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Rocket J. Forklift (Paul-Gabriel Wiener)
In Third star to the left, and straight on 'til midafternoon
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New account, due to FB login errors: http://www.club-mst3k.com/msties/12898


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Hi there! There's no place for an "about me" thing in the profile, so I'm posting on my own wall. If you're curious enough to come to this page, maybe you want to know something. So here are a few things, in no particular order:

* I have long names. Call me whatever works. I usually go by "Paul." "Rocky" works here. The full screen name is just there to amuse me.

* "Favorite" episodes are unsorted, and somewhat arbitrary. Depends on my mood when I watched. But I'm generally not one to pick favorites. I enjoy something or not, on its own terms. I don't like pitting them against each other to say which is better or not as good.

* I'm fairly open about stuff, and I like getting to know cool people. Feel free to drop me a line, ask questions, check out my FB profile. Or not. Whatever floats your giant turtle.

That's it for now. Have a MSTie day, and keep circulating the AVI files!


Favorite Episodes

  1. The Robot vs. the Aztec Mummy
    213
  2. Phase IV
    61
  3. SST: Death Flight
    81
  4. Robot Monster
    159
  5. Moon Zero Two
    213
  6. Untamed Youth
    140
  7. Cave Dwellers
    446
  8. Pod People
    578
  9. Catalina Caper
    273
  10. Time of the Apes
    285
  11. War of the Colossal Beast
    234
  12. The Unearthly
    208
  13. The Giant Gila Monster
    268
  14. Teenagers from Outer Space
    293
  15. Attack of the Giant Leeches
    221
  16. Hercules Unchained
    188
  17. Mighty Jack
    176
  18. Star Force: Fugitive Alien II
    257
  19. Fugitive Alien
    338
  20. The Magic Sword
    213
  21. Hercules and the Captive Women
    161
  22. Fire Maidens of Outer Space
    228
  23. The Rebel Set
    170
  24. The Human Duplicators
    213
  25. Bride of the Monster
    245
  26. Manos: The Hands of Fate
    708
  27. Warrior of the Lost World
    341
  28. Secret Agent Super Dragon
    226
  29. The Magic Voyage of Sinbad
    225
  30. Operation Double 007
    241
  31. The Girl in Lovers Lane
    231
  32. Gunslinger
    170
  33. Mitchell
    597
  34. The Wild World of Batwoman
    236
  35. Alien from L.A.
    281
  36. Outlaw of Gor
    330
  37. Radar Secret Service
    230
  38. 12 to the Moon
    211
  39. The Skydivers
    275
  40. Last of the Wild Horses
    166
  41. The Starfighters
    241

Recent Comments with recent replies

Sex with?
Forum - 12 days ago
2 laughs

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If you could spend a passion filled week in a romantic location with any character from any episode, as they appeared then, who would it be?

I'm going to have to say Livia, the witch in Corman's, The Undead.


519 - Outlaw of Gor - over 7 years ago
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I found the movie that comes before this one, "Gor", on Netflix. It's worth watching, as it's even worse than this one.

On another note, as ridiculous as this movie is (one of my favorite episodes, incidentally), am I the only one who thinks that the theme music is actually pretty cool?


601 - Girls Town - over 4 years ago
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This whole movie is a roller coaster for me. Start with Mel ignoring rape to go back to making out with his girlfriend. Then the painfully stupid and awful gang fight. Then fantastic riffing mixed with catcalling. Then Mel, who let the rape happen, obstructed justice, fled from vehicular manslaughter, kidnapped an underage girl, set her up to be sexually assaulted again, and planned to sell her into prostitution in Mexico (all because the only thing he cares about is his car) gets to walk away scott free just for agreeing (under threat of physical violence) to testify the truth (most of which he didn't actually witness). Then some more good riffs and a mostly happy ending. Then the toxic sexism in too many of the comments below... I want to enjoy the nun jokes, but there's so much pain.


Hercules Eps...just because
Forum - 24 days ago
1 laugh

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The guys have riffed on several Hercules movies. What is your favorite Herc episode and (that all important question) Why?


The plot, such as it is, the best I can figure...
1004 - Future War - almost 3 years ago
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There are humanoid aliens who call themselves "the masters." They are not from the future. Nor are they at war with anyone. Somehow, despite not having evolved thumbs (or anything that serves the same purpose), they became cyborgs with interstellar space ships. They do not, however, have the technology to build robots. Nor do they have any interest in building thumbs or other gripper attachments. At some point, they learn that Earth has intelligent beings shaped much like them, but who have thumbs. So they kidnap a bunch to serve as slave labor. They also (possibly through time travel) obtain dinosaur-like creatures and train them to serve as "trackers" to hunt down escaped slaves, despite the fact that the slaves are implanted with subcutaneous tracking devices. Also, the dinosaurs are fitted with exploding collars powerful enough to vaporize their bodies, but the system of dinosaur bloodhounds is seen as preferable to fitting the humans with similar collars. The dinosaur collars exist to erase evidence of their presence because apparently having dinosaurs roam the streets isn't a dead giveaway.

The humans have Bible verses on the wall of their living quarters. They understand English (written and spoken), but cannot speak or write it. They know they were taken from Earth, but also consider it to be Heaven.

For some reason, the Masters are returning to Earth. Likely, this is to pick up a fresh batch of slaves. Given that the CIA is apparently aware of this, it's not unlikely they've done so more than once.

Knowing that the ship was near Earth, one of the slaves uses an escape pod to, well, escape. With the help of a plucky nun who was a hooker and a drug dealer and still has connections with arms dealers, he escapes cyborgs and dinosaurs, overwhelming them with slow-mo karate. For some reason, the pair ditch her car and escape on a train, only to end up in the same town. A friendly former John gives her a pound of explosives and a wad of cash for old times' sake. Now armed, they pinpoint the enemy base as some kind of underground pumping station (or possibly an old bunker) which for some reason is made primarily of rotting wood. They know it has to be the place because it's near water (which the dinosaurs need in abundance) and because there's a dinosaur-sized hole in the fence. They plant a bomb outside what's apparently the only entrance, set a timer, go inside, kill a bunch of bad guys, do nothing else (despite apparently having some kind of urgent strategic goal), and escape with seconds to spare before the bomb caves in the entrance, sealing the place off. There is no indication of why they would leave the bomb outside or why they cut the timing so close or why they used a timer as the detonator or why they set the timer before going in or how they survived a blast from a bomb that big.

All of this is enough, for no clear reason, to convince the nun to move past her crisis of faith, and (despite lingering doubts and possibly romantic feelings for the slave) she goes ahead with taking her vows. Except, before she can give the final word, the cyborg in charge of the hunt drops in for a last battle. It is left unclear weather she did finish taking her vows. The slave becomes a rehab counselor.

The giant alien space ship is left drifting through space. Or possibly retreating home. Really, there's no indication whether there are any more crew members on board or other slaves left alive or what this all means for the people on the alien world.

This story is then chopped to bits, shuffled around haphazardly, and padded out with redundant flashbacks so that it makes even less sense.

Is that about it?


Is FB login suddenly working again?
Forum - about 1 month ago
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Weird. I came to check the forums and suddenly I was logged in to my original account instead of the secondary one I created when I could no longer use FB to log in to this one. Did that get fixed or is it just old browser cookies keeping me logged in? Does anyone else have access to their old account?


A mighty fine mess, Jack
K14 - Mighty Jack - almost 3 years ago
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Okay. Never mind about the launch sequence I ranted about below.* I cannot believe the stupidity of either side here.

The bad guys are a vast global criminal conspiracy on the scale of SPECTRE from the Bond films, and their torture technique is to shine a bright light in your eyes. "Well, I'll just close my eyes." "There's no way you can just keep your eyes closed for hours at a time!" I know that at least got what it deserved in Season 3. But, really, how is that supposed to work? Let's say accidentally opens his eyes. He's instantly blinded for life. So there's nothing more the machine can do to him. So what then, bad guys?

On the other side, the good guys send their elite infiltration agent to rescue Atari. He makes it past all their security... and closes the locked door behind him, trapping them both in the cell. So he has to radio for another rescue mission to save them both. Just... WTH?

I try to be a little forgiving of these Sandy Frankenstein monstrosities. I know they've been cut into pieces, stitched back together, and then translated and dubbed on the cheap before being brought back to life in this new form. Take an entire season of a TV show and cut it down to an hour and a half and there's no way you're giving it a fair treatment. But there's no excuse for this level of incompetence from what's supposedly the most confounding criminal empire in history and the super elite secret Untouchables set to capture them.

*I do still wish the launch sequence had been properly riffed. It's a shame it had to get cut for time when they redid this in season 3.

Oh well. At least this episode features the first (off the cuff) mention of TV's Frank, well before he had anything to do with the show. Apt that it's from Trace.


508 - Operation Double 007 - over 4 years ago
1 laugh

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Largo's device makes no sense at all.

It uses magnetic waves. Okay, sure. Those exist. And they can have a whole spectrum of properties depending on frequency. An EMP can even disrupt microchips (which was actually the plot of at least one Bond villain). But this thing...

* It somehow causes any metallic device, no matter how simple, to cease functioning. This includes a pistol, which is basically just a tube with explosives in it, set off by a spring mechanism. (Luckily, the good guys somehow have a battalion of trained archers stationed in Munich, ready at a moment's notice to grab bow & quiver and jump on horseback, and they have no problem being commandeered by a woman who, up until that very day, was an enemy agent.)

* Despite using magnets to somehow disable every metallic device in the area, none of those devices are in any other way affected. They're not magnetized, they don't spark... they just stop working.

* And yet the electric generator which is powering the device still works. As do the harpoon guns.

* Somehow, this thing is supposed to help him take over the world? What's the range on it? Do they even say? Seems like he's basically just disabled the weapons and equipment of his own base of operations and the surrounding territory. There's no way it would work worldwide. And even if it did, I don't see how that helps him. Other people have bows and arrows, too, their armies vastly outnumber your forces, and you can't exactly rule the world if you've shut down communications and transportation.

I just don't get it. This is basically just the same plot as It Conquered The Earth, only less plausible.


513 - The Brain that Wouldn't Die - about 5 years ago
11 laughs

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Note:
"Not all men," says the guy plotting to murder her.


316 - Gamera vs. Zigra - over 1 year ago
2 laughs

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I poked around a bit to try to learn about the background of this movie. Here's what I pieced together: The studio was in dire financial trouble. As a last ditch effort, they made this movie and merged with another studio to spread the cost of distribution. It was released in 1971 as a triple feature along with rereleases of a couple of older monster movies. The movie flopped. The studio, which had already started shooting the next Gamera movie (involving a giant snake), went bankrupt. When they informed the crew, a riot broke out. The sets, costumes, and props were destroyed in the ensuing fire. That was it for Gamera for nearly a decade.

(Gamera: Super Monster was released in 1980. Aliens arrive in what is clearly an Imperial Star Destroyer with some extra stuff glued on. A trio of female superheroes are unable to defeat the aliens, so they find a little kid to summon Gamera, who with the help of the three Spacewomen has to fight stock footage of all the monsters from the previous movies, break free of the alien's mind control, fly past cartoon sequences of spaceships from a couple of popular anime series, and destroy the mothership. That was the last Gamera movie until the series was rebooted in 1995.)

Gamera vs Zigra never got a US theater release, but Sandy Frank released the English dub direct to VHS in 1985.

So I guess that explains the cheap effects, blatant product placement, odd padding, and shoehorned environmental message. The studio was desperate, so they cut corners, took money where they could get it, and threw in whatever seemed trendy at the time.


305 - Stranded in Space - over 7 years ago
7 laughs

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Really? They named the astronaut Neil? Original.


502 - Hercules - over 4 years ago
1 laugh

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Two things about constellations:

1. Without light pollution, you can see a lot more stars. If you're anywhere close to modern civilization, there's usually a fair amount artificial light, making it hard to see any but the brightest stars.

2. Without TV, bookstores, board games, etc., they didn't really have all that much else to do with their free time.


Recent Riffs

414 - Tormented - over 4 years ago
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"Sandy, whatever you're doing, come here at once!" I'm harboring a horrible secret, which I'm sublimating into my unconscious, Mom.


414 - Tormented - over 4 years ago
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♫ I saw Tommy killing be-at-niks... ♫


311 - It Conquered the World - over 4 years ago
3 laughs

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"For a few dollars, you hire a woman who will fit all your fetishes. She'll match your requirements perfectly. And if you ever get tired of her, you can run down to the employment agency for another!" *runs away in tears*
That's a great idea! Honey, you're brilliant!!


113 - The Black Scorpion - over 4 years ago
2 laughs

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You know, Gary talked that way to me once. ... Once.


311 - It Conquered the World - over 4 years ago
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He never used to make deals with the devil before...


607 - Bloodlust - over 4 years ago
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Thank you for your request to come pick you up. We are sorry to inform you that we cannot...


414 - Tormented - over 4 years ago
1 laugh

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Charles Moffett...


K09 - Phase IV - over 4 years ago
2 laughs

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Servo: Come on, Joel! We're joshing you!
(Does it count as a riff if it's in a host segment? What if it's meta?)


424 - Manos: The Hands of Fate - over 4 years ago
4 laughs

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So. So, I told Gary that I was going on this vacation. So he goes, "Well, then, I'm goin' huntin' with Jeff next weekend." Well, then, that's when we were at Nigh's. Well, then Lou sang Fernando, and Gary, oh he sings so good. You should meet Jeff sometime. Do you like Barry Manilow songs? I know that farmers need rain, but when it's damp like this, my hair just explodes! Just explodes. Ooo, I'm feeling kinda gassy. McNuggets, they make me so gassy, you know all that grease, you know. It really helps if you drink 8-10 glasses of water a day. But you know sometimes I drink 5, sometimes I drink 9 to make up for the other 3 I didn't drink. Coffee and diet drinks don't count, either. You know, this is pretty country, isn't it? You know it's really kind of a blessing in disguise that I didn't get accepted to college, huh? You know, I'm going to have to revise my twenty year plan, but... Oh, did I tell you about my twenty year plan? Okay, well. Okay, listen here. In year one, this is the year where I'm going to take off those extra seven pounds. You know that's equal to seven pounds of butter? Heh heh heh! So it's like I'm wearin' seven pounds of butter! Ha! Eh, oh... Where was I? Oh, oh yes. So my aunt and uncle here were celebrating their twentieth anniversary. My uncle wanted to sing Sunrise, Sunset. He wanted me to sing that, and I haven't sung that since Cindy's wedding, and, well, she never thanked me for that. Well, I'm still, uh... Well, she's probably really busy and all...


K15 - Superdome - almost 3 years ago
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"Show them a quarterback and all they see is a capitol asset..."
Only off by two letters.


K14 - Mighty Jack - almost 3 years ago
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He looks like Frank Conniff.


K14 - Mighty Jack - almost 3 years ago
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They dubbed his fingers!