frank Conniff.


K14 - Mighty Jack - over 3 years ago
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They dubbed his fingers!